CREATING A SHRINE FOR MY MAM

Hi Tina

Sounds like you are having an awful horrible time at the moment, with all that is going on with your brother. My heart goes out to you. It does bring up horrible memories from the past - just awful. The trouble is we somehow bury the bad memories & manage to function, but then when things are not great or we are confronted with similar scenarios then the memories just come rushing back, and then totally floor us. I agree with your comment regarding vets, pets/animals are treated better than humans nowadays, it is shocking. Like you I am petrified of stepping into a hospital nowadays, even the GP’s terrify me. I am not sure if it is incompetence or indifference, they seem to have lost the ability to care.

You do not need to apologise for not checking in with me, you have a lot on your plate by the sound of it.

Rich’s birthday was ok until we went for an Indian meal and it was someone’s birthday, the whole restaurant was singing happy birthday which totally floored me.

Bev seems to be doing ok. She was at the hospital again yesterday to get the drain removed - sadly not to be. Finger crossed it will be removed tomorrow. Then on Thursday she sees the consultant to find out if she can have radiotherapy or has to go for chemo. She is coming for lunch with mum on Friday. She is a bit wary about going out at the moment due to our area having quite a lot of covid cases, which I totally understand.

I hope that you manage to have a calm, peaceful, restful day Tina. Look after yourself and try not to get too stressed. If you want to chat just message me.

Much love, Alison xxx

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Oh thank you so much @christine51 for my birthday gift, so thoughtful of you <3 The big day is tomorrow. Very mixed feelings about it, As its an ‘end in 0’ birthday, always assumed Mum would be here for it and we’d do something for it (usually an excuse to Vegas!).

Granddad is here (been here since Sunday) and he will go home tomorrow lunchtime and then tomorrow evening swimming.

Didnt get to go swimming last week as I had to see the Doc and get antibiotic as ten days ago I was bitten TWICE by a spider! Once on each leg!


Sexy eh?! Turned into cellulitis. The antibiotics seem to have done the trick.

Have you been swimming again lately?

Work is crazy busy at the moment and my attention span isnt red hot so having to really knuckle down.

otherwise been on a binge watching marathon - Five Bedrooms, The Missing then Baptiste, now onto Wilderness.

Right have to go check on granddads tea! Will pop by tomorrow if my old brain remembers :wink:

Beki xx

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Hey Neil :slight_smile:

That play sounds right up my alley so will look out for it if it comes up here. I’m a bit of a ghoul as love anything to do with assassinations esp JFK and MLK x

Funny you should say about Xmas stock in the shops as myself and the boss are starting work tomorrow at 6am to put our Xmas stuff out ……why did I agree lol? x

So I’ll be popping to bed in an hour so will pop in soon and take care of yourself x

Take care and much love :two_hearts: x

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Hi Beki

Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday today. I hope you have a lovely day.

Your spider bites are my worst nightmare, I am terrified of them. Hope you heal up soon.

Alison xx

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Hi Nick

Can understand about the tests/letter/Appt. I’m sure no one has a clue what they are doing anymore do they? Don’t know what’s gone wrong in today’s society but something has.

Hope you are keeping well and managing to dodge Covid, there’s a lot of it about right now isn’t there, you don’t want to be getting a bout of that.

Keep well xx

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Hi Alison

Hope things are ok with you as can be.

You are spot on with the memories. We can bury them all we want but there’s no fooling the sub-conscious and it will throw a spanner in the works with these random memories we try so hard to suppress. I can imagine how you felt at the Restaurant, I’d have been the same. You managed it and that’s no mean feat at all.

With all this Hospital business he is wondering who there is left to trust. It would be a hospital is where the “buck stopped”, a safe haven but in some cases and hospitals (not all of course) it just isn’t. There are some wonderful individuals in the NHS, but the overall culture is quite questionable. I also wonder like you if it’s incompetence, indifference etc.

Well, I’m sat in the kitchen at the moment watching it slowly come daylight. Rain n lashing down. It’s kind of comforting in a strange way but it won be when I have to be out in it whilst shopping!

I’ll make a brew, not got round to that yet.

Thanks for the offer of messaging, likewise of course and many best wishes to Bev too.

Hope today is kind to us all.

Keep well xx

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Hi Christine

Just a quick hello to say thinking of you and hope you are keeping yourself well.

I’m just going to nip and make a coffee but will pop in later.

Keep well
Much love xx

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Hi Beki.
Wishing you a very Happy Birthday. I’m sure your Mum will be looking down on you smiling. Last year I had one of those milestone birthdays and was gutted Mum wasnt here as she was mentioning it frequently just a few days before she passed.
Hope you are recovering from your spider bite. Glad antibiotics are doing the trick. Mum used to suffer from cellulitis on and off and its not pleasant.
Have a lovely day.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Tina

I am ok, thank you. How are you doing.

It was the fact that they were celebrating their birthday on the same day as Rich’s and he was not here to celebrate, just really got to me. Sad.

Your brother must be worrying so much, and when you are worried/stressing about something like this it can actually make you ill. It is a really scary business nowadays to be ill & reliant on hospitals/doctors, that’s my assessment after what we went through. I have lost all my trust in them. I hope your brother gets some good news. It is an awful worrying time for you as well.

It is lashing it down here as well, just stood watching rain come off my garage roof & it looked like waves. I am a bit weird in that I actually love storms/wind/rain. Can sit watching it for ages. It’s not nice to have to walk for the shopping in, so hope that you managed to get out during a gap in the rain.

Just called to see Alan on my way home in his new house. He didn’t have any pans, so I got him some from the charity shop I work in. I am trying to persuade him to buy a slow cooker, so he can cook himself easy meals.

Waiting to hear if Bev has eventually got her drain taken out, fingers crossed for her. Her appointment to see the consultant has been cancelled for Thursday until Friday, so more stress for her.

Isn’t life depressing for us all at the moment. Nothing ever seems to be easy. God I sound a real misery today. Need to buck my ideas up.

Anyway hoping you have had a good day Tina.

Much love, xxx

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Hi Alison

I need to buck my ideas up most days to be honest!!

It’s quite surprising how quickly it goes darker now and how longer it takes to get lighter in the mornings. It just seems to come from nowhere. Time and perception of it changes doesn’t it both with age and the trauma of bereavement.

I hope Alan gets himself a slow cooker. I must admit I’ve yet to master it even though it is just a case of dump and go! I always seem to end up with too much liquid. If he likes his social media there’s lots of quickie slow cooker recipe videos for the most simplest of dishes ever.

A bit sunnier today but no you aren’t weird as I like the wind and rain too (from behind a window!)

Much love xx

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Hi Christine

Just saying “Hello” and hope you are managing or if you are busy, I hope you have some interesting projects on the go. I was just mentioning it to Alison how longer it’s taking to become lighter now in the mornings. I used to like the nights being shorter as well but it’s no longer the same as it signifies the start of bad things beginning to happen/get worse, as I’m sure a lot of us feel that too.

I hope you are keeping well in yourself too. It’s easier said than done because sometimes you just really can’t be bothered and that’s not good. At least it’s like that for me.

I am going to end the post now as I think I’ve hit the end message button too soon and I’m currently typing in “save edit” mode so anything can happen.

I’ll sign off and pop back later.

Much love xx

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Thank you so much Alison, and I dont think I have said proper hello and welcome to you xx

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Thank you!

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Hi all

Thank you for the lovely birthday messages. I will be honest it is one of the days I have found hardest over the last 18months. I’d always expected Mum to be there for this birthday, plus I feel grotty after the antibiotics (the bites have healed well though) and the perimenopause hormones are having a riot. So spent the day feeling physically yucky and mentally bruised.

Got some lovely pressies and support. Went swimming in the evening and it was freezing! But it was the best part of the day. I almost wimped out of going but thought whenever I go I feel better…and it worked again.

After the swim they kept the cafe open and we had a lovely leek and potato soup.

Feel sore today, literally! Stomach ache from the antibiotics so making sure I have some probiotic yoghurts.

The nights are definitely cutting in now. I’m starting to get out my autumn decor - pumpkin ornaments, lights and candles to help cheer the place up. Love autumn decor so the time of year does has its good points!

Beki x

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Hi Christine

I said I would drop by later tonight as I had to finish my post rather abruptly earlier I think I caught an icon on my smartphone screen and all went haywire.

It’s not really that I’ve got any news to tell. He has had no biopsy results yet but he had a scan a CT scan this evening so it’s still a waiting situation.

I hope you have been managing as well as you can. I hope you have got out with your Niece too. Remember we are all here, regardless of whether you want a chat, or just the silent reassurance of knowing you are amongst friends.

Hope the neighbours have been minding their own business as well.

Much love xx

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Hi Tina

You do not need to buck your ideas up, you are too hard on yourself. We are all broken in some way now by what we have lost, which is why we are here on Sue Ryder. We all understand each other & the feelings we have. I struggle every Thursday, lost both dad & Rich on Thursday, and I always need to be on my own at 9.15pm. I don’t think that will ever change for me. You are right in that time & perception of it changes both with age & the trauma of bereavement.

I think it will take Alan a long time to get a slow cooker, he is a bit of a fart & needs a bit of pushing. But to be fair I think he has lost a lot of his confidence after what my sister has done to him. I went and met him for a drink last night, we had quite a laugh watching old music videos on the TV in the pub - Bay City Rollers 1975 was on, lord that took me back. I was back home by 8pm.

Managed to get all my daffodil bulbs planted yesterday, thankfully. I am not buying any more bulbs - I think my garden is full. Hoping to get some tidying up done in the garden this morning, rain forecast for later here.

Bit of a busy day for me, got Bev & mum coming for lunch. Bev is at the hospital this morning for her results from the lymph node testing, hoping for some good news.
Made an apple crumble with apples from my tree - I have not had a good crop at all this year, very sparse & most are rotten. My eating apple tree has produced nothing. Not sure what is going on there, need to google.

I hope you have a good day Tina & look after yourself.

Much love xxx

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Hi Beki

You are very welcome & it sounds like you had a lovely birthday.

Hello to you too & thanks for the welcome. Lovely to chat with you.

Hope you feel better soon. Take care. xx

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Hi Alison

I’m in the kitchen with the door open but it’s so very cold and pelting with rain. For some odd reason though I prefer the sounds of the outside as it can be quite oppressive and deadened indoors.

The Thursday thing really strikes a chord with me, My Husband passed away in Thursday, Mum and Dad passed away on a Thursday and even Mum didn’t like Thursdays as the same had happened to her in her family, in fact if there is anything major happening it’s always on that day for some strange reason. So I understand what you mean.

On a much lighter note I had a bit of a laugh with the Bay City Rollers tale. They were my first, probably only, “Boy Band” crush and they used to be on TV every Saturday morning as I recall. I went straight onto Barry Manilow after that stage!! I thought Alan was your Son sorry, that’s why I was going on about slow cooker recipes on social media!

I hope Bev gets the good news she needs/wants so that you both and your Mum can have a little gentle celebration at Lunchtime. Oh and by the way, you’ve tempted me to make an Apple Crumble!!

Much love xx

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Hi Christine

Just thought I’d check in with my daily ramblings!

I’m sat here beside the door in the kitchen and it’s cold and pouring down but I just don’t seem to like shutting out the outdoor sounds. The sound of the rain, the cars up and down the road, trains etc are like a bit of “company”. It’s just so deadened inside and opening the windows doesn’t have the same effect.

I was just thinking that I hadn’t actually “bought” any plants this year. I have a feeling I have said that already but my memory isn’t exactly functioning at optimum like it used to so please excuse me if I have. My Sister said did I want a climbing hydrangea but it seems strange having a plant that doesn’t actually flower.
I can’t imagine you are having such a good time outdoors right now as it’s gone from heatwave to a torrent of rain and dampness in just a few days, which is also a bit of hazard underfoot isn’t it unfortunately.

Nothing at all to look forward to on TV this evening as I believe soaps are postponed for sport. Not that I’m an EastEnders watcher but I do like the Corrie and Emmerdale.

Hope you are keeping safe and well. If you are busy with projects I hope they are going well and if you aren’t feeling too good I hope someone is ringing you/checking up on you.

Just going to make some Lunch. Alison talking about Apple Crumble has made me want to make one later!!

Keep well and much love xx

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