There are always people that revel in drama and create it just so they can watch it all unfold and play the victim or they can step in, diffuse the situation and be the hero…your sister appears to be the former imo. These people have so little self esteem that they have to make themselves seem more interesting and purposeful somehow and how better to do it than deflect on to someone they believe to be the cause of their issues and unfortunately your sister/s seem to see you as that person. However my theory for that is because you refused to conform to convention, you remained strong and independent even when faced with cancer and also remained unapologetic for being who you are x
Your sisters sitting talking shit about you is just pathetic ‘mean girls’ stuff and if they have time to do that then they clearly don’t have enough to do. I mean take your sister’s moving home saga as an example…I mean how many times has she been moving for it to fall through?? I know if that was me after like the second time I would have stopped telling people but because she loves the attention and drama she keeps it going….like all those on Facebook who post things like ‘oh well that was awful’…no context nothing and await the ‘oh what’s happened’…’DM me…’ attention seekers lol x sorry but folk that do that are just the worst imo x
Karma is always waiting and will always come around x I believe very much in the law of Threefold in that anything untoward that you wish on a person will come back to you three times as bad…kindness costs nothing x
I so wish I could say not to care about what your sisters do or say but know it’s not that easy because they are your family but you are worthy of respect and love and it may not come from them but it will come from other sources.
My friend just dropped off my Xmas present and think you may like them as they are a pair of garden ornaments we saw during the summer…not putting them out just now so they can sit in the living room lol x
Hi everyone
Just a quick catch up . Had my gammon dinner earlier and there’s enough to finish tomorrow. Had some of my Milk Tray chocolates and dipping in and out of everything else!
Mum would have been pleased with my dinners the last couple of days I think. Wish she was able to eat them with me though.
This evening its Arsenal v West Ham. Not looking forward to it to be honest as in recent years they always get lucky against us and at the moment they are top of the league.
Will have a look through the posts later and catch up with you tomorrow.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Like you said to me, don’t feel bad about speaking how you feel and what’s making you sad or angry. The state we get ourselves into we’d probably spontaneously combust or something if we held it in.
I’ve taken a picture of the wool loop thing my Niece sent me for Christmas and I thought it would have the letters printed on the squares and it doesn’t it’s on a separate sheet of paper. It looks too hard for me. I’ll have to look on YouTube or somewhere. But it’s something different so that in itself is something to look forward to. I’m not that good with motivation but today I got stuck in with some cleaning in hard to get to areas that always gets put off. I didn’t touch his room because street cleaners get paid to do that sort of cleaning but I don’t. I do feel guilty as Mum would want me to but it’s as bad the day after so I’m just enabling him in that sense. I was gonna have a walk to the the Asda just for exercise but decided against it in the end as it’s bitterly cold with shocking hailstones.
I know what you mean about waking up and wondering how you are going to cope and its truly awful isn’t it. You see things and your environment but it all feels different now and that’s quite a shock to the system. Everything seems like a cardboard cutout. Life can be so flippin tough sometimes.
Don’t know about anyone else but I can hardly satay awake today! And when I am awake I am eating. Haven’t even touched the chocolate mountain yet, still on cold bread sauce - my favourite thing lol!! Cold meats, the works. Bit easier on me today as well as granddad helps himself.
@NEILB72 you sound like you’ve done very well with your menu to! Your mum would be very proud of you indeed. Good luck for the football
@christine51 nothing wrong with getting it all out of your system, better than bottling it all up. It’s odd, I have no close family bar granddad and always imagine those with families it must be easier for them but it never is as you so sadly know. You can have partners, children, siblings etc but can still feel just as lonely with your grief and wanting to disappear, shows how powerful grief is
But we keep going which shows you how powerful the love our loved ones instilled in us which is a true blessing
New Death In Paradise tonight - love my cheesy crime dramas!
Yes Tina that is so true. Most of Dad’s side of the family I haven’t had any contact with them for about ten years. Will never forgive them how they treated him when he became unwell.
As the saying goes ’ you can pick your friends but not your family’ which is so true.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Suzanne,
Your garden ornaments are fabulous!!! Very jel indeed! Wow. You must be very dear to him to get such a fab pressie. I would paint them bold colours so they attract the attention they deserve (would have to research what to do and use a glaze to seal). You are a lucky girl.
Hope you enjoyed your day. I eventually got dressed (black and silver netted voluminous skirt with sequined off the shoulder top half - my fave) and very bored watching rubbish tv, eating chocolate and the cake I made (yummy) and doing the jigsaw which is quite hard. Still haven’t posted on mams tribute site as I know my other sis up north regularly looks at it. Feel like she’s keeping watch through that site.
Seeing what you have written makes me cry! I still can’t understand what anyone gets out of creating trouble. I have always bent over backwards for her her whole life, and her kids. My life revolved around them. I am so full of love and hate being defensive but have to defend myself because I’m always being attacked by my sisters and then my dad. Like you said, I’m unconventional and won’t be quiet about stuff. I don’t know why that is such a threat. I’m honest and you know exactly where you stand with me. No agenda. I don’t need one. Life is hard enough. And whenever anything nice happens or I’m really happy I’m so surprised by it because it doesn’t happen often. This year is the first time that I haven’t bought pressies or given money to the kids. I’m so sick of being mugged off. Being agoraphobic means I am totally isolated. I’m an easy target for them to get away with their shit because mams not here to see it and now I have nobody at all in my corner. Cowards!
Can’t wait to get back to ordinary life, even though it is boring. I’ll start swimming again and try going out on my bike to the park. Might do that tomorrow if it doesn’t rain. Getting out for a bit makes a huge difference to how I cope during the day. Might go for a swim. Must have doubled in size since I was last there!
Glad to put this xmas behind me. Again.
You are a good friend Suzanne. Thank you.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
Very well done with your cooking. You’ve done yourself and your mam and dad proud. It would have been so easy to just not bother. But you did and sound better for it. You are always an inspiration to me to keep going and try to make the best of it when it’s so very hard.
I’ll be pleased to get back to normal. Might go for a swim tomorrow. Will catch up tomorrow x
Lots of love xxx
Hi Tina,
I knew my family wouldn’t bother with me over Christmas. It’s so spiteful and I don’t deserve it. I’ve had enough now. I need to stop being affected now. It’s all tied in with losing mam. That’s why it’s so hard to cope with. Going to go swimming tomorrow just to make a fresh start and I might pop into Sainsbury’s and see what they have in the sales. I know it’s not exactly exciting but it’s all I can manage.
Your sewing kit looks like a cross stitch pattern. The numbers at the bottom relate to colour (DMC 123 etc) but I can’t quite make out the top bit. If you can take a closer pic I can have a look. Might be detailing the stitches you need. I loved doing this at svhool. Made some beautiful Japanese scenes, a sewing bag with pansies that I still use today and my family tree. It may seem overwhelming at first but look closely at each bit of info. Look at the colours and sort them out. You can get your teeth into it by starting at the bottom corner and travel along with your green cross stitch (if that is what it is). Each stitch is in a square and runs the same way. You could practice doing the stitch before you start on the pattern. Try it on any bit of cloth, just to get the hang of it. Once you get going you’ll love it! I still use cross stitch and mark making in my textiles now. Think I’ll get some work out and make a start tomorrow.
Just saw your post about the elders and family being blown apart basically. It’s so true. Still don;t understand why everyone has turned on me. I have to accept I am alone in life now without mam and just have to get on with it. Sad but true.
Post me a pic of the info and I can be a bit more helpful with your kit. Remember, baby steps are easy and combining them creates a big picture. Your niece has given you a very loving gift!
I know you feel guilty when you think your mam would want you to do stuff for your brother but remember he is her child and that’s why she is so protective over him. You are his sister and deserve to be treated as an equal, with love and respect. And he can clean his own room, I’m sure! I have never run around after someone else. I’ll do it as my fair share but not because I’m a woman and it’s my role in life! I strongly object to that stuff. My mam was expected to run around after my dad all day long, even when she worked when we were grown up. I kept telling her not to but she would do it anyway. But I do agree that having a clean house feels good. It’s very therapeutic once I get going. Still haven’t cleaned the inside of the windows! Did the outside before xmas.
Will check back in later.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Beki,
Wish I had some turkey sandwiches to munch on, even though I had my beef dinner late on. Very bored with rubbish tv, too much chocolate and not getting very far with the jigsaw puzzle. Might have a swim tomorrow to get out the house and get back to normal again.
So true about grief being powerful. I think having a loving family to support each other would make a massive difference to getting through this journey. Like you say, I’ve got it out now and can move forward now that xmas is out the way. If I could chose not to have xmas ever again I would do that.
You’ve had a lovely time there with your Grandad and have that wonderful castle to look forward to next year. You’ve done so well Beki. Your mam will be proud of you. You are certainly a fighter!
Gemma Collins is doing something with a snowman so I’ll see what that’s about. She my fave female celeb. Love her!
Lots of love xxx
Well we’ve nearly got through Christmas just new year to go.
I’m still at my daughter’s. It’s been nice being with family it’s helped alot. Our son, partner and grandchildren came round today, so we were all together. Played party games eaten loads of party food and played the white elephant game, bit like a secret Santa, all good fun.
Doug was never far from our thoughts or conversations.
I think I’m going home tomorrow, asked to stop an extra day for youngest 3rd birthday on Wednesday, but I think I will go home and just come back for the day. Plus there is nothing like your own bed.
Neil I’m impressed by your cooking skills, your mum has taught you well, and I hope the football goes well for you tonight.
I did tell the others on WhatsApp that on Christmas day on my way to church I found a white feather on my front path just outside my door, so I know Doug has been with me.
Only downer, is I’ve been in pain since Christmas morning on the right side of my face, either blocked or infected sinuses or a tooth, not sure which but nothing I can do about it until Wednesday at least.
Hi Debbie,
Sounds like you’ve had a lovely Christmas. Like you say, being with family has really helped you get through the festive season and Doug has been a very big part of that. I kept finding white feathers in the strangest places too, like on my front door step, and I wondered if it was mam telling me she was near and watching over me. Glad you stayed and weren’t on your own. You’ll probably have a good sleep when you get home and will be revived for the birthday bash.
Sorry to here you are in pain. Just keep taking whatever meds you have to dull it until you can get to the dentist if that’s what it is. Mam always suffered with her sinuses. She was in pain a lot with one thing or another.
Glad today is over with. I did get a text from my sis up north saying she’ll ring me tomorrow for a chat. I said ok and will see if she does. She can be really lovely when she’s not being arsy!
Enjoy getting back home. Like you say, nothing like your own bed. Remember to get your bins out too. Mine have been up the path for a few days as I haven’t a clue when they’re coming.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Tina,
Just googled it under ‘how to make latch hook yarn’ and it’s incredibly easy with your little hook. You create a loop and pull through the canvas according to the colour chart. Very effective. Are all your yarns cut to size? If not it should tell you what size to create because they should all be the same length. Much easier to do than crochet. Reminds me of the tatty matting mam taught me. Check out the tutorials. I’ve learnt something today! Might use a bit if that in my work.
You’ll enjoy it Tina when you make a start. Very addictive and therapeutic. Be lovely doing that with a film on in the background or sitting outside in the summer listening to the garden.
Love to see the pics as you go x
My sis up north texted me saying she’ll ring tomorrow for a chat so I’ll see if she does.
Off to watch a bit of you tube and catch up with the arctic snow in America. Japan is also being affected now. Really hope it swerves us.
Lots of love xxx
Doug and me did something very similar years ago, they were called ready cut rugs, all the wool was cut to size in bundles of same colour. Easy but took us a long time to complete.
It does sound like you mentioned about the rug thing. The will strands are all cut to to size thankfully. I’ve heard they are therapeutic. We shall see if it has that on me!
Glad your Sister is phoning you will be nice to have a chat. Clears the cobwebs away I think!
I do remember now rugs further back in time being in packs you could do yourself but never paid a lot of attention. I can certainly believe they take a fair while!
Hi Tina
Bit fed up today. Time of the year I think and been thinking of Mum more so made a call to Samaritans which really helped. A couple of friends who were calling in over the last couple of days postponed so 2as disappointed about that.
Looking forward to my theatre though on Thursday.
Got one of those One4All gift cards for Xmas and you can use it for theatre tickets but you have to register it through the Theatre Tokens website. I struggled to do it and got in a bit of a state but finally worked out how to do it so will get it sorted tomorrow, calmly!
Phoning my friend tomorrow as it is his birthday.
Pouring with rain here at the moment although quite mild. Thinking of taking the decorations down in the next couple of days
Hope you have a peaceful evening
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
We had snow today which we did not expect and the neighbours kids made the most of it lol x must be nearly 5ft high lol x
@christine51 hope your sister does call you tomorrow for a nice catch up and not just to get on at you on behalf of your other sister/dad x a nice swim sounds lovely…I love swimming but won’t ever go as the pools are always dirty and full of dirty, snotty kids lol x just canna deal x
Put the heater on when I got in and Cal was practically lying on top of it lol x I mean I left the kitchen heater on for him so he is just being a drama king x
Anyway look forward to hearing what you do tomorrow x
@NEILB72 so sorry to hear your friends re-arranged their visits but least you still have them to look forward to is a positive spin. Least aswell you have your theatre to look forward to on Thursday x do you have anything in mind to use your token on?
My friend bought me a chocolate cake for Boxing Day cause she couldn’t get one for Xmas day but she tells me today that I have to wait til Hogmanay as my niece wants some of it…I said ‘oh ok’ but was inwardly thinking ‘wee cow’ again least I have it to look forward to lol x
Hope you are feeling a bit lighter now you have spoken to the Samaritans x always here to listen x
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