Hi Christine, you did it got through the day. I’m glad you liked your Cornish cream tea, I’ve heard you say before you like your foodie treats.
You must be tired today with waking up so early, I managed to over sleep this morning, still made it to work on time. Can’t do it tomorrow now public exams have started I’ve been asked to go in earlier the next four weeks. May have to set two alarms
You have a nice smelly job to do with spreading your manure in the garden, your neighbours will think they have moved to the countryside.
I’m pleased your sister up north phoned you yesterday and your going swimming with your niece tomorrow.
I hardly dare ask have you heard anything from your dad, did he send you a card. Having said that most of the men folk in my family are useless at remembering birthdays let alone sending cards. I was hoping your sister would have reminded him.
I think being out of sorts today and a bit flat is to be expected, anticipating the day is always worse than the actual day itself. Of course you had counseling yesterday too.
Look forward to seeing more photos of how your getting on in the garden when your SD card arrives.
Sending love Debbie. xx
I wasn’t able to sing happy birthday to you like your mum used to, so added this link.
Past few weeks have been manic. I will spare you the perimenopause parts lol. But putting up the Coronation display taking two days and then no turn around to go to Cornwall,
But first @christine51 Happy Belated birthday! You should be getting something via amazon tomorrow but it didn’t have a gift slip option, that’s from me. Hope you had a nice day.
Now to spam you with my pictures! The night before we flew to Cornwall I looked at the flight tickets closely, they had told me a couple of weeks before the schedule had changed and I saw the flight times were 30mins later going and coming back - no big deal except in tiny writing instead of coming back on Tuesday, we were coming back Thursday! So panic stations for moment then thought sod it, I am off for the week and gota place in Newquay booked for a couple of nights after the castle. Checked granddad had enough medication and clean pants with him!
The flight was on a tiny proprellor plane, like a flying minibus, but actually very comfy.
The castle stay was just amazing. Staying in a castle for the coronation was quite something but also we know the family (they have a link to the farm my granddad had from the late 60s and came grouse shooting every year till he retired in the 90s). I’d written to let them know we would be there and hoped we could say hello.
well it turns out Charles the owner was as excited by the visit as we were!! We were treated to him driving around the massive gardens and estate on the buggy, drinks in the castle on a night and lots of laughter as many raucous memories from the old days shared. Honestly, Granddad was over the moon and so touched to be made such a fuss over.
Let me spam some pictures
Our living room in the castle - our apartment was over three floors and so lovely
The gardens are famous for their camelias, rhododendrons and magnolias
Our impromptu stay at Newquay was lovely. The weather was nice (not what was forecast!) and got to go and have a paddle and search for sea glass on the beach.
And I played the tupenny falls and won a key ring.
And of course a lot of good food was eaten. Fish n Chips, cornish pasties, scones and creams, fudge, ice cream, cake - all the main food groups
Hi everyone
Had a great day at the Palace theatre watching The Cursed Child yesterday. One of those shows where we are not supposed to mention spoilers and its hard to give a review without them . Just to say it was epic and spectacular and the magic came alive on stage. Any HP would love it. Best way to see it is the two parts together. Had a decent view for the money I paid and was pleased. Amazing show which has won more Olivier Awards than any other in history.
Sending love to you all . Nice to be getting some sustained nice weather.
Love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Tina,
The ‘manure’ turned out to be a rich compost and not what I imagined, thank goodness! No 50p’s lurking and managed to get round most of the fruit trees, roses and areas which needed topping up (under the trees at the top). Felt so much better for getting out into the garden after my birthday. You’re spot on with feeling like a part of us is missing, feeling incomplete and ill at ease. I’m still upset at what my life was with mam compared to now. And all the things she’ll never do or enjoy again. I still want to take her place so she can live on. If only it were that simple. She’d have to look after Porsch but that wouldn’t be a problem. Cats always loved mam because she is calm and peaceful, the opposite of me. I still wish I wasn’t me so that I could have been a better daughter for her. I feel guilty that I’m not enough of somethings (like mam) and too much of other things (la wirlwind of energy and determination).It’s true what my family says about me being too much. But I can’t be another person. I don’t know how to be. Got a birthday card from dad which shocked me, given that it’s been over a year since he screamed at me on the phone for no reason. But I got a lovely bouquet of seasonal flowers from my sis up north which was a complete surprise. She texted me back but didn’t ring. Don’t think she wants to actually talk to me.
Just waiting for my plants to arrive and I’m going out later to meet my niece after work for a swim. I was very disappointed that she has cancelled coming over at the weekend to celebrate my birthday with my little nephew. I did a food order with burgers for the barbie, crisps.pop and icecream for afters.Even arranged the delivery late on so I could pick them up but I’ve managed to rearrange an earlier time. She does this a lot and then says she had told me she’d have to organise things and let me know. I’m not a moron! I wouldn’t go ahead if we hadn’t planned it all.
Rather nervous about going out in the evening because I now know that it is the creep creeping about outside that has been waking me up at 4.30. Night before last I woke and was about to get up for the loo when I heard his door close very quietly. What is he doing at that time of the morning? I’ve put up another 2 cameras but really do not feel safe given that I have been his target before. I noticed a drop in my petrol on the way home from therapy and had to top up which was strange as I didn’t need to the day before. Wonder if he’s been syphoning off my petrol?! Do peeps do that? It makes me so suspicious of him. I’ve bought another fence panel to increase the height at the house end as a precaution. I feel like I’m in prison living here. Haven’t checked the camera to see if he has been recorded.
Glad this week is nearly over. Popped on mams tribute site to tell her how much I missed her on my birthday. I can’t imagine time will make it any easier to accept her absence. I can’t imagine anything worse than living in this void she has left behind. I miss her so much. I keep remembering things from all different ages of my life with her. But mostly we are in the old garden together. Wish she could see my garden now.
Will catch up with everyone before I leave for swimming.
Waiting for my sd card to arrive so I can take pics fir you all.
Lots of love. xxx
Hi Debbie,
I’m laughing and crying at the same time! Thank you so much! Trying not to cry because I’m going out swimming but really wish I was just hiding in the house. I can’t stop myself getting upset when I remember nice things. Mam would have loved this card! I can imagine her reaction, and how grateful and pleased she would be that I have found real friendship here. OMG I miss her!
Just telling Tina my manure was really just rich compost so I’ve used it to mulch the roses, fruits and the top beds under trees which are root bound. Still have some to do. It wasn’t stinky like I thought.
Forgot to tell Tina I saved a life while I was watering the garden. A baby bird had got it’s head stuck in the round trellis, had slid down and was twitching. Must have caught it just in time. Popped it in my top and carried it around with me while I finished with the hose. It recovered and I popped it in a hanging basket where it started cheeping for it’s mam. Eventually flew into the canopy where all the birds hover to feed so it must have been ok. I sat out for a while checking to see if I could still here it but I couldn’t. Was very moving watching it looking up at me while I chatted to it.
I got a lovely bouquet from my sis but she didn’t phone. Replied to my texts thanking her. The card from my dad was a total shock. He thinks enough time has passed that we should speak again. I did nothing to deserve being treated the way he did and so can expect it again if I was to ring him. So I won’t be. Nothing had happened for him to turn on me like that. I still don’t understand why.
So pleased my birthday is over with so I don’t have the pressure to visit mam on her tribute site. It’s so very upsetting seeing her there because I know she isn’t here and will never be again. Still want to take her place so she can keep enjoying life. She’s missed so much since she’s been gone.
Was really upset that my niece is seeing her boyfriend and won’t be over at the weekend for a barbie with my nephew. I’ve done a shop so will keep it in the freezer and keep hoping that it happens another time.
Can’t wait for this sadness to lift again. It is exhausting carrying it around with me.
You’ll be truly exhausted getting up extra early and for 4 weeks?! You are a saint! I can still remember the hush of sitting exams, the prep of revision beforehand and the freedom afterwards to start enjoying life again.
Thank you again for my singing card. It’s fab!
Lots oof love xxx
I’m glad you enjoyed it Neil, I’ve read the book which is done as a script, so I know what happens. I’ll have to make it a priority to go when I retire.
Sending love Debbie x
Firstly, I have just come back from the Post Office so your little gift is now at the mercy of Royal Mail. It’s quite late in the afternoon so may not get to you for a while, just let me know when it gets there. It’s just a little gesture, nothing exciting.
Was reading about the baby bird. Right place at the right time I think! Zoe hates birds and will bark at anything that flies. She’s hoping for pigeon pie but she’s not managed it thank goodness.
Shame about the Barbie but thankfully no wastage. It’s disheartening when things fall through and plans are cancelled. mixed feelings about the flowers and card I imagine but I’m pleased for you that they acknowledged your birthday. I think people take the easy way out sometimes with texting because before mobiles they would have to ring “in person” and now texting enables them to make contact on their terms and in their own time. Speaking generally, many people think mobile phones are keeping them connected but in reality I think they don’t realise how disconnected they are actually becoming.
It’s such a shame that the warmer weather brings more opportunity to be out but the Creep scuppers things. I don’t know if people still do syphon petrol anymore. It used to be the boy-racers with their Ford Fiesta’s that had spent on their YTS money that used to do that of old. Creep should be past that (you’d think).
Glad you have got loads done again in the garden. It’s just sometimes doing stuff before the dark thoughts descend as when they do, it’s almost impossible to find the mental energy to do so. At least that’s how I feel.
Hi Beki,
How wonderful! And such beautiful pics. My fave is the old moss covered steps. No wonder your Grandad was chuffed to bits. What amazing memories. And then to make the most of it with Newquay too. I camped there a few times with the family and cats! Such a chilled place and beaches are lovely there. Hope you found lots of beach treasures to use in your work. Takes me back to childhood in South Shields, searching in rock pools for crabs and collecting seaweed to throw on my sisters! Love the barnacles? They were always a fave shell to collect, especially if the bits were still together. You were so lucky with the weather. I hadn’t realised you’d gone away until you got back. I sent your root off yester so you might have it today.
Those pics of the rhodedendrums etc put my garden to shame! Such a treat going round in a buggy. Will you be going again next year, or maybe’s a stay in another castle?
Soz I didn’t get back to you yesterday. I went swimming with my niece and it was really lovely. Will do it again next week. Has given me new inspiration for getting back into it again.
No Amazon delivery yet but I’ll let you know. Glad my birthday is over. Always upsetting not having mam here and a reminder of her absence. Delayed reaction as I wasn’t crying on the day. Hit me the next day.
Glad you’re back babe. Just waiting for my shopping to be delivered. Starving so really looking forward to my treats (burger, crisps and icecream).
Hope your return isn’t too much of a thud back to reality. We’re forecast a heatwave end of May so you have that to look forward to! I hate the heat and just melt so trying to get the gardening jobs done before that. Just had more compost delivered but the creep has been out there for hours chopping his garden. Never leaves it alone on his days off. As you know I absolutely loathe him but now knowing he’s creeping at 4.30 am waking me up most days I’m more tuned into what he’s doing again.
Are there any events coming up soon for your craftiness extravaganza? Would be a boost for you to meet up with your crafty ladies after being away. My textiles have been on hold since getting back into the garden but I’ll be dragging it all out the loft when the heat hits.
I have my new sd card now (no need to format it) so I’ll be updating with new pics soon (when creepy bollocks isn’t around!)
Always a relief when Friday comes round and I can look back on my week to see what I’ve achieved. And of course my fave Monty will be on tonight.
Lots of love babe xxx
Hi Neil,
So pleased you had a wonderful day and I love the winged ‘nest’ at the front of the theatre. Glad you’ve got good eyes. I’d have to wear my driving glasses from up there. Do they still have those little red binocular things? I always loved using them as a kid.
It’ll be hard to top that one but do you have anything planned for summer? Always good to have something to look forward to. I know it’s not in the same league (no magic at all!) but I did enjoy my swim last night with my niece after work and am inspired to start swimming again myself, and will go again next week with her. Got told off again for not going with the general one way system, despite there being room for about 7 just going up and down. People do love to follow the rules. I just laughed and asked if I could go in the sauna but I wasn’t allowed.
Creep has been power tool mad most of the day so I’ve been stuck inside. Just can’t bear the share the same air as him. Looking forward to my treats soon in my shopping delivery. Always think of you eating a cheesecake now and wish I had remembered to get one. Mam loved them too.
Just saying to Beki, I’m so pleased my birthday is over. Every ‘event’ in the calendar only makes mams absence bigger. But she would be really happy that you have all made a fuss of me on my day. Means the world to me!
Think that’s my van man so will pop back later.
Lots of love hun and really pleased you enjoyed your massive day out. xxx
Hi Tina,
It’s Christine 53! Wish I was still 52, though 22 would be much better when I was still free and not agoraphobic. Glad it’s over and I’m feeling less upset now about mam. Of course it’s still there, always will be, but I’ve calmed down again. Will look out for your parcel and let you know. Doesn’t matter what it actually is (could be a castle ! or a bic pen). It really is the love and thought that counts. I’m always in tears now getting cards (post or online) because they mean so much from you all. know I’ve already said it but mam really would be so happy that I have you all here, even if it is just online. Still counts and is very real. I always feel soo much better for chatting and posting.
Glad you got garden jobs done. I’ve been stuck inside all day being bombarded with noise by the creep and his garden power tools. I hate that I am forced to live next to him. I detest hearing and seeing him. Liked your boy racer scenario of them sucking out the petrol for their cars! He’s no boy racer, just a really very odd oddball. Never known anything like it. Everything that happens makes me suspicious that he is involved. Dread to think what he’s doing creeping about in the dark. Might have to get my big knife out again to put under my bed incase I find him standing over me when I’m sleeping. Wouldn’t stand a chance because I’m tiny in comparison. But that’s how frightened I am after what has happened.
Still waiting for my food delivery and looking forward to devouring my burger, crisps and icecream asap. Made me laugh with your pigeon pie! Zoe would be frantic in my garden with them all flapping about. The baby starlings are quite ferocious with one another, fighting over the fat balls. Was really chuffed when the baby bird recovered. Must have just happened as it was twitching when I found it. Nature is amazing.
Really enjoyed my swim with my niece last night (picked her up after work) and am inspired to start going again myself. Hoped my compost delivery would be sooner than it was as I wanted to meet her today for lunch but was too late. I used the time to get the fishtank cleaned and then the bathroom so I’ve had a rather productive day up to now. It’s so true about mindset. The smallest task can feel massive when I’m not up to par. Sometimes I don’t have a clean cup for a drink and a bench full of dishes to tackle. I can gauge how I am doing by that. I do feel quite exhausted though after the stress of this week, shocked getting a card from my dad (haven’t got in touch) and my sis not ringing me when she said she would. It’s awful that my day is determined by peeps doing or not doing what they say. Since mam I am so affected by things outside of my control. I try to keep perspective but it’s hard to not react. I’ve never felt so sensitive, fragile, hopeless etc.
Is this my shopping? Bags at the ready! Will pop back later if I don’t zonk out as I was up at 6.30 for the delivery which didn’t turn up until nearly 1. So annoying.
Discovered an old puzzle book I love. Nonogram. It’s a sequence of dots along a line to create a picture. But you have to work out where on the line each bit is. Just ordered a new one for summer. A little thing to look forward to. And Monty tonight, then Gogglebox. A good night ahead.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine
So glad you managed to have your swim . You always seem much brighter having done so. I think that goes for us all having our individual things to look forward to .
Reading your comment about the Creep and his power tools . A few things we could do to him with those !
Great to see Harry Potter at last! Exciting day and tiring but absolutely worth it. Booked a ballet triple bill last week and found out today my two favourite dancers have been added to the cast list so really pleased.
Hope you can have a good a weekend as possible. Nice to have a few sunny days in a row now- long may it continue!
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hope everyone is getting some comfort/enjoyment from the sun. Its really very warm isn’t it.
Well I took a leaf out of your book Christine and did some garden stuff. I noticed the potted up shrubs were looking hot and wilty so I’ve moved them to a new home underneath the old swing frame. There’s no seat for the swing anymore so it’s “spare” space. Its cooler as the sun is dappled and they may not need the same constant watering. Plus hopefully rainwater will drop from the rose bushes which are now huge since I pruned them. Im not 100percent sure where to stick the container roses yet as I’d have to check how they are with sun as I can’t remember.
If my efforts look halfway decent I’ll take some photos! Our garden has never been a “pretty” garden. Its always been more of a rough and ready garden. Its had a lot of playtime by us three and his mates, There’d be bike/skateboard bits and all kinds all over as he had loads of mates as a teenager. However, the only difference between men and boys are the size of their toys and now as an adult he’s upgraded to wheels, tyres, car parts and all kinds of other ugly mechanical/car stuff! I used to like making dens as a kid and my bestest thing to play on was my pair of wooden stilts when we weren’t having “kerb-y” tournaments till nearly midnight!
I was going to try and go for a walk but I’ve been trying to occupy Zoe since just gone 6am. It will be 8/9 days before she gets out and she’s a very rough play-fighter so I’ve had a few bites and headbutts today. Although I do wonder if that is actually “play”!
Well I need to go and get some coffee and something to eat. By the time I’ve done that who knows if I’ll still be in a good enough frame of mind to carry on, as many of you all will know, our feelings can be a bit unpredictable at times can’t they.
Neil I can imagine you are thrilled at your favourite dancer’s being on the show. Are these the ones you chat with? I bet you feel lost when you have days with no shows on.
What a beautiful warm sunny day it’s been, been out in the garden all afternoon.
I hope your feeling a bit better Nick, migraines are awful one of my granddaughters had one in the middle of her English Lit Exam last week, she still managed just about to finish the paper even with distorted vision. They are going to let her sit the rest in a room with more natural light with her own exam invigilator.
Have you anything on this week Neil, I remember you said next week you going to the ballet and your dancing friends will be performing. Well done to West Ham for reaching a European final.
I hope you are okay Palou, getting by the best we can.
Well Christine you will be proud of me, my son came round and dismantled the wooden frame that held the old pond. Used his electric circular saw to chop the wood up ready to use in his chiminea. I’ve still got a bit of compost to move and rearrange my pots and garden bench, do that tomorrow. Instead I took up the old lawn edging out the front and put in new wood logs edging. I even manage to saw the last length down to size and re-nail a stake on the end. I’m well chuffed I managed it, Doug must be pleased with what I had done, as walk into our back garden and a white feather was in front of me. It’s nearly 8pm and I’m still sitting in the garden now.
I been to the garden centre earlier for coffee with my cousin and brought some silver leaf plants, to replace the one that Doug bought and did not make through the move from the old pond area. I need to plant them up tomorrow too, when I get home from church. I’m on coffee rota tomorrow. Also messy church this Friday, we are doing calming the storm, I post a picture when I get my example done for the children to follow.
I’m going to go in soon, getting a bit chilly now, pleased with my days efforts. I hope you have managed to enjoy a peaceful day in your garden and not been bothered by next door.
Many thanks @christine51 i received my cutting today. I dipped it in some rotting powder and have planet them, hopefully the right way up
Amazon lists your gift as handed to the resident. They say that when they deliver stuff to granddad and never even knock on the door! Have a look around your door and behind the pots. If no sign I will chase them!
If I lived near the beach I would be looking for sea glass all the time
Tomorrow I am going out with a friend to visit the well dressings in Derbyshire and Sunday lunch. Never been to the well dressing before and always wanted to
Done a bit of gardening and tidying today but feeling a right lazy mare!
@NEILB72 tour theatre trips looked great, they always do such amazing displays outside that theatre, the canopy over the entrance is such a great setting for them. Sorry to hear you have a migraine, they suck. Hope it passes soon.
Hi Neil,
Made me laugh with the power tools suggestion. If only real life was like tv. The things I’d inflict on than man! Inspiration taken from horror films like The Purge and Saw. When he’s strutting around trimming his mates bush! he does look like something out of the Hostel films. He looks as deviant as is his nature. He was out today so I took full advantage and busied myself with lots of jobs - painted my 2 posts and small fence panel (to finish the fencing to the house), tidied pots away from the patio which are Spring bulbs going back and also things that look dead but I’ll see if anything happens. Filled pots with compost and popped plants in position but waiting to see if I still like it before planting. It was lovely sitting in the sun with my puzzle. It was really quite hot and will be the same for next week. Summer is on it’s way! Had a bob about the garden taking lots of pics now I have my new sd card (such a faff). Will post tomorrow. I didn’t get sat down until 9 pm, just in good time for the new detective series (my fave actress from The Unforgotten). I only came in because my fox was mooching for his food but wouldn’t have it with me still out there. So very beautiful and in great condition. It was squealing with excitement for his tea!
I’m so busy with the garden that I didn’t get a chance to go swimming on my own today but I do plan to asap. Might do it tomorrow actually as I did so much today. Looking forward to starting my half hour sessions again. Seem to be uplifted again. It’s always such a relief when the intensity of the sadness is diluted.
Not surprised you were tired after your extravaganza. Great to see you have ballet booked and your dancers will be on. I wish I’d kept going with my ballet. It is such a beautiful and graceful profession. But I’m glad I don’t have ballet feet!
Always intrigued by the dark side!
Kept looking for the baby bird today but not sure when there are so many of them in the feeding frenzy of breakfast.
Will post my pics tomorrow as I have so many. The garden is growing before my eyes!
Hope you are able to get out in the sunshine for a bit. Always makes me feel better for a bit of sun on my face. Do you have a nice green bit near you? Maybe’s take a blanket and a cuppa. I found it really hard getting started today. Enjoyed sitting and relaxing for a change. The end is in sight!
Lots of love and I will be back tomorrow xxx
Hi Tina,
I have been bathing in prisms of light with rainbows dancing on the patio while soaking up the beautiful sunshine. Thank you soooo very much for my beautiful birthday gifts! I tied them onto the fig tree above with my ribbon and have to walk through them to get to my chair. Beki sent me one too! So I feel very blessed and loved! I found one of my own too and will dig through my jewelry box to see what else I can find. This is my new inspiration. As soon as I started opening your very pretty packages I knew it was you! Love that you created your own wrapping. Porsch was very miffed that there were no treats for her! Every time she hears a rustle she thinks it’s Dreamies.
It was lovely just sitting soaking up that sunshine. I really had to force myself to get up and get started. Took lots of pics and will update tomorrow. I only sat down for tv at 9 as I got in late and only because my fox wanted his tea and was squealing and faffing about but wouldn’t eat it because I was there. Glad to hear you got lots done too. Would love to see your pics. Now the sun has some heat in it everything seems to be bursting into life but I was very miffed that my foxgloves, a fern, petunia and marigolds have perished or been munched. So much work goes into planting them up. But my hostas are thriving. My plants for the new trellis area behind the pond arrived so I’ve been arranging them before planting up. They are really fab value from Gardening Express online. Will use them from now on.
Really pleased that my trellis is creating a more shaded habitat than being exposed to the full glare of the sun. Hard to believe I only took the shed down last year and the area is transformed. Planting seems to have taken well. It seemed like such a massive task but when I started creating small spaces to fill it was easy to complete. I still wonder if things are in the right place and I Google where they should be. Still not the same as having mam there to advise me. But most of the roses planted last year have taken and have new growth which is fab. I think any rose likes to be in the sun. But most things seem to quite like dappled shade. I have so much weeding and cutting back to do.
Bet your garden has really enjoyed seeing you all grow and having fun. I loved making camps in hedges, adding carpet offcuts to sit on and bringing in bits and bobs (can’t really remember now). It was more fun creating the camp than it was to just sit in it! Having a picnic was good and we’d take turns reading to the group. My grandma had an old coal cupboard bit in her kitchen and my cousins and sis would sit out there like it was our den. Oh the joy of children’s imagination.
I think Zoe needs a full time carer! or play mate who is as rough as she is. Bet you’re black and blue by the end of playtime. She so dominant over you! I loved my sister’s dog. She knew when I was thinking of going and would lean onto me so I was pinned down and couldn’t get up. I think I was her favourite because I always had treats in my pocket or would sneak little bits of ham from the fridge. We’d charge up and down the garden together. You could see the love and excitement in her eyes. Such a loving soul. I would take her to the pet shop for a treaty and be whisked back home at top speed so she could enjoy it in peace. I really miss those times, going over to visit my sis with her bustling house of children and animals.
Wish I could sit with the fox while it has it’s food.
Might go for a cheeky swim tomorrow but will post my pics first. See you in the morn.
Lots of love xxx
