Hi Neil,
I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you.
Just realised the creep was in his garden, no top on (unnecessary! especially as it’s quite chilly, but at least he isn’t naked), hanging out his washing. I was uncovering my seed trays to put them in the sun when I realised. He waited until I was out there before coming out (doesn’t make any noise). Had to come in. Waiting for him to go to work. But I have jobs planned for the garden so am looking forward to my day and seeing dad tomorrow. If I don’t make the effort I won’t see him at all. Whatever is going on it’s him and not me. I’ve realised that.
Got a lovely Mothers Day card for mam. Will post it on Sunday. Still haven’t been on her tribute site. I know I’m avoiding it because I was getting too upset. But want to do that Sunday and maybe’s add pics of the garden to show her what I’ve been up to. Will get some daffs for mam on Sat with dad. See if dad wants them at his house. My hayfever is starting so they’d have to go in the garden at mine, but that’s ok. Dad might be too upset to have them there. I want to celebrate mam. Dad seems to want to ignore every occasion to remember her by because it will upset him. And I don’t want to make it harder.
Have you got anything planned today? Make the most of the lovely weather. It’s turning cold by the end of next week.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine,
Must be the morning g for being up early as I was up at like 4am and I’m like ‘I’m not working today let me sleep!’ 
x got back to sleep and then my friend phoned to tell me she’s still testing positive after 10 days then my neighbour now has gardeners in cutting paving stones!! I’m like ‘I give up’ so got up and heading to the gym for peace lol x
Yeah I head down on Tuesday for a couple of days so will take it as it comes as not going to go in with any expectations of emotions x
I love the thought of your thorny rose buses in amongst the hedge to catch people that is just my sense of humour lol x
I think you showed great compassion and respect to your dad offering him a lift after the way he treated you so respect to you for that and not surprised at all he didn’t apologise and to say it was cause you both were having a bad day is actually laughable and again credit to you for pointing out that actually no you weren’t 
x
Not saying your dad isn’t going through stuff as he’s bound to be as he’s on human but he needs to confront either the person that is causing him the bad day or speak to you but I’m guessing he won’t as that would show weakness possibly as far as he’s concerned 
x
If this weather holds out to this afternoon I will attempt to go out to the garden and cut back the thorny bushes that have attached themselves to my fence as have never liked them and mum cut them back years ago but guessing there were roots left as they stealthily grew back x
Anyway hope your day goes well in the garden and look forward to seeing your photos and btw you have some vision for seeing possibilities in anything ie your thoughts for your shed…inspiring x
Have a good day and will chat soon 
Hi Christine.
Had to have a chuckle at your comments about the creep . Hope in the Summer he keeps his clothes on if it’s hot!
Lovely that you got your Mother’s Day card and will look forward to seeing it. I will do something a bit different - I might have mentioned it before- I saved Mum’s cards from the last few years and will be putting them all up again on Sunday . Got some lovely flowers yesterday and of course the cuddly koala last week.
Been in the garage clearing some stuff out. I dont drive but I kept the garage on when Dad died and used it for storage. It’s getting too expensive to rent now so I’m clearing it out bit by bit. That brought me some sadness when I came across some of Dad’s tools and his Ipswich Town football mirror. I cleaned that up and brought it back in the flat as I can never throw it away.
Weather very nice here again but not sure of the forecast in London
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Painted mums bench today. I’ve ordered 2 plaques to go on it. One says ‘mums bench’ the other says ‘mor mors bench’ Just somewhere we can sit and think about her xxx
Fantastic Nicola x
Lovely bench and hope it brings back so great memories x
How are you doing today? x
Just wanted to let you know wishing you a good trip to the theatre tomorrow Neil and can’t wait to hear about it xx
Hi Christine,
The thought of creep being topless hanging out washing in cool weather made me really laugh x
As Neil said really hope he keeps his clothes on when the summer comes lol x
In Scotland as soon as it hits like above 7C and the sun is out there is always someone out with shorts on and of course we have the universal phrase ‘taps aff’ to prove how hardy they are (taps aff just means they take their tops off ie T-shirt’s and wander about half naked like the Creep) so if he does it again just think ‘taps aff’ and laugh at the twat lol x
Hope when you see your dad again he’s a little less dismissive and hostile and try enjoy your time with him x
I’ll post photos of my tattoos tomorrow is they don’t reschedule again 
x
BTW I can’t believe the garage had the cheek to charge you all that and what a rubbish excuse for them not picking it up at the MOT x
Chat soon xx
Today was the first day I might of really smiled in nearly 6 weeks. My youngest helped me paint the bench. What a mess! But she made me smile at the state of her. Mum would of been laughing at her. And running away so she didn’t get covered in wood stain too.
How are you today?
Nic xxx
a messy child is a happy child lol x she looks like she’s had a riot helping you
Yeah my day has been fine…not the one I had planned apart from going to the gym for my yoga class as I came home to have lunch with the intention of going into the garden but kinda fell asleep and woke up a couple of hours later with the cat sleeping on me x
So would say more relaxing than productive lol x
This is Cal…short for Excalibur…another Glastonbury inspired name lol x
I think I need to get a cat. At home with mum we’ve always had cats. Our last one was put down in December last year. He’s lovely! Have you ever been to wells cathedral? Not too far from Glastonbury. Mum used to watch merlin and the last episode was filmed there I think. As was Hot Fuzz…. The cathedral is amazing. Xx
Relaxing is good. Naps are good xx
Hi Suzanne,
Soz I didn’t post yesterday. Was in the garden all day being very busy. Really pleased with what I’ve done and will post pics when I get back from dad’s later today. Tackled the pond area, removing the old structure of posts which are now creating a wall so the creep can’t get through the hedge. He was out all day so I cleared a massive amount of stuff. It’s made room for more planting and is very woodland so I need a fast growing evergreen to block him out. Cut so much dead wood back that it’s opened the area up but means he can see in but then I can also see what he’s doing. Might use the fence panels as a fence.
Well done you for getting to the gym. If I’m really exhausted I can sleep through anything. Hope you enjoyed your workout. A lot of peeps will have already given up going after xmas. That’s why I’ve never joined - too lazy!
You must be so looking forward to your days away. I used to love all the packing before a holiday or visiting my sister up north when I stayed with her for a week in the half term. The anticipation is as good as the thing itself. I miss the excitement of shopping for new summer outfits. Did wonder if I should get my summer clothes out the loft but it’s going to cool down again. Maybe some sandals and a couple of dresses.
Thank you for your lovely words about dad and the garage situation. He didn’t want a lift and wanted the bloke to collect him again (very inconvenient to the bloke). It was only because I said I had to pay my bill and so had to go anyway that he agreed. But even when I collected him he was on the wrong side of the road and couldn’t get across the traffic so I had to stop the cars so he could cross and then hold the traffic so he could get in the car. None of it makes sense. I wonder if he did it deliberately. I just can’t not say anything and I think because I told him it made no sense he didn’t like it. I really don’t know how mam tolerated him. He creates drama where there is none. But I see how fragile he is and dare I say it, just want an easy life (without being trampled all over to get it!) I’m terrified of him leaving me like mam. He wants to call the shots but I will not be controlled. So a very volatile situation.
Did you get in your garden and tackle the thorny bushes? I have some with orange berries (great for the birds) with spikes as long as a finger. Lethal.
I got very upset last night with the Pandora advert for Mothers Day. Hit me like a ton of bricks. Not because I bought mam jewelry. Just know it’s coming and I’m avoiding thinking about it. Also being exhausted makes me emotionally fragile.
Have a good day. Make the most of the weather as it’s turning colder by end of week. I think being interested in the weather really is an age thing. I couldn’t have cared if it was snowing when I was young as long as I was dressed up. How times have changed. You should see the hideous white plastic sandals I wear in the garden. Crocs would be an upgrade! As long as I’m comfy!
Tons of love xxx
Hi Neil,
You’ll see from my post to Suzanne I had a great day in the garden yesterday and will post tonight when I get back from seeing dad. Love that I made you laugh. I have seen the creep naked in his house. He’d been watching me put up trellis in the dark (I was trying to finish and losing the light). His lights came on so I turned to see if he was there. Thank goodness I don’t have good eyesight. He was naked in his house with the lights on knowing I would turn round to see if he was there. I was so shocked but mesmerised at the same time (like a car crash). So the naked chest is nothing in comparison but I just don’t want to see it. Hope he doesn’t think that I’m interested in him because I’ve cut back the dead hedging on the boundary line. Going to use the shed panels as a fence I think.
I love that you will use all your mams Mothers Day cards. I wish I could do that. I’ll keep everything from now on in memory of mam. But it’s so sad because she won’t get to see them. Hoping to get some flowers today for her and see if dad will have them there. If not I’ll pop them in the garden because I can feel my hayfever starting. Itchy eyes. I got very upset last night with the Pandora advert. Just hit me that mam isn’t here. I would have been seeing her and spending the day. I feel guilty I didn’t make everything more special in the last few years. I didn’t know they were the last. I just miss her so much. I think that’s why I’m working so hard in the garden, to keep busy.
I love a clear out but doing the garage must have been very hard. Small chunks makes sense and also to let the garage go eventually. I have all dad’s tools and garden stuff in my shed. I’ve bought plastic containers to house the stuff under the bird feeding table because the shed is damp now (15 years old) and I want to open out the garden. It’s the accumulation of a lifetime which is so difficult to deal with. You see it at car booties. All the tools most people walk past. It’s very sad . I’m sure you’ll find more treasures to keep to put along side your dad’s mirror. You could give some things to neighbours and the rest to charity shops. I never fully understood until now how charity shops are full of treasured things. I’ll more mindful next time I shop that’s its not just a bargain I’m getting but a treasured possession.
Hope you have a great day at your theatre.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Suzanne,
Your ‘tapps off’ must be a general Northern thing. Any hint of sun and we make the most of it, even if it is freezing. If it reached 25 in the summer it was a heatwave!
Was just saying to Neil, will get mam some flowers today when I’m out with dad.
Good luck with the tattoos. I can’t get any because I could swell up like an elephant because the lymph nodes were removed for testing when I got the breast cancer. So annoying. Would have sleeves done if I could. Also like the trend of writing/ names over the eyebrow. See it a lot on Soft White Underbelly interviews. I remember being little and tats were really only for people who weren’t mainstream and had to be covered in work.
I agree about the garage/mot. Really annoyed. Dad had his done and had new coils as well. So between us the bloke can have a very nice holiday this year. But it’ll last another year and gives me time to find another car.
Enjoy your tattoo trip. It’s going to hurt!
Love xxx
Hi Christine
So glad you had a positive day yesterday in the garden. I think we’re all trying to blank tomorrow out of our minds until the day comes. I’m trying to have a normal theatre day and blank any other thoughts out if I can. If I have something to look forward to then I’m usually OK.
Hope you day is another positive one and that you don’t see the creep .
Best wishes
Neilx
Hi Nicola,
How adorable! I agree about children and mess. Trying to be fun auntie when my sisters kids were little was so stressful. I’d have them outside for painting (it got everywhere) and I’d feed them in a huge cardboard box in the kitchen along with Porscha because I had white carpets. Sounds awful but they loved it! My sister was very annoyed but it was a game.
Enjoy being with your mam on her bench. I know tomorrow is going to be hard, and I’ve already been sobbing at the Pandora adverts (not that I bought mam jewelry). Going to get her some flowers today and will post her card tomorrow, adding to her shrine.
I was just posting to Suzanne and Neil about my garden. So I’ll post pics when I get back tonight from seeing dad.
Enjoy the sunshine while we still have it.
You’re doing really well!
Much love xxx