CREATING A SHRINE FOR MY MAM

[christine51]

Hi again,
Wanted to show you my new project idea for the garden. I kept and washed Amazon freezer bags over a period of time to use in my textile work.

But I think I’ll create hangings for the garden as a nod to my first summer celebrating mam and the beautiful childhood she created in taking me to the beach every weekend. It’s inspired by Tina’s sparkle hangings. Will have to cut up into squares and thread on, like seashells on a string. Also captures the beautiful skies of summer, though not today.

Loved the goosebumps as I stood at the kitchen door with my hot chocolate (the only treat in the house).
I’m tired out just looking at all the jobs waiting for me in the garden!
Lots of love xxx

[christine51]

Hi Debbie,
You’ll see from my posts I still have covid and had to cancel therapy today. Just feel so rough with no energy at all. I did get my email sent off about replacing the roses. That was very upsetting and I doubt I’ll get anything back but it’s always worth a try. Ordering plants is always full of promise and expectation. I’ll have to plant more trees to create more shade because the sunny spots are so unrelenting. I’m sure our summers will continue to get hotter. I have no lawn left

and the hydrangeas I’d grown on from when I put the patio in years ago are buggared.

It’s always a shame when the nastutians are done because they are my fave.

I’ve just been standing at the kitchen door, enjoying a cool air and waiting for thunder and rain. It takes me 2 hours to get round with the hose and it’s such a task I don’t have energy left for anything else.
I’ll be so pleased when the fences are finished. Got the bits painted before the downpour so it’s all waiting for me. Got another arch created for the climber at the kitchen door, an awkward space as it leads to the back gate. Not tied it in yet but it will soften that edge.

I was looking at the garden with a new eye and seeing what is thriving in this heat. I have massive seed pods on the lillies

and the green beans are looking lovely with flowers even if there isn’t any fruit.

I have a fab rhubarb (first year)

and 3 fat peaches (first year).

Grasses seem to be doing well

and palms.

Weeds seem to be thriving in the heat (looks so delicate), but then I did encourage them to create a balanced eco system.

The pram is thriving with all sorts in it

and the lobelia is still going.

Always delighted with a blast of colour from the eukera.

Hope my yellow passion fruits don’t drop off before I get to taste them.

And old roses are still flowering and looking delightful.

I look forward to when I can actually get round the garden dead heading and cutting back the cluster of dead branches. That’s what I really enjoy doing.

I know I’ve spent a small fortune on the garden this year but was pleased to see a bush / tree from the pound shop thriving in the sun. Don’t know what it is but it has the most intricate flowers.

I always think of you as I water the garden and wish I hadn’t taken on such a massive project. My pond is still thriving. Another job to add to the list of things to finish.

Going to grab a bite to eat. I’m so very bored!!!
Lots of love xxx

[Jane36]

@christine51 havnt been on the beach while it’s been really hot, just take my Harry to a shaded park near me…
It’s a nightmare isn’t it being bored, I have so much housework I could be getting on with but don’t care about that, my mam always use to say to me " housework is always there "

Carnt believe you have peaches in your garden, your really green fingered arnt you.
Yes chucking it down at Cleethorpes at the minute

Love to all.

[christine51]

Hi Tina,
You’ll see my pics from posting today. I took them before the pour down last night. What a relief to get some rain, but I was disappointed with the lack of thunder. I’m going stir crazy sitting around because I have no energy. Did a covid test yesterday with no results. Still have it judging by the coughing fit trying to take swabs in the throat. So wasn’t able to go to therapy today and have been sitting around catching up on emails. Contacted Parkers about the roses and the council about the massive loaf of bread waiting for me by my bins. This is only since the fence went up so presuming its the creep. He must have hurled it across from his side to the other side of my house at the front. Rats will have a field day on that. Must admit, it did look tasty! Would love a sarny right now but don’t keep bread in the house as I swell like a balloon. Getting the test results from the stomach scans next week, though the nurse did say it all looked fine. I am so bored sitting around.
It’s good that Zoe will have her op, though obviously very worrying. Poor receptionist. I can imagine your brother enraged! I worry about Porscha every day because I just don’t know how I’ll get through the day without her. I did see a posting for being a foster home for cats and kittens until they’re rehomed. That could be something I could do with being at home most of the time and having the garden. Trouble is I’d want to keep each one! I can’t bear any kind of cruelty to animals so it could be upsetting if they’ve come from a neglected background. You’ll really have your work cut out with looking after Zoe when she’s recovering. Your brother should be paying you by the hour! You’ll have to get lots of treats in for her.
Looking at the garden today I realised I only have to finish fixing the fence posts to the pergola, attach 4 posts higher up the garden and add trellis tops all the way down. I also have a bamboo roll to cut down and add to the trellis top for privacy. Doesn’t sound a lots but it is quite a bit of work. But I could get one done a day when the creep is out. Be a massive relief to have it finished by the Autumn. Can’t believe Sept is only 2 weeks away. Where has this year gone and how have I got through it?
You can see from my pics of the hydrangea there’s little hope of recovery. They don’t look that delicate but any hint of sun and they can’t cope. I do have a lot of roses which have taken and will probably fill the spaces with more. The slugs that demolished the plug plants seem to stay away from roses. Think I’ll add some more trees too to create more shade for the summers to come. That and lots of grasses.
Porsch says hi

and if we don’t catch up before Thursday I’ll be thinking of you and Zoe and keeping everything crossed.
Lots of love xxx

[Debbie57]

I thought I would show you my hydrangeas, they are surviving, alway throwing my washing up water over them.

The first two are in my front garden, the other two in back garden which is south facing.

Debbie x

[christine51]

Hi Neil,
I’m so pleased you are having some lighter days than of late and looking forward to your show. Don’t blame you at all for not getting down with the kids as they say (am I showing my age?) I always laugh when I see the advert for soap powder and it says to keep away from children. I always reply ‘I do’ !
So relieved to have had that downpour last night but of course Porscha had to go out in it through the window and was crying to be recued. I was soaked looking for her. She would have been watching me from the dolls house which is her new thing now. It was lovely to feel the chill today as I stood at the door. Hope the heat doesn’t return. I think we’ve all had enough of it.
Posted lots of pics of the garden. I’d taken them before and thought I’d catch up today as I have no energy and had to cancel therapy. Hate lolling around. Like watching a film only if I am doing it as a treat to a busy day. Otherwise I lose concentration.
You mentioned to Tina about the paperwork for UC but it will get sorted eventually. I just think the volume of claims they have to process is overwhelming and it takes ages to catch up to reality. Be a relief when it’s sorted.
Dad’s birthday in a few days and I’m sure I won’t hear from him. Still hurts that he can drop me out (as the Essex clan would say).
Hope you liked the pics. I’m amazed the spiders are preparing their intricate webs for Autumn. It always amazes me how clever they are, like fine crochet.

Enjoy your show hun. You’ve waited a while for this one. Looking forward to the pics.
Lots of love xxx

[christine51]

Hi Beki,
I am truly amazed that your mam won a Land Rover in a competition! I’ve been missing out, clearly. How do I start? I always think there’s going to be a catch, like it’s just a getting your money thing. I ripped up the post code lottery yesterday. Do you do that? Seems to be a hidden world of possibilities.
Hope you are doing well and getting through work in a productive manner! Still got the covid and with no energy have just been lolling and with no treats in the house had to make do with a hot choc. I have no self control and have to limit treats because I eat them all in one go when I get my online shop and feel very stuffed indeed. Wonder how I’ll cope in the winter not getting out in the garden. If I don’t start my textiles then I’ll go mad!
Have you visited your lovely caravan recently? I thought of you when I received my plastic storage boxes for the loft for projects waiting for me to start on / finish. My textiles has become a massive monster waiting for me in the loft. It used to be what drove me and now I’m just avoiding it. Silly, but I can’t seem to wrap my head around it because of mam.
Keep doing what you’re doing!
Lots of love xxx

[NEILB72]

Hi Christine
Enjoyed your pics and as always thank you for posting . Will post again tomorrow with details of my theatre trip . Rain forecast . Had some but not enough today !
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x

[christine51]

Hi Debbie,
Thank you for posting pics. They are lovely. Hydrangeas are one of my fave flowers because they are so bold and colourful (according to the ph / acidity of the soil). Do you dry them for vases in the Autumn? The colours take a while to fade. You’ve done so well keeping them going. Mam’s hydrangea lived in a large pot under the holly tree and was very happy there. Wish I’d never planted it out when it came to me during the move. So upsetting to see it shrivel.
Have you anything exciting booked? Can’t quite believe Sept is nearly upon us. Make the most of your hols.
Lots of love xxx

[Suzanne30]

Evening everyone

We’ve had some rain up here and last night it was bucketing down with some thunder/lightning on Sunday but still uncomfortably warm but like Neil said it’ll soon be ‘on the coldest winter since…’ lol x

Was going to go down town tonight after work but turns out Sunak and Truss are having some Tory meeting in Perth and there’s loads of protesters …would have joined in but think it would be frowned upon me in full work uniform x

@NEILB72…glad to read that you’re having a better Tuesday/week and got your show to look forward to tomorrow. What is it you’re seeing? You may have already said but I may have missed it. And hopefully you’ll still have your friend calling too tomorrow. Why is your landlord dragging their heels in getting you the relevant paperwork you need? Our schools go back tomorrow and canna come soon enough as so fed up of people trying to bribe their kids to behave with buying them a damn hamster x
Look forward to hearing about your play x

@christine51…thank you for posting all your lovely photos and hopefully you will get replacements for the roses that wouldn’t grow. Sorry to hear that there’s been no movement forward with your dad especially as his birthday is coming up. Hopefully it won’t be too long until you test negative x

@Tina19…will be keeping our fingers crossed by for Zoe on Thursday. She is lucky to have great owners like you x. Hope you are having a decent day today x

@Beki, @Debbie57…hope you both are having as pleasant an evening as is possible and if the rain has started …go dance naked in it lol x

@nicnic…hope you and the girls are having a decent night and think you mentioned somewhere about getting hot dogs with onions…I have been thinking about that a lot x

@LucyF90…if you are working hopefully your shift will go quickly. Have you watched that Woodstock programme on Netflix? I started it but fell asleep but what a line up they had. Apparently it’s worth watching so will try again when not so sleepy x

@MichelleY…sorry to hear about Teddy and hopefully he’ll adapt well to having reduced sight. And I know it may be no consolation but my friend has had so many tests because she has an 8cm mass on her thyroid and it’s so big it’s actually making her windpipe go squint HOWEVER…even though all the specialists said anything over 4cm is usually nasty she ‘s been told that it’s not nasty and that they can just remove the half of the thyroid affected and she won’t need to be on thyroxine so always hope and I’m sure J will be fine x hope your appointments went well x

@Jane36…just checking in to see how you are doing today? Are you still painting everything you can lol? x I did like the man cave I must admit x I have a garden fence that needs painted lol x

Much love to you all and hope the week so far has been kind to us all even for a second xx

[christine51]

Hi Suzanne,
Glad you liked the pics. I ran out of steam after posting them all and meant to tell you about the ones thriving (grasses, palms, weeds!) as you’d asked that before. I got a very prompt reply about a refund for the roses but didn’t say how much. I went on their and they could have replaced with the labelled roses I’d recovered, despite saying it was late on in the season. Autumn is the season for planting roses so that’s complete bollocks! I have to wait for 5 days but think I’ll reply today with the roses listed for sale currently and see what happens. Looks like I’m being fobbed off.
Still feel really rough with no energy. It’s a catch 22. The more I rest the more I’m incapacitated to do anything. Missing my swimming and seeing my niece. Haven’t seen my little nephew all summer hols and like you said they’re going back to school soon (think it’s around the 5th Sept here). Hope all the little hamsters are being well cared for!
It was a relief to get some rain. Just really muggy since the pour but not more rain that I know of. Even though there’s so much died in the garden I’m still motivated to replenish it in Autumn. Think roses are the best bet as they love clay soil and are easy to care for. Have you started yet on the fence? I was lucky to have timed the painting for the bits I need to close the gap between panels (bits from the shed). So annoying that I can’t crack on with the creep at work. It really has made all the difference having the fence up and not being seen in the garden. Unless I’m being noisy with the frill or hose they don’t know I’m there. The woman with the dogs isn’t coming out like she was because she can’t see me but can watch from her upstairs window.
Think I might sit out today. It’s a pain dragging all the cushions in and out. Will think about replacing the furniture with weatherproof cushions but not until really needed. I like my rattan, even if the seats are replaced with decking boards and the cushions are from my parents sofa which didn’t go with them in the move. Have you been lounging naked on your lovely sofa? You should get your mate to drag her hot tub round and have a party.
I meant to say before your badger was a lot bigger than I imagined him to be. Are you still enjoying the weekend volunteering? I’m thinking of being a foster mam to cats in the future, when Porsch has left. Will need a reason to get out of bed. She’s too jel to share me.
OMG! The Only Way is Essex will be starting next Sunday. Can’t wait. It’s my fave thing ever. The glamour, the antics, the fabulousness… reminds me of Newcastle and being young. Feel so ancient now! I’m not sure when I stopped being young.
Did you find the bread amusing? I did. Wish the council would put up cctv to catch all the antics of the idiots in the street. Reported it. It’s still there!
Might tidy the leaves on the patio today. I find it so hard lolling around.
You are an inspiration, always positive and a driving force in keeping us all going! Keep doing what you’re doing! And get that fence started (will have to dry out first).
Lots of love xxx

[christine51]

My cheeky Mr Eel (Hilda) has died. I found him in his tank this morning. Elsie (massive goldfish) will be lost without him. They used to sit together watching me watching tv. She always had her arm curled around him. Hope mam was there to meet him. I’m so upset. I’ve had him for years. He ate all the snails and shrimps in the tank and couldn’t swim properly but had episodes of joy when he’d zoom around. He loved the caves I created each time I did fresh water. Think Elsie will pine and die now, and then Porsch will leave too. So much death. I’m going to pop him in the big pond where he can naturally join the natural cycle of being feasted upon by the frogs, snails and sloe worms. I’m so upset. I kept waiting for this to happen because he’d be like a statue and then his eyes would move when I chatted to him. He was just an eel but had such character. I’ll really miss him. The tank is so empty without him in it. I wonder if Elsie will remember him. I know how this must sound but they are my pets from the children when their tank was too small and I got a larger tank to house them. Just really shocked to find her. Will post pics in a bit.

[christine51]

Here he is. So beautiful. Look at his markings.

I’ll be able to visit him in the big pond.
Elsie is lost without him

[NEILB72]

Evening all. Will look at any posts later.
Just thought I would post about my show before my friend phones.
Saw Jack Absolute Flies Again at the National Theatre starring Caroline Quentin and Kelvin Fletcher( Emmerdale , won Strictly). It was absolutely hilarious and is the funniest play I’ve ever seen. Based on the old play The Rivals this was set during the Battle Of Britain. I think every single scene everyone laughed . Just what I needed to put me in a better head space.
I came outside during the interval and it had been raining and there was a storm brewing. At the end spouting with rain but died down a bit and managed to get to the station and then home where it was dry. Posting some pics and what a view I had from Row C of the fantastic set!
Sending love and best wishes to all
Neil x

[christine51]

Hi Neil,
How wonderful! Just what you needed to lift you up. I love Caroline Quentin. Didn’t realise she did theatre. So pleased you enjoyed it. Theatre set looks so lifelike.
Glad you got home in the downpour. I was thinking of you yesterday as I sat watching the rain by the open windows, taking pics to remember our heatwave and the relief of finally getting some rain.

I have lots of buds on the passion flower rambling over the pergola. Hope the heat and rain combo opens them

View from the sitting room window looking up the garden.

Sunny now. View from kitchen door.

Hope this revives my strawberries

Just heard from my niece about her A level results. She’s very disappointed. Predicted A stars but didn’t get that. Gov. says low grades for all. She still got into her uni though so that is good. She’ll ask the tutors what happened with the exams and grading. Makes me feel so ancient!
Still very upset about my eel. He set me off again crying for mam. I keep remembering all different things from different times. Just pops into my head from nowhere. Phone calls, times I could have gone over but was busy, doing jobs and not spending time with mam when I did go over. I thought she’d last forever. I think being stuck indoors isn’t helping. Could have got so much done because the creep has been out so much.
Wondering where everyone has gone. been very quiet on here. Hope all goes well for Zoe today (Tina). Are you doing anything today? We have lots of rain forecast for the next few days so you’ll need a brolly.
Lots of love xxx

[NEILB72]

Hi Christine
Always enjoy the pics of your garden . I think I’ve said before I live in a flat so dont have one although there is plenty of communal grounds for everyone.
Funny thing about the rain it poured in London but when I got off the train everywhere was still dry here .
I think the exam results are all over the place this year. Felt sorry for the students when we had lockdowns as no way you can learn properly at home.
We get these quite spells in our group due to work, holidays and sometimes taking a break from posting.
My play was great and laughed so much throughout and I haven’t been able to do so much in the last few months.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x

[MichelleY]

Neil - So pleased you had a nice time at the theatre and laughed i don’t feel I’ll ever laugh again… We’re the other side of London and it was bright sun one min and then it went black i was too late to get the washing in so its stayed out!!
Christine - So sorry to hear about your niece but thankfully she still has her place at Uni. Sorry about Hilda (my nannys name) can you get a friend for Elsie?
Suzanne - Thank you for your reply. I think where my brain is so fuddled at the moment nothing is rational. If I’m being rarional I know J will be ok the Professor told me but after him having half his thyroid out in 2019 now its going to be the other half most likely. As Teddy now can’t see I’m so stressed about leaving him alone that I won’t be able to go into the conaultation tomorrow but J is going to ask thr professor if he can put me on speaker so i can hear 1st hand. We are taking Teddy back to his eye specialist again on Saturday in the hope they can do something hes been through so much with the diabetes, cataracts and loosing mum and then theres me the last two nights I’ve dreamt about mum the first night was at her funeral and she was there watching it then hugging my auntie, then last night i cant remember now but woke up thinking it was real and now haven’t stopped crying today i just don’t want to be here. When will this pain ease. xx

[christine51]

Hi Michelle,
I’ve been thinking of you, knowing how raw it is and then you have the stress of J and Teddy. Will J be ok if he has the other half removed? It’s good to have you on speaker so you are with J when he is in there. Could they not make an exception, given the circumstances? Hospitals allow guide dogs and therapeutic dogs, I’m sure. However hard this is you will get through it, each step at a time. You will deal with whatever is in front of you. It’s horrific, I know. And if you are there for Teddy to comfort and reassure him he will adjust in time. That’s what he needs, to know he isn’t alone in the dark. He must be so frightened. I know that losing my eel isn’t the same but he was such a character and sat watching tv with me. I wonder how Elsie will be and whether I can get her a friend. She’s ancient and I don’t know how long she will last. Will probably just get rid of the tank when she goes.
I think your dream of the funeral and your mam being present is your brain trying to make sense of it. Even now I’m still going over old conversations and wanting to have just stopped doing the lists of jobs that were impossible to finish so I could have sat with mam and talked to her, listened to her old stories and I wish I’d gone through the slides with her so she would have them on the computer to look at, like I did for the funeral. I was going to convert them for xmas so they could look at them on a new modern projector. Mam would have loved that. I’m so devastated that her last months were without me being ‘connected’ to her, always busy in the garden or household chores or online shopping. Being elsewhere. I was always so stressed with the creep and the situation with the loft but none of that matters now. It shouldn’t have mattered then. But we didn’t know. I just want her to know how much she is loved because I didn’t tell her. My sister said mam talked a lot about me in conversation and I was desperate to know that mam knew I loved her but my sister won’t tell me anything. She refused to tell me anything that mam said. I can’t talk to mam and that was all I had to cling onto. How do you force someone to tell you something when they won’t do it? It’s cruel. I would have rather not been told that mam had conversations about me but that I’m not allowed to know the details. It wasn’t anything bad. It’s too late now anyway because my sister has refused to speak to me since Feb. I don’t even know why. At least you have J to support you, even with what he is going through now. I’ve just Googled about removal of the thyroid and you can have a normal life with medication which is great news. It’s amazing what we can withstand. So there is hope for a future together. You can take some comfort in that. I know how heart broken you are about losing your mam. I am. We all are here. Mams are so special. I didn’t tell her how precious she is to me. But I was the one who always went over and did stuff. I just couldn’t do it all myself. It got to be too much. I just couldn’t cope. But without mam there is nothing. Nothing at all.
Sorry Michelle, I’m not doing great. Still feeling exhausted. Without the garden to distract me and fill in time all I have is wanting mam. I wish I could be with her. And losing Hilda has made it even more so. I hope mam was there to meet her. I hope it is all real, the after life, our spiritual being. I hope after this pain of losing mam I will see her again and it will all be worthwhile. I just want to know she is happy wherever she is now. I thought she would visit me but she hasn’t. I still hope that she will.
Just a thought for Teddy. He might feel more secure if you had him in a baby harness, so you physically have him strapped to you. Might be worth a try, just in the short term. Don’t know how big he is or how practical that is. Keep talking to him so he knows you are there for him, even if it is through tears for your mam. Do you have a cardy or something with your mam’s scent on it to comfort him? People underestimate the impact it has on animals. That’s why I can’t leave my Porscha. She wouldn’t survive without me here to love her and feed her chicken all day long. She’s enjoying a bit of sun at the mo.
Be thinking of you all. It helps to know we are all here for one another. I would be totally lost otherwise.
Lots of love xxx

[Beki]

Glad to hear you had a good laugh at the theatre Neil. Last year Mum and I went to see The Windsors for my birthday - first theatre trip since covid and it was perfect. Really rude but just so funny, we cried laughing so were to busy to worry about being a theatre with covid still about.

It’s true when they say laughter is the best medicine.

I know what you mean @MichelleY you feel like you will never laugh again but it does come back, and feels weird or guilty at first. But my mum used to always say her favourite sound was me laughing, so I reckon sending some laughter into the heavens is what she will want to hear.

It’s an odd feeling today, Mum and I should have been on our way down to Heathrow for our flight to Vegas tomorrow. Oddly it isn’t upsetting me as it feels so abstract. When i booked it I had an odd feeling it wouldn’t happen though there was no reason to think it wouldn’t. I am thinking of our previous trips and how lucky we were to have them and how good they were. Even wearing the same clothes today I had on today the last time we went to Red Rock Canyon, wasn’t planned they were just clean!

@christine51 big congratulations to your niece. At the end of the day the grades don’t matter its the getting into the uni you want, and so pleased she has. Hope she has a wonderful time there - what is she going to study?

Am so sorry about your eel. I used to have a fancy black fish called Loris - he would get excited when I came in the room! When we moved, he moved down here in a cool box! He’s buried in a half barrel outside which had a bay tree in it but that sadly died. Have bought a small cherry tree and planted it in there and it has taken well so far.

Wishing everyone a gentle day

Beki x

[christine51]

Hi Beki,
Lovely to hear from you. You sound quite upbeat which is always nice to here. You’re so right about getting a feeling that something won’t happen again. I felt that the last time mam ever stayed at my house. She wasn’t ill and nothing was happening. I just knew. I think we can tune into these things. Like your clothes being unplanned. I hope you can get a refund on your booked tickets. They’re usually quite good about stuff.
Yes, my very old eel is now in the big pond in the garden. I visited him today because I was sitting out. He’s obviously never moved and it’s upsetting to see him. He was a real character. Elsie looks so lost in the tank on her own.
Yes, great news for my niece, though I hadn’t realised she’d deferred on her application and will go next year. So if she doesn’t move far away I’ll have her for another year. She was so upset about the results though, having been a grade A star student throughout (didn’t have stars when I was at school). She will study forensics and criminology. I told her she needs to stick in and get a good job so she’ll have an extra room to look after when I’m old ! She thinks I’m joking !!! My sister (her mam) knew I wasn’t joking and said it’s never going to happen.
I did a covid test and it’s negative but I feel so dog rough, like days after a really hang over (so pleased I don’t drink anymore). But I felt better for an afternoon sitting on the patio. I started cutting up my collection of plastic Amazon cool bags off deliveries and started creating mobile hangings for the garden, blogging as I go for the magazine, playing with ratio of colour, photographing for texture and light. Really pleased with it. Not finished but I feel like I’ve had a productive day. I was just sitting doing it but still felt exhausted. This covid has really taken it out of me.
So here are my garden hamgimgs, playing with colour , inspired by Tina’s garden mosaics.