My little one tells me her big sister hits her when I’ve been sat with them both and not seen any hitting so I’ll take some of what she says with a pinch of salt. She’s so cheeky. Mum always used to poke her tongue out at her and if I said smile so I can send a picture to mor mor she’s poke her tongue out. Have pictures on my messages of mum doing it then evie doing it back but I can’t look at them right now.
Dads…. Hmmm. My dad left mum 15 years ago for someone he’d never met in the flesh. I still spoke to him. He was my dad. But he was so awful after my gramps died we didn’t speak for a few years. In the weeks leading up to mum going we spoke most days. When I was on my way to go to mum that night not knowing quite if she was ok or not he called me saying he had to get over his mum dying and I’ll have to do the same. Was also asking if she wanted to be buried or cremated. God I yelled at him. Even swore at him. I’ve not heard a peep from him since.
Christine…I mean absolute no disrespect when I say this but your dad sounds like a narcissistic bully (and my dad was the same) and I commend you for standing up to him and not accepting that behaviour. You say no as it’s not convenient to you and despite telling him what day not to book his car in he does exactly what you have asked him not to do!! That is such controlling behaviour and my mum put up with behaviour like that for a while ‘for an easy life’ but luckily she stood up for herself and like you said no. It did not go down well…:a bit like yourself but the strength that it must have taken you to stand by your not caving in and letting him have his own way is a massive step forward. As you have pointed out he would not treat your sisters like this and to think it’s acceptable to treat you like that is just not on in any form. The fact that he sounds like he’s behaving like a big baby throwing a tantrum makes me think that even more.
Well done you for saying no! And going to your therapy is one thing you should not compromise on x
Glastonbury the town imo is the best place ever and you can literally expect to see anything. Over the years I’ve seen stormtroopers, wizards walking up and down the street. I have seen people sitting on benches in the Main Street with an owl beside them, have seen people sitting eating in a cafe with their pet alpaca sitting at their feet…literally anything is possible there lol x. I’ll post pictures when I’m down and if I go to Chalice Wells I’ll post photos of the gardens x
If my tattoo appointment goes ahead on Sat I’ll post photos of them too lol x
I can imagine the adrenaline will be pumping so you will be finding hard to calm down but you should feel pleased with yourself for not crumbling x. It’s never nice to hear of families falling out or trying to take advantage of each other but you fire and tenacity is showing through more and I admire it.
Hope your night becomes less fraught and hope therapy goes well tomorrow and of course I hope the car bill isn’t as bad as you fear x
When I worked in Glastonbury (the shop I worked in is now a proper job) I used to wander up the high street on my lunch break. One of my colleagues took me into the church on the high street once. A lot of links around there to Jesus and the burning bush and also merlin etc. Used to love all the different things I’d see. The goddess festival was amazing. A man dressed as a tree. People just being themselves and not caring. Such a wonderful place xxx
Hi Nicola,
It’s lovely that you have those precious moments captured for when you are ready to look at them. It’s still so raw. Even now after 4 months I can’t look at mam’s pictures but I do want to post on her tribute site for Mothers Day. I had to stop going on there. It was torture for me. Even now I’m getting upset thinking of her smiling in all the pics. She loved us all so much.
I don’t understand why dad is so selfish and dismissive of me. It’s infuriating but also really upsetting because I haven’t done anything to deserve it. He just cannot stand me.
XXX
Hi Suzanne,
I am sorry for dumping that on you but I had to let it out. I just don’t understand why he does this to me though. He knows I won’t put up with his bullshit. I always asked mam why she put up with it. He is ridiculous. The more he pushes the more I don’t do what he wants. Maybe that’s why he dislikes me so much, because he knows I won’t be pushed around. Can’t understand why he tries knowing it won’t work. I just really dislike the way he behaves towards me. A massive toddler.
Can’t wait to see your pics of Glastonbury town. Sounds a wonderful place to live. Who doesn’t want to see a wizard or exotic creatures when you venture outdoors. Mam would have loved going there.
Good luck with your tat. I nearly fainted when I got mine done years ago and did pass out when I got my belly pierced. Can’t take the pain.
xxx
Hi Christine,
I never see you as ‘dumping’ on me so never feel like you are.
He does sound like a toddler and I too asked my mum many times why she stayed with him and in the beginning it was fear and debt but as she got older she saw the light for want of a better expression and got the only way got rid of him was getting me to hire a can for him and getting me to drive all his stuff to a new flat that she and my auntie paid for…looking back that was quite a ballsy move lol x
Any word on the car bill yet? Did you go to your therapist?
Hope you have had a decent day and I am happy to lend an ear especially if it reinforces what you already know ie that you deserve to be treated so much better and the issue is with him.
Hi all
How has our day been ?
I must admit mine has been pretty rubbish. I seemed to have hit a wall of grief today. Have several good days and then bang , it comes out of nowhere . Had Mum on my mind all day and thinking of the ‘what if’s’ again. Thankfully this doesn’t usually happen so much now and I’m told it’s perfectly normal. Had to make a Samaritans call to give me a bit of help and it did somewhat. Unusual for Thursday to be my worst this week!
Got Mum some lovely yellow and white chrysanths and some for her Mum ( my Nan who I never knew). Still got some of my parents anniversary flowers from 3 weeks ago.
Hope you have all had a better day than me
Best wishes
Neil x
Sorry your day hasn’t been too good. I hope you have a better day tomorrow. I think it can hit on any random day sometimes. I seem to be hurting all the days and today has been bad as it’s 5 weeks today. I try and not acknowledge the time it happened and try to keep busy but didn’t seem to help today.
Hi Nicola
It’s horrible isn’t it ? Can’t wait to start my counselling next month. A friend of mine went to see a medium, she was a sceptic, but came out converted . Don’t know whether I could do it although not ruling it out.
I do now believe ( and hope) in the afterlife, whatever form it takes.
Hoping tomorrow is more positive.
Best wishes
Neil x
My mum was a believer. She loved most haunted and stuff like that as did I. We said if one of us went we’d have a code word which would be said. I have thought about it but might be a bit too soon and I worry about being disappointed more than anything.
Yes Nicola I would be worried about being disappointed too. My friend saw a medium after 6 years since her husband passed. Mum only 4 months.
I always said 25th Oct 2015 when Dad died that was the worst day of my life but 30th Nov 2021 when Mum passed is the worst by far as it was so unexpected . I find myself thinking and talking to Dad more now to help get me through. He was such a strong, brave , loving , intelligent man . Mum missed him so much , more than what she showed . The only consolation is that they will be together again when I have Mum’s ashes placed with him x
Sorry to hear that today is a bit hard on you…could it possibly be a knock on effect from yesterday? but glad talking to the Samaritans we’re able to be of help x
I thought of you when I was in Morrison’s today as I saw a pile of koalas like Keith so made me smile as I remembered your photo x
Has your best friend been able to phone lately too as chatting always seems to help?
My day was fun but stressful as it was my day in the dog grooming salon and one of my dogs…a wee Pomeranian…was so small it just kept bouncing about the table…it was like trying to groom Tigger lol x
What are your plans for tomorrow as I know you’re out on Saturday?
Hope you feel less down tonight and if you want to chat about anything then always here for you xx
Hi Suzanne and thank you as always for your kind words.
Dont really know what happened today. Just put it down to one of the bad days that we have. My mate phoned me yesterday evening and all was good there. My Morrisons had run out of koalas today so glad I bought him last week! Probably why I’ve been day is the thought of Mothers Day and being constantly reminded of it.
Nothing much planned tomorrow apart from stripping the bed out and doing a couple of loads of washing. Then theatre Saturday.
Hope what is left of the evening goes well
Best wishes
Neil x
Hi Suzanne,
Can’t believe I’m up this early! I’ve been woken by noise in the loft (not the creep, bedroom side of the house). I think it’s rats from the hoard next door. The council have been moving bags of rubbish, car tyres, furniture, etc from inside to outside the house. They only cleared it away because I complained. So I’ll have to call someone out to see if and where rats are getting in. Just finished laying all my loft boards before mam left in November so it will be a nightmare if I have to take them up to see if there’s a nest. I just have no peace living here.
I got my bill yesterday. Another 500. So that’s 900 in the last week on my very old car. The steering fluid was empty so there was no leak to investigate in the mot, otherwise it would have failed and I would have scrapped it. Extremely annoyed. But then the other way of looking at it is I’ve not done any repairs in the last 3 years so two big jobs have come together and I can look for another car this year and maybe sell this one and get make some money back on it.
Dad had taken his car in and got a lift to my sisters without letting me know. I knew I had to go anyway to pay my bill and so phoned to offer him a lift because I was going anyway. He accepted but there was no apology. When I explained that he has to just accept it when I tell him I cannot do something he said we had both been in a bad mood! I said I hadn’t and had had a good day in the garden until his phone call. So anyway it’s done now. I don’t think he likes it that I won’t be pushed around. If he tries again he knows what will happen. I’m very transparent. Treat me like shit and I’ll give it back. It’s just so unnecessary. I don’t treat anyone like that.
I admire your mam and auntie. Even though they paid it it was worth it for the end result. I think we come from a generation of women who were conditioned to put up with so much from a husband because they depended on them financially, had built a home, had kids, wanted the fairytale etc. Bullying is always acted out of weakness or fear. I will not be my dad’s emotional punch bag now that mam is gone. Maybe he sees me as a challenge because I don’t fit that conventional woman’s role. He said he’d had a bad week and been over here nearly everyday. It wasn’t to spend time with me so whatever is going on (he’s not saying) is nothing to do with me. I told him that and got no response. Why do I always have to defend myself when it comes to my family? I just want an easy, peaceful life.
I felt better doing a bit more in the garden, taking away the rotting framework I’d put up in place of a fence at the boundary between me and the creep. It was to save the trees. So I have new tree lengths to replace. It’s also created more space to plant thorny roses if he decides to get through the hedge. So my plan is to continue that today, cutting back the overhanging tree and clearing the pump from the pond and digging some of the mud out. A very stinky messy job so not really looking forward to it. But if I can get some depth back I can order pond plants and maybe some fish. I had a fab idea for the shed. Keep the roof, add ‘legs’ to make an outdoor seating area which is rainproof. Can add my climbing roses. It will open out the space and give shade in the hot summer. I hate throwing stuff away and if I can upcycle I will.
Is it this weekend you’re going away? Have fun! You are so very brave doing it yourself. I used to be brave. Loved travelling all over. It’s like being a shell of who I was before. I’m terrified of dad not being able to help me in the future with my car, or looking for another one when I have to. With mam going it makes me realise dad will too and I’ll be completely alone, even though my sister is 5 mins down the road. I don’t even understand what has happened for her to stop speaking to me. It’s like it’s happened and I wasn’t even present.
Tons of love xxx
Hi Neil,
Thinking of you. Having really pushed yourself to go to the restaurant you are probably quite worn out emotionally and returning to what was ‘normal’ and a nice thing you enjoyed together is painful because it makes the reality now all the more unbearable. You are very good at managing your grief because you reach out when you need that extra help with the Samaritans. It doesn’t make the pain any less but I hope it gives you some comfort.
You will have read in my post to Suzanne my fight with dad and him trying to push me around. I wanted to tell him that if mam was here she would tell him to stop it! I can imagine her now telling him off for trying to force me to do what he wanted (a lift from the garage to my sisters house on my day of therapy). But I didn’t say that because he would be so upset. I miss talking to mam about what is happening. I just really miss her. She was on my side. I miss telling her what I’ve been doing in the garden. I miss catching up on all the news in the family. I miss her so very much. Words don’t express how much. Just wanted to tell you I’m there with you.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine.
Thank you for your kind words as always. Really sorry about your relationship with your Dad. I can’t imagine what it feels like especially when you need his love and support after losing Mum.
I think yesterday you are probably right about the normality of the day before was on my mind and the feelings of sadness returning, together with Mothers Day round the corner.
Hope you have a good day
Best wishes
Neil x
