Hi everyone
Just sharing some theatre pics from yesterday. Really miserable and wet, cold afternoon and evening in London so was glad to be in the National once more. Saw the new play Dixon and Daughters which was very impressive.Liked the way the plot unravelled with many revelations . The all-female cast all produced powerhouse performances . Excellent evening’s entertainment 
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Sendinh love to you all
Neil x
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Hi Tina,
You always have the nack of making me laugh through my tears - Pristine Christine and Untidy Tina! Just been explaining to Nick how the sadness has returned and I’m crying at nothing and everything with thoughts of mam and missing her like my heart is breaking all over again. Don’t know whether its exhaustion or just that it’s time for the next drowning. I have been relentless this week without much rest apart from early nights because I can’t stay awake. Maybe’s after the trellises are complete I’ll be able to actually enjoy gardening again rather than manual labour!
Your garden really is so tidy. Relieved that bro is leaving the rose for now. His log pile could be made into a multi functional store/ table if you add a wooden table top and have the plastic sheeting on top for rain protection. You could add pots ontop for seasonal colour. It would be so pretty to see it from the window as I do with my little pansies. And he could add sheets of plastic at the front to create a sliding door effect for winter. It’s quite a big space he’s created so I don’t know why he needs more. If ‘decorated’ it will tie into the garden nicely. If you watch Monty he always has display pots and it’s a favourite thing of his. Means you could buy a little something of each plant like I did instead of mass planting.
I ADORE ! your little houses. They remind me of artists I love. There’s lots of variation within the tiny house theme but here’s some I particularly like.
You’ve inspired me to create my own little village! I already have the blocks I made as feet for large pots but it didn’t work as I thought it would. Don’t have the triangles so might just see what I can do with the blocks. Motivated again! Thank you Tina. xxx
I love your chimney pot. It’s unusual with the slits and the shape too. I imagined the slim tall ones. A fat candle in or on top would make a fab feature on a table or the wood store.
Just thinking of my abstract insect pile where I’ve stuffed all my branches in the warped curve of the fence panel. Your bro would be pinching it if he could!
Planning on shade loving ferns, hostas, foxgloves (shade loving plants) for that area but need to use pots as the clay soil won’t allow any plants to thrive. Means I’ll have a lot of watering to do in the summer but need to do something with that area.
And when I’m finished with the trellises I’ll use big pots with climbing roses here:
I’ll post pics updating this area as I only have one trellis to get up but have to buy another one and cut into three panels in order to finish the job. But it has already transformed the garden.
I have quite a few large plants / shrubs / trees to unpot and get in the ground where the shed area was. We’ve had more rain last night and I was waiting until the mud bath had cleared a bit to make a start on the honey bushes. Will certainly send you a root in the post. I’d love a hydrangea root if you one going spare. I planted mams from it’s pot and wish I hadn’t because it looks dead. I’ll leave it and see if any shoots appear over summer but maybe it get too much sun in it’s spot at the top of the lawn. They thrive in cool shade so the top pond would be perfect. It’s always sad to see a plant hasn’t made it.
I was using mam’s structure things (grids on legs for plants to climb through for support) and can’t wait to get in with my secateurs for a tidy up. ‘Light duties’ is a dream! When I was showing the gas blokes round the garden they did comment that there was still lots to do and I was quite crest fallen looking around at the gaps where planting needs to be tackled. I’m been so focused on structural works that I haven’t seen what other people notice. But then I did dismantle the shed last year and do all the fencing. Think I’ll get a box of wild meadow seeds to scatter and see what/ if anything happens. It’s not for the want of trying. So much died last year in the heatwave. Planning on more roses I think because they have thrived. Will post pics a bit later on (a faff having to upload then trawl through).
Your Medlar tree is certainly doing well. I jigged my pots around to ‘place’ them before digging in so will have to see if that’s where they will live. Not looking forward to the digging but want the pots for the top pond shady plants. So that’s my motivation. Will let you know when I’m ready to send your cuttings in the post. Have my stamps ready and will recycle the bags I got my ribbon in. Perfect with the sealed tops.
Tina I feel so much better now than when I first posted. Chatting about the garden is as therapeutic as it is doing it. And your pic of the dandelion sea is indeed beautiful. I encourage any weed with a flower as it increases the diversity for the insect world.
Although I’m physically exhausted after yesterday I’m hoping the creep goes to work so I can get the last trellis up today. The more I can do now the freeer (not a word I know!) I’ll be to start swimming and biking with my niece and little nephew. I am relieved that she is working so near me (still a drive) and we can do things. I would be totally alone without her.
Just heard the creep so hope he has gone to work. I’ll dash now to get ready so I can get cracking. My eyes are so swollen with crying for mam. I’ll never be able to get over her leaving me. I wish she had told me how awful it was going to be without her. It was so quick and I had no clue it would happen. I just wish the world would stop. I’m living in the past with her at all different times. I keep wondering if the birds know they’re going to die soon. Death is always present, all around me. Soz, I keep trying to push it away but it’s so determined to overpower me again, as it always does. And with a bank holiday weekend coming up the creep will be lurking and I’ll be trapped in the house. But I think he’s gone now so I’ll get dressed and get cracking.
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Neil,
Sending lots of love to you too. I’m pleased you enjoyed your day, even if it was miserable and wet. I managed to get a trellis finished just as the rain started so was very lucky. I’ll post pics a bit later today as want to make a start while the creep is out (think he’s just left for work).
I do love the rain when I’m watching it from the sitting room window with Porsch. It reminds me of being little, camping (it always rained). Hearing it pounding on the tiles when I’m in the loft is brilliant! Excitement, like being little and counting the gaps between thunder claps.
Looking forward to Monty tonight. I always marvel at the grandeur of his garden. Like mam said, he has a team to help. Always makes me wonder why I bother though. Bet everyone watching feels like that. And then Gogglebox. So my evening is set.
I was just explaining to Nick and Tina how the sadness has returned and I’m finding it really hard and can’t stop crying. But I’m determined to finish my last trellis if I can. Looking forward to a rest when it’s done. I’m so battered and cut from the thorny tree yesterday, filling that tricky gap between fence panels. Hands are swollen. But it will be worth it when it’s all done.
Will post my pics when I get back in today.
Do you have anything planned for the weekend? I hate bank holidays as the creep will be off work and I’ll be stuck in the house with him roaming free.
See you later hun.
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Christine
Sorry to read that sadness has returned. I think its going to be lurking there for some while for us all. You think you are moving forward and having some good days and then just hits you like a wall- anything can trigger it off. I still get those days as well, but going back to a year ago can see progress.
Nothing happening for me over the bank holiday or next week’s one either as it stands.
Hope the creep decides to bugger off somewhere !
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi christine51, I too feel down today, it started last night. I have noticed that it hits me when the barometric pressure is dropping. I have low blood pressure anyway. I also have bad headache when the barometric pressure is low. A friend told me that drinking more does help. I am nit sure abiut it but I will give it try. I definitely will not go anywhere today.
Tammy wants to cuddle a lot today. - I have not seen my fox for many days now, but the food is always gone.
I used to use PlusGas to clean my bike chain (diesel fuel is cheaper) and lubricate it with WD-40.
I am still in bed at my brothers house and Tammy has been on my stomach for about 2.5 hours today. It makes it difficult to type. And now, she is right next to me and I must not moove or she will complain.
I will take photos from the park when the weather gets a bit better.
Here are some photos from the beach for now.
Take care, - Nick
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Hello everyone.
Christine - I’m so sorry you’ve had some bad days. Like you say one minute bustling along and the next something stops you in your tracks. I think once the distraction stops the exhaustion it took to keep it up overcomes us to a degree. Then we have to charge our batteries again for a bit. It’s a permanent recharge cycle isn’t it.
I managed to get a bit of “get up and go” so having been inspired by your gardening exploits I decided to tidy a bit more of the garden before that get-up-and-go spirit got up and went. I need to do something with the front garden beds. They aren’t bad but I really don’t feel comfortable in the front. I have seen some crafty bits on TikTok as I don’t want to spend extra money on more plants. Especially as how he doesn’t like them. So thanks to the Council give-away-day I have some to cultivate. My Niece was here from Truro last week and we went to a lovely garden centre for a look and refreshments but I restrained myself and only bought a ball for Zoe!
Hope you are well otherwise. Had bad anxiety this week and felt a bit unwell. I was so cold and headachy but that’s passed now. Also had results from recent blood tests and apart from a little higher cholesterol I am one digit over healthy range for Diabetes so am now “pre-diabetic” so will have to try and reverse that. Diabetes is pretty scary.
Gonna put the washing out shortly so will just do some more replies and then get a shift on!
Nick22. Hello there. I hope you are feeling a little lighter than when I saw that you were feeling down this morning. Morning’s can be particularly difficult can’t they in their own way. I enjoyed seeing the photos as a picture or two always seems to lift the spirits a little. I hope there is something nice on the horizon today. Do you go out for a stroll on a Saturday? I don’t like to go out at the weekends as it’s always busier. I’ll have to have a walk later to the supermarket. It’s only a 15minute walk each way so not sure it falls in the “walk” category but it’s exercise at least.
Hope the day gets better.
Neil. Hi, was just saying to Nick how seeing a picture or two lifts the spirits for a while. It is all extra interest isn’t it. Hope things are ok for you. Yes you are right about feeling the grief feelings but making progress at the same time. Things you expect to set you off may not and innocent little things can just impact you when least expected. Do the plays etc die down a little during the Summer months? Hope not, but if so I can imagine there’s a lot of similar things of interest to do.
Anyway I’ll sign off and wish you all much love and a peaceful day xx
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Hi Tina
Quiet weekend for me. Thankfully the football season will be ending soon. Glad to see as we have been rubbish for most of the season. Hoping to go and watch Surrey or Kent in the cricket sometime during the summer. Even though I’m in Kent/London, Surrey are my local team as they play in South London. Theatre continues all year round and have one or two things booked.
Warm sunshine here at last for the bank holiday.
Hope you can have a peaceful weekend
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Tina19, I do not know what type of photos you like best, but I ill take a guess.
Here are some photos from Kentwell Hall, Long Melford, Suffolk. I have plenty of them. I hope you like them.
Hi Tina19, I do not know what type of photos you like best, but I ill take a guess.
Here are some photos from Kentwell Hall, Long Melford, Suffolk. I have plenty of them. I hope you like them.
Multi-Period event 2013
Nick
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Evening all 
Just catching up with the last few posts I’ve missed x
@christine51 i’m sorry to read that the darkness has descended on you as you never seem to be catching a break from it for long so can only imagine how exhausting it must be for you along with your mentally long days in the garden….which looks amazing btw and glad to hear your wee fox is still there x as Neil said it’s never far from the surface bubbling away and we do whatever we can to keep it at bay but sometimes we’re caught off guard and it tears it’s ugly, unwanted head x. I so wish I could help you to keep it at bay for longer or to help you to be able not to connect all loses and sometimes wins to your mum…not to help you forget her but to maybe help you remember the good times instead of mourn the loss of them…Och I’m dribbling on and probably not making much sense.
The weather is so cold up here just now that I had my 6-8am shift up at the Loch and I had to come home and go back to bed for a couple of hours to warm up and it was a very dull, uneventful shift too lol x
Sorry if you’ve already said but are you swimming this week? I’m working all week and then off from Friday for a week and I just can’t wait lol x
Hopefully Creep will stay inside over the Bank Holiday and leave you in peace. Is your street doing anything for the Coronation next weekend? Our nearest village is having some form of Gala day but luckily I’ll be busy all weekend 
x
You take care of yourself 
x
@NEILB72 i haven’t heard of that play at all and haven’t even heard of the writer but it sounds very interesting x. I’ve just seen that there is some nature exhibit in the British Museum that will be on when I come down in June and it has just been opened by David Attenborough and Gordon Buchanan…Gordon Buchanan was/is a great favourite of both mum and I and have met him a couple of times and he’s such an amazing photographer and a lovely man. Will have to have a look and see if I need tickets and will encourage my friend to come with me.
You’ll maybe know the answer to this…so cause I liked something about London I’m now inundated with posts however one caught my eye cause it says there’s a roof top bar or something on top of the Royal Opera House…is that right cause it’s just a stone’s throw from our hotel? x
Glad to hear you’ve got a few shows to look forward to as that breaks up the bleakness I find.
Did I read that you were going to the cinema one day? I may have missed what you went to see but what did you see if you went lol?
How’s the job hunting going? Anything taking your fancy lately? x we’ve got a job going up at the Loch lol x
I hope the weeks as a whole are feeling a bit lighter and as you were saying in a post how far you’ve came compared to last year is mental. I know it’s not always easy but so proud of you 
x
I’m away to get my washing out the machine so take care just now and much love 
@Nick22 how are you doing this week? Hope you are feeling a little better. It may not be a massive park but the fact you can get out into nature hopefully is a massive benefit to you as any time I can get out I know I feel so much better x
I stupidly went to Costco yesterday with my niece etc and what a stupid mistake as was heaving. It was so bad my niece ended up with an anxiety attack which triggered her Tourette’s so she’s whistling away like a demented budgie whilst simultaneously sticking up the finger to folk…myself included and all me and her mum could was laugh. She knows we’re laughing with love not out of disrespect so she laughs too but think a lot of onlookers thought we were monsters x
How is the weather down with you just now? Does it make it easier for you to get out about if the weather is warmer?
Hope this week is better for you x
Also had a weird thing happen yesterday…my goddaughter asked me and her mum to go to some house near us to pick up her new rabbit. As soon as we drew up at the house I said to my pal…I recognise this house and she was like ‘oh it’s my pals…’ and the owner opened the door and they were chatting away like old pals (which they are) and we both look at each other and she says ‘I recognise you’…to me…turns out it was the woman I got Cal from nearly 6 years ago!!
Very small world x
Anyway love to all 
xx
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Hi Suzanne30, thanks for asking. I had a good day today, much better than the days before. - I just laughed about the sign language. Some people just do not have any humour. - My father had a good humour but my mother often did not get the joke. I get the best laughs when I make fun of myself. But, sometimes I just get strange looks. hmm? - We had really good weather today. No real clouds today, they just dissolved. The barometric pressure today was 1023mb. Yes, I am weather dependent. I do suffer when the the barometric pressure is low, I also have low blood pressure. I might have too little salt in my food? So, I will drink some water with salt for the next few days. Perhaps I can boost my blood pressure a bit. (It should work.) I also noticed that I did not drink enough the last few weeks. (not normal for me) - Yes, small world sometimes. One of my new friends “L” here from the park used to live in London. I told her about a friend and neighbour of my brother. As it happens, “L” knew her, they met somewhere in Africa while on holiday, (cannot remember the country).
Suzanne, how are you doing? Are you OK? - Nice to talk to you again. - Nick
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Hi Suzanne
Hope you are having a relaxing bank holiday weekend so far. Another one next week because of a certain king 
.
British Museum always has great exhibitions so definitely worth booking . I’m booking one at the Natural History Museum - Titanosaurus which has just opened to rave reviews. Hoping to fit it in soon. The Royal Opera House does have an open terrace and about three other restaurants too so spoilt for choice and you can go in there any time throughout the day!
Did go to the Garden Cinema again and saw One Fine Morning- about a woman who has a father suffering from dementia and sight loss and the problems of getting him suitable care while starting up her own new romantic relationship with a guy whos already married. Its pretty good, although subtitled so not to everyones tastes.
Nothing else planned this week so have been watching the sport and have a lovely blackcurrant cheesecake to devour 
Speak again soon
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Nick
Wow, how interesting. They are really nice.
It’s pouring down here. But as the saying goes “it’s good for the garden” - and free, so that’s a bonus!
Hope it’s an ok day for you Nick.
Love and best wishes
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Hi Neil
Cricket is one sport I know absolutely nothing about! I can get by with Tennis, F1 and Football but wouldn’t have a clue with Cricket!
Hope your Sunday is ok.
Love and best wishes
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Good morning Christine
Hope you are ok.
Absolutely throwing it down here today. Not sure if it will be an all day situation. I’m glad of it really as rain water beats tap water any day plus it’s not metered so all the better!
Will check in later to see how you and Porsche are.
Much love xx
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Hi Christine
Just checking in to say hope you are ok and that tomorrow is kind to you. Done nothing outside today. April showers are making the most of the last few days I think!
Speak again soon.
Much love xx
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Hi Tina and all,
Awake at 5.30 am and up in the loft plugging in the sonic rat deterrents after the creep was drilling and it seems let them back into my loft from his after he got new fascias fitted. Can hear it banging about now. So that’s why I’m not getting much sleep. I’ll have to see where he’s been drilling. It’s like Narnia’s wardrobe up there with all my winter clothes on rails. Plus I haven’t heard from my niece after finishing her first week of training / work placement. Thought she would have sent me a little text at least just to say it went ok. I’ve always encouraged her with whatever she has going on. I feel like I’ve been left behind again and that nobody cares about me. I know you all do and it means the world to me but also makes me feel even more sad that my own family can desert me without a care. My sis up north just replied now to my Easter texts.
Tina, I think you are right about it taking so much energy to keep going with the garden / distraction and then having to recharge. I’ve been working like a buggar to get the fencing done before summer (have ordered the last bits and get them Thursday) and have ordered plants too (bamboos, roses, ferns, hostas, eukera, foxgloves) as they were on offer and too good to miss (like you said, it’s hard to resist!). Hope to get the honey bushes in and climbers to free up pots for when plants arrive. It’s like going through the motions and not connecting to what I’m doing. I’m driven to achieve the goals I’ve set myself but wonder why I do it. But then I balance it out with not doing anything and just sitting. Whatever I do doesn’t make a difference to the sadness and remembering mam from all stages of our life together. I think knowing that she’ll never see what I’m creating is heartbreaking. I know what you mean Suzanne about attributing everything I do to mam but I feel like I am nothing now that she is gone, like I’m not enough without her, that I don’t matter. She encouraged and praised me and now I don’t have that because she isn’t here. Neil, I don’t know how you do it, your positive outlook and determination to keep living life. I know I should start with the swimming again but I wonder what the point is when I get no joy from it. I was always immersed in life, excited by it, looking for mischief, thriving. I feel so disconnected, like I don’t belong here now. Nothing I do takes away that overwhelming sense of being broken. But like Nick says, my sense of humour is still here, no matter how bleak it seems. Suzanne, you cracked me up when shoppers looked at you like you were ‘monsters’! Hilarious.
I’ve been so exhausted getting in from the garden each day that I haven’t been able to post so here are my updates. There’s quite a lot so I’ll have to break it into sections.
Fencing:
Closing that tricky gap was a 5 hour job! Attached trellis to both fences in order to strengthen and unite.
This is the very prickly restricted space I had to work in
but I managed to slot the trellis through the tree
and secure by drilling / screwing panels of trellis into the fence post
and secured with plastic ties at the other end.
Created ‘legs’ with long 2"x2" to give structure to the empty space
and used the old bamboo roll from my sisters garden
to pack that space.
Consetina trellis is light and versatile to add onto the wooden trellis and gives more structure (tied on with plastic ties).
Any gaps (for the creep to see through) were closed off with old pieces of shed panels
which then had to be undone to recreate the doorway for the fox after I heard some screaming at his usual feeding time (though the food had been eaten, along with all the berry fat balls I had just popped out).
I managed to also close the cavity between trellis and bamboo roll
simply by using ties.
Very chuffed with myself!
Will look better when I have painted the bamboo to blend into the fencing and will add climbers to scramble all over the area.
Got the last trellis up and now wait for my delivery to finish the whole lot.
Will be so relieved when it’s finished. Was dreading doing it and although I’m totally battered and bruised I’m pleased with the result. No more creep creeping, watching me through the bushes and I have quite a space to fill with large pots (because of the tree roots) of climbers, roses and bamboo.
Porsch has enjoyed the sunshine while I’ve been hard at it.
She loves it when we sit together in the deckchairs, enjoying a little treat and a puzzle book.
Have lots more pics for you so will load up in another post after I get dressed as I’ve just heard the creep leave again. It’s awful when he is here and it’s sunny as he’s in his garden with music basting (don’t even know what kind of music that is! but it’s awful)and I have to retreat to the bedroom. So I’ll get out there asap as he’ll be back later and I’ll have to come in again. That’s when I feel the worst, being trapped in the house. I have things I can be getting on with but become so upset about mam that all I can do is nothing.
See you later! I feel a bit better now after ploughing through my garden pics. Always lifts the spirits.
Lots of love xxx
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Hi @christine51,
I sorry you feeling vulnerable and down again. Your doing great work in the garden. Gardening is exhausting, I’ve just cut my grass was going to leave it until Wednesday and do it after work, thought I just get it out the way.
It is a sense of achievement when you get it done. Just ordered some more pond plants a mixed pack.
Just want my little pond full of plants
Garden is looking much tidier now. My lilac is just about out in full. Need to refill the birds baths now I’ve cleaned the muck out.
This little cat and dianthus my son brought me for Easter instead of chocolate. He said it reminded him of their kitten Nelson who is very naughty. I’ll get him to send me a photo of him.
Still haven’t done anything with the old pond yet. Got a couple of busy weekends coming up so probably have to wait until half term when I have more time.
I hope next doors drilling is all innocent and not trying to get into your loft again. I would be really stupid of him after last time.
It’s really warm and sunny now, I have a lady blackbird that comes to visit me often getting quite tame and ignores me when I’m in the garden. She looks very much like a thrush but I’m convinced it is a female blackbird, I’ll try to get a photo of her next time she visits.
It will be your birthday soon I hope both your sisters and dad acknowledge it.
Will you be like me and watching the coronation on Saturday. We got messy church on Friday evening and we are making crown. I’ve been busy cutting out crown templates for the children to decorate. Our church is having a big lunch on the Monday, we all take a plate of food and share.
Are there any street parties or big lunches in your area. I know you probably wouldn’t go, but you could watch from the safety of your home if your street is having one. The close where I live we are getting together for Sunday lunch.
My phone is just about to run out of battery, be back soon.
Before I go, hope you @NEILB72 are having a good weekend and enjoying you blackcurrant cheesecake, I love a cheesecake. My son in law saw a film about to be released in June called Strays, it looks very funny and naughty. He knows my sense of humour so we are going to see it.
and @Nick22 hope you are feeling a bit better, I read you are having a bit of a down
time at the moment.
@Palou hope you are okay.
Sending love to everyone
Debbie xxxx
Ps
Just about as I was going in, she has appeared.
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Dear Debbie, thank you, am missing my mother so very much and haven’t been posting lately although always follow your conversations.
Your garden looks lovely and well done for all your hard work! Lovely pics of your bird visitor too and she does look like a female blackbird although I know it’s sometimes very difficult to differentiate with thrushes.
Well done to Christine too for her mammoth work in the garden. Understand so much what you say about just wanting nothing without your mam and if I may say think she would have been so proud and supportive of everything you’ve undertaken in the garden. Hope your neighbour keeps himself to himself and leaves you in peace to enjoy your garden with Porsch.
Well done to Tina too and liked your pics of your garden too.
Also wanted to let Suzanne know that your cat Cal looks adorable! Sending thoughts to our friends the cats too Cal, Porsch and Tammy and
love and hugs to all xx
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Hi everyone
Been looking through the posts this morning. Bank holiday weekends start OK for me but start to drag by Monday afternoon. Must admit had a down day yesterday. A couple of so called ‘theatre friends’ on social media always saying “We will have to meet up” at a show both went to see shows that were on my list and didnt let me know until afterwards. People do talk a lot of crap 
Anyway I’m hoping to get to an art exhibition on Thurs and hopefully will be in better spirits for next weeks bank holiday!
Sending love and best wishes to all
Neil x
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