Hi Tina,
I did laugh at your pottering being a tame expression for me in the garden. Thought I could get out there today but just being up and sorting Porscha and having a cuppa has really taken it out of me. Will get dressed and lie down again. Just can’t fight it.
It is good news about the scans. All the organs ok. So don’t know what the pains are. I always tell peeps to never self diagnose on the internet. I was just alarmed that the symptoms I have could be cancer. I always think of mam when I get pain because she was in pain (but hid it). I’ll have to see what the GP says when I get the results officially. But like you say it is a weight off.
I’m so pleased you are able to get out in the garden even though your neighbour will be on hols now. I have the fences waiting to go up after I have painted the posts. Seems like such a major task. Haven’t heard back from my niece about the swimming. Seems like I’ve been dropped. Haven’t got the energy to contact her and ask why.
Enjoy your gardening. So much better than shopping. Have you heard yet from your sister about her birthday? Hope she celebrates with you. Will be very mean if she doesn’t. You could always do an internet shop. I found Amazon Fresh will do deliveries and have stuff if I can’t get what I want on the Morrisons. Always panic at the thought of running out of chicken for Porsch. She’s such a gannet and so skinny now but in great condition otherwise. I do give her worming treatment but wonder how she can be so hungry. It’s a relief when she’s in the garden and I don’t have her harassing me with that screaming. But then I keep imagining her not being here and it stops me in my tracks. I’ll be devastated and there’ll be no point in getting out of bed. She’s the reason I have to get up.
Must get dressed.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Debbie,
What beautiful pics! Makes me nostalgic for hols with parents. I was always a stroppy teenager and didn’t appreciate it at the time. Wish I could go back and do it all again. We holidayed in Newquay a few times, camping with the cats. They would bring us ‘presents’ off the fields, little offerings as we stepped out the bedroom bit desperate for a loo. They adored camping as much as we did.
Catching crabs in rockpools was my favourite thing at the seaside. Bet the children were thrilled with their catch. It’s quite a big one.
You are certainly packing in the visits to places. You’ll need a holiday lolling around just to recover! Weather is beautiful for you. Always seemed to rain on hols wherever we went, from Scotland to Cornwall and everything inbetween. Would love a downpour for the garden but no chance at the mo.
Relieved the scans are clear. Still have the pains so will see what the GP says about it. Still exhausted but on the mend.
Enjoy your outings!
Lots of love xxx
Inspired by those beautiful church windows. Have copied the image for a textile wall hanging. It is another project waiting for me in the loft. x
Hi Jane,
I’m truly sorry you have lost the most precious person in this world. You will see from my reply to Michelle how I am still not able to ‘move on’ and it will be 35 weeks tomorrow for my mam. I keep thinking I am coping and then it will hit me and knocked me off my feet , reacting like its just happening now. All you can do is take it in segments of time. There’s nothing you can do to ease the pain but it will come in waves and then subside.
Have you spoken to your husband about how desperate you feel? Unless someone experiences it they cannot truly understand the depths of despair. I have researched the various stages of grief, all the emotions we go through as a process. There is no time limit. Do not pretend to be over it because others cannot deal with your grief. My whole family abandoned me because I am so grief stricken. So I lost my entire family as well as my mam. Cannot understand how loving someone so deeply can be offensive. Time is said to soften grief. I am still waiting for that to happen and cannot understand how I can come to terms with not having my mam in this world. She is my everything and I am totally lost without her.
Keep posting here with whatever you are feeling. We are all feeling or have felt what you are. Sometimes I become so bereft that I can’t post. But the pain will ease and I am able to climb out of that dark place. I still want to not wake up so I can be with her. I garden to fill in time to get me through the day. Neil has found counselling with Cruse and Samaritans really helps. Whether it is to get those feelings out of yourself, to get some comfort from the understanding of others, whatever you need to do to help yourself through what you are feeling is worthwhile. We know your pain because we have all lost and would do anything not to be in this situation. I would trade places with my mam just so she could still be here, even if it means I wouldn’t be.
You will settle into a routine and manage somehow to get through the days. We are here for you, even if it is to read our posts and know that you are not alone.
Sending you lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
Just checking in on you to see how you’re getting through today. Thinking of you, with lots of love. Wondering what you will do for your mam Sat. What about planting a tree for her? I know it was very expensive doing it in the grounds of the crem so we didn’t do it in the end and everyone did their own thing in their own garden. But not having a garden makes that difficult. A potted plant for the house is something you can nurture from her anniversary date. A house rose for the windowsill. When my parents moved I bought them a ‘new beginnings’ rose from Amazon. They have roses for different occasions and it was an established plant, not bare root. You could choose her favourite colour.
Your mams favourite meal is another on the day. Little things can mean so much more than big jestures. It’s whatever would please your mam, and you. And whatever you do take a pic so you will always have that day to look at.
I’m still not ready. Haven’t got the energy back to get in the garden. Might do an online shop and get some treats in to pamper myself until I’m back on track.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Jane
Sorry you had to find us here but am glad you have . So sorry that you have lost your Mum. I lost mine on 30th Nov suddenly and my whole world collapsed. I too was her fulltime carer ( 6 years) and was Dads for 6 years previously before he passed in 2015.
One thing that is good in our little ( and now expanding) group is that we all understand where others do not . We can talk about anything to get it off our chests , to have a rant , express sadness but also in time hopefully to share some happier feelings.
What has kept me going ( and sane) is my counselling and calls to Cruse and Samaritans . They are there and I am so grateful to them for helping me.
Going to my theatre shows is my outlet and gets me out and Mum would want me to continue doing something that I love . It’s so important to me.
We are all here for each other and I regard these lovely people I have met on this forum as my dear friends who have helped me so much and hope that I have helped give some help back.
Again so sorry for your loss
Sending you love and best wishes
Neil x
@NEILB72 @christine51
Thankyou so much for your kind words, means alot. Yes I find comfort on here knowing we do actually know how each other is feeling, our lives will never be the same again after losing someone we loved so much, I understand we just have to try and make a different life know its just blumming hard though isn’t it. I wish some of us lived near each other to meet up, It would be lovely to sit with a coffee and talk with someone who’s been through the same wouldn’t it
Hi Jane,
Even though we aren’t physically there to meet like in ‘real life’ this is truly just as valuable. I’m agoraphobic with severe panic and anxiety so don’t venture out much. It’s a real lifeline for me, being as isolated as I am. I could be living on the moon and as long as I can be in control with my internet shopping deliveries it wouldn’t make my life any different. I see my therapist once a week for an hour. I’m terrified he will die and leave me but he said he’s not planning on leaving just yet! I was swimming with my niece but that has stopped. Whatever we find to keep our spirits up is worthwhile. Seeing Debbie’s pics of her holiday lifted my spirits today, remembering a lifetime of holidays camping with mam and the family and cats! It helps to know we are all here just trying to get through it. Like Neil said, we are now very dear friends. I’m so pleased you’ve found us.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Jane
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum on 25th March, we always lived together and I did caring for her as she had mobility issues but her passing came totally out of the blue.
It was always just the two of us - we were truly best friends, my travel companion and #1 supporter. The loneliness is surreal and scary at times but I know I was blessed to have her as my Mum but right now, still utterly pissed off she had to go!
I’ve often described that feeling of such loss you want to scream and rip your skin off.
Here is such a lovely supportive place - you can say whatever you are truly feeling with no judgement. You can share you memories or talk about something totally different just for a change.
Hoping you have a gentle evening
Beki x
Oh Michelle, I am so sorry you have covid on top of everything though know this - it is fine to do nothing but rest. Want to lie on the sofa and binge watch a television programme you are paying no attention to - do it. Just be.
Do you have someone who can keep an eye on you, pop food by etc?
The feeling of not wanting to wake up is a very normal reaction and one I think we have all had/have here. It’s your body and mind wanting to stop the pain and protect yourself. It’s not the same as actually wanting to harm yourself, but if you do feel it spilling over into that please do reach out to us here, the Samaritans, your health team etc - there is no shame in it.
These are early, painful days. Just take one moment at a time - there i nothing that won’t wait. Make yourself as comfortable as possible. Practically, keep hydrated.
Beki x
@christine51 yes it does help chatting on here doesn’t it as at the time you think nobody understands what your going through, but by God we all understand the heartbreak of grief on here don’t we.
Just an odd question perhaps but how often do you worm Porscha and what wormer do you use? Is it correct for her weight? 
x
You should have posted it on here and I could have translated Tina 
x
Hey Neil 
Saw your post about issues with the housing authority again…they literally are a bunch of half wits that are possibly unaware their ineptitude is causing such anxiety.
I’m certainly not a lawyer or social worker as you know but if I can help at all just ask. I know a lot of stuff may be slightly different up here but I have helped some people with issues so may be able to help.
How did your UC meeting go? Hopefully they were helpful and hope your friend called tonight as usual.
When’s your next show again? x always something to look forward to x
Have a peaceful night and thinking of you all as always xx
Evening Jane,
Like everyone else has said to you but this wee group has helped me keep going and not feel so isolated in my grief. I lost my mum a week after Neil’s so although coming up 8 months some days it feels like 8 hours so 7 weeks is just so new on this journey x
Like Beki mum and I shared a home, she was my travel buddy, my theatre buddy and still feel very lost without her.
However take a minute at a time, don’t think you ‘need to grieve like everyone else’, don’t pretend to people you feel fine when you don’t and focus on the fact that even though we don’t know how we are…but we are all still here, we have laughed again and we have had days out where we have enjoyed it x Different kind of enjoyment but it will come but embrace it when you feel ready x
Suzanne x
Oh Michelle,
I can relate so much. Mum passed in Dec and I had to have her funeral, Xmas and her birthday all within 3 weeks and then in January I too got covid. I had to self isolate for 10 very long days and had to be on my own. People called and message but it was so horrible that I too just wanted to stay asleep for ever x
However treat yourself to little pamper sessions, watch box sets, eat whatever you want and if you feel you need to talk then either phone a friend or pop on here as usually someone is here.
If you want to do nothing but sleep or eat then do exactly that x
Take care,
Suzanne
Hi Jane,
I’m the bit of the odd one out in this group, I lost my husband almost 17 months ago, it was Christine’s garden and the supportive friendship that drew me to this group.
I’m sorry about your mum, talking to all of us on here you will know your not alone.
Debbie X
Hi Christine, we went crabbing again today on Padstow Quay, caught two, found bacon works better than crab bate.
The grandchildren went surfing again at Newquay, and we also all went swimming at a leisure pool. I haven’t been swimming for nearly a year, I’m so unfit, must start going again regularly.
Tomorrow is going to be a special day for me especially. We are going to Looe, where I scattered Doug’s ashes last October on his birthday. Just going to sit on the beach near to where he is and where I’m going too when it’s my time.
It’s unusual to take your cats camping, an old friend of ours used to do that too. The stain glass windows were in a church at Tintagel telling the legend of King Arthur.
Love to see your textile wall hanging when you do it.
Sending love you everyone else.
Debbie X
Hi Suzanne,
I use Bob Martin Clear spot on flea and tick and also worming every 4 weeks. I know the flea works where many other brands tried haven’t. And because she goes in the garden all day every day, faffing in and out, fleas are a constant battle.
I had to stop giving her the cat food pouches and she just has chicken now. I did try introducing the food again but she gets terrible poops so chicken is the only thing that seems to agree with her. So expensive! I did weigh her for both products (weighing myself first and then the two of us). She’s happy and although skinny she is glossy and eating and toileting well. She’s getting on now, is about 16. I rescued her from a family with small children and new baby. They just couldn’t cope. She’s very content with me. She likes to snuggle up on my chest (not so light then) when I’m watching tv.
Glad the heats not as extreme. Must be better for you at work. Will try to get in the garden today, even if it is to just soak it as haven’t been up to doing anything.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Debbie,
Those beaches are wonderful. I don’t remember using bait for the crabs, I can smell the seaside just imagining being there. Always wanted to retire to the coast. It’s strange how life catches up with you and years pass by without doing the things you love. Like you said, I hadn’t been swimming for years. Try tying it into a quick swim after work when you get back so it becomes routine. And the summer hols are ideal for getting back to enjoying it. Maybe go with the grand kids.
Hope someone is watering your garden while you’re away. I always went over every other day when mam was on hols. It was always a chore but what I would give to have to do it now. I must get out there today and soak it. My Spring pansies are done because they haven’t had their usual watering. I had kept them going. Hope the plants have survived.
Enjoy your day! I think the beach is a wonderful resting place. I would like that myself. Like you said, just sit with Doug and imagine being with him again.
Lots of love xxx