Yes I’m here Christine, I’ve lit my candle for Doug. Nearly set the house on fire earlier. I had this lantern you put candles in, must of used the wrong type of candle as it started to melt. All safe and used another candle instead.
Hi Neil, I very much with your believe we will see our loved ones again and like you I don’t fear dying. I hope you have a peaceful Christmas day.
Our loved ones are in our hearts forever 
Sending love to you all
Debbie X X
Evening all 
Sorry @christine51 i’ve been a bit quiet but have been working 7 days straight and now off for two days…thank f**k lol x I am glad your pressie arrived…it is nothing big but I wanted you to know how much I appreciate your friendship and for the lovely photos and inspirational posts x
I did remember to light my candle for mum tonight and had a nice wee chat with her like Neil says he does too and thanked her for always being there for and with me and I still know she’s about x
I think I’m going to my friends for lunch tomorrow but not sure when so will be a surprise lol and my nieces will be there except one as she’s not going as her mums hideous soon to be ex (whenever that’ll happen who knows) is going and she can’t stand him so that’ll be fun lol x. I’ll them pop in and see my elderly neighbour at night as sure she said she was staying in on her own so will pop in with a wee plant I’ve bought her.
I have been blessed again this year with lots of pressies and I still have one from last year that mum bought so I still have a pressie she bought for me to open.
Nic sends her love and apologies that she still can’t get on the forum but wants to you know that she thinks of you and @NEILB72 often and will get it all sorted so she’s back in the new year x
@NEILB72 how domesticated are you now with your gammon etc. that is just so amazing and like you anywhere with kids would be getting a massive body swerve from me too lol x I know I am getting roast tatties tomorrow for lunch but haven’t a clue about anything else lol however I am a weirdo in that I love sprouts lol x
You say your friend will be phoning you tomorrow is that right? x as I was saying Nic sends her love and will try get back in to catch up with you and Christine (and everyone else too of course) in the New year. I also could relate to your comment that death doesn’t seem to hold the same fear now that it perhaps did before as I too believe I will meet her and my auntie again so get your sentiment totally.
Love to you all @Tina19 @Debbie57 @Beki @nicnic @LucyF90 …you all have made this year bearable and for that I will be forever grateful
I’ll be around tomorrow and popping in to see how you all are but until then have a peaceful and blessed night and speak to you all on Christmas Day xx
Hello Christine
First just want to say I had something to send to you but messed up and it didn’t get to the Post Office but bear with me and I’ll sort it in the new year.
There is just one word to describe your home Christine and that is “opulent” and all the related adjectives that go with it. Its like a little Moroccan or Turkish hideaway. I love the lantern that is hanging and the mini lanterns. It’s one thing having all the materials and items but to be able to present them is on a while different level. Oh and I’ve thought of another word “sumptuous”.! You’ve brought a lot of light and interest to us all I’m sure. Plus you’ve pushed on and on and not procrastinated as you could have done. I don’t have any zest for anything truth be told. I’m pretty much a waste if time at the moment I’m ashamed to say. I imagine if you have to have official people to your home that they are just totally mesmerized by your home.
I got up at the crack of dawñ this morning and went for a wreath for the Churchyard. We always took Mum as it was her Parents space and I was always going to take one knowing Mum can’t do it but now it’s a wreath for my Mum too. It wasn’t too packed in town at that time of morning but I couldn’t do any looking at anything so I came straight home and then went to Asda about 4pm. It was fairly quiet. They were selling off cheap turkey and stuff like that and I swear I could hear staff telling people off for not waiting till they had put the reduced stuff on the shelf and just mobbing them. It was amazing how quick though that the empty seasonal shelves are already being restocked with new homewares etc. My Sister went to Cornwall on Thursday morning but she never said when she was coming back and I didn’t ask because she doesn’t need to be back home for anyone. She never asked about if I’d be taking a wreath to the Churchyard which I found upsetting but I really must learn to let things go or develop a thicker skin. He’s just found out his son is going away at midday with his Mum on Xmas day so he’s quite annoyed so it will probably be fun and games here on Christmas Day and not in a good way! I hope you hear from your siblings/family. I’m sure you will. I’d certainly be upset for you if you came back on the forum tomorrow and said you’d heard nothing.
Thank you fir sharing all those lovely verses. The name of the one we used for Mum just eludes me but I can remember the words. I’ll have to look it up.
When I went to Asda tonight they were selling Skimmia shrubs in pots reduced to 56p so I bought two of them and they are currently out of sight on the doorstep as if I get seen with 2more plants I will be skinned alive!
I’ll pop back soon
Much love xx
Hi Neil
That sounds like quite a nice plan you’ve sorted for yourself with the choice of food etc. As for the kind invitation I think I’d definitely be on the same wavelength with the kids. Sadly I have zero tolerance for kids of any age group and that unfortunately extends to one or two of the kids in my own family.
What you said rings true about not feeling fearful about when you aren’t here anymore as I feel the same and more especially as time goes on. I fear desperately though getting older, infirm and the things all that bring. But then who knows. Knowing my flair for absent-mindedness I may just walk into the road without looking and be gone in the blink of an eye. I’m all positive and happy vibes me aren’t I !!
Whatever happens tomorrow we’ll all be around at some point, We’ll just have to see how the day goes I think and hope it isn’t so bad after all!
Much love xx
Hi Debbie,
I was too upset to stay earlier. Your shrine to Doug is lovely. Glad you didn’t burn the house down.
I want to believe that mam is waiting for me and it’s just a matter of time, and that I just have to wait. I so desperately want to be with her now. I want to not wake up so I can get it over with instead of waiting indefinitely. But I also have my little Porsch so can’t leave yet. If I knew for definite that I will see mam again I would have some peace and accept the time I had left. It’s the not knowing that’s driving me mad. I have so many things I need to explain to her. And I have no one to ask if she knew I loved her.
I got a text tonight from my niece saying the move is back on again before New Years Eve. I was too upset to reply.
Enjoy your day tomorrow Debbie. Be thinking of us all x
Lots of love xxx
Hi Suzanne,
I knew you were mad busy with work but glad you lit your candle. It must feel like the best present in the world having one to open from your mam tomorrow. That will be so upsetting.
Great that you’re going out for xmas dinner. That should be fun! I’ve been watching the Gavin and Stacie xmas special, and Motherland last night. Really enjoyed watching the documentary on the artist and then the actual film of The boy, the mole, the Fox and the Horse. Beautiful. So some good distractions but feeling really upset again and generally throughout the evening. The carols always make me cry.
You are so very kind to your elderly neighbour. She’ll appreciate you popping round. You might be the only person she sees tomorrow.
Send my love to Nic and tell her I’m thinking of her and looking forward to catching up when she is able.
I really need to know that I will meet mam again. I would then have some peace. I’m so upset again. I miss her so much.
Enjoy your day hun x
Will be popping in throughout the day but if I don’t it’s because I’ll be missing mam too much and will be back as soon as I can.
Looking forward to opening my pressie. Doesn’t matter what it is. Could be a rock out the garden. It’s because you all care that it is so precious.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Tina,
I was so upset after posting the poetry that I had to leave. It was random Google searches and I selected the ones that spoke to me. I just can’t accept that mam isn’t here again for xmas. I know I did the decorations for her and bought food (already eaten some prawns, cheeses, most of the chocs and my snowball drink) but now it’s here I just can’t bear that she isn’t here again and I’ve never heard from her like I thought I would. Everyone believes they will see them again but I need to know. I could then accept that it’s just a matter of time. I’m dreading tomorrow because it will be worse waking up at Christmas more than any other day without her. Sorry, I just can’t pretend I’m ok because I just want to be with her again.
Love that you love the decs. A lot of blankets and fabrics I collect over time from charity shops and car booties. Collecting ideas from Homes and Gardens / interior design magazines and online / pinterest is a great source of inspiration. But I’ve always been into fabric and being expressive. I collect things I like and then throw them together and see what works. The lantern in the bathroom was a shop online and I used trampoline hooks to get the right hanging height suspended from a bamboo rail for drying clothes over the bath. I must admit the peeps from the council who were round doing all the repairs were quite taken aback. I’ve always been ‘arty’ / ‘different’. ‘Normal’ or ‘conventional’ I am not! Thank you for your lovely words. You made me smile through the tears! You always do. x
It kept me busy (wore me out!) but now it’s done I feel really lost and my focus is back on wanting mam and trying to understand where she is. There was a line in one of the poems about how we all take the journey alone. I just need to know she is waiting for me. It’s hit me like a tidalwave again.
I’ve been thinking of you and wondering if you are ok with the covid. Very well done taking a wreath for your mam and her parents. I know how difficult that is for you. I thought going to church would bring me some comfort because it was important to mam but I felt nothing apart from being very upset. I didn’t go back again like I thought I would.
You were brave getting to Asda on a Christmas Eve. Surprised the place wasn’t heaving. And why staff think peeps would wait for reduced stuff to get on shelves just shows how they don’t understand their customers! I’d be grabbing at them too and be on my way as fast as poss. Sainsbury’s had some lovely scented candles and diffusers so I treated myself to some. I don’t usually bother with fancy stuff like that because I have my Indian joss sticks. But it’s nice and festive. Got a lovely mug with bees on it for a cuppa in the garden. Mam would have liked it too. Would have made a lovely extra gift for her. It’s only because it’s local that I popped in there.
I think pushing myself to achieve everything is avoiding the upset of mam and xmas because now I’ve stopped I’m drowning in it again. I’m not surprised you were upset about your sister. I think she’s escaping having to face up to xmas without your mam and the antics of your brother. Distancing herself means she doesn’t have to face it head on like you do. It’s not about you having a thick skin or letting things go. I just think some people run away from life and others face it. Being thoughtless is upsetting. Like my sisters and dad. None of them have contacted me apart from my sis up north about 2 weeks ago (she got my card and was at home alone to have a chat but I was getting my food shop before the snow and wasn’t up to phoning back). Don’t know whether dad has gone there for xmas like I assumed he would. Now mam isn’t here to tell me what’s going on I’m totally in the dark because nobody wants to talk to me. My niece texted tonight but I was too upset. The move is on again before the new year so the pressure to get the fish again is back on. Worst possible time. I feel so emotionally fragile and unable to deal with anything apart from wanting mam.
Can’t imagine the kids will pop round to see me tomorrow. Being alone is deafening. I was kidding myself that I’d have an easier time than last year.
I’m intrigued by your skimmia shrubs. Just googled it and they’re very pretty and great for the birds with their berries. Do you know what colour? I really don’t know why your bro objects to you having a nice garden. He’s not being asked to do anything so why does it bother him so much. I can imagine he’s fuming about tomorrow. He has huge control / anger issues. Can imagine he’ll explode if anything isn’t perfect tomorrow so the pressure is on! Must be like treading on egg shells. You could tackle the situation like a game, where you are very aware of watching what you say / do and his reactions. That’s the one power you do have. He can’t see inside your head. And Zoe will be loving her xmas dinner. I know my sisters dogs were always treated to one on a Sunday and xmas. It’s good for them with the veg.
I’ll be popping in throughout the day, hopefully. Might be in the afternoon after I’ve had a good outburst, got it out my system. Cleaned the fishtank today (empty the water into the bath) and didn’t get the bathroom cleaned after so have to do that before I can even get ready. And have lots of dishes to do too. When I’m in control and thriving on it everything is fine. It’s when I stop that I can’t function, even on a basic level. Just run out of oomph.
Hope to see you tomorrow and be thinking of you x
Lots of love xxx
Just reading up on the US ‘bomb cyclone’. Found this beautiful image from Lake Erie in New York state. Spray from the lake has frozen as it hits the bank, creating a winter wonderland. We’re in for more freezing snow January. Will have to get the fleece back out.
x
Hi Christine
Please no! No more snow and no more ice in the UK I hope. I don’t think I could function with another cold spell. Those pictures you found are definitely brutal in those other countries.
I was gonna write a longer reply but I cant make the words make sense through tiredness so I’ll have to save it till tomorrow sadly.
I’m so tired but can’t sleep, I think it’s more weariness than tiredness, either way I’m making no sense.
Speak again tomorrow.
Sleep well and Much love xx
Hello,
As one of the threads in the forum with more activity this caught my eye and i’ve read some posts from time to time over the last few weeks, which has been a help.
Your friendship and kindness to each other is lovely to see.
Just a quick message to send my best wishes to you all.
Heres a few snowy pics from a few weeks ago but i agree i’m not in a hurry for more cold weather for a while.
Good Morning ForestCat
How lovely are your photos. Thanks for adding them and welcome to our.
I hope you have a gentle day today and look forward to chatting.
Best wishes xx
Good morning one all all.
Hope today is kind to us all and.
Look forward to catching up later.
xx
Hi Christine and Neil,
I hope today is gentle and peaceful for you both. Sending Christmas wishes and will pop in again later. I’m off to my daughter’s after church and staying for two nights.
Sending love
Debbie X X
Morning Tina,
Lovely photo of Zoe and impressed with your tree 
Love Debbie xx
Morning @ForestCat
Nice to hear from you, beautiful snowy photos. I hope today is kind to you.
Love Debbie xx
Morning all. It’s. Christmas miracle, me actually up in the morning!
Wishing you all a peaceful and gentle day
Pippin is having a field day with empty bags, boxes and wrapping paper!
Now to rest before cooking!
Beki xx
Thanks Debbie but it’s not my tree just a picture, or maybe you know and I’m just not with it. Have a nice day. break. xx
Hi everyone,
I hope you are all doing the best you can.
Christine I do hope someone in your family had at least rang.
We’ve just finished washing up after a lovely lunch and watching King Charles speech.
Sending love
Debbie x
