Hi Debbie,
So lovely to see you posting. Being busy really does get you through the day. That’s why I’ve kept up the swimming and plan to do more. It is boring and would be so easy to let it go but if I plan ahead and it’s booked I just have to do it. Been again today and had a lovely smile from the sexy man on the counter. Bet he doesn’t know how old I am! It is funny getting attention at my age because I don’t look my age (52). When I called for my niece weeks ago the lovely young man / neighbour was having a fag out the window (as you do) and I was chatting because I hadn’t been at the house for however long. He said I was looking good (delightful!) and when I said I’d started swimming because I had to do something at my age to keep a bit fit his eyes nearly popped out when I said how old I was!!! He thought I was about thirty. He was visibly shocked. Now that is a compliment! Made my day.
Haven’t heard from my niece and don’t expect to. She kept dropping me on a Tues/ Wed when we’d already booked and I was very happy to work around that but she was seeing her mam on all the other days too. So obvious that my sis didn’t want her spending time with me. It’s so sad. She had free swimming whenever she wanted, and to go with her friend, not just me. So that’s that. I got a really good refund back, 2 lots of monthy direct debit for her as a student (£78). Really surprised. They must have looked at how little she had used the membership.
You mentioned about getting in and not cooking. I really cannot cook and got rid of my oven. I have a soup maker and make batches for freezing in tupperware so all I do is defrost it when I need to. Lumps of cheese, corned beef and a tin of stew all make great tasty additions. It’s very healthy and all you need is the frozen veg and stock cubes and herbs. I have a microwave for frozen ready meals as an alternative. You could do batches at the weekend ready for your evening meal. Bit of crusty bread.
I’m so pleased you enjoyed the blog. I couldn’t do it for ages but find it’s easy in chunks. I have a rough idea of themes and develop it from there. It’s an extension of my textiles creations. I’ve started new works too and have a pile of sewing to start. That was a huge hurdle, like the blog, but it’s progressing. Having the fabrics around me inspires ideas and I already had things prepared in the loft.
Getting the loft lights sorted and relaying the boards inspired me too. I moved all mams xmas bumph and have an area to finish insulating as an extended space for my boxed fabrics and projects. I’m avoiding going back up there today as it’s so cold! Ordered some fab socks for bed on Amazon. And Porsch is feeling the cold on a night. I made her a cosy bed on the camping blanket and my dressing gown. She’s snuggled up on there now. Wondering if a proper bed with a hood, like a cave, would be appreciated. Not sure she’d use it.
I got my driving licence application sent off but the creep getting in my house through the hole in the loft is the only explanation for my missing passport and birth cert. I had them 10 years ago to do the last renewal and now they are missing for this one. The only thing that has happened is he has drilled out the wall and climbed down through the ceiling hatch. He left me a creepy typed sticker on the fridge (‘stirrer’) and there was a cigarette burn mark on my wall paper next to the boiler. Not sure if he was attempting to burn my house down. Luckily it was a proper kitchen wallpaper with a wipe down surface. The burn went through to the paint underneath. I hate him!
You’ll see from my pics posted to Neil that I got out into the garden yesterday and did a huge amount of work. Wasn’t planning on it. But chuffed with the rocks around the pool. Want to get shingle to create a smooth slope from the path. Have you tried watercress in your pond? It was a handy tip from a featured gardener on Gardners World. So I’ll try that and also get some water lillies to start off. Need to see what’s in there. Grasses out the garden are doing well so I’ll leave them in. Having proper plants will transform it and I have all the things you listed in a previous post to go back to. Will try water iris too. It was the first time back in the garden since covid during the heatwave. Don’t know where I got my energy from because I haven’t been up to doing anything much and needing to sleep after swimming, but not today. Maybe I’m on the mend.
Enjoy the hustle and bustle of work. I miss being part of something but don’t miss the early mornings and the commute in London. If you wanted to attempt going into London you can google the underground maps and print them off at work. And with directions you’re bound to do it. I was just saying to Neil how I miss going out and about in London. Took it for granted because I did it all the time. You never know what will happen to shape your life and that ‘living your best life’ is something you are doing now.
When I had collected my beans I came back and found a white fluffy feather next to them. I’m sure it was mam. So I said hello to her. Being happy and feeling like I’m going to burst into tears at exactly the same time is a strange feeling. I keep having feathers appear. I think mam is telling me she’s ok because I keep asking her if she is on her tribute site. It’s 44 weeks today that she left. I would have cancer every day just to see her again.
So pleased to be back again and connected with you all. You mean so much to me!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Tina,
Just wanted to let you know how inspired I was to get out there myself and in the end I got loads done. It is so true that big jobs broken down into small bits works wonders in getting a big job done. I posted all the pics to Neil. I was thinking of you moving your bricks when I was lugging all the rocks up the garden. Got the pond finished and the rocks didn’t go as far as I’d thought they would. Can’t get back out there today because the creep has been at home all day. And it is rather chilly. I rescued some wooden pieces from the old shed to dry out and use as sparkly sun catchers around the garden. It’s an abstract version of your lovely ones - just bits of wood hanging from trees to dance light around on a sunny day. Looking forward to doing them. Have them in the kitchen ready to be drilled for a hanging hole.
I wish your brother wasn’t so bloody mean to you. I think you should hang them in front of your bedroom window. You could drill 2 holes in the ceiling, add a plug and hook and create a rail for them to hang from with a length of garden bamboo. Use wire or thread to do different hanging lengths. It will look lovely, bringing light and colour into your bedroom, capturing the essence of your loving relationship with your mam. It’s similar to what I’ve done with the labels in the shrine. You could add labels with special memories or sayings. Mam was always coming out with words I’d never heard of. I’m sure she made them up.
How is Zoe? Not sure when she’s back to the vet again. Thinking of her.
Hope the garden pics inspire you to get out there again. I still have all the trellis and posts to get up but now I’ve been out there it’s not as daunting a task. I’ll do one at a time and take it from there. Also have quite a bit of digging to do with planting out the pots. Not sure if I’ll get Autumnal plants this year. But I will miss my winter pansies if I don’t. Their little faces always make me smile and think of mam because I helped her plant them up around the old pond. Wish I could go back to the old house and garden and just sit in that space to feel close to her. I can in my head. We can all dip in and out of our special memories. It is comforting but also makes me cry.
Looking forward to seeing what you think of the garden so far. Feels like I’m getting somewhere now. Amazing what one day can do.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine
Loving the pics as always and please keep posting as they always nice to see .
Glad you had a good day yesterday in the garden and a productive one. Shame the creep still hanging about . He should be locked away somewhere .
I technically do live in London as I live in the borough of Bexley but my postcode is Kent so I’m half London and half Kent! Only half an hour away from central London on the train though .
Had several good days but not a good one today as someone was talking about flu jabs in the supermarket and I immediately thought about Mum as we used to get ours together. Little things like that can start me off at any time. 10 month anniversary tomorrow so that will be difficult too.
Hope you have a peaceful evening and as I said loving all your pics
Love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Suzanne,
Hope you enjoy the pics. I amaze myself sometimes at where I get the energy or motivation because I didn’t have either before I got out there.
I always thought rescue animals were free, just going to a good home. Amazed at the prices people will pay for pets. We’ve never bought any of our cats. Some were found, some found us and some were ‘rescued’ from people who couldn’t take good care of them.
Thinking of getting Porsch a cave bed (don’t know what else to call it - a bed with a hood) now it’s getting rather chill. Want to pop the heating on but trying not to. Bought some fab thermal socks for bed. In winter I get so cold that I go to bed fully dressed in a jogging suit and slippers with sheet, winter duvet and blankets. Usually wake up boiling but I’d rather that than shivering trying to get to sleep. Will need to pop it on soon because the clothes aren’t drying. Is this boring chat? It’s all part of my day. I seem to have been on here now for hours so I’m going to grab a bite and stick the telly on. Wanted to get in the loft again but it’s too bloody cold!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
I agree the creep should be locked far, far away, thrown down a well, have his eyes taken away so he can’t spy on me (is that too harsh?), anything so I don’t have to know he’s there. To have to work around him is frustrating to say the least. But it is my life and I can’t change it. But he has been quiet (apart from the pounding on the wall last week).
I agree with little things being a trigger and knocking you sideways. As I was driving to swimming a woman was wearing a coat in exactly the same colour as mam had. It felt like I’d imploded. I nearly burst out crying. And having the anniversary tomorrow will be a massive day to get through. I haven’t long climbed out of that black pit that I was in and it’s shocking how desperate I always feel when I’m back there. So I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Post if you can. I’m hoping to swim but not sure yet. Don’t fancy going out in the cold and rain. But then I could say that all winter and not do it. But I will check in and say hi tomorrow whether you are able to post or not.
Lots of love and some extra! xxx
Hi Christine,
It’s always the quiet ones, attracting the attention of younger men, good for you. It’s lovely that you have a youthful look.
I like the photos, the pond is coming on well with the rocks you’ve added. Yes I have used watercress in our pond, the big pond in our old house, it was very successful. The pond I have now is too small, just bought some more pond clear, it a battle with blanket weed in a small pond.
Went to the garden centre with a friend today and bought a new plant for my front garden. It’s to replace the fir tree I dug up, which was getting too big.
Not heard of this before but it looked an interesting plant.
I’m not one for soups, that used to be Doug’s thing. Much happier making an omelette. I’m usually much better at cooking, I know I will get into a routine again. I do like a roast dinner.
It has turned colder, I confess I put my heating on for an hour the other night, also needed to get washing dried.
I often tell my children when I was little our house didn’t have heating, only a coal fire in the living room. We used to get ready for bed downstairs and run up to bed, where mum would have put a hot water bottle. I often woke up to ice on the inside of my bedroom window through the winter months. How easily we forget.
I don’t think I’m ready to tackle London on my own yet, one day maybe.
It’s getting late, I’ve been out all evening to a bereavement support group. It’s good to chat to like minded people, and one lady that was new tonight, used to live in the village where I used to go to school and her mum was a dinner lady at my school. Small world.
I must get off to bed as I won’t want to get up for work.
Sending love
Debbie x
Hi Debbie,
I must say, it’s very hard being a chatterbox as I normally am when I’m swimming up and down on my own. Think I’ll go again in the morning before the heavy rains due about lunch time. Getting used to going on my own now.
I miss trips to the garden centre, mooching about. I always checked out the sales items. Apart from loving a bargain I like to coax plants back to life. Will defo try the watercress. and will prob get my pond plants from Swell (online store) or try Amazon. Your plant looks very pretty. I couldn’t get out there today because the creep was home all day.
I’m really tempted to pop the heating on to dry the washing. It’s just hanging around not drying. Mam was always telling me about her house when she was little, the shaky down blankets and tatty mats they made from scraps of fabrics, being frightened of spiders in the outdoor loo and the tin bath infront of the fire. I would love to hear them again.
Did the bereavement group help? Will you go again? I have thought about trying and even looked online for groups in the area but I’d be so panic stricken and claustrophobic I wouldn’t be able to handle being upset as well. And your dinner lady is an example of the 7 degrees of separation. We are all connected in some way. Some people say you can always find a pattern if you look for one.
I’m going to get back to my camping in the rain on you tube. It’s a fab way of winding down. Bet you conk out very easily after your busy days. But at least it’s Friday tomorrow and you can relax at the weekend. So pleased to see you posting.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine:)
Think long ago shelters maybe did re-home free and you could give a donation if you wanted but nowadays with supplying food, vet bills, sometimes neutering the animals etc think they can’t afford to exist on voluntary donations x
I mean the rabbit that was dumped on us have already ‘cost’ the support foundation £100+ in vet bills and that’s not including food, shelter etc.
Love the photos and the arches have given me a few inspirations for next spring/summer so thank you x
Shame your niece is being a bit unfair and blanking you but well done for taking some control back and cancelling the joint membership 
x
Hope Creep buggers off and let’s you in the garden tomorrow or sometime soon 
x
Evening Neil,
Just wanted to check in with you and remind you that you are being thought of on the 10 month anniversary and if you want to talk or just tell us about a few memories of your mum I’d love to hear them x
You are cared for and loved 
Hi Christine,
The house where I was born, didn’t have a indoor bathroom. At night we had a chamber pot under the bed. Our toilet was in an out house no main drainage, my dad used to empty the bucket once a week into a cesspit at the end of the garden. We had cut up newspaper on a string for toilet roll, and once a week the tin bath came out in the kitchen in front of the fire for our weekly bath, kids went in first, then mum and last my dad.
Yes we had those rag mats too, my mum used to make them. We didn’t have a fridge, a hole was dug in the front garden with an old enamel bread bin in under a bush, this was where the milk was kept as it was cool. We had a larder in the kitchen with a cold marble slab to keep things like butter and cheese and meats on.
One thing we did have, one of the first families in the village to have a telephone and TV.
I’ve never felt hard done by, life was simple and I had a happy childhood. Mum and dad were very old fashioned and strict but we were loved and well looked after.
And I do hate spiders, always have. Doug used to be the spider catcher and when I find one now I moan to him that I’m left to deal with it on my own now.
Yes, I will go to support group again, but I will miss October’s meeting as I am away with all my family in Hunstanton during half term week.
Sending love
Debbie x
Hi Suzanne
Thank you for your kind words and support as always. Also to everyone else as well . As I have said before I have made some very special friends on here.
Had an up and down day today but feel a bit more positive this evening as I know the weekend is coming and have a show coming up next Thursday. The new Royal Ballet season starts next week and of course I will be watching them soon as well. Next week it’s my local theatre to see Strictly Ballroom The Musical starring Kevin Clifton and someone from Eastenders which I dont watch. Looking at the website the whole week is nearly all sold out.
As I type this thinking of Mum and she would have been watching her soaps at this time.This time last year if someone had said to me what was going to happen I would have said they were being ridiculous. But none of us know when it’s our time to go and it does bring it home when it happens to someone you love so much.
Hope your evening is peaceful
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hello Neil
Sending some love to you on the 10month anniversary. Things seem very surreal don’t they. It’s hardly surprising we can be up and down so many times in a day.
The musical sounds something to look forward for sure. Not a ballet fan though. I’m not cultured enough for that.
Hope your weekend is kind to you Neil.
xx
Hi Christine
I enjoyed seeing the pictures and am racking my brains as I can’t remember the name of the flowers that produce those silvery white discs with the seeds in. I can’t remember if they come from a purple flower or even what their name is.
It was interesting reading about your past childhood way of life and Debbie’s as well as I recognize a lot of it in mine too. It’s quite a comfort in a way, like a shared era in history.
I’m not like you Christine, nobody would ever, ever, mistake me for 20years younger than I am! I think a lively and positive disposition gives you a younger appearance and as I’m a miserable sod I’ve been given a face to match.
I did get back out that day and rebuilt the brick wall that I had previously made so now it looks good again but soon after I had gone out I had a memory that had me in floods of tears and had to come back inside, after a while I went out again and got it finished. I know I’ve said it before but I’m amazed at what you accomplish in your garden because that’s heavy manual work with all that shifting about you do. I’m a bit less than 5 years older than you and finding I just can’t do as much for as long.
Zoe had a bad diagnosis when we got to see the specialist consultant over her spine/hips on Thursday. Our vets had originally said her hips weren’t showing signs of hip dysplasia but the consultant said it would have had to have been a specialist X-ray to show this and so the one we’d had was pointless. So she does have mild hip dysplasia. Common in big dogs but notorious in GSD style breeds. She seems to be ok with the suspected poisoning from the stream though.
Just shattered in myself really. Been tearful and dweling on things and thinking about getting ill/older. But my head isn’t right. Today I was looking for the coffee jar and found it in the fridge and later I opened the microwave door to put the butter away. I’m obviously a right little ray of sunshine aren’t I. I’ve also nearly been knocked down twice in the Asda car park although in my defense both the cars were electric and they are just so silent. I think I’m a danger to humanity!
Well, I need to let Zoe out and then I’m going to bed before he gets back.
Have a good day tomorrow.
Much love xx
Hi Neil,
I’m so sorry I didn’t get in touch today. Woke up feeling really ill. So dizzy and feeling sick. Don’t know what it was but eased after I took some tablets and rested. Still don’t feel well. Going swimming is the only thing I can think of where I must have caught a bug or something.
I see your day wasn’t as bad as expected so that is good. We never know how we will react on the day. The build up can be the worst of it. It’s true that a year ago we wouldn’t believe what was going to happen. It is a lifetime ago now, that sense of normal and feeling secure that our world is how we know it to be. You’ve done well to be even chatting about looking ahead at your ballet season starting. Without it you would really feel very lost. We have all been thinking of you today. Will catch up properly tomorrow.
Lots of love xxx
I’ve planted my bush Christine, not entirely where I wanted it, but there was so many roots from the fir tree still in the ground.
Debbie x
Hi Neil,
I hope you are getting through these last few days being the ten month anniversary of your mum. I see you told Suzanne or Tina, it’s the start of the ballet season, I hope you find lots of shows to go to.
My granddaughter is in a panto this Christmas, can’t remember which one she said. Didn’t get into the dance troupe, but is in the chorus. But it’s all good experience for her.
Thinking of you and sending love
Debbie x
Hi Debbie
Yes it will be great experience for your granddaughter and I hope she will enjoy it.
Nothing like the performing arts to lift spirits . It is so good for the mind.
Having a quiet weekend .Managed to get through yesterday not too bad. Dont like the 1st of every month as I have to turn the calendar over that Mum never saw and it always chokes me up. This month will be difficult as it’s the 7 year anniversary of Dad passing on 25th .
Got football later - West Ham v Wolves so see how that goes.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hello Christine and Neil
Hope you both have a peaceful Sunday.
I don’t know if there is something going around Christine but for the last three days I’ve not felt well. I put it down to anxiety and not sleeping when I should but also feels like a bug so haven’t a clue. Just feel so flippin fearful of everything at the moment.
Good on you for keeping up swimming, like with Neil’s interests it keeps you going.
Hope you both find a bit of TLC for yourselves today
xx
@NEILB72…so eventually saw Book Of Mormon last night and as you would expect from the creators of South Park it crossed all lines of decency, subject matter almost distasteful at times and the language was foul….it was hilarious 
and loved it lol x
If you ever get a chance to go see it then would highly recommend but I could hear some people despair at the language sitting along from me and I was tempted to say ‘what the hell did you expect’?? 
x Absolute full house so was amazing atmosphere x
Don’t know what the footy results were so hoping you won x how are you feeling these couple of days? x
I was also meant to be going to an Escape Room tonight for my nieces 18th tomorrow but apparently she threw a hissy fit and declared she wasn’t going and cancelled it all…bloody teenagers x
Took a couple of photos for you.
Hope you have a peaceful couple of days and will check in with you soon x
@christine51…how are you feeling today? I know when I used to go swimming a lot I seem to remember that I had constant ear infections and dizziness so hopefully that’s the same for you and maybe if you put in swimming plugs then it can help stop it x
Are you swimming again soon? Ax the sun is out up here but it’s definitely chillier than last week. I’m going to B&Q and having a look for a gas heater to put in the living room so when it’s cold I’ll still be toasty as not paying those electric companies anymore than I have to. The only room that I’ll put the heating on is the kitchen as that’s where the animals sleep x. How is Porscha? x
Going to get a cuppa and try wake up as didn’t get in until after midnight last night from the theatre x
Take care and will chat soon x