Hi Nic,
I’m just catching up with everyone as I was feeling covid rough yesterday and had to cancel my therapy today (really don’t do that lightly). So relieved to have had that downpour yesterday. Got the cushions in just in time from the garden. Porscha decided to go out through the open windows and then cried for me to rescue her. Couldn’t see her in the dark and got drenched. Turns out she had taken shelter in the dolls house.
But all of that is so trivial. Light relief in our world now. Work sounds really tough. You are right about people taking advantage of what they perceive to be weakness. It will hit them all in time. Knock them off their feet. It’s of no comfort to you but it will happen to them. I think it’s their own insecurity or weakness that they are feeling bold when you are at your lowest. Taking advantage. That’s like my sisters bloke not letting me have access to my mams tribute site. I had to shame him into it, contact the site directly. And then I got a very nasty email from him, sending it to both my sisters too. Some people are so dissatisfied with their own life that they bully others to feel a bit better about themselves. Imagine how unhappy they must be. Whatever their agenda you don’t deserve being treated like this. It’s not professional for a start. You might just have enough in you to get through the day. But when you are feeling a little stronger see what action you can take, however small, to redress the balance. They’re taking the piss and need to be put back in their place. You’ll feel better for doing something. But be constructive. Take it to management. Point out how their insensitivity is making you feel. You must have some procedure in place to protect you from this. Nobody needs to be putting up with this shit in the workplace. Bet they wouldn’t
At least you can go home, close the door and be with your mam in private. Just trying to put into context that this thing with work will settle and if it escalates take action. But you can get walk away from it. You could threaten to take time off work because of how you are being treated, with stress. They won’t like that and will come down hard on those responsible. I really don’t think I could do it, facing the world and pretending to function. You have to give yourself credit for going back at all. Have a meeting and say how tough you are finding the atmosphere. You can’t be ignored. They’ll soon simmer down if they know you won’t put up with it. How dare they!
It’s 8 months for me now with mam. Still feels unreal. Still catch myself not being able to climb out of the torment. Sometimes I get stuck in the bath and can’t move. Just lie there thinking of her, crying in the cold water. Still don’t understand how I can be abandoned by my family because I love mam so much that I can’t stop grieving for her. I was really upset when I dug out all the dead roses and contacted the online company for replacements (not holding my breath). They were for mam. It’s just so upsetting. Everything is upsetting. Her hydrangea has totally frazzled in the heatwave
and the orange flames which love sun aren’t doing well.
But I do get little unexpected treasures. Like fairies in cobwebs
and a white feather to remind me of mam in the garden.
I was thrilled to see a tiny flower on the sweet peas
and the tiniest daisy.
I have a wonderful fragrant new rose
and a new bud waiting to pop.
Something is nesting in the birdbox. Just hope it’s not a rat judging by the teeth marks!
I made a start on creating habitats around the garden
and will finish when I get the rest of my posts and trellises up. Just ran out of energy.
I hope my pics have lifted your spirits a bit. I took these the other day, before the rain. We haven’t had the thunder yet. Quite dull here with a fine mist. Such a relief to not have to water the garden. You can see from the last pic how the clay cracks in the heat. Hope to finish that space with more planting in the Autumn. Did think I’d just give up on the garden at one point but then like Monty said, its all trial and error. I’ll probably get more roses and fill all the gaps where the plug plants perished. Don’t have the enthusiasm at the mo but I will again.
Take care Nic and remember that people who have never experienced what we have cannot possibly imagine what we are going through. It really is like being in a club. We don’t want to be here but we are and we’re all here for each other. Let us know if things at work get easier, or if you have to take action. Let them see you’re no push over!
Lots of love xxx
