@NEILB72….how are you doing these last few days?? 
xx
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Hi Michelle,
I found visiting mam at the chapel of rest was the last physical visit I could make to her and although it is shocking to see her not as she is in real life she became another version of herself. I visited for 2 hours a day over 3 days and wish I could still visit her. That would be more comforting than this nothing I have now. Some people prefer to not go and remember the person as they were. But I needed whatever was offered just so I could extend my time before she left me forever. I took fake flowers (cherry blossom because there was a tree outside the old house) and a tiny buddha to comfort and stay with her. I wrote her a letter and placed it inside the coffin. I think they had to place everything. She will be very cold. Don’t be alarmed. I cried and talked to her throughout that time. I wish I could have that option forever so I can keep visiting her. She’ll be wearing the outfit you chose and care will have been taken with her hair and makeup. It’s the last thing you can do for yourself, to say all the things you want to. I wasn’t prepared in any way and just rambled through tears. It’s still your mam. However different she may look. This is taking me right back to being with her in that room. I’ll be thinking of you today. I wish I could go back to see her again. Do you have someone to go with?
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Suzanne,
I just replied to Michelle post about the chapel of rest and I’m right back there, bawling my eyes out. You’re right about me being stressed with the creep. If he didn’t have backup from his mate with the dogs he wouldn’t be so brazen. I tried umpteen times with the cameras and there’s issues with the installation, my phone, wifii etc. I’ve tried so many times. My friend knows I haven’t set them back up but hasn’t offered to help so I’ll ask. It’s relentless trying to do something that won’t work. I hate technology. Great when I know what I’m doing.
The creep is at work and I’m still not dressed but have therapy and skip and swimming. Really wish I wasn’t even awake. Wish I hadn’t booked any of it so I can go back to sleep.
Good on you for pulling the kids up about the poor crow (love crows). Some kids have no respect for anything because they aren’t taught to by the parents. I don’t know anyone who would do that.
Must dash to get ready.
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Suzanne
The dreaded Tuesday today. Already planned a call to Samaritans this afternoon as it is one of my ways of coping. Just paid my energy bills which were thankfully much lower than I thought they would be ( mainly because I was in credit). Having one of those days when I think back to this time last year and everything was ’ normal ’ or so I thought.
Not looking forward to next week as it is Mum’s birthday on Thurs 11th .
Hope your Tuesday is going as well as can be
Thank you for asking after me which is more than a lot of so called friends have done over the last few days( not my best mate of course who phones tomorrow).
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Think of you Michelle. Whatever you do or don’t do will be right and no one would understand that or want it more for you than your Mum
I didn’t go to see Mum at the chapel but had a wonderful director and made sure she had my cot blanket which she always said she wanted her head to rest on when her time came. I wrote a letter and included a lock of my hair, a photo of us and her dad and a piece of jewelley I got her last Mother’s Day
I think because she died unexpectedly and at home, the paramedics made sure she was back in bed and looked peaceful. I was able to sit with her and hold her hand for an hour so I think that gave me the time.
Also I felt her spirit leave her body as she passed so I had the comfort of that, and I’ve felt her about so everything else was respectfully dealing with her earthly form that wasn’t her but like I say deserved the respect.
Beki x
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Thank you all for being so kind and understanding.
Mum looked like she was just asleep, she isn’t ready to go yet thats next Friday 12th so she was just in one their gowns for now but she looked beautiful. They’ve done a cast of her hand for me and they are doing hand and finger prints so i can always hold onto mum. I’m just so overwhelmed I’m sitting in the car on a busy High Street sobbing.
I kissed her goodbye and said god night god bless and I’ll come next week again. I just can’t get any of this under control, the doctor is referring me to get some proper help but dont know how to keep going at the moment. xx
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Hi Michelle
Only just seen your post. Going to the chapel of rest is one of the hardest things you can do. A lot of people cant do it and there is no right or wrong.
I saw Dad the day before the funeral and Mum just under a week . Both looked so peaceful . All the pain and suffering Dad had was washed away and Mum looked like she was smiling. The worst bit for me was touching Dad as he was obviously so cold and I couldnt do that with Mum.
Glad you got through it as it is a big hurdle to overcome .
Thinking of you today and sending my love
Neil x
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You are in my thoughts most days Neil esp Tues and Weds x
Thankfully your friends call always lifts your spirits x
However you decide to spend and honour her birthday on the 11th we’ll be here for you to support you. I was lucky (if that’s the right phrase) in that my mum’s birthday is 29th Dec so I got the funeral, first Xmas and first birthday all out of the way within 3 weeks of her passing…that sounds harsh but you know what I mean I hope x
Have you any shows or trips planned for this week/weekend? x
Will check in with you tomorrow and see how you are x
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Hi Suzanne
I know exactly what you mean about ‘getting it out of the way’ as I did that with Xmas only five days after the funeral. Some days it’s all about getting through the day. I made my usual Samaritans call earlier and got through straight away. Last time I phoned Cruse I did too !
No shows until two weeks time so will look forward to that coming around.
Hope you have a pleasant evening
Love and best wishes
Neil x
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Mum’s funeral was 20th Dec ie the shortest day so only positive way I could see it was that after every day after that each day was getting longer and so therefore her spirit also was getting stronger…weird and probably doesn’t make much sense to most people but it’s how I coped x
I have a badger watch next Tuesday so I’m really looking forward to that but nothing else planned for this week either except work and up at the Loch on Sat.
Hoping I can get out into the garden on Friday but all weather dependant x
Have a peaceful night and hope you find something if interest to watch or read and chat soon x
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Suzanne, my Mum’s funeral was on 20th as well. Not sure what time of day it was but mine was 9.30 x
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I was 10.30am x one day we will never be alone then…it’s so weird how things turn out xx
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Ooof. I have sent an email to the will people to get probate moving and some of the paperwork and it is petrifying. It shouldn’t be complicated but it feels so scary.
@NEILB72 glad todays call helped and you’ll have tomorrows call from your friend to look forward to.
@christine51 I must get some more garden photos up for you to see.
My concentration level is just 
Beki x
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Hi Neil,
Another Tuesday for you, did you make you call to Samaritans. I been reading your posts your going through a difficult time at the moment. Your mum birthday coming so soon after your dad’s is always going to be challenging for you.
I had an assessment call from Cruse yesterday, now on the waiting list for a counselor, they said about 12 weeks. Also saw my GP for a follow up appointment today, she was pleased I seemed more positive and to see her again in two months, but acknowledged that could easily change and if I feel I need help to see her sooner, she also wants me to contact Mind.
I think being with my daughter and family on holiday last week was very positive for me. Being able to talk about Doug with the family and remember happy times we had together helps.
I’m glad your energy bills were not a shock, it is a bit worrying when they talk on the news about the cap going up again in October, bills could be over £3000 a year. Where will it all end. I renewed my contract in June, and people said I shouldn’t go for a fixed rate as it’s higher a month, glad I did, at least my price is fixed for two years now and I hope they start to go down by then.
How is the job situation going? Have you got anything booked at the theatre.
Sending love
Debbie X
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x
Loving you new seat @Suzanne30, that does look complicated to put together. Is that your secret corner in the garden. X
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Hi Christine,
Did you go swimming today after therapy, hope you didn’t forget your towel this time, on the plus side it’s so hot windy and humid today you would have soon dried.
Are you okay now, remembering visiting the chapel of rest is emotional, we were only allowed to put certain things in with Doug because he was being cremated, I put in all the photos of us he carried in his wallet and a small heart in his hand. I often find it difficult to see how different he looked, peaceful and much younger, I will never forget how cold his body felt. I did feel guilty for not sending socks in, his feet were always cold. But I’m glad I visited him, it helped accept he had actually gone and wasn’t coming home.
I’m glad the creep has gone to work, were you able to get out in your garden. It horrible that you have to do things after dark to avoid seeing him. As Suzanne said ask the neighbour with the cat if he can help you set up your camera. I still find it hard to believe the police won’t help, surely it’s stalking and harassment.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers, let’s hope some miracle happens and he moves away or get arrested at the very least.
It feels a bit odd being back on my own this week after being with my daughter and grandchildren last week. My knees are really suffering after all those hills last week. Trying to keep busy, had my boiler service yesterday, it now has a red warning tag on it, failed the flue test, so I have no hot water. Luckily my shower is electric. My son said do the washing up while your showering. Coming back on Thursday to fix it I hope. Then today the painters have been to do all the external woodwork, they are coming to clear all the gutters tomorrow. The trouble is they never do what I really want, is a new front door, but that’s the housing association for you.
I’m fed up with watering the garden it takes so long, yours must take hours. My son did a good job of looking after the garden while I was away, he even cut the lawn for me, he’s a good lad.
Sending love
Debbie X
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Yeah it’s my wee corner away from the neighbours kids lol x I have a proper outdoor mat to go underneath and some lights to go along the back. Also for a wee fire pit for when it gets cooler x
I couldn’t get my head around how to build it so hired a handyman to do it lol x
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Love it - we could all fit on!
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Love that Suzanne x
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