Hi Michelle,
I’ve read Neil’s replies and like he said it’s the formality of it with no compassion that is hard to cope with. But if you have paperwork confirming the tenancy will pass to you that’s all you need as proof to ease this stressful situation. I hope you get a person who is competent at their job and has some compassion about the situation. There will be a procedure with this, like everything. It’s the shock of getting the notice that has you in a state, as we all would be. Like you said, your mam is everywhere and that is comforting. I wish my parents hadn’t moved from their old house into assisted living. I miss being able to visit and sit in the old garden where I feel closest to her.
Did you get onto your MP or will you ring the Housing on Monday? I find making a list with information and questions is helpful. I know it’s very scary but when you start sorting it out it will ease the stress.
We opted for the curtain being closed at the end of the service at the crem. Nothing will help ease how you are feeling. Whatever decision you make is just a formality. A detail in the service. But it was extremely distressing. I could barely stand up. I don’t know how I got through it but I did, as we all did. You will too. It’s the worst thing that has ever happened to me, worse than having cancer and the treatment. I would go through it all, every day, just to have her back again. I keep returning to that day even though it is all a blur. But a thing that was offered was setting up a tribute site where I posted all the pictures from the albums I created for the wake, the songs and details of service. You can post thoughts and virtual candles and presents. If you need more space you just buy more. I found it really helped me focus on doing something for mam and all the old relatives who couldn’t travel were able to see the service. We filmed the crem service too but that couldn’t be posted on the site. But I have it on my laptop. Can’t watch it. Too upsetting to see her coffin strewn with her favourite flowers. Reliving the service is too much to bear. But I know I can if I want to. Speak to your vicar and see if they offer that. The tribute site is called ‘Much Loved’. You can find it on the internet and its free. Focusing helped for me because it was for mam. I still post, every so often, but it’s incredibly upsetting to see her smiling in the photos and it hits me she’s never coming back. Crying again.
I’m still stuck in bed with all the curtains closed. The creep has been shouting outside the house (something about ‘moving her’ and ‘she’s terrified’). I was up early again with Porsch and fell asleep on the sofa because its cooler with the open fireplace (nice draft). Heard him tapping on his side of the wall to where I was. That is what a weirdo he is. All of this is since I bought the fence panels and reported him, making sure he doesn’t cut down all the mature trees like he did at the top of the garden. I always wondered why people were so bothered by neighbour disputes. I totally get it now. He seems very agitated out there. Makes me very anxious. He can’t see what I’m doing with the curtains and blinds closed.
Hope you got some sleep last night. Running on empty seems to be the natural course of things I’m afraid. Sleeping pills helped me get a routine going again.
Just a thought, are you able to send an email to the housing association today so they already have your details and the nature of your situation? Might help you to get the ball rolling. Be strong. You will get it sorted. And you are not alone.
Just had to cancel my order for the fence posts because I ordered the wrong spikes (need nut and bolt variety). So annoying.
Take each step as it comes.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine
I’ve just seen some of your indoor pictures, they are gorgeous. I so wish I had the same talent. I can do nice individual things but they never seem to “go” together if you know what I mean.
I have just had another “bin-gate” episode this morning as I can’t find my bank card. I don’t remember having it after I came back from shop and am pretty sure I dropped it outside of the co-op. That doesn’t bode well as our local co-op is hardly Waitrose if you know what I mean. I just checked the bin for peace of mind. It’s no big deal these days is it to block a lost card but it’s a faff to replace them.
I replied to my sister’s text and told her she should have said she wouldn’t have been here on that day so I didn’t need to rush down to town like a mad-woman. I would normally have kept quiet, but as her actions impacted mine I didn’t.
I can actually visualise your two neighbours and yappy dogs. It’s something that would be going on here. Are there any nice neighbours in your patch that you speak with or have a little chat to about gardening? At my Blackpool home I didn’t know anyone that much and even here people have moved on over tine and I don’t converse with anyone from the road.
I bet when you started this thread you’d never have believed it would generate thousands of little chit-chats. It’s like a little safe-haven and quiet oasis for us all. Admittedly the circumstances could have been much better but the sense of “belonging” has been a god-send.
Much love and thanks for your words of support xx
Suzanne these are incredible photos. You’ve missed your vocation. Tell your boss your are leaving to become photographic editor at Homes and Gardens right away! The top one reminds me of a jigsaw puzzle! xx
Hello to all the recent additions.
Just wanted to say hello to people that are new here and offer a really warm welcome.
I lost my Husband several years ago and Mum in December. Sometimes I feel like two people that never actually come together as one. (as weird as that sounds )
I’m from Lancashire where I live with my Brother due to circumstances and there is a Gerberian Shepsky living here too. It’s a GSD/Husky mix.
I’m really sorry you have all had a loss. I know no-one can change anything for us but it helps to share our thoughts here on the forum.
Best wishes all.
xx
Hi Tina, I’m so relieved to see your post. I’m hiding in the bedroom with all the windows, blinds and curtains closed everywhere because of the creep. He has people with him and has been shouting about ‘move her’ and ‘she’s terrified’. He’s been shouty since I bought the fences and reported him to not cut down the trees on the boundary wall when I put them up. I can’t get up and can here him at the front and back of house. Comments about how I don’t eat much. He is obsessed but also involving other people. Neighbours must see what he’s doing to me. I was on the sofa because it’s cooler with the fireplace but had to move because he was tapping on the wall where I was. Makes me paranoid that he can hear me where I am in the house. My therapist said you can get all sorts of listening devices. It’s so scary. I don’t want anything to do with him. Tried setting up the cameras again and they don’t work. I need evidence of what he’s doing. It seems to annoy him that I won’t go outside when he’s there. It really is a safe haven being able to post here. I’m so scared because I’m on my own. He’s very loud when he’s not on his own. Think he’s more of a nut than I ever imagined him to be.
That is such a pain about your card. It is a faff having to get another one. I know what you mean though about the coop. I don’t go there and just shop online. I treat myself to a sandwich, crisps and chocolate if I get petrol on the way back from therapy but that is the only time I get anything out. But I did enjoy getting a Mcd’s after swimming. I’m so trapped with my anxiety and panic. Even less freedom with the creep living there. I haven’t chatted to my neighbour / friend 2 doors down. He has issues and is not always able to chat and I rarely see him or spend time together. He was the only one who was friendly when I moved in. Don’t know what’s wrong with people. I know I can call on him if I need help.
I’m glad you texted your sister. If you let it slide she wouldn’t know that she’d upset you. Some people need things pointing out to them. And if you keep pulling her up maybe it will sink in.
Glad you liked the pics of the fake orchids. Having an ‘eye’ is easy when you know the trick of putting things together. Pick a theme to create a combination of colours. Mine is India / oriental. Start layering ideas to create a setting and work out from there. I decorated during covid to create one theme throughout. It opens up the space and flows between rooms. I chose earthy colours (hessian wallpaper with a green elephant skin and gold sparkle with bamboo in the kitchen to draw you out into the garden. Wooden floors. Chocolate brown paintwork. Pops of colour in sofas, soft furnishings and fake flowers. There’s loads of ideas on Pinterest and the like. I think my interior design is an extension of my textiles and gardening. Just wish I could open the blinds and let some natural light in. I do when he’s at work.
Feel so much better for chatting. It’s so distressing hearing him and not knowing what he’s doing. It’s so intrusive having to put up with his warped behaviour. I think it drives him mad that I refuse to engage in any way.
Can’t believe the time and I’m not not ready. Wish I could swap you with your tutor neighbour! Though I wouldn’t wish the creep on anyone.
Whatever you do today take it easy and enjoy Zoe.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Everyone, the old timers and new!
Just popping by to wish everyone well. Right now my entire mind is taken up with blocked drain outside which i tried to clear, think made worse and it utterly gross so I won’t go into the finer details!! Right now my approach is ignore it and hope it magically gets better 
Otherwise been fine. Some up and down days, days where my mind is 100mph of crazy thoughts and other times it is frozen numb
Am back at work full time though taking it canny, thankful for supportive colleagues and bosses and working from home I can have days of unkempt hair and late starts!
@MichelleY I am so sorry you are in the early throngs of all this. Ready your feelings takes me right back to how I felt - I was desperate for a sign, hell I wanted a full body apparition and all day conversation. In one way i think the more you think about it and try to push it, the more it doesn’t happen. In the later months some incredibly obvious and hard to explain things have happened. As one friend who is very spiritual explained in those early days we need to remember that their isn’t time on the other side like there is hear. So whilst we feel the days, weeks, months, many believe that isn’t there in the spirit world. And also they are getting settled into their new phase. But trust me your Mum is and always will be with you. You might like to look up https://suzannegiesemann.com/ and find her very first podcast edition from years ago (Messages of Hope) I found it very insightful and calming
I have finished the pieces Mum had for me as a baby (the mini bookcase and chair) makeover to give to our friends baby. Really please and will post pictures later on.
Right I m of to face cat litter trays - utterly pleasant after the outside drains!!
Beki x
Hi Michelle, it very much sounds to me the tenancy will be passed on to you, l had to do something similar with our tenancy going from joint to my name only. Neil is right they are not very good at getting this sorted it took over 6 months for them to change mine. The maintenance side have still not updated there records 17 months on, I’ve had a letter addressed to my husband telling him the boiler is going to be serviced tomorrow.
I’m sure you will be okay, but keep nagging them.
Debbie X
Hi to all new comers to this thread
I lost my husband in March 2021, after several years of medical conditions. I was drawn to this group by Christine’s garden and the lovely supportive friendship between everyone.
To the old timers, no disrespect, I’m home. The journey from Cornwall took nine and half long hours, got off to false when my daughter forgot her laptop, she had hidden it so well no one noticed we didn’t have it. Luckily we were only 15mins into the journey. There were many traffic jams, one accident and a car fire, as well as stopping 3 times to stretch out legs and swap drivers.
I’m absolutely shattered today, only been to church this morning, washing and salad for lunch, spent the rest of the day watching commonwealth games and dozing.
While I was away my son has kept my garden watered and cut the lawn for me.
I loved being away with my daughter and family, it was Doug and mines favourite place to go on holiday and as some of you know where I scattered his ashes last October on his birthday. Everywhere we went had memories and Doug was always in our conversations.
Now I’m home and feel a bit odd, just a little bit tearful and missing Doug, it’s strange how soon you can get used to being with others again and how lonely it gets being back on my own.
I know I’m not on my own, I have all of you and my children and grandchildren.
Christine, I wish I lived near you, I can be very bolshy if pushed and soon have the creep under control. I wish we could do something for you.
When you talked about your mum’s funeral, we had Doug’s live streamed as it was during lockdown, I still have a recording and watch it occasionally. Still cry when the committal and curtains close happens.
Neil, I hope you are okay, a difficult few days for you.
I would offer the same service to you Tina with your brother and sister, and tell them to show each other and you, some respect.
Suzanne, nice photos from Edinburgh, only passed through once. Doug used to go nearly every year for the tattoo in his coach driving days.
Hope you have your drain sorted Beki, hands in and a plunger, or a good cheap plumber to help.
Nic, you do live in a lovely part of the country, there are some lovely beaches in Somerset. I love reading Ann Cleeve’s books and her new detective stories are set in Somerset.
Lucy hope you are okay.
Sending love to everyone
Debbie X
Hi hope everyone’s doing OK or as best as they can…
@christine51 wish we could all turn up at your house, all of us on here and sort the creep out. Wow that would sort him out lol
@Beki I know what your on about cat litter trays…
I have 2 cats FIZZ who’s 22years old and waffle who’s 17 years old. FIZZ doesn’t go out at all & waffle just goes out for about 5 mins, so I have 2 trays I the back room lol oh the joys of pets… wouldn’t be without them though, also I have a 4 year old cockerpoo called Harry… Harry was like a therapy dog to my Mam, she loved him to bits and he loved her, he was always so gentle with her. My Mam had a large framed photo that she wanted of Harry pride of place in her front room
Sending love to all
In a fit of craziness or inspiration I just went at the drain with a long metal tube I found, brute force and ignorance. I will not go into details, but got it unblocked!!!
Now lying on the sofa feeling knackered! Bit teary but just noticed the hormone wave is on its way 
Also had a mail from Facebook to confirm they have completed my request and mums page is now memorialised and I have control on. Made it feel real, again.
Beki x
Hi Beki,
So lovely to hear from you. You are doing well, being back full time and I’m sure easier working from home if you don’t get easily distracted. Will help get you through the day. I feel really lost when I can’t get into the garden. Had a couple of full on work projects with a blog prepared and photos but can’t get back to it. Can’t concentrate.
Still long for my mam. Doesn’t get easier but the intensity is less often. But when it hits it’s overwhelming still.
Amazed our little group has grown. Lovely to welcome newbies.
I’ve been stuck in my bedroom watching films all day because of the creep being at home. Have fence panels to put up so hope that will help me get out whether he’s there or not.
Have a swim booked for after therapy next week. Haven’t been for a few weeks. Had to get dried on my bag last time because I forgot my towel. Won’t do that again!
So lovely to hear from you.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Debbie,
So lovely to have you back, though of course we all wish holidays would last forever. It is true that being back on your own is hard to adjust to. The trick is to be busy and have things planned. I’ve been stuck in my bedroom all day as the creep has been very bolshy with his shouting. I haven’t opened the blinds all day. Feel like the walls are closing in.
You were very lucky being able to return for the laptop. I remember that journey down to Cornwall when I joined my parents. Took 7 hours and I cried because I was so exhausted and couldn’t find them. I was the only driver. Glad you weren’t one of the reasons for the hold up. Nothing worse. It’ll take a bit of time to recover.
I’m pleased you went away. You could have so easily not gone for fear of being too upset . You’ve proven to yourself that you can doing anything now. Doug will always be there with you.
I’ve really enjoyed remembering childhood holidays and trips to the seaside through your pics. Thank you for sharing them.
Bet you won’t miss those stairs!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Jane,
I wish someone would sort the creep out. So he never returns home again!
I love your cats names. I have Porscha (she sits and watches me doing the litter tray, screaming until it’s cleaned) and was feeding a stray, Edward, but he doesn’t come here now. He used to fight with the 3 cats who think my kitchen is theirs. I’m always have chicken on the go and treats. Porsch is very good now at tolerating them. Here they all are:
Porsch
The little mamma
Buddadda
and Robin
They love the pergola. There’s always someone lounging around when I’m out there.
And here’s Edward. He was skin and bone when he first came to me. Didn’t take long to fatten him up. I’ve been told I’m a bit of a feeder. I was so upset when he didn’t return.
Porscha is 16 now. She’s so spoilt, getting me up at 5 for chicken. But I keep imagining when she isn’t here and I’d do anything then to here her screaming again. She’s my baby.
Lots of love xxx
Its a sign x and a lovely momento of your hols xxx
I love the cat photos, and you are right I’m glad I don’t have stairs to climb every night.
I spotted the Douglas duck first, the man in the shop changed over name tags for the Debbie duck, a good sign
Debbie X
@christine51 your fur babies are all so cute yes we have a pergola and waffle loves scratching it to bits.
They sound like there lucky to have such a caring mama 
