That’s a stunning chapel @NEILB72 Definitely one to look up next time I visit London.
Beki x
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Hi Beki.
Only discovered it recently online and thought I would check it out yesterday. It’s in the Strand by Somerset House . Got several more places to explore as well in time
Hope you have a good evening
Neil x
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Hi Beki,
Mam believed in magic and fairies and the like and would have been fascinated by your lovely stones. I can see little faces in yours. I see faces in a lot of stuff, very random objects that seem to present themselves. I always thought it was just the way in which I see the world as an artist but maybe’s it is a special world. I believe in ESP and a spiritual world. There are so many times but some include being visited while on my sunbed in my early twenties (really frightened me because the house was haunted and my sister had horrific nightmares and was scared being alone), seeing my Grandma weeks after she’d passed because I was so inconsolable (aged 11), seeing a black cat in the house my sister rented (mam saw it too and the children used to play with the ghost child during the night). Maybe mam is with the fairy folk. She’d like that. She had a fairy dell at the bottom of the garden and I bought her some mushroom lights and little lanterns. I never got her fairy dell finished. Maybe I’ll hang my sparkly wood creations up there. Your house must look lovely with all the candles and fairy lights. Thinking of getting one of those happy lights too. I do lack energy when I’m not in the glow of summer sunshine. I’ve been sleeping most of the day and then finished watching The Watcher on Netflix and then a film, The Stranger. It’s like a really heavy weight that I just can’t shrug off. I’m too sad to be awake. I just want to know mam is ok and that she is somewhere else. It is really haunting me not knowing for sure. I’m just hiding in the darkness of my bedroom.
Your stone looks like a finger with an odd finger nail.
Lots of love xxx
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Hello Christine.
Don’t be sorry for feeling sad or upset. I’ve been that way too recently. The things I have been doing that have started off as a short-term distraction have turned into “avoidance” as I can’t still reconcile what’s happened and the colossal enormity of things. I’m finding I’m more and more fearful of the future and getting old and infirm. The spirit, mind abd body can’t cope in that state of resistance for a long period of time and that’s when I seem to just hide away and get upset. I recognize the things you mention so very much as I’m the same. I know people get old, and everyone has a time. I could accept that, but as ever, it’s always the “should/would/could/what if/if only” scenarios. I’m sure we can’t be the only ones that struggle with this. It doesn’t make it any easier though I know.
I’m a bit like you when people ask about me having children. They look at you as if they feel sorry for you. I never wanted children. I’m not maternal. I just don’t feel it. My Husband had grown up kids when I met him so he’d already been there and done that. But there’s a stigma around not choosing to have kids, even in this day and age unfortunately.
No I haven’t really done much “titivating” in the garden. I’ve tried prising a double glazed window pane out of a upvc that’s been left in the garden from when we took the outbuildings down but my fingers just won’t budge it. I would have just out it on Freecycle intact but it got broke so can’t do that with it now. Brother has said he’s gutting the house in the New Year and the prospect of seeing all Mums stuff being interfered with is killing me. Plus he’s off all next week and I think that is making me much more anxious.
I have actually finished the Diamond Art after sticking on about 20 million little plastic diamond dots. Slight exaggeration, it just feels that way. Two packets of similar colours came apart and are probably not in the right places but it looks ok. There’s only me that can mess up something where they’ve actually told you on the picture where to put the pieces! In my head I’m thinking “oh I’ll show Mum”, but I know we’ve all been there and still are with that one.
I’m sorry to hear that things aren’t right yet with some family members. I can empathize because things are only OK here as long as I don’t say anything out of place. It’s a case of the lesser if two evils. Saying nothing and ignoring demeaning behaviour erodes self-worth but standing up for myself creates bad feeling. I was quite bemused the other day as my Brother was complaining about one of his female mates seems to have fallen out with him. He’d complained she’d called him “condescending”. Can’t imagine how she could possibly have come to that conclusion! Last time I saw my Sister was over two weeks ago and Niece abd Nephew are not around so if I weren’t “friends” with all you other lovely folk I wouldn’t speak with anyone really. Have any of your family arranged to do something for the anniversary for your Mum? Things nay change for the better if you are all getting together for the day. I hope they do.
How is your day planned out for today Christine? I have to have the Covid jab this evening at the precinct. Silly me booked the 7pm slot not remembering it goes dark early now and I’d be walking home on my own. Should be ok if there’s no queue so see what happens.
I’m a right barrel of laughs (not) aren’t I so apologies if I’ve bored you to bits. Hope your day is kind to you and I’ll check in again soon.
Much love xx
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Hi Neil
Your pictures are stunning. Some of them have got quite an ethereal feel to them. Do you use a camera or use your phone? Whatever it is it produces brilliant results.
Do I remember you saying you had the Covid booster today? I’m going this evening. It’s at the precinct so better than having to go to the Drs surgery.
Hope it goes well for you anyway.
xx
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Just checking in to see how everyone is.
I was thinking of building an ark earlier - the rain was pouring down. Seems to have eased a bit now.
My holly tree is covered in more berries than ever before. Not a great picture as taken through the window - wasn’t going out in the rain!
Beki x
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Hi Christine,
I didn’t get a cake for Doug’s birthday, but I did get a card which is still sitting on the side. I had a quiet day, our son came for a cuppa when I got home from work and I went to my daughter’s for dinner. All three of us posted on Facebook our memories and photos. One or two people at work came and talked to me about their memories of him, we laughed about how sneaky he used to be smoking, he was supposed to have given up.
Of course I am doing the bench this year. The order went into the council last Friday so looking forward to it being put in the park.
You seem very down again at the moment, did you manage to get the tree branches to the tip. I bet the young man that talks to you is only concerned you were upset. Have you been swimming recently?
I love that you and your mum loved magic and fairies. Doug and I love Harry Potter and I just wished Hogwarts really existed, I would have loved to have gone to a school like that.
We have been to the Warner Brothers Studio four times. I would love to go again as I haven’t seen the inside of Gringgots Bank set yet, also love to go at Christmas to see Hogwarts in the snow. I was sad when Robbie Coltrane died last week, it’s started me off watching all the film’s again.
I had a strange experience the night before Doug’s Birthday. The box that had his ashes in sits on my memory box and journal in our bedroom. I have a bit of OCD, so I know exactly where it was. The next morning I noticed the box had moved ever so slightly at an angle. I know it had to be Doug, it’s comforting to know he is still near and still looking out for me.
I see you and Tina were talking about children, one of my married niece’s doesn’t have them either so nothing strange in that. It’s your choice and no one elses.
I don’t worry about getting old, ever day is one day nearer to being with Doug. But I do struggle with work though, I think they forget I don’t have the energy I did even five years ago and I can’t keep up the same pace. December 2023 seems a long way off until I retire.
On Monday I going to Hunstanton with my family for a short break, this is a new tradition we started last year to go away as a family in the nearest school holiday we can to Doug’s birthday. I looking forward to spending time with the family. My daughter, son and his partner love cooking, so we have evenings in over a lovely dinners and play silly games. A favourite is hid and seek in the dark. I will take photos and post them.
I hope things begin to feel a better for you, the dark mornings and evenings don’t help and I know you have your mum’s first anniversary coming up. But I hope you manage to speak to your sister up north next time she phones.
Sending love
Debbie x X
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Hi Christine
Just popping by to say Hello and that I hope you are Ok and coping. It’s such an awful feeling when the bad thoughts take hold. I’m hoping you feel more settled soon. I don’t even think it’s a case of feeling “better” but being able to get a bit of well-earned respite till the next time the bad thoughts engulf us
Well I went for the Covid Jab last night. I think the young lad there thought I was borderline sectionable as I told him the wrong date of having my last jab and I had to think when my birthdate was. The benefit of being “older” is that no-one really thinks twice. I’d rather be a dizzy blonde instead of dizzy old biddy but what can you do!
Been trying to get these flippin panes out of this double glazed unit and I did manage it but smashed the little pane. It’s no biggie as I didn’t want the panes but was separating them to saw the frame down. They are very heavy I’ll be ending up with a hernia!!
Not really done anything noteworthy as yet. I keep watching these people on TikTok that go round all the charity shops and then show their “Hauls”. It is kind of fascinating what people find but I’d be only too aware of it turning into a hoarding obsession. I’ve bought the odd sparkly necklace but wouldn’t buy clothes/shoes etc. I know it’s giving loving homes to items but I find it sad when you obviously come across something that was once part of someone’s life story. But that’s just me.
Hope you’ve had a bit of company or been out since we last spoke. I know it’s all too easy and comfortable to stay in, I do it all the time when I’m not forced to have to go out.
Love to Porscha too, I hope she’s ok.
Speak soon
Much love xx
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Hi Tina,
Think I’m on the mend today as feeling a little better for going to the skip and had a swim after having not been for a while as I had to get out last week for the badges on my car and just went home. The lovely man came over to me straight away and I was laughing saying how mortified I was about crying in public and telling him all the gory details of my not being able to cope. He’s so easy to chat to and has no agenda. Just wants to encourage me to be ok I think. I gave him my card to see my textiles just to let him see what I actually do. Not sure what I said last week but he was so happy to see me. I was saying how wonderful it is to find such a lovely person and in the most random place. He was chuffed. He had said I had some marks on my face after carrying the old garden chair and after realising people were properly staring at me with an amused look on their face I got in the car to have a look and saw the massive uni brow with all the muck from the chair clinging to the random hairs at the top of my nose. I burst out laughing and asked him why he didn’t tell me I had a uni brow. He was very amused! I know I’ve let the brows go a bit but I’ll have to sort them out after that! So mortified again!!! But I did laugh. So all of that was very unexpected after being so distraught again about mam.
Spoke to my sister last night (the one from up north) and wasn’t exactly comfortable because I knew she’d tell me to take medication, find another therapist for my grief, speak to a vicar, defended dad and his nastiness saying that we all say things when we are angry and that my other sister is not speaking to me because I am so controlling and that everyone agrees. So it’s all my fault because of who I am that my family is nasty to me. I totally defended myself and would not admit that I am to blame and cannot understand how anyone, let alone my own dad, would attack me in anger and want nothing to do with me because I am so grief stricken. She went on to say that dad has known mam longer than I have and chose her and so if anything, he is more grief stricken than me! Can you make sense of that? I was telling her I couldn’t possibly function at work and her reaction to that is she has to pay the mortgage and it doesn’t mean that I am more upset about mam than she is! Everything seems to be held against me and taken the wrong way. I said I have never commented on anyone else and their grief. I have never told anyone how to feel or how to grieve. Even my comment about having her family around her for support must help her bear the grief in contrast to me sitting at home alone day in day out. That was also interpreted as her grief being as much as mine. I had to say it’s not a competition. She wants everyone to get together to celebrate mam but can you imagine how uncomfortable I will feel when I don’t have a single ally (for want of a better word) to defend me if they all gang up on me? I don’t know why they hate me so much. Everything I say is taken the wrong way. I explained that I never said those things. I will not back down and admit that I am the person they all think I am. She even went on to tell me how guilty I feel when I wouldn’t answer the phone to mam when I wanted to be left alone by the world after fighting with my sister over whatever drama she had stirred up. They will all be annoyed when I do not go over. She visited dad in August and didn’t even ring to tell me. I cannot imagine her not telling or seeing my other sister. I just don’t understand how I can be part of this family who resent me so much. I am so destroyed by my grief for mam that I can barely do everyday stuff, let alone be prepared to defend myself in their battle. I asked her why dad would want to see me ever again after telling me we were done. She said it comes from a place of love and care and that he’s worried about me! Why scream and shout at me for being destroyed by mam’s death? I just still cannot understand it. I was so drained by the end of the conversation. Hope it’s a while before she rings again. The pressure to make up with dad after what he’s done to me is so intense. I know he finds me intolerable (I asked him why but he couldn’t answer). I asked her why he would want me in his life if he hates me and she just said we were going round in circles. He hasn’t phoned and left a message like she said he had. So one of them is lying. Mam would be so appalled by all of this nastiness towards me. I cannot understand why I am so hated for just being me.
You are so right about activities becoming an avoidance tactic. I tried to explain to my sister how I do things to fill in time, to achieve a task so I am occupied and not thinking of mam (or trying to), being so disengaged that it is like watching myself and not being present. She just could not understand it. She brought up something I had said when mam first passed, that I could understand on one level why people would get comfort from keeping the person with them. Other cultures do it and celebrate death. She was appalled. So when I told her I wanted to curl up with mam in her coffin at the chapel of rest her reaction was that I really needed to speak to someone. I’ve always been a very visual person and feel and react very strongly to whatever it is. There’s no middle road for me. It’s black or white. She was annoyed when I said I wished I could take mams place so mam would continue her life. Her reaction to that was that mam would then have to deal with my death. I just can’t win, whatever I say. And it seems other people can get away with whatever is said but I am held to account for everything I have ever possibly said or done. The first time I got breast cancer I didn’t want anyone at the hospital and didn’t want her to come down to stay. She was very offended. I had to tell her my having cancer was all about me and I had no room in my head for what she wanted. I had to just lock everyone else out and cope alone, which I did do.
You mention the continued guilt of ‘what if, if only etc’. I seem to be the only one in my family who grapples with that. Nobody else even contemplates what they should have done differently. My sister tells me that I am wrong about stuff, like when dad didn’t put me on the list at the hospital and I couldn’t get any information. She didn’t know anything about it because she was allowed in to be with mam. I don’t know if she really believes that she is right. I was terrified thinking that mam could die and they wouldn’t tell me. Mam also told me that dad wouldn’t allow her the care she needed and would fight with her about the cost. I repeatedly told mam she had to ignore him and have all the care she needed. Mam just didn’t have the fight in her. My sister said that she got whatever she needed but that is untrue. She wasn’t even there. Can you believe I am the eldest daughter and this is how I am being treated.
I’ve been on such a roller coaster just in the last few days that I’m not sure what’s coming next. Speaking to the lovely bloke made me realise not everyone is ready to attack me. He listened and agreed with me in his reactions and puzzled as to why. It must be so obvious I come from a dysfunctional family. Mam was the most stable, loving, intelligent, forgiving, gentle and loyal person I know. I was always her favourite according to my sisters (that’s probably why they resent me so much). I take comfort in that. She loved me for being me, despite all my headstrong and unpopular opinions. I do think my sisters resent my freedom (if you can call having agoraphobia freedom). They are all so angry towards me.
I’m intrigued by your gentle attitude towards the window panes in the garden. Can you not just bash it all out with a hammer? You might be able to utilise the structure around the garden as a climber of some sort.
Oh Tina, I cannot imagine the upheaval and the stress your brother has instore for the New Year. It seems as though he’s creating a massive project so he doesn’t have to deal with his grief. I agree that not having the energy to fight and feeling so fragile emotionally that the only thing to do is to do nothing is a see saw where you won’t win either way. I always wonder now if just not feeling anything and avoiding grief will carry you away from grief in the long term, or if it will all come crashing down like a massive wave. I wonder if my sister gets any comfort from telling me the natural order of things, of a parent leaving before her child, that she was an old lady, that it will happen to us all etc. She’s very preachy and gets annoyed when I will not do what I am told, like a child.
I can conjure up quite a list of words for my own family and add to the ‘condescending’ description of your brother. It’s true that without each other here we would indeed be very lost and alone. I always feel so much better being connected to you all but when I’m feeling so desperate it’s an impossible task to even say hello.
OMG! I didn’t intend to write an essay! Can’t believe how huge my post is. But I hope you all have comments so I can wrap my head around it. I always find humour in stuff and it is surprising laughing out loud when I’m feeling so hopeless. Will catch up with every else now. I’m quite worn out!
Lots of love xxx
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Hello again Tina,
Saw your second post and think there’s a lot of freedom in being a dizzy old biddy! More fun than a dizzy blonde! I only know how old I am because I have a real issue with getting older. I threw my age into todays conversation and he was quite taken aback. Just popping it out there incase he likes me in a special way and then finds out later I’m his mams age! Sure he is just being nice. Think I’ve locked myself away for so long I have little perspective on reality. Age is a funny thing. I’m no longer a younster but don’t look middle aged so it’s a bit of a no mans land.
You mention the charity shop hauls on tic tok. I’ll have to have a look. I used to love finding treasures for my fabric stash and toys for the kids when they were little. We then moved onto carbooties. I’d screech with excitement as we got closer. Just couldn’t contain myself. My sis would always look at me like I was unhinged. I thought it was quite fitting that my textiles is created from recycled fabrics and now plastics. Hope the bloke at the skip sees the connection with his work. But I agree that treasures I would have bought before mam for my work will now be viewed with a tinge of sadness. Seeing mams clothes going off to the charity shops was heartbreaking. She loved her things and took great care of whatever she owned. It’s that old school mentality that young people don’t possess today. Things had value because they were saved for and were of good quality. Autumn reminds me of mam because they were her favourite colours for winter woolies and coats. I’ll really miss my new xmas gloves she had started getting me.
Hope your flu jab wasn’t too bad. Thinking of getting mine at the local chemist because I can dash in with my panic and get it done swiftly because he totally understands and is so accommodating. Decided not to get my covid booster. My immune system just isn’t up to it. Might start wearing a mask again when I’m out.
Porscha has hurt her claw. I only discovered today when she was sitting out in the sun and I popped her on a cushion. She let me have a look while she growled in protest. Will have to have a proper look when she’s asleep.
Nice to tidy some leaves and took some photos. Will post them later. I managed to find and order some pea gravel (20mm) for a reduced price and was clearing the path for next week. Will transform the space and tie the patio with the large pond, up through the arches to the top pond. Was a big job on my to do list but I couldn’t find what I wanted for a good price. Chuffed.
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Beki,
You’ll see from my post to Tina yesterdays drama of the phonecall with my sis and then my unfortunate unibrow ! at the skip today, chatting away with the lovely bloke again. I feel so uplifted for having a good chat with someone who understands and agrees with my point of view. It’s so exhausting being on this emotional twister. But I managed to have a bit of a clear up in the garden when I got back after swimming (after the skip) and felt so rejuvenated with a bit of sun. I do think sunshine energises us into having a positive mindset. Still haven’t looked for that good vibes lamp you have. But I will.
I seems to have spurts of energy and positivity, getting lots done (tidying, carpeting the loft - my new special place, creating new textiles, blogging) and then nothing again where I have so little energy it is a major task just making a drink. I’ve had to accept that I can’t fight against it and will find relief in time where I can crack on again.
I am still fascinated with your trip abroad. I had forgotton about your agoraphobia. It’s probably because you have left it behind you and been able to move forward. That takes immense courage. Having the support and love of your mam reminds me of mam’s acceptance of my situation, knowing what courage it took to even try to get out the door. The rest of the family are just angry that I’m not fixed by now and it still seems to be their agenda (that I need to find a new therapist and get on medication, which I refuse to do).
I love your white feather and butterfly. I kept finding feathers in odd places, like the front doorstep where there are no birds. I know people will argue that it doesn’t mean anything but I hope it does. I still want to go to church where I will sit thinking of her. I always used to go in the church when we went to the Edwardian Evening in Nov. I wrote little prayers for all my cats who had left me and would cry for them, much to the embarrassment of everyone around me. I didn’t know the huge weight of mam’s grief I would carry with me.
I’ve had an eventful couple of days and feel ok again but know it could be short lived. I’m dreading mams anniversary even more now that my sis wants everyone to meet up to celebrate. I cannot even imagine being surrounded by everyone with the anger and resentment towards me. I’ve been told dad isn’t now doing mams ashes like she wanted, to be scattered with her parents in their grave. It was her wish. She always took flowers until the last holiday up north. I wonder if she knew her time was near and that’s why she didn’t want to go. I’m getting really upset again, knowing she has no voice and that nobody will listen to me because I’m outnumbered.
Your castle in Cornwall is such a beautiful gift! Your grandad will be so chuffed. I might just tag along, in secret, in disguise! If that was me I’d have burst with excitement after just one day. I just can’t keep secrets. I have to share whatever is going on.
I’m dreading xmas just as much as last year because I didn’t know how hated I was then. I was just dealing with mam leaving. I will be alone again, dad will be up north with my sis and the other sis and her kids will be doing whatever, not giving a shit whether I’m here or not. Absolutely dreading it.
Been in the garden for a little tidy up and took some pics of Autumn. Will post tonight after I’ve caught up with everyone. Not sure if this is an old post. Didn’t know I was away for this long. If I find you again I’ll get back to you! Check out my post to Tina with details of phone call and the amazing unibrow - mortified yet again!
Lots of love xxx
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This was an old post because I’ve just found your lovely stones. Never mind x
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Reminds me of the holly tree at the bottom of mams old garden. We sat on the swing chair in the summer in its shade. This is my happy place, being with mam, just the two of us, with dad at work. If I could have a wish that would be it - to go back and tell her how amazing she is, how much I love her and cannot adjust to life without her in the world.
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Hi Debbie,
I’m so pleased you had a good day to celebrate Doug’s birthday with the family. It was extra special that people from work shared their memories of him. I think more people would have liked to do that but didn’t want to upset you. I just think people don’t know how to react when they haven’t experienced loss themselves. Can’t wait to see your bench. I’ve always sat and wondered who the people were when I’ve read the inscription and felt sad that they are no longer here, whoever they are. I’m back to being upset again. It doesn’t take much.
You’ll see from my post to Tina how much pressure my sister is putting on me to make up with dad and to all get together for mam’s anniversary (25 Nov). Just can’t do it. You are so loved Debbie, by your family and church. I feel so alone. I made a comment to my sister about how it must help her to have the support of her family but she took offence, that her grief was not less than mine because she had people around her. Chatting to the lovely man at the skip today cheered me up and I even laughed when I saw the massive black mark off the garden chair, creating a unibrow. Don’t know how he kept a straight face! Will have to sort my eyebrows out before I go back again. And felt better too for swimming. Had a tidy in the garden when I got home and took some photos. But despite all of that I can’t escape that emptiness of missing mam.
You’ve given me a fab idea for xmas. I’ll buy mam some fairies for the garden dell. It will be the only thing I do. But if it’s for her then I can do it. I can’t celebrate anything about xmas because she won’t be here and I won’t see or hear from the family.
I was so upset to read that Robbie Coltrane has died. I didn’t know. Cracker was my favourite thing growing up. He was fab in Harry Potter. Some people just have an aura about them, making them extra special. He had that. The Bank was my fave place too.
I love that Doug’s ashes moved, just enough for you to notice. He knew you would see and know it was him. I want to believe and so desperately want mam to visit me. It’s like I’ve been left behind and can’t cope without her, which I know is silly because I’ve lived on my own for years and am very independent as long as I can use the internet and have stuff delivered (otherwise my whole world would stop).
You might be packing for your trip now. I loved the preparation of going away, deciding what to take and shopping for bits. Your new tradition for Doug is perfect. He’d appreciate that. It’s something for you all to look forward to. Looking forward to the pics.
I’m always amazed that people return to work and keep going despite their grief. It’s no wonder you are exhausted. But having the holidays to break work up into chunks will make it more doable for the year ahead. My sister seems very sensitive about not getting the support and care she expected on her return. I think that chip she carries is weighing her down. I feel mean saying that but she seems to see things from only her perspective and believes everyone else is wrong. See my post to Tina for the details of our telephone conversation last night. I had to phone her back because she was never going to phone again if I didn’t get back to her.
Enjoy your trip you lucky girl! We’ll all be thinking of you and wishing we were there too!
Lots of love xxx
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Hello Suzanne and Neil.
Just wanted to say hi. Feeling a bit more positive again. Off to make some crumpets and cheese.
Are you going to watch the new series of The Handmaids’ Tale on Sunday? Clashes with Towie but I can catch up on Wed evening. Really looking forward to it. She’s one of my fave actresses.
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Christine
Glad you’re feeling somewhat better. It’s like a rollercoaster of ups and downs isn’t it?
Must admit I lost interest in The Handmaids Tale during the last season. They made an opera of it at the London Coliseum last season.
Quiet weekend this week. Did some ironing this afternoon-if only Mum could see me do it as I wasn’t very good at it when she was here.
Had my Covid booster yesterday. Again had no side effects at all like all the others. Will hopefully get my flu jab in the next week or so.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Neil,
Did you read my post to Tina about my phonecall with my sister? It’s hard enough coping with missing mam. I don’t have the energy for any more drama.
You are good doing your ironing. Your mam would be very impressed. I always wondered why mam did the ironing because it was a job she hated. I only buy clothes that don’t need ironing. I don’t have an iron. And my kitchen is bare when it comes to cooking utensils. I’m so undomesticated.
Decided not to get my booster but I might get the flu jab at the lovely local chemist. He knows me there and understands my panic.
I’m quite shattered again. I can never get used to this physical ache. But I did enjoy my swimming and stayed a little longer than usual. I was quite amused by the life guard chasing a boy that had dived in and didn’t hear the whistle to tell him off.
I had another lovely chat with the nice bloke at the skip. It’s like I’ve found a new friend. He’s so chatty and has a twinkle in his eye. If you read my post to Tina you will have heard all about the black smudge between my eyebrows. I really don’t know how he kept a straight face. I couldn’t have. No wonder people were staring at me! Seems I have a hidden talent at embarrassing myself ! At least I can laugh it off. It’s like the worst thing that can happen to me has happened and anything else in comparison is insignificant. It’s a lovely feeling having someone be kind to me. It’s strange saying that, but so true.
I found some pea gravel at last to finish the pathways so I’m hoping I’ll get a boost of energy to lug it up the garden next week when it’s delivered. Will make a massive difference overall. Still need to do the trellises and posts. It’s become a huge thing but I’m sure once I make a start it’ll be easier than I think.
Off to watch Warcraft (a secret world of orcs). I haven’t seen it before. Sounds good.
Will post my pics of the fishtank and garden later on.
Lots of love xxx
Lots of love xxx
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Hello again Debbie,
Just started watching Warcraft on freeview (channel 30, 5 star) and it’s all about magical worlds and orcs versus humans but not violent. You might enjoy it x
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Hi Christine,
It’s a film, I think I’ve seen it before, but it is the type of thing I like. There are some good films on 5star.
I have been watching Harry Potter films again, Order of the Phoenix, next one to watch later.
It’s pouring down here, must get moving I’m doing coffee again at church.
Debbie x
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Just found text from niece telling me they’re moving soon and to get things from the garden. It’s actually happening. I’ll be completely alone here. I had stopped swimming with niece because she kept cancelling in the summer so I stopped seeing her. She had no time for me. I’ll never see them again now. I’m terrified of having nobody to call on in an emergency. I’ll just have to die at home and nobody will know. I can’t be taken into hospital because I can’t leave Porsch and my house will get broken into. This is happening with mams anniversary coming up. I thought things couldn’t feel any worse. I’m being left behind all over again. There was a bike being thrown away at the skip. I didn’t know then that it was a sign. Getting my bike represented them moving. I never thought it would actually happen. I’m completely alone in the world now.
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