Hi everyone.
Just had a very sad moment. My local council have just sent their annual electoral register form and guess what, yes, Mum’s name is still on there despite having informed them the day after she passed . Very upsetting when you have to go online and see your Mum’s name and have to tell them why she isn’t living here anymore . Selecting the deceased option is very hard as her name disappears for good off the list .
They dont realise through their incompetence how they can upset people through something like this.
Wasnt having too bad a day up until then.
Hope you are all having as good a day as possible
Love and best wishes
Neil x
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So sorry that happened Neil. I had my form arrive yesterday too but it was up to date but that upset me not seeing her on there. As we so often say, it’s all a bit shit!
I hope the day improves and you can find something to do or think about to bring back the good thoughts of your Mum, all those good memories and strengths.
I am heading to a lady I know in the village. It’s her daughters first birthday but she is estranged from her family (so upsetting when people fall out). She was feeling very sad her daughter now doesn’t have much in family so i mentioned I had a birthday card for her and she’s invited me over for cake so I am going. She had a still birth 13 years ago and people say she thinks about it too much and should just be grateful for the kids she has!! People don’t get it!
I am happy to be a surrogate Aunt for friends who need one not having any siblings or children myself!
Take care Neil and check in later
Beki x
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Hi Beki.
That is our group saying isn’t it "it’s all a bit shit " and that is spot on. What frustrates me is people not doing their jobs and causing upset.
Been watching the racing at Glorious Goodwood and taken my mind off things a bit. Mum used to pick winners out by their names while I studied the form and came nowhere !
Hope you have a good rest of the day and your meet up and chat goes well
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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It’s difficult isn’t it Neil, Doug died the week before the national census form had to be filled in last year, that was odd suddenly finding myself being called a widow for status. So I can understand how you are feeling.
Debbie X
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Oh Granddad will have been watching the Goodwood, he loves horse racing.
The birthday party was very sweet. There’s something quite comforting about spending time with a 1 year old who needs nothing more off me than pulling silly faces. It certainly meant a lot to her Mum my being there. It’s so sad when you know the gran is alive and well in the same village and doesn’t even acknowledge her.
Beki x
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Hi Michelle
How are you feeling today? Hoping the covid isn’t too bad and you are able to get comfortable and some rest.
Beki x
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Hi Debbie
Very difficult . Just when you think things are beginning to get a little easier this sort of thing sets you right back again. Nearly eight months later you would have thought someone would have done their job x
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Glad the birthday went well Beki. I have always liked the horses but not a gambler. In truth I’ve only just started watching again as it reminded me of Mum as she liked watching too. So many things I cant watch now but others I have started watching x
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Hi Neil,
Oh my love, that is all you needed considering the week you are having. Don’t know how long the process takes. Must be some backlog. It will be incredibly upsetting but look at it as another hurdle you have now coped with.
It’s not at all the same but I requested accessing my GP records, requesting the code be sent to me. Their reply is for me to go in with ID. I am agoraphobic. They know this and yet they still insist that I behave like a normal person! It drives me mad. The other option is to wait a month for my scan results with a telephone consultation. So another option that is no good. I’m still waiting for a decision from the Ombudsman about their incompetency. Should get that September! The wheels do indeed turn slowly when it comes to any kind of procedure.
Still haven’t heard from my niece about swimming. Seems I’m not in favour because of what is going on with my sister and her drama. I’ll cancel her membership if she doesn’t contact me soon. I’m no mug. I’m not paying for her to go swimming if she isn’t going with me and ignoring me.
I got out and soaked the garden after days of not being out there. Had to keep sitting down as no energy still. The garden is so dry and a lot of established plants are suffering. Just have to keep in mind that people have lost their homes in house fires during the heatwave. So I really can’t be too disheartened.
Cut another bit of trellis ready to be crewed together and another is measured. Just don’t have the physical strength. But it was nice being out in the cooler weather. Will be hot again from tomorrow.
Have you decided on what you will do for your mams anniversary? It was sad seeing a lot of the roses I bought have died. At least 6. I’ll have to dig them up and photograph and ask Parkers for a replacement. I can show other roses thriving planted in the same conditions. It’s hard to tell with bare root roses whether they are alive or not.
Creep has just come back and I had managed to get in the house before he did so I’m winning!
I can hear Porscha screaming for me in the garden so will have to go for now.
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Christine:)
You should opt for a flea and worm subscription from Pets At Home for Porscha as you pay monthly for them via direct debit and the products are posted to you on a monthly basis….you can sign up online too if it was something you fancied x
I’ve given up feeding Cal pouches too and stuck to dry food and he’s just wasting the meat and I canna be doing with all the flys it attracts lol x
I would be cancelling her swimming membership too if she’s not got the decency to even contact you x
When do you plan on going swimming next? x hopefully they will be able to either replace or refund your dead roses x
Love to you and Porscha 
x
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So sorry to hear that this is still happening Neil and I remember how hard it was x almost like deleting her existence 
x just as well we all have our memories and it was nice today that out of the blue my niece started telling me something I didn’t know she knew about me and she was like ‘oh I remember granny telling me’ and laughing x
Are you feeling slightly better tonight? x.
I’ve had such a stressful week and i just feel so exhausted however off for a couple of days and away to catch up with a friend tomorrow and then up at the Loch volunteering on Sat x
Will be checking in with you as always 
x
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Hi Beki,
That is so lovely! People really don’t get it until it happens to them, but not always even then. Just look at how my dad and sister have behaved towards me. Being kind and loving and thoughtful are strengths not everyone has. I’m sure it will lift you up to see how happy she will be that you cared enough to go over. And of course there’s birthday cake involved. Always a plus! Your mam will be proud of you. I have always enjoyed spoiling the children and really do miss them now that my sister is not speaking to me (don’t know why). I miss being the scatty Auntie I was, rummaging through cupboards for treats and causing mayhem.
Just read that you enjoyed the party. It’s so true. My sister lives 5 mins down the road in the car. I pass her house once a week to go to therapy. It is so upsetting to see them on the school run on the way back. If I died nobody would know because they have all abandoned me. I’m not being dramatic. I do expect to be treated with kindness and that is not what has happened when mam left. Don’t understand it. They all turned on because I am agoraphobic.
Porscha is screaming again to go out. I really am just a servant to her!
Hope work is going ok considering the lack of sleep. Maybe it will get you into a forced routine.
Got out in the garden today. Lots of plants scorched. We really do need rain.
Lots of love. xxx
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Hi Christine and Suzanne
Feeling a bit better this evening but cried earlier when I had to delete Mums name. I think it was probably because I have Sat on my mind and her birthday coming up and thought I had done all the horrible things that have to be done . I might write her another letter over the weekend and read it to her.
Shame about the swimming Christine and wish the creep would do one .
Hope you get some rest this evening Suzanne
Speak again to you both soon
Sending love and best wishes
Neil xx
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Hi Suzanne,
I will have a look at the online subscription. It was easy getting it in with my food shop. Seems to be working though.
I’ve booked a swim after therapy and a skip run for next week. Will be better by then. Just got such a lack of energy. Had to keep sitting down watering the garden. So upsetting to see the dead roses. You can’t actually tell if a bare root rose is dead or not. I’ll have to dig them up tomorrow and take pics. Maybe stick them in water again for a good drink and see if it does anything. Probably not. Just saying about the garden being scorched because I haven’t been up to watering it. Even established plants like irises and hydrangea are wilting or crisping up. Glad to be cooler today. Nice to feel a bit chilly. But it’s going to get hot again from tomorrow (27 C).
Just read in your post to Neil how lovely it was to chat with your niece. I can’t talk about my mam to anyone. I did a bit while swimming but then started getting upset. I really feel like I’m being punished by my niece and sister for having an unpopular opinion about all the drama that’s going on there. It is so upsetting that I can be dropped for no other reason. I’m sick of feeling like I am being taken advantage of. Might get a ‘MUG’ tat on my forehead. So annoyed and upset.
Enjoy your Loch at the weekend and take lots of pics. I was telling Debbie about going over the causeway and the sea was coming in and we just made it back. Do you know where that was in Scotland? We were camping and it was a trip out to visit something on the island and we mistimed it coming back. Can’t phone dad because of the way he has treated me.
Anyway, enjoy your time off!
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Neil,
It’s one of your bad days with a bit extra on top but you’ve managed to do what you needed to do and it’s evening now so you’ve got through another tough day. Try to put it behind you (easier said than done). I’ve not had to do anything at all with forms or organising stuff for mam. I’m just left with an empty space. I think writing her a letter is a great thing for both of you. You can do it for her anniversary to go with whatever you decide. When you’ve drafted it you could write it in the card. But whatever you do it is with love. I wish I could give you a big hug (and I’m not a hugger by nature). All of the things I did for mam (the shrine, her Birthday card and picture, Mothers Day card and flowers, a pic of the stinky Easter Egg she created (paste egg from years ago) are all still there. I tried putting some things away in a drawer and it was like I was putting her away, like I mustn’t care enough to have her with me still. And so I sit with the candles and fairy lights on, wishing she could visit me but I know she won’t. It is simply heartbreaking. Tv is a distraction but I can’t seem to get involved in it like I used to. Everything has lost it’s essence. I just feel hollow. Soz Neil, I should be more encouraging but it’s so hard to stay positive.
Let us know what you decide to do for Sat. Can’t believe we’re at the end of another week and going into August. Really do not know how I have got this far. It’s baffling to me.
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Christine,
There are a few places in Scotland that have causeways both inland and off to the islands x the only place I ever nearly got stranded was when mum and I went to Lindisfarne and I’m glad I didn’t as I needed to attend a speed awareness course in Berwick 
x
Any recommendations for easy growing plants that I can basically ignore and they still thrive lol xx
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Hi all, today has been very special, we went to Looe’s East Beach where we scattered Doug’s ashes on his birthday last October. It was a beautiful sunny day and we spent time paddling in the sea and just remembering him.
Our family all miss him loads. A wonderful husband, dad and Grandad. Even nearly 17 months on I still can’t get used to him not being at my side, but I know he is happy in his final resting place and that one day I will be joining him.
Debbie X
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Hi Christine, my son is watering my garden and looking after the pond while I’m away.
Had another busy day, my family went kart racing and on a zip wire at adrenaline quarry near Liskard, then we went onto Looe.
Tomorrow is our last full day, going on a ferry to Rock, then in the afternoon to Mawgan Porth beach for final session of surfing. It’s a lovely beach so I will just sit and chill.
Saturday we come home, we usually do something on the way home too.
I think next week I will need to recover from a hectic but very enjoyable week.
I hope you enjoy your swim after therapy tomorrow.
Love Debbie X
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Hi Beki
Thank you for asking I’m having a really bad day. Missing mum so much then i couldn’t find a photo album and i had meltdown. My hisband came in from work to find me on the floor crying. I just cant believe mum isnt here and i need her so much.
I then decided to find a medium and found one doing a live group for free ao i logged in. She was speaking to different people then she came to me, told me a few things that could ring true but the at the end she said the lady is showing me grapes what is the relevance of grape’s, mum asked for grapes the day before she passed and i chucked them away yesterday. I don’t know what to think xx
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Hi Michelle .
Always been sceptical of mediums but a close friend of Mums went to see one after her husband died and she had a really positive experience despite her not really being into that. I think everyone is different what we believe but if it can give you some comfort than I would say if it feels right then that is good. I’ve been in that position crying on the floor in those early days as I would expect most of us have on here. I promise it does get easier but slowly . I can’t believe I have made it to eight months
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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