Hi, this is a lovely shrine! I made one for my partner. He died on 5th of May this year 
Making a shrine gives me some comfort.
4 Likes
Hi Tina, I can swim but getting in a wetsuit might be a challenge, 
and my balance is not good.
Itās been okay, being with the grandchildren helps. Only had one day when I felt a bit tearful. Cornwall was such a favourite place for Doug and I nearly everywhere we went had memories.
Must admit Iām not looking forward to being back home on my own next week.
I hope Zoe is okay, dogs will eat anything, I read about your sister not telling you about her holiday that is very odd to not tell you.
Love Debbie X
2 Likes
Hi Christine,
I had a lovely week with my family. Cornwall has so many happy memories for both me and Doug. It is sad coming home and Iām not looking forward to being on my own again next week. But Iām sure I will adjust quickly.
I am off work for six weeks, I work time term only. But I am looking forward to getting a good nightās sleep in my own bed.
I will still go out on day trips and will try to go swimming more often.
It must be awful for you having to limit yourself in the garden with the creep next door. I hope you can get out in it again soon.
Speak to you again soon
Debbie X
Hello everyone
Just thought Iād wish everyone for over the weekend
Especially Neil. Iām sorry that youāll have to be facing difficult difficult days. Iām so sorry as well youāve had these setback with the dilly-dallyingās of the powers that be. It doesnāt take much to get knocked off guard does it.
Did I read you werenāt sure what to do as a rememberable? Iām sure I saw Christine suggest a nice plant for indoors. A relative was given one by her family member and she got comfort from it flowering every season. Sadly she passed away 5months after Mum.
Everything is just so overwhelming but try just to hold on and keep looking after yourself.
xx
4 Likes
Hi Tina
That is so thoughtful of you. As you know Iāve had a very difficult week but feeling a bit more upbeat. I wasnāt looking forward to my energy bills coming in but was pleasantly surprised that I was in credit and both electric and gas came in at around Ā£100 altogether so made a big saving.
Tomorrow will be hard and wont be doing anything except remembering and just having a normal day.
If I feel down I will come on here and talk to you lovely people . The hardest day will be Mums birthday on 11th Aug. Just taking it a day at a time as usual and see how I go.
Really appreciate your lovely words Tina. Thank you.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
3 Likes
Hi Tina,
Iāve been stuck in since lunch time because the creep didnāt go back to work. Hope he goes out tomorrow. I had to close my blinds, windows and curtains because as soon as I moved into the kitchen he was up the garden like a shot so he could watch me. Nearly a sprint. With no shirt on. He is the most vile man I have come across and I just cannot bear being seen by him. Needless to say I didnāt go back out there until he wasnāt in view and then I dashed out so he didnāt have time to see me. Hate living like this. And of course his mate (the woman on the other side of him with the yappy dogs) comes out every time she hears my door or if I make a noise. Its like sheās waiting for me. She believed whatever version of the loft incident he gave her. Canāt wait to get the fences up so he canāt see me.
Zoe really is a mischief maker. Sheās a bay thatās why. Porschaās too old now to play. She just looks at me like Iām daft if I throw her a scrunched up paper ball. Sheās doing her unusual screaming, having just come in and had some food. Drives me mad that she wonāt just sit and enjoy a film with me.
I had a call (didnāt answer it) and text from my niece wanting to go swimming today but couldnāt be bothered . I can only be pushed so far, get really upset and then feel like I canāt be bothered. Like you say, it is about consideration and courtesy. I got memberships because one swim is Ā£7 and membership works out to Ā£10, so worthwhile for a few a week.
Have you heard from your sister? I wouldnāt get her another gift, or give her the bird feeder. I think some people sail through life with a very thick skin, totally unaware how they effect those around them. To have some thought and be considerate is obviously lacking. It must be easier that way. Iām sure she has some good qualities too. I have become very defensive of you as a friend, donāt like seeing you hurt or taken advantage of.
I havenāt tried indoor roses. I think they would be quite tricky getting an even temperature throughout the year with the dry heating and freezing windowsills. When my parents moved into their assisted living I got a āNew Beginningsā rose from Amazon (not bare root, some growth) and that was quite happy on the windowsill in full sun until it got too big and was transplanted into the garden. I think if you can give it enough sun and light in a large enough pot to grow on it would be worth trying for that price. Think the Amazon rose was Ā£20 or Ā£30 but it was a pressie instead of a bouquet so it could mature with them. Sad that mam wonāt see it grow. After being really upset Iāve gone to my exhausted, feeling numb place.
Didnāt realise it was Friday and forgot to watch Monty or Carol Klein (sheās lovely). I love to see the animals. I actually cried when Montyās very old dog died. The new little one he carries around is bright as a button and always camera ready apparently.
Debbie will be coming home off her hols tomorrow. I was always sad to come home. Wonder what Neil has decided on for his mamās anniversary tomorrow. Will ask him.
Catch up tomorrow. Lots of love xxx
3 Likes
Hi Miky,
It is lovely to meet you, although none of us want to be here. This group is wonderful and has helped me get through since losing my mam. I created the shrine as a way to feel close to her. I placed a little buddha in her hand to guide her at the chapel of rest. I imagine her dancing in the garden with them among the fairy lights and candles. I find sitting on an evening watching tv relaxing, hoping she is with me. Iām not religious, although I went to Sunday school and mam did go to church. I wish I had the reassurance of knowing she is waiting for me. I wish I could join her every night when I go to sleep. Itās a relief to get through each day and some are still horrific. It really helps me to post whatever Iām feeling. Sharing and having friends here hold my hand when I need it really makes a difference. I hope it helps you too. We post all kinds of things. Iām often in my garden where I feel closest to mam because that is how she spent her time.
I meant to say, the tags in the shrine are all the things that make mam special. My favourite is the nub of pastry (the left over bit) which was her favourite. And she collected (hoarded is more like it!) jars for jam making. I would give anything to return to the scenarios listed in the tags. Iām glad your shrine brings you some comfort. I felt I was doing it for her. Not sure whether Iāll have some of her ashes in my little egg. She wants to be placed in her parents grave up North so I wonāt be able to visit. Not sure if she should be kept whole.
I just realised you will be the second man in our group. Neil has been our one and only up until now, and much loved! Sure he wonāt mind sharing!
Welcome with lots of love xxx
3 Likes
Hi Debbie,
You have had such a wonderful holiday and made some lovely new memories which include Doug. He may not have been with you all in body but was certainly there in spirit. Bet he enjoyed every minute of it!
You will feel sad for it to come to an end but you have 6 weeks still to enjoy. If you plan ahead like Neil does it will help to break up the week. Even popping out for a cuppa is something. Thereās so much I canāt do because itās too hard but imagine it through all of you. I think youāll need more than a nightās sleep after all your activities. And settling into a routine is quite comforting, or reassuring. Iām quite ocd and quite enjoy doing the dishes and washing and drying the clothes. Donāt know how I have the washing machine on every day.
We have a new man in our group - Miky. Just welcomed him. Our little group is certainly expanding.
I didnāt get back out in the garden and have been hiding in the bedroom, furthest away from the creep. Iāve heard comments when Iām out there about how I just need a little encouragement! Like Iām a child. Whoever it is needs a slice of the creep to see why Iām so freaked out by him. Itās annoying that he prances about the garden in the sun while I hide away. But thereās nothing I can do about it. Hope the fences will make an impact when I get them up. Will have to check for peep holes!
Debbie you really are so lucky to have been loved by your Doug. I know he isnāt with you but he still is in your heart. To be loved like that is special. Cherish it! Making me cry again.
Just a tip, when you go swimming remember your towel so you donāt have to get dried on your bag! (luckily it was canvas cotton).
Have a safe journey and rest when you get back. You have lots yet to enjoy.
Lots of love xxx
3 Likes
Hi Neil,
Iāve been thinking of you and wondering how you are. I think a normal day, dealing with the upset as it arrives is the best thing you can do. And we will all be here when you need us.
Glad you had a good surprise with the energy bills. Dreading putting the heating on in the Autumn.
Neil, we have another man join our group - Miky. Just welcomed him. Our group really is growing. And Debbie is back tomorrow from her hols. Sheās had a wonderful time.
The creep didnāt go back to work so Iāve been stuck in the bedroom with the curtains closed from lunch time. I was just saying, Iāll have to check for peep holes when I get the fences up. He was prancing about topless again before I realised he was there. At least he wasnāt naked!
Hope you pop in tomorrow and let us know how you are. Be thinking of you.
Lots of love xxx
2 Likes
Hi Neil,
Just wanted to pop on tonight and say Iāll be thinking of you tomorrow and will light a candle for your mum and send a blessing if you are happy with me to do that x
Glad to hear someone getting decent news about their energy bills 
x
Will check in with you tomorrow x
Sleep well 
x
2 Likes
Evening,
Sorry to hear of your loss especially as so fresh still x if you ever feel up to it weād like to see your shrine but no pressure x
Blessings to you,
Suzanne x
1 Like
Morning Neil,
Just to let you know Iām thinking of you today. You know where we are.
Lots of love,
Nic xxx
3 Likes
Morning all,
Iām so far behind on posts I need to somehow catch up! Itās been a busy week and with evie being poorly itās been a tough one. Thinking Of you all. Wanted to say that Jane is right, I have lots of beaches around me but donāt often goā¦ but when we do itās lovely.
I will catch upā¦.
Thinking of you all and sending lots of love,
Nic xxx
3 Likes
@Suzanne30 love the photos it looks beautiful
@christine51 what is it with this neighbour of yours, whatās his problem it must be awful for you, what gives him the right to make you so upset and not enjoy your garden makes my blood boil
Canāt believe its nearly August, I actually want time to go quick, I just think to myself maybe il feel better if I can wish time away. 8 weeks on Monday that my life changed and lost my Mam, I can be feeling a bit brighter then a memory pops in my head and Iām crying again. I know we all know what that feels like. I often think, I wonder if my 3 brothers still cry daily and my sister, its always a terrible thought I have that everyone is forgetting herā¦
Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend anyway
X
2 Likes
Hello Christine. My name is Jim I am suffering the loss of my darling wife Rita of sixty four years as you can imagine I am lost without her . I have made a shrine in her memory every time I look at it it breaks my heart. She had five orchids on the bathroom window sill I have looked after them as she did they have been there for five or six years. A week after she passed one of them died . Coincidence or what. Is she still here with me I hope so . Tears are flowing again Christine . Please keep in touch. Love to you . Jim xxx
2 Likes
Hi Jane,
I find time is a strange creature now. I too am relieved to get through the day and week quickly by being busy. But 8 months on and it will hit me like itās just happened. The intensity is still as extreme but less often. I think we are designed to only withstand so much pain and then we reach a plateau of feeling numb and washed out. Iām sure you arenāt the only one crying. My dad has disowned me because I am so heartbroken. It makes him angry that I donāt just āget over itā and āmove onā like he has. He says I will have a miserable life if I donāt. One sister will not speak to me and the other doesnāt bother when she says sheāll phone. And so my family disintegrated when mam left. I still want to not wake up every morning so I can be with her. But I have to be here for my little Porscha (screaming for chicken at 5 am).
The thing with my creepy neighbour is that he drilled out a section of the loft wall (while I was at home) so he could climb through it (placed carpet over the bricks so he was more comfortable) and get in my house when I was out through the ceiling hatch. He left me a sticker on my fridge plug āStirrerā, which I only discovered when I was decorating. And a burn mark next to the boiler. I returned home a few times and found the door unlocked and could smell cigarette and thought it was my imagination. It was only after getting my loft boards delivered and into the loft that I discovered the hole and realised the thud on the ceiling had been a massive breeze block that he had removed. I was housed by the council because of stalking and that is what moved in next door to me. They said because I didnāt have a camera in the loft! there was no evidence that he had done it but they believed me. This was a catalogue of being watched and bitched about because I wasnāt friendly to him. Heās such a weirdo. The police wouldnāt help me. I was infested with rats from his loft for 3 months. He has told other neighbours that I am sexually harassing him! I just want to be left alone. Iāve got more fencing to put up in the gap in the hedge where he stands watching me and I donāt know heās there. I can only go in the garden when he is at work. So thereās a constant anxiety there because heās so quiet when he comes in. Iāve tried setting up the cameras and itās not working. This would alert me to when he is there so I can get back into the house. All of this was happening in the summer last year before mam left and is ongoing now. I feel so guilty that I was so stressed and angry about it when I visited her. Itās all I went on about. And so it continues. Heās out now but Iām not dressed to get the trellis screwed back together.
I canāt even grieve in private because he listens and watches everything, commenting that I have a little cry and then Iām ok again! Iāve never hated anyone so much. Itās exhausting.
Hope you get to the beach again for a walk. I loved going to South Shields beach every weekend when I was little. Iām in London now and would have to drive for hours in heavy traffic for a day out. Debbie is coming home today from her holiday. Her pics reminded me of all the lovely holidays we had growing up. I miss being a child. Wouldnāt it be wonderful to revisit times to spend with our loved ones. That would be my wish in life.
Have a peaceful day.
Lots of love xxx
2 Likes
Hi Jim,
It is lovely to meet you but I wish it was not under these circumstances. Your orchids sound wonderful and Iām sure your Rita is very proud that you are nurturing them. I strive in my garden because I feel closest to mam there, imagining her with me. She loved to garden and my happiest place is to be in the old garden with her in the summer, having a rest between jobs, sitting on the swing chair with a cuppa and a home baked scone. It is upsetting that you have lost one of your orchids. Could be a sign that Rita has taken it with her? You could replace it with another to keep the group together. I think she would approve.
Iād love to see your shrine but if you want to keep it private then thatās fine too. I created mine because I was so desperate to do something for mam, to sit with her in a quiet space. I imagine her dancing with the buddhas amongst the flowers. She loved to dance. Adding the candles (battery operated for safety) and fairy lights make a restful place to be with her as I watch tv on an evening. The hanging tags are all the special things I remember her by. She was a beautiful mam and gave me a wonderful childhood. I am truly heartbroken and wish I could be with her every day. I have to be here for my little cat Porscha and dread the time when she leaves me because I wonāt have a reason to get out of bed.
Itās been 8 mnths now and last week it felt like she had just left. The intensity of grief is so overpowering and doesnāt fade with time. But I am able to have more good days where I am functional and not crying throughout the day. I still cry. Iām crying now. Just canāt not. I canāt think of anything worse than losing my mam, as you have your lovely wife. It was very sudden for mam. She didnāt know she had cancer and left us within a week. I had the fight to see her in the hospital because of covid regs. My dad has disowned me because I am so devastated.
I have found posting here really does help, even if I canāt say much and just read the posts wishing me well. We are a very loving and supportive group here. We understand because we have felt despair ourselves. When there is a reprieve we share pics and tell each other what we have been doing. I regularly update with my garden antics. It keeps me going and inspires others. Would love to see your orchids. I have fake ones. Just canāt grow the real ones. Youāre doing well. I do think Rita has taken one with her on her journey. Sheāll be watching over you as you try to get on without her. I canāt imagine a whole lifetime of waiting but it seems that is what we are designed to do. I feel lost without my mam and hope she is watching over me and knows how upset I am to not be with her.
Keep posting here Jim. It really is a comfort to have found true friendship. To share is to lessen the burden of grief you carry. It feels like a weight but is less on āgoodā days. Welcome !
With lots of love xxx
2 Likes