Hi Tina,
Have been thinking about you and your trip and hoping all goes well.
If someone has a go at you I give you permission to rip anyone’s head off and I reckon they will come off worst.
Please keep us all updated as to how it goes good or bad and thinking of you 
Suzanne x
Hi everyone,
I had a good day with Dad at the garden centre (compost and bedding flowers) and also Pets at Home for the birds. Did some planting up when we got back to Dads. So pleased. I enjoyed it.
Hope Tina had a good day today. Been thinking of her. I though if she can do it then I can, and I did! Got everything I wanted and have decided to order roses from the catalogue because Dad wants some too in memory of Mam. Won’t be able to plant up tomorrow if the creep is at home. Checked the loft when I got back and it was closed. Doesn’t mean he hasn’t taken down the loft wall again (but it is unlikely). Will check tomorrow. Dad finally believed what he has been doing. I had to tell him exactly why he can’t chat about personal stuff when he comes over Monday for the MOT. He didn’t believe it could be true because my sister doesn’t believe its true and so Dad believed her and not me and that I’m just mentally unstable! He gets very annoyed and intolerant of me because I will not just shut up because I will not be shut down. I’m so tired of having to fight my corner to be believed. Mam always believed me. Why would I lie about it? The wall had to be repaired. When I went to the car this morning the creep came straight out to his van under the pretext of getting a jacket. It was the look he gave me that made me realise it was deliberate. He always does it. I just stared at him and he went in. He is such a creepy bloke. I always talk loudly on the phone with the door open so any neighbours being nosy will know about what he is doing to me. Dad said he wouldn’t be able to live like this. But I have no choice. And I’ve spent a fortune in decorating and have created a mature garden. I don’t have the energy to start again. This was my first trip out today since Mam (over 3 months) and I think that was why I was so concerned as to whether he’d got in my house again while I was not at home. It’s so traumatic living like this. I dread him retiring.
Love to all xxx
Hi Christine
Lovely to read that you had a good day today. Really pleased for you. Hope that you have many more as we all try and move forward in this strange new world we find ourselves in
Hope the rest of your weekend goes well
Best wishes
Neil x
Hi Christine,
So pleased that you had a good day at the garden centre and getting your bird food. It certainly sounds like it’s been a good day and despite seeing the creep you actual sound quite positive and nice to hear that your dad enjoyed himself too and does now understand and accept more from you rather than your sister/s.
What roses have you decided on?
Hopefully you’ll be able to have a wee relaxing day tomorrow before MOT on Monday…I hate MOTS lol x
So proud to read of your productive day and that you seem to have enjoyed it
Suzanne 
x
Hello Christine
Thanks for the good wishes.
I got up at 5.30am and got the 6.30am train as Wickes said they’d come at 8-1 and the better train time would be too late by just 10mins so it had to be the early one. Unfortunately they didn’t come and I now will have to go tomorrow so just waiting for a new text with a time.
Used the time I had to sort out back garden, what a sorry state. It makes me sad as all my hydrangeas have died. I must have had about 17 in containers. Managed to salvage a few plants in the ground though. Even found a climbing rose has popped up so don’t know what colour that will be but intrigued all the same! Didn’t spend much time in house as was busy outside.
All very surreal though. A bit like going back to a time that was mine, but not anymore.
So pleased you managed to do what you did at the garden and pet store. It must have really lifted your spirits. Sometimes it’s the anticipation that’s the worst. I can imagine you doing your planting up! You need to be getting this creep put in his place somehow. Has he lived there long. Is there any prospect of him moving on? I suppose one advantage is that if you are both in bungalows he can’t overlook you from an upstairs window. Fingers crossed for you that he goes out today and you can get to work with the planting then sit back with a brew and a cake and admire your handiwork!
xx
Hi Suzanne
Thanks for your good wishes.
Never saw any neighbours thankfully!!
Wickes didn’t turn up so I’ll have to do the journey again on Monday. Was all a bit surreal knowing I wouldn’t be able to tell Mum stuff when I got home but I think we are all in the same boat on that one.
Hope you are feeling better with the COVID.
Hi Neil
Hope you have a good Sunday. Do you normally do stuff or use Sunday’s just to chill out?
Have a good one anyway.
x
Hi Tina
Nothing really planned today. Just a chill out day . Cooking myself a nice roast later on and have a lovely chocolate cheesecake to devour 
.
Hope your Sunday goes well
Best wishes
Neilx
Hi Tina,
I know it won’t change anything but I hope you’ve put a complaint into Wickes as that’s unacceptable especially having to get up at 5.30am!!
I see the rose that wasn’t meant to be a sign to remind you of how far you’ve came and your strength I too want to know what colour it will be…going to be totally obvious and say red lol x
Glad the neighbours weren’t there and hopefully they’ll be at work tomorrow so you won’t see them either 
Are you just resting up today then?
So bored with this self isolating and it just encourages me to buy stuff I don’t need lol but don’t know if I said but another colleague has tested positive so he’s now off too and just literally had a message from a friend (who works elsewhere) saying she’s thankfully tested negative after someone at her work sat opposite her at break time then proceeded to tell her that she and her two sons were all positive!! What was she thinking?? My pal was raging and don’t blame her.
Sorry you have to go through it all again tomorrow but we’re all here for you…you got this even if you don’t think you have xx
Hi Neil,
Don’t know if you know or are interested but Classic FM on a Sunday 9pm are doing a wee series with Jennifer Saunders called something like ‘from couch potato to opera house in 7 weeks’…it’s the second week tonight x
You have cheesecake…I have tiramisu 
Have a good lazy day x
Hi Suzanne
I was reading about that show during the week . I might give it a listen a bit later.
Since Mum passed I’ve been doing more cooking . She had slowly been losing her appetite and it was a nightmare what to cook her really. Those little signs telling how she was becoming unwell over time.
Hope you enjoy the tiramisu!
Have a peaceful rest of the weekend
Best wishes
Neil x
Well I’m gonna tune in tonight at 9pm as so if you do I’ll be listening with you
I need to start actually cooking more so if you find any easy vegan recipes pass them on please lol x
Have a good day to all of you and will check in beginning of the week xx
Hi Suzanne
I know about the buying stuff! I think a lot of people generally have got into an online buying habit. The Amazon van is round here more often than the ice cream van.
Too cold to be outside so it’s just been inside housework today, never a shortage of that is there.
I might well do that with Wickes. I have to have another person to fit the panels with me so it’s my Sister as well that’s inconvenienced as she works. Plus trains are more expensive as it’s not off peak and they haven’t sent a text today to narrow the slot down so Im in the dark. The store is actually only 30minutes walking distance to where they are being delivered! Madness.
That’s my moan for the day!
Have a good evening
xx
It’s not a moan if it’s true lol x
Defo complain…either that or tell me the details and I’ll write you a complaint letter and you can email it to them…I know what key words seem to send these companies into a frenzy so would be happy to help if I could.
They’ll probably text you with a time at like 7am!!
If you need help or support we’re here…until then take care and speak soon xx
Hi everyone,
I’m really shocked they didn’t turn up or contact you. I’ve ordered quite a bit from them and they were always good. Such a waste of your time and expense in getting over there. But you did it, got over there and didn’t chicken out. And you got stuck in with the garden. I was heartbroken when my parents moved from the old house because I’d helped to create the garden (did a lot of the work and maintenance). It’s a living creation. I know it’s upsetting to see all the hydrangeas in their pots. They might just be dormant for winter. Mine is still very twiggy. You could try nurturing them back by cutting them at the base, give them a good water and see what happens. I moved a huge one when I was putting in the patio and it never forgave me. I think they go into shock. But if you haven’t already got rid of them try cutting back. And if you can’t revive them you have a lot of pots to create a splendid splash of seasonal colour with the summer coming up. You could get an arch for your climbing rose and make it a focal point in the garden. You described perfectly returning to your old life that was is no longer your own. But you could see your garden as a therapy, like I do, where simple tasks and hard work combine to allow you the freedom to not think, not grieve, just be. I always feel guilty when I realise I’ve gone for some time without thinking of mam because I’ve been focusing on planting up or whatever.
It’s Mothers Day soon and it’s hard to watch the adverts. I always got mam daffs for Easter. She’d be doing her lent about now. Easter always reminds me of being little with the Easter eggs on the sideboard. I could never wait until the Sunday and can still picture myself climbing up to pinch my sister’s egg, talk half to eat and stuff it so I could rewrap the egg and turn it backwards. Nobody knew until my sister opened her egg. Hilarious! She’d be so upset even though it happened every year until she moved out. Mam always created paste eggs for everyone in the family. I kept mine for years until it cracked and the smell filled the whole house. Here she is
Good luck tomorrow with the fencing (if they turn up!). I’ve got my mot with dad so we’ll be in the garden, sorting out tools in the shed for him to take back. Hope it doesn’t rain. And hope the creep isn’t at home. It’s going to be so awkward chatting and having to remind Dad not to talk about anything personal because he’ll be listening. Also because Dad doesn’t listen to me properly, like when I said I was pleased Mam wasn’t here to see the war because she’d be so upset. Dad’s response was that he wished mam was still here. I didn’t mean I was glad that she wasn’t here. It’s quite exhausting. Best stick to gardening chat I think.
Wishing you all a peaceful Monday and it’s a good sign that you are feeling a bit bored Suzanne because that must mean you are on the mend with the covid. Love to Neil too. xxx
Hi Christine
You are right about Mother’s Day. Usually I love it and preparing the day for Mum but I’m absolutely dreading it , as I’m sure we all are . Definitely staying off social media on the day . Sometimes it just does not sink in that Mum is not here anymore , especially when I think about this time last year and there was no indication what would happen in months to come.
Love to Suzanne and Tina too
Hope we all have a decent week
Best wishes
Neil x
All the best with the MOT Christine
You seem to know a lot about plants etc so will be picking your brain when I get to the point of choosing them if ok with you.
Let’s hope the creep is out so you can enjoy your time with dad as nothing worse than walking on eggshells especially in your own property x
Let us know how you get on today x
Yeah still testing positive this morning but definitely getting a fainter line
Take care xx
Hi Neil,
You and Christine are so right about Mother’s Day…it’s a nightmare 
but I actually had an email sent to me asking if I wanted to opt out of mother days emails as ‘some people find it hard at this time of year’…found this sad yet quite empathetic x
It’s the wee things that creep up to remind you (not that you truly forget) like I forgot the Alexa in the living room was attached to her Amazon account and it started to tell me about a favourite author releasing a new book today but it was a friend of mums who had wrote it
However gonna stay positive today and have plenty goodies in fridge to enjoy.
What are you up to today? (Cause I know what Tina and Christine are doing lol)
Have a good day whatever it is and chat soon xx
Hi Suzanne
Yes I remember being sent an email about opting out of Mother’s Day. It is a good idea and saves getting anything upsetting being sent.
Doing some job searching today. I don’t want to be rushed and want to take my time and find something suitable that I will like. Had a few telephone interviews but distance / hours not great.
Nice day here in London
Hope your day is a positive one ( not in a Covid sense)
Best wishes
Neil x
Hi Neil,
When I see the daffs in the garden I think of mam because I always gave them to her. Dad came over for my MOT so I could drop the car and then back to mine but that was the first time without mam in the car. It was the first visit to dad the other day and it felt like mam just wasn’t at home. He’d got some lovely photos blown up and framed around the flat, both when they were young and ‘courting’ and then recent holidays up North. It’s like I can’t feel anything anymore. I can’t react, though I am getting upset now. I’m not allowed to show any emotion or even talk about her. So I’m not able to feel anything unless I’m on my own, in private. So I have to pretend to myself she is still here and not died. It’s the oddest thing because I want it to be true and find myself pretending that she is just still on holiday or out shopping. You will see from my next post what an awful day I’ve just had with dad at my house because of the creep. I cannot allow him to come back here.
