Hi Tina,
Thank Debbie for letting me know and send her my love. I’ve been thinking about her all morning. She reminds me of my mam in certain ways so I have an extra soft spot for her. Thank goodness it went ahead and all is well.
OMG the thunder ! a tiny slither of lightening (disappointing) and yes! the torrential downpour. I had to run out for Porscha’s cushion and the deckchair. I sat for a couple of seconds at the door watching the rain but too much splashing had me coming back inside at the back window. I got my laminating pic so was preparing the photos, choosing what I will have in the bedroom and on the fireplace. I have one for the Remembrance Book and the rest will go in the kitchen. That will be a big job sorting what goes where. I have a space next to the loo for 3 but not quite sure about that yet. She would wait outside the door / curtain before there was a door, and wait for me. So ladylike!
I’ve been quite bust getting things finished. My dark colour mood board is done (I have loads to create) and I stuck down my interior design research library I had prepared the other day. As soon as it stopped raining I quickly ran out there to make a start on hanging Porscha’s ribbons in the garden. There were 16 rolls of individual rainbow colour and I stayed out there to complete 4 lots in total, carefully balancing the colours as I went to create an overal balance of rainbow over the table. Very tricky balancing on the footstool, table, bench and mound of compost sitting in the old wheelbarrow container under the oil cloth (prepared for when I reseed the lawn so the birds don’t get it all). I was very aware of the bloody nosy buggars next door and the creep on the other side. They must think I’m deaf. I can hear all the comments about me being an artist, a perfectionist, how grief stricken I am, how much weight I’ve lost because I’m not eating much (obviously looking in my bin!) You would think they had a life of their own. I noticed earlier that he had parked at the end corner on the road so obviously he is doing as he has been told to do. He shouldn’t need telling, especially at his age. I’m sure he’ll be fuming about it.
So here are my ribbons for Porsch:
First layer of tying into the bamboo and trellis in the canopy overhead, knotting the bottom for some weight as they are very wafty in the breeze.
Adding more to create a block over the table area.
Creates a waterfall of colour
I noticed two new perfumed roses have bloomed for Porsch. I knew there was new growth but was so pleased to find them.
It feels quite Autumnal now with all the rosehips over the pond
and in the canopy.
Met a cheeky squirrel on my wander round the garden.
Pleased to see the stinking bird seed has been washed with the rain. It replaces the path I lost when I emptied the mud out of the pond.
Still have more stones to collect at the fence before I replace the pots (not even going to try digging them in).
Loads of fat orange slugs everywhere.
Delighted with the blast of colour and huge heads on the begonia.
Popped the fountains and pumps on. Haven’t had them on for a while. The pigeons love getting a drink from the hose.
View from my kitchen door:
Took a trip up the garden and was amazed at the growth on the nasturtians in the bathtub. Not many flowers but love the structure as it strains for the light .
I have unexpected new growth on the grape cutting from my friend (one out of the three but I’ll keep an eye).
The new room I created at the beginning of summer, planting in whatever I had in pots, has grown wild and taking over the path.
So a lot of work to do if I can venture out there with the neighbour situation. The ex husband is always round there, every day. She can’t get rid of him. So I have a battle on both sides now. The hoarder never went into his garden so I was free when the creep wasn’t at home. Glad the garden has had a soaking. Have hardly been out there this summer with the hose. Too busy with the fence / trellis. Don’t know what the creep is doing behind the fence next to my house but he’s always out there fiddling about. Oh the joys of living as an independent woman. I’m sure it intimidates the egos of the men round here.
Now the creep is back I’m sitting with half the curtain closed so I can still see out across the rainbow. Will use the same ribbon for the Remembrance Garden if I’m allowed but just do the 16 rolls. And when I get the xmas tree for the garden I will decorate in red kisses for mam like last year and rainbows for Porsch. Will look very happy and vibrant. I remember you saying that Porsch would wish me to be bathed in light and colour (in your card) so that is where I’m taking my inspiration from. Will certainly brighten up a winter garden.
I hope you are feeling a little less anxious now. Going to make a start on my laminating now and will pop the photos up in the bedroom and shrine.
Lots of love xxx
I adore the ribbons. It’s a beautifully vibrant colour cascade. I can well imagine how Porscha’s eyes would be twirling round at the sight of all those ribbons, desperate to play with them. Your photos are fabulous. I love seeing them. Yeah Nasturtiums can be a bit like that in that they are all leaf sometimes whilst the flowers hide deep underneath. There are some plants I lost that I have forgotten all about and only remembered by looking at photos from last year. I pruned my hydrangea at the wrong time last year and got absolutely no flowers this time but I did expect that.
Just been reading about the loft hatch and where it is in your home. I actually keep forgetting you are in a bungalow, it must have scared the life out of you. I didn’t know he would be able to get from his own loft space into yours. We can’t do that in our houses.
Your comment made me laugh about fancying someone from Shameless! I never actually watched it but can imagine what it was about from from the title! I did however watch the Bill avidly and must admit I fancied Insp Bob Cryer and DCI Meadows. I always was attracted to the older “lived in” coppers. Was never a Burnside fan though! Me and my Husband started to watch the entire series re-run of the The Bill and only had a few episodes left to go and I made it a point of thinking I’d complete the rest myself but of course I never did and don’t feel able to now.
Anxiety didn’t abate any unfortunately
I Should have gone to Asda today but felt shaky and couldn’t go out. Isn’t it strange how someday’s you can go and do what you have to, but other days you just can’t bear to be amongst people on any level. Even the self-serve tills feel intimidating. l just feel completely out of my depth right now with everything.
I’m gonna sign off now, my eyes are going crosseyed.
Hope you had a good evening, seems you’ve been so busy today.
I’ll tell Debbie you was asking of her. She may pop on before I do tomorrow.
Hi Tina,
Just finished watching a random film on Amazon Prime called The Wolf Hour with Naomi Watts as an agoraphobic writer in New York. Brilliant. There’s a lot of tatt on there but this was good.
I absolutely get the thing of being brave to tackle something one day and then not able to do anything at all the next time. Seeing my therapist Tues will be a big thing as I haven’t left the house for 2 weeks now apart from taking Porsch to the vet on the Wed evening. It will be as hard as it is and I will tackle it as I always do. Might try a swim after and get back in the routine I had as it’s just a quick one with the swimming lessons clearing the pool early.
I really am pleased I got the ribbons done at last. When I complete one thing I can then think about the next. Porscha would have loved playing in amongst them all, sitting on the table and having them blowing all around her. She stopped playing a while ago but I hadn’t noticed. Just seemed to stop. I do hope I can do my ribbons in the Remembrance garden so it ties in with home. It will be a marker for her to find her way. I’m so tired of feeling sad. I still get upset but can’t seem to cry now. Will do my laminating tomorrow and take pics of what I put up.
Going to settle down to a camping clip before going to sleep. It’s been a long day with getting up early.
Tina did you not know about the creep actually drilling out the loft wall so he could break into my house? There is no communal loft space. He drilled out massive chunks of the wall to create a triangle for him to crawl through, bringing all his rats with him from his loft into mine. He even put a piece of carpet over the rough brickwork to make it easier for him. That’s why it is so frightening. The police did buggar all about it and said it was a council issue, but they said I had no proof because I didn’t have a camera in the loft to catch him removing the wall. Who would ever think their neighbour would do that? I’m living in a nightmare that has no end because he wasn’t punished and is still living next door. He’s such a freak!
I do hope Debbie isn’t in pain and on lots of medication. So pleased for her though that she’s had it done. Good timing for her retirement coming up.
See you in the morn.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine,
I don’t get up at 4.30am by choice, I just wake up at that time & cannot get back to sleep. It drives me mad. 5am today. My sleep pattern went to pot when hubby was ill and never improved. But I plan on having a snooze some time this afternoon. Rain forecast for this afternoon, so will snuggle up on the sofa.
Shame you could not get into the garden yesterday to get your ribbons done. You might get chance today. Awful for you to have such nosy neighbours. I am planning to get some gardening done this morning before it rains. Pretty tired today though.
No big winners yesterday, but still had a lovely day.
Hope you have a good day.
Love, Alison xx
Hi everyone.
Just popping in to day hello on this Bank Holiday weekend. Been up and down this week although feeling not too bad at the moment. Must be because my next theatre trip is getting closer!
Also West Ham being top of the Premier League( if only for a day at least) has put me in good spirits!
Sending love to you all and hope you can get through the rest of the weekend as best as you can.
Love and best wishes
Neil x
I passed your good wishes and love back to Debbie. I understand she didn’t have a good night but hopefully she’ll be back on better form later today.
I knew creep had been through your loft hatch but not the lengths he had gone through to do so. That’s extremely worrying for you. I hope it’s back to being secure now. You’d think there would be some redress on him for doing that it’s like breaking and entering regardless of who owned the property. To be honest I have little faith in few systems these days. I was reading about a guy in our local paper who had been sent to Prison for 18nonths. Apparently he’d been caught carrying a Stanley knife in town. However the story behind it was that he had lost his Mum, he was 51 with no criminal record and his life had imploded due to the mental strain of the loss and an ensuing rift with his sister over issues relating to the loss. He needed a bit of compassion and assistance not an 18montg custodial, while those robbing pensioners walk free with a telling off. I was flabbergasted to be honest.
Just thinking of you staying up all night to watch a film. I have little concentration so couldn’t manage a film but when I can’t sleep I usually end up spending time watching little craft videos on TikTok or similar.
It’s absolutely pouring down right now. Next door neighbor woke me up at the crack of dawn with his TV but I need to make sure brother gets to his blood test on time this morning at 9.30am. They work on Sundays.
No thunder here at all all but on the plus side with all this rain we haven’t had to be forever watering the garden!
HI Alison,
Glad you had another good day yesterday. Are you pleased with your new specs? I wear them for driving. No wonder you’re tired. Have you tried blackout blinds? I have them just so I’m not watched on a night. You can get them in a range of colours and sizes so not just black. Easy to hang too with the fixtures. I did mine myself. I got mine from Amazon, very reasonable. Adds a layer of colour to the decor.
I did get my ribbons done between the deluge (see my post yesterday). Really pleased with the effect. Had 16 colours and did 4 lots to create density within the space over the table. I can see it from my window and hope to do it at the Remembrance Garden to tie in with the theme. Have also planned my xmas tree for the garden - red kisses for mam like last year and rainbows for Porsch. Will look very pretty. She would have loved playing in amongst them, dangling over the table, thinking she was hidden. As usual I was being watched and commented on. But I stayed to finish it so I could check it off my to do list. Have laminating this afternoon and will be getting my postcard sized paper to make a start on more prints. So lots to do. The gallery in the kitchen will transform the space. Laminating means I won’t have to get frames and is very easy to do.
Enjoy getting out in the garden. Sundays are a hive of activity here so I won’t be going out there.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
Great to see you hun. Weekends for me are generally spent indoors hiding from the awful neighbours and so bank holidays are just an extra day of it. Will be working on my prints for Porsch and will do pics when they’re up. Did you like my ribbons for her? Very effective. Often the real thing is far more effective than the idea in my head. So really pleased.
Glad you have something booked to look forward to. I wonder what I will do when I’m finished my tribute to Porsch. Concentrating on that feels like I’m connected to her. Will hopefully get down to finishing the textiles I created last year but it’s intensive work and makes for a long winter.
I hope your down time is not as harsh or as long as previously. I seem to be managing ok with missing Porsch now. It’s strange because I’ve run out of tears, no matter how sad I feel. I seem to have made sense of it now, that she is no longer battling with the condition and is waiting for me at Rainbow Bridge. Believing in that is better than the alternative of emptiness. The house is so still without her. I’ve heard her a couple of times so I’m sure she’s still here.
I’m going to book a swim after therapy Tuesday to try to get back into some sort of routine again. Haven’t been out for 2 weeks. Just hope the car starts!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Tina,
That is truly shocking about the man in the paper. I share your despair of how unfair the system is in punishing those who are normally ‘good’ and giving chance after chance to those bad eggs who will only ever get worse. There seems to be a general attitude of letting people get away with it round here until I get my MP involved. Having the creep drill out the wall and take it away so there is no evidence suggests that he has done this before and so much more. For the police to have said it is a ‘neighbour dispute’ was unbelievable. No concern for my safety or what his intention was. I decorating at the time so the house was in chaos (organised chaos). But I later discovered my passport and birth certificate missing (when I had to renew my drivers license). I had them when I moved in here before he moved in. But it seems that without camera proof there is no proof. And the onus is on me to prove it and not the police to investigate or even speak to him. Deny everything and it doesn’t exist. The council rebuilt the wall after 3 months of being infested with rats in the loft. Had to skip all the toys the children had up there for when they stayed over, xmas and halloween decs, clothes, etc. The loft was stripped, cleaned and new insulation laid. The wall was sealed with an expanding foam too. All at the expense of the council. They said they believed me but they couldn’t do anything about it without proof. So I have to live next to the creep not knowing who he is and what he is capable of. The creepiest thing was finding the ‘Stirrer’ sticker on the fridge plug. Had I not been decorating the kitchen I would have never found it. My therapist deals with this everyday and told me to look for drill holes in my ceilings. You can get camera’s the size of a bic pen to place in the hole. Frightening to imagine him watching my every move, sitting on the toilet, in the bath. He would start drilling when I was sitting watching tv and when I would move to the other sofa he would follow on the other side of the wall. Mental! I was always intrigued by phycological horror but find it hard watching now because it’s too close to my own reality. This is why I don’t go out there when he’s at home and keep my blinds drawn.
Hope all went well with the blood test. Another step closer to what he needs to do to get through this awful situation. You’re such a good girl Tina. He’d be lost without you and your mam will be very proud that you are taking on her role in caring for him.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine
I hope you don’t think I am intruding, but I have seen your post and truly wanted to say, how horrified I am with what’s been going on with your crazy neighbour, absolutely shocking. It’s such a pity he can’t be prosecuted for, at least, illegally entering your property. The police should have done more investigating. I was sorry about your beloved Porscha. Your pictures are amazing.
I lost my dear husband in January, so post in ‘losing partner’.
Take care. Love Rosemary
Hi Christine,
Struggling with my new specs, not sure if it is my prescription. Will give them a week & if still no good will go back with them. Cannot even see my laptop screen with them.
Tried blackout blinds & curtains, nothing works. Used to be up & down all night checking hubby was still breathing & my counsellor thinks it is all tied up in that, eventually apparently sleep should go back to normal. Not holding my breath though, I lost him 2 years ago & my sleep pattern is still crap.
Seen your ribbons, they look lovely. Hopefully you will soon get to the Remembrance Garden to create your shrine there for Porsch. Good for you for finishing the garden while they were outside watching/commenting. Your Christmas tree plans sound very pretty.
Hope you manage to get your laminating done today.
Not got into the garden yet, lacking in motivation today. Might just have a slobby day, not doing much - find a Poirot or some easy viewing on TV & fall asleep. It is raining now, so good excuse not to do anything much. Downtime day. Had a really busy week anyway - so re-charging the batteries might be a good idea.
Take care. Love Alison xx
Hello Rosemary,
Nice to meet you. Though I wish none of us had to find each other on this forum it really has saved me after losing my mam and Porscha. Thankyou for your kindness about Porsch. I feel truly lost without her. I’m now living in a different emptiness to the one I feel about mam. I am so sorry that you lost your husband. It’s a funny expression to ‘lose’ someone but also quite accurate in that they are somewhere else. I hope the spiritual world exists, along with Rainbow Bridge, where we can be together again. Life is lonely without our loved ones. Filling in time to get through the day has become my new normal. Whatever you do to make your time a little easier is valuable. And friendship even more so. The people here are really special. Beautiful souls. You are very welcome to join us.
I still cannot quite believe that this nightmare I am still living in actually real. I was housed as a vulnerable person by the council after my parents retired and moved. I was living with them because I became housebound after being stalked by my ex (PTSD/ panic attacks, anxiety). So moving here had been my new start. To have the creep move in next to me and behave obsessionally towards me (watching me/ standing on his bin to see into my windows/ making comments about me to other people, following me to therapy, the shops, swimming and then the loft) was the worse thing that could have ever happened. For the police to think it a neighbour dispute was infuriating. Surely council tenants have the same safety rights as a normal person? Clearly not! But worse than any of that my dad/family just didn’t believe it could be true because it was so outrageous to be believable, despite being shown the pictures I took as proof of the hole. Mam was the only one who didn’t question me. I don’t lie. So why would my family think I would tell such a whopper?! Without mam I have no family. So I have had to deal with all of this on my own. And the creep has told other people that he is the victim of me because I reported him. It’s like living in another reality. So not only do I battle to get through the day on the grief front (still hits like a tsunami) but I also have to negotiate what I can do when the creep is not at home. All the neighbours know what he has done because I have been so loud about it and tell every workman what has happened. I heard a comment that ‘it happened ages ago’ as if that puts it in the past. It is very much in the present and he is still a threat every time I hear him. He has no shame to not care and know that everyone knows. Unbelievable.
Thank you for saying about Porscha’s pics. She is such a pretty girl and very photogenic. I’m lucky she liked having her pic taken to have got such a lot of pics to choose from. Will be laminating them this afternoon and will post pics of the galleries I create around the house. Seeing her is comforting. And I’m sure she is still here with me. I’ve heard her digging in her litter a couple of times. A very distinctive sound when she’s preparing her toilet.
Hope you pop in again. Be lovely to see you
Lots of love xxx
Hi Alison,
Babe, take them back! The whole point of new glegs is so you don’t struggle at all. Vision should be crystal clear. You must be feeling quite sick and dizzy trying.
And with the sleep thing, after mam I couldn’t sleep at all and for a short time, just to get some sort of sleep pattern back, I tried Zopiclone from the GP (the higher dose as the low dose does nothing for you at all). It worked! I don’t like taking pills but I was desperate because I was sleeping during the day and then the reverse pattern established itself more. By relaxing the body into sleep you then become accustomed over a short time to fall asleep again naturally at night. I’ve only just started having a full nights sleep again after being up for 2 months with Porsch wanting food throughout the night. I was heating up her meat in the microwave and then sitting feeding her, turning the bowl so she could get the gravy. It was every few hours. The fear you had of checking your hubby in his sleep will have become a pattern in your mind that you cannot break easily. Trying the tablets might be worthwhile. I think giving something a go that works for someone else is worth doing. Anything for an easier life now.
I think after the week you’ve had you deserve a bit of downtime. My therapy has taught me to listen to my body and if I need to rest I must do it (easier said than done when I am fiercely determined to get a job finished). Recharging the batteries, whether resting or doing something else (‘a change is as good as a rest’ really does give a fresh perspective) is self care for the long term. Whatever we can do to help ourselves is necessary now. The garden can wait.
I really am pleased with my ribbons. Lovely wafting about as I watch from the window. Reminds me of Porsch. They represent her lovely life now. Wish I could get out there but the man with the car on the grass (saw he had parked on the road yesterday, even though it was double yellows) always starts getting busy when he hears me so I can’t wash my dishes with the door open as I would normally do, have my bathroom window open for brushing my teeth, have the curtains open in the sitting room if I’m not sitting there. When I am not able to be seen (in the bedroom) he stops. I have tried to ignore it but it is so bloody obvious that he is doing it deliberately. The woman is lovely. So I am now stuck in the house again even when the creep is out. I might have to let my garden go wild. Such a shame after all the work I have done in creating it. He doesn’t even live there. I just despair of living in this environment. People seem to resent me because I’m not one of them.
Enjoy your tv. Feels like I’ve got nothing done but I’ve already done an online food shop for tomorrow (with a cake for my therapist when I see him as it was his birthday when he was ill - hope I don’t eat it before I see him), stripped the bed, put a wash on, washed my hair (always a task now as such a faff because it is long), got through emails, banking and checked Amazon orders, got the laminating machine ready to use, done dishes and tidied away. Think I need a rest too!
Lots of love xxx
Hi Christine,
They are going back, but it will be next weekend before I can get there. Not happy at all. Buy new glasses & your old ones are better, crazy.
I was on sleeping tablets for ages & still woke up crazy early, but I came off them a while ago. I can fall asleep no problem, just the waking up early that’s the problem. Hopefully at some time it will resolve itself, the counselling helps me though. I am usually quite productive in the early morning, do all sorts of jobs & am ready to face the day really early. Just now & then it catches up with me, so I have a sleep in the afternoon.
I really feel for you stuck in the house because of the creep, awful for you. & to even feel his presence in your house must be terrible. Do not let your garden go wild, you love your garden - that would be too sad for you.
You have had a busy day. Mine will be tomorrow, change the bed, hoover & dust - jobs I loathe. Not due to rain tomorrow, so can get my bedding dried. + got mum coming for tea tomorrow evening. Hopefully tomorrow I will be full of beans & raring to go.
Have a nice evening laminating. I will see what is on TV & settle down for a very lazy evening.
Love from Alison xxx
I remember more of the drilling in wall situation now. What is perplexing is why he thinks you must be a “stirrer” when you don’t speak to no one nor go out. It’s such a shame that you fled a bad situation into another. How does that even happen.
Been out today to the supermarket but felt a bit “detached”, I think it’s when I have a lot on my mind. I swear one of these days I’m going to get stopped by security on my way out for missing putting something through on the self-scan due to absent mindedness!
It’s been rainy here. Hasn’t kept people indoors as across the road they have been fixing cars in their driveways. Just think of Onslow from the sitcom “Keeping Up Appearances” and you’ll get the picture."!!
@christine51 just catching up and checking in to see how you are doing. Those photos of Porscha were adorable x Cal had a mad 5 minutes today and still don’t know what spooked him….one minute he was sleeping fine and then he leapt in the air and crashed into my crystals in front of the tv and sent them flying!! He’s fine so can only assume he was dreaming lol x
On holiday this week so been throwing out bags of rubbish…5 full bags to the skip so far and so many more but going to do things in time as some of the stuff now is a bit harder to get rid of and as mum used to say ‘it eats nae meat’ so can stay where it is just now.
Was up with the Loch team yesterday at the local Highland Games and it was good but a lot quieter than last year but the entrance prices were a lot higher so can only assume that was the issue x
Don’t know if Tina has said. It Debbie is doing well tonight and hopefully getting home tomorrow morning.
Going to say have a good night and will catch up properly soon x
@NEILB72 nice to see you pop in and sorry to hear it’s been a hard week for you as known and bank holidays always seem to hit you hard. Glad to hear you team are doing well though even though it may only be briefly lol x
Is it Grease you’re seeing next? x no more ballet shows on the horizon? x
Will check in and see how you’re doing tomorrow.
Take care and much love x
Hi Christine,
Hoping you are ok today?
Done all my jobs today, washing, cleaned kitchen, dusting, hoovering, made a tiramisu - busy, busy.
Had a 30 minute snooze.
Plan on doing some weeding soon & clear up the rotten apples on the lawn. I bought 80 daffodil bulbs on Saturday from Tesco, so need to get them planted at some point.
I hate bank holidays nowadays, a very lonely day alone. See other couples in my cul de sac going out together & it makes me feel even lonelier.
Hopefully going for a drink this evening, not certain.
Anyway hope you are doing ok & are laminating up a storm.
Love from, Alison xx
Hi Christine, I got home today at 3pm, just been catching up on all the messages, I will post tomorrow properly as going to bed soon as very tired. Love all the rainbow ribbons in your garden.
Speak to you tomorrow
Love Debbie xx
x Cal had a mad 5 minutes today and still don’t know what spooked him….one minute he was sleeping fine and then he leapt in the air and crashed into my crystals in front of the tv and sent them flying!! He’s fine so can only assume he was dreaming lol x
x
x