Hi Tina,
Thinking of you xxx
Will post my pics of the garden tonight when I get back from dad’s. Will get some flowers for mam.
Tons of love xxx
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Hope you all have a good day today. Not sure what we are going to do yet. I’ve woken up feeling a bit sad. But need to sort myself out for the kids.
Nic xxx
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Hiya 
Yeah love Wells and the cathedral is just amazing. I may go there again this week as been a while since I’ve had a wander round there.
Hope today is a good one for you xx
The stingray is cause it was mum’s spirit animal and the moon is a blessing moon - 
for my auntie, 
for my mum and 
for me so we’re altogether x
Get my chest piece for mum on 4th April x
Hope everyone is doing ok today and that the weather is lovely where you all are as it is up here x
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Hi everyone. Just on my way back from the theatre . As expected Ralph Fiennes was superb, as was the rest of the cast. The theatre was practically full . Beautiful weather at Tower Bridge with loads of sightseers .
Hope you are all having a good day .
Best wishes
Neil x
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Well done you! I love that you included yourself and auntie. Your mam will be smiling and so happy. Lovely timing too with tomorrow. I didn’t get to the shops for flowers. Had another awful fight.
We were having a lovely time in the garden (suntrap) until the nosy neighbour invited herself to join us. So I left to make coffees and she was still there so I got dad to come back inside. I’m not driving an hour there to sit talking to a woman I do not know. I didn’t like her the first time we met when I was really upset about mam. She couldn’t wait to ask if dad was moving out! So I ignore her.
Anyway, I found a new broadband and telephone package (he was thrilled) and attempted to change the telephone number for internet banking for the security code. It was going to mams old mobile and dad doesn’t understand it so a new card reader has to be sent out (he doesn’t want that either). Basically when I tried to explain why it is so hard for him but not other people he had another temper tantrum, throwing the laptop down on the table so hard that everything else bounced off all over the floor. I told him not to ask me to help him with anything else, that he does not listen to what I say or accept what I say. He accused me of criticising him and making him feel stupid. I said I wasn’t doing that and that he doesn’t like what I am saying when I am explaining things to him. So I walked out. He won’t be able to set up the box when it arrives and cannot walk to the bank to get a printout. He will not accept that he doesn’t understand stuff but doesn’t read the information. I cannot have a conversation with him when he will not listen to what I am saying and it is all my fault. So I give up trying. Everything is fine when I do not speak and just do what he says, like planting or tidying the garden. So I’ve just got back and feel really defeated. Wish mam was here. She dealt with this shit and I could never understand why. He challenges everything I say and do. I will not put up with it. He thinks it’s all me doing it to him and never him at fault. I’m the one doing him a favour.
Sorry to put a dampner on your day. I just don’t have the energy for this. It’s not fair.
Will upload my pics of garden now. Thing is, how much gardening chat can we have before there’s another fight? It’s so ridiculous. He has always been a very angry person and blamed mam for everything. Now she isn’t here it seems like I’m the one in the firing line. I will not put up with it.
Love xxx
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Hi Neil,
So pleased you enjoyed your theatre. Didn’t realise it was so big. It must be wonderful to transported to another world. I always went at xmas for ballet productions. Don’t know why I stopped going. It’s great that life hasn’t got in the way of what you love.
Will post my garden pics from yesterday. You’ll see from my post to Suzanne the awful day I’ve had again with dad. Don’t know why this keeps happening. So my garden is the only thing I have to try to cheer myself up.
Much love xxx
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Hi Christine
I’ve just been reading your post and I’m so sorry you’ve had another one of those days. I think about you all at various points in the day and hope at some point each of us can all have a good day at the same time .
If it wasnt for my theatre I would hate to think where I would be.
Much love and hope you can have a peaceful evening
Best wishes
Neil x
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Hello Christine and all. I loved seeing the photos people have taken. Neil the theatre looks huge. I can only imagine how commanding that must feel when it’s full to capacity. Suzanne love the tattoos. Tattoos have definitely changed over the years. I can still remember when if you were a lad at school and you came in with little black made-at-home inky’s on your hands you were either dead cool or dead hard. My niece is a fine arts fan and turned her talents into becoming a tattoo artist.
Sorry Christine you’ve had one or two run ins with your Dad, but you do seem to talking more all in all. I know I’ve missed a few posts so I’m sorry if things have got worse. Keep trying to distract myself by doing stuff. Feel like I’m occupying another person’s body though, all very weird. Like you I’ve been trying to tidy garden and stuff. Been building a fence between next door but it’s hard at week-ends as the other neighbour is at home. Mum would say I am paranoid but but privacy on council properties can be very unforgiving. Anyone would think I have a thing about fences but the one I’m making is far better than the ones I bought for my own home, maybe I should do a sample for Wickes! How is Porscha at the moment. I’d been washing and the next thing I know Zoe was dragging everything over the grass as she’d reached the pegs and dragged them off the line. I pegged them back up higher but then she’s barking at them because she can’t get them herself. It’s like being a Doggy-Nanny half the time. Apprehensive about tomorrow, as you all must be. It will come regardless but it’s just 24 hours and as hard as it will be we hopefully will manage somehow.
I love hearing about your gardening projects, Christine. I want to make some more sparkly sun-catchers but they were what I were doing when Mum was poorly so can’t manage that yet.
I hope all are ok tomorrow. Christine, Neil, Suzanne and Nichola. xx
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I took so many pics that trying to choose is difficult. Here goes:
old structures (at side of large pond) made from tree branches years ago, erected to stop creep getting through hedge including dolls house
cleared to create a small pathway (difficult with hair getting caught in roses)
creating chaos!
dismantle contents of shed to get to plastic storage to create a barrier inside hedge because it is quite open (don’t want the creep getting in while I’m doing mams puzzle book inbetween jobs)
Old dolls houses in larger gaps are filled with smaller branches for in insect hotels
continuing along the tables with longer and heavier lengths to create a woven effect wall
Cutting overhanging trees allows light and air in and will thicken growth at the hedge level
and I’m hoping the overhanging tree hasn’t died (cut back a lot) to provide shade in summer (can’t tell as no buds yet)
Pleased with the effect so far
Will add large tubs all along that section with bamboo and climbers (roses, sweet pea, nasturtian, ivy) to create a living wall
Still have another section of garden to dismantle and add volume
Will keep bird table and waterfall area
but get rid of shed to open up that side of the garden
Happy so far!
Small top pond ready for planting up (mam’s area). Soil depth not great so will have to create with potted plants
Love my rude tree
This is very much still a winter garden with little growth and no colour (apart from patio seasonal pots) so will post again when it’s summer.
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Hi Neilo, I think of you all too and wonder how you are doing. I just don’t understand why it’s so difficult with my family. I don’t create the drama. I just want a peaceful life. I have enough sadness and upset with mam leaving. Why would I want to fight when I see dad?
Hope you like the pics of my garden. Such hard work. My hands are rough like sandpaper and still aching from lugging all the branches around. But there’s nothing more satisfying for me than seeing order after the chaos and a plan coming together. I’m really pleased.
xxx
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Loving the pics Christine x
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Hi Tina
I call the theatre " my happy place where I can escape to " and it continues to be my saviour. The Bridge is quite a large theatre although there are loads bigger. It’s one of the modern ones with no bad seats at all. Mine was a bargain at £15. Ralph Fiennes is a brilliant actor.
I think we’re all dreading tomorrow but let’s hope we all get through it the best we can . We are all here for each other
Love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Tina,
So pleased to hear from you. I’m glad you’re keeping busy and especially gardening. I watched Gardeners World Friday and there was a GP showing his garden and explaining the natural effects of being amongst plants and building white cells to fight cancers. It’s a real approach that GP’s are recommending. I always have to balance my anxiety of neighbours with getting lost in my own world, forging plans, sitting enjoying mam’s puzzle books inbetween. And the cats all love to sit with me and Porscha (she’s very moody at the mo but off her food so I’m a bit worried again). I completely agree with you about fencing and privacy. It seems to be like gold dust here. Whatever I do I am being watched and commented on, even if it’s that I’m a fab gardener! I don’t know what it is, this intense nosiness in people. You’re not being paranoid. It’s a real thing.
Your washing scenario with Zoe is like a comedy sketch. I won’t have a dog because they are like children. Worse than toddlers judging by my sisters puppy training. I want a quiet, simple, lazy life! But I’m glad Zoe is happy and content with her life. She wouldn’t be getting up to mischief like she is if she wasn’t.
You mentioned your lovely sun catchers. Could you perhaps create one for your mam? I created my shrine for her. It was the only thing I could do. Did you see the memory tag pics? They enclose her in the buddha garden because they are reflected in the mirror. I still don’t have her ashes yet but dad will go up north after Easter now (he needs his cataract doing) and bring a little bit of her back when he opens the packet. I didn’t want to disturb her. Have you been to visit your mam recently? I know the fence situation has taken over but is it finished now or are you still waiting for one panel? And did you get the lovely man who helped you like last time? I have been thinking of you.
You’ll see from my post to Suzanne I just don’t get on with dad. Every time I see him there’s something to fight about. I don’t know what will happen because I can’t just talk about plants and the garden. I won’t help him now with anything else. I can’t keep upsetting myself like this. Posting my garden pics made me feel worthy!
Do you like my rude tree? That’s the area for mam, at the top pond. In the summer the trees give lovely shade and it’s private so I’ll be able to sit in mams deckchair and think of her. I have some naughty gnomes (coloured them in with nailpolish), pink flamingoes, a lucky horseshoe and kettle. Made me smile when I was up ther because I remembered your lovely comment about my garden being an Alice in Wonderland adventure. I’ll get some wind chimes and she loved fairies. My nephew is looking after her fairy dell so if they do move I could add them if they don’t take them with. Mam believed in fairies and magic and ‘the little folk’ so I think that will be my next project. I didn’t see any toads or frogs but lots of black water snails. The bigger pond pump needs cleaning so not looking forward to that stinky job!
I got mam a lovely card for tomorrow but didn’t get out for flowers. Didn’t want to get them at the garage. Upset now that I didn’t get anything. I know mam’s not here but it’s still for her. Was quite upset going past the florists with their boxes of flowers. I got her different things sometimes like subscription magazines, face cream, perfume. I can’t rememebr the last thing I got her. Maybe it was Gardeners World subscription. It’s like I have brain fog. Yes, it’s going to be very upsetting. And when I told dad I had a nice card for mam he was so puzzled about where I would send it. Like I was mad. Well if I’m mad we all are! I love what Neil does with his collected cards, putting them all out with his pressies. I’ll collect my cards for her from now on. I was never sentimental before. Wish I had been.
Sending you tons of love xxx
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Hi all.
Glad you had a good day at the theatre Neil.
Suzanne, love the tattoos.
Christine, I’m sorry your dad is behaving like he is. Keep your head high and your chin up. The garden looks lovely.
Tina, hugs 
Todays been a funny one for me. I don’t know why. Just woke up feeling sad and the feeling stayed with me all day. I wanted to take the girls out but couldn’t face it. Mum would of told me off for not. They had fun in the garden though and splashed around in their small pool. Said they were mad but they insisted. I hate this feeling. It’s like desperation if some sort. Like your looking for something and feel a bit lost. And sad. Sorry to burden. I hope everyone manages to get through tomorrow as best as they can. Sending lots of hugs.
Nic xxx
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Hi Christine x
I think you hit the nail on the head in that your mum put up with the nonsense and behaviour and it’s like he just is transferring all that on to you…absolutely good on you for not accepting that and breaking that cycle of unacceptable behaviour x
Also maybe he does feel that technology etc is now outwith his own comfort zone and again he sounds very much like my own father in that if he couldn’t do it or understand it , it was either rubbish, unnecessary or someone trying to show him up by being a smart arse!! He was just too stubborn to accept any help and always took it as a personal slight if someone tries to help. Your dad sounds to me very much like that but your dad has one thing that my dad never did and that was the odd good day where you could talk to him about hobbies x
As for the nosey neighbour inviting herself in…yeah she would have been told to bolt I’m afraid as canna being doing with those type of people and you sound like you have good intuition so if she didn’t feel right to you first time then I’d go with my gut as you did x
I can home today to find the next door garden full of men all with their taps aff and shorts cooking up a bbq…I mean the sun was out but come on it’s still March 
x
Spoke to my cousin today tonight who’s in London and she was telling me she’s had to spend some time cleaning up her garden/car etc from a sand storm. I had read something about it but never gave much thought to it lol x
Have to remember the clocks go forward during the night so need to make sure I’m not late for work especially as I’m opening up lol x
Anyway will speak to you all tomorrow and thinking of you all x
Have a decent night and will look forward to the photos x
Hiya Nic,
I think I know the feeling you are meaning cause I had a similar feeling yesterday…not sad, not happy just nothing…like an anxious feeling that i couldn’t settle/concentrate….just functioning x
Think the adrenaline of the tattoos helped today but like everyone else wishing tomorrow was just over. I’ve tried to rationalise with myself that tomorrow is nothing but a marketing created day and mums are special every day but still fed up seeing it everywhere x
There could be snow on the ground but kids will still wear shorts and want their pool up…I love that resilience and care free attitude…you must be a great mum cause you seem to allow them to create memories even if you do think they are mad x
Anyway try have a peaceful night and will chat tomorrow xx
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Hi Neil,
Those look like amazing seats and for £15!!
I would have expected nothing less than a glowing review for Ralph Fiennes x it’s funny I wouldn’t say he was even in my top 50 of great actors but I’ve never seen him give a bad performance. I would imagine he would have quite the presence on stage.
Really glad you enjoyed it, there is just something amazing about watching a great play x
Will wish you a decent night as I’m working tomorrow but will catch up with you at some point xx
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Loving the photos of the garden and no wonder your hands are sore and you’re knackered as that’s some amount of work you’ve put in.
My mum would have loved the wee dolls houses as she had a thing for dolls houses x
You really are a hard worker and talented lady
Did you ever watch that programme Full Bloom that was on tv last year some time? It was crazy but very addictive to watch xx
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Hello Nic
I do understand about the “looking for something” feeling. I often describe it the same or like I’m “waiting,” waiting for something but not really sure what. I liked the bench idea. Hope the weather lets you have many reflective moments with a cuppa.
Hope tomorrow shows a bit of kindness to us all. xx
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