Hi Neil,
You have done well clearing the garage and I know it’s painful but once it’s done you will be freed from the expense. Have you tried auction sites for jewellery. Could be worth checking out. Try googling for other options too. And if you did sell take pictures. You could also consider cash converters where you can buy back at a later date. It’s good that you’re very practical and level headed about things so you won’t make any rash decisions and regret it later.
You’ll see from my posts that dad still hasn’t phoned me. I feel so isolated. It’s ok when I’m busy in the garden (even in the snow) but as soon as I stop it hits me, that overwhelming sadness and anxiety that she’s not here and that I had so much to say but didn’t. I think Mothers Day was harder than I thought it was going to be and I can’t seem to move on from it. At least being busy makes the time go faster. Can’t believe it’s another week gone and we’re into April tomorrow. Eighteen weeks today for mam. I don’t know how I’ve actually survived it.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Suzanne,
I did sit on the bench for a while but it’s freezing! So came inside. Didn’t see my bat 
I have emailed CAB today and will hopefully be able to talk to someone soon. He mentioned it again today. He is staying with his mum and dad and I think they are pushing him as they don’t want him there anymore. Screw their grandkids….
Mum would say ‘tell him to f**k off’ and then call him a very choice name. She knew he was on about doing it and in the past she’s said maybe get out and start again. But it’s where and how. I said it’s not fair I lose my mortgage and she said life’s not fair. But her last opinion was why should you lose out?
I’ve always been optimistic and always figure things will work out but that’s kind of gone now she has.
Evie is starting a new nursery on Monday. I know she’ll be ok. She’s a very confident child.
Nic xx
Hi Christine,
I know how you feel isolation wise. I’ve not spoken to my dad since the night my mum was rushed to hospital. Over 6 weeks now. Not one call off him. Dads eh? Thank god we had our mums. My big sister doesn’t talk much now. And my little sister is busy a lot of the time. Friends have disappeared into thin air. Makes it all a lot harder when your left to it on your own.
Your mum knows about your garden cos she’s with you watching you do it. Willing you on to do it. Keep going. She’ll be so pleased with all the progress you’re making.
Yes I think Mother’s Day impacted more than was expected.
You can buy those pop up greenhouses. Some smaller ones which might be ok for your garden?
Lots of love to you xxx
Hi Nic,
Just wanted to say it’s great that you’ve contacted CAB. Having the information you need will give you peace of mind and the ability to make informed choices. Fight him all the way. Make it as hard as you can. If he can do this to you so soon after your mam why should you be nice about it? Let him take you to court. Drag it out if that is what he is planning on doing. But I cannot imagine a judge making you homeless by forcing you to sell. The children are always a priority (clearly not for him). Just don’t make it easy for him. Private rent is such a money trap to be in with no security. Are you able to buy him out? That could be worth looking at. CAB will tell you where you stand regarding the law and what options you have. Be great if he has to wait until the children are 18. At least he can live with his parents. A lot of men don’t have that option. xxx
Yes, I might get the pop up greenhouse Mam had one. I miss her so much. I know we all do but I’m really upset again. I just want to talk to her and tell her how much I love her. I was so busy with the garden when she went into hospital and didn’t come out. I’m stuck again, wishing I’d given all my time to mam, thinking I had all the lovely xmas things to look forward to. I feel so selfish, being wrapped up in my own life while she was ill but I didn’t know. None of it means anything now. I’m just filling in time doing stuff. I just want to be with her.
Going for a bath after the garden. Maybe that will calm me down. x
Hi Christine
Yes I was told about auction sites by the jeweller .At the moment I dont want to rush into anything and then regret it.
17 weeks for my Mum this week. Sometimes I sit there and look at her chair and say " what has happened to us Mum ". As good as it is to talk to Samaritans and Cruse the only person I want to talk to is my Mum. It just seems so unfair.
Hope the rest of your evening is OK
Love and best wishes
Neil x
Christine,
We can and do torture ourselves with the should of/would of/ could of. I have been. I wish I’d done more on that Monday. Realised or knew something wasn’t right and maybe if I had I’d not be on here. But then I wonder what her life may of been like if she’d of woken up. And if it’s how I’ve seen other people with copd when it hit bad she’d of hated it. And been so scared. I don’t know. . I think it’s normal to be how we are and I know my mum was with her mum and my gramps (her father in law) I don’t think they’d be wanting us to feel that way though. I do torture myself about it especially on a Monday at the moment. But in time those feelings will pass. Your mum knew you loved her as did mine. I felt a lot of regret after my gramps and guilt as I’d not spoken to him much in the weeks before he died (again sudden) I’d just met my husband and was swept up in that living my life. But in reality I know he wouldn’t care less and he knew I loved him. This is hard. Because we loved them so much. Which they knew.
Sending lots of love and a big hug xxx
Neil,
I think we all feel that way at the moment.
Instead your stuck with us……
But we’ll help each other and be here. Not the same at all I know. But we are here.
I hope your evening is ok.
Nic x
Hi Nic
I am truly blessed to have you all there for me and there for each other and I truly appreciate it
Thank you
Best wishes Neil x
Hello Neil
I’m sorry to have read that you’ve had a bit of a rough time recently. Doing the garage must have taken it out of you but I can imagine you found long forgotten treasured items as you went along. Probably the hardest thing was starting the job. Your Mum would be pleased about the saving you’ll make. Unfortunately already earmarked for the energy rise but what can you do.
I can totally get how valuing your Mum’s jewellery has upset you somewhat. I would he the same. If in doubt do nowt is the phrase I think isn’t it. Trust your instincts if and when you make any decisions it will never let you down.
xx
Hello Suzanne
Humans were put on this earth for the sole purpose of catering to our cats needs, desires and entertainment requirements. They are the boss and they call the tune! I’ve had a fair few cats now but don’t think I could have one again. I remember as a child I used to dress mine up and put it in a doll’s cot, I’d actually forgotten I’d done that! Glad to hear you returned home OK. I thought you’d gone to Scotland for your break, forgot that’s where you live! Sunshine and hailstones at the same time here!
Hello Christine
What roses did you decide on in the end of you don’t mind me asking? When I went back home I found the climber that was in the soil had got much stronger whereas the container ones were a bit weaker. Roses are really special aren’t they but I always seem to be plagued with black spots.
I think we’ve all been affected by the aftermath of Mother’s Day in our own ways haven’t we. Like some kind of delayed reaction. You seem in a fair bit of distress over the what if/if only/I should have scenarios right now. It’s what I do as well, and for similar reasons. I can’t seem to get past it. For anything you wish you’d done differently just match it with all the things you did that were just as you wanted. Easier said than done I know.
Just visualising your neighbours. It reminds me of that soap, Brookside, where all the houses are in a semi-circle and everyone knows everyones business. You can always tell when the weather’s better where I am as the it’s the same - but just not in a semi-circle.
Hope you are feeling a bit less distressed after some sleep.
Hello nicnic.
I’m sorry to have read you’ve had some hard day’s recently. 8 weeks is just a blink of an eye to have lost your Mum (hope I got my maths right). I think when we lose our Mum we lose a bit of life’s innocence and everything feels jaded. It sounds as if you are anxious over other stuff as well. It sounds relentless for you, not what you need at all. Everyday I put off doing the inheritance tax forms as I cant face it but they’ll still be here the day after, waiting and lurking. It must be overwhelming at times for you with the added stress, I hope things get a bit easier very soon.
xx
Hi Neil,
I started to reply last night but I forgot I had a Tesco order being delivered lol x
I can’t imagine it would be easy to empty your dads garage but I’m sure he would totally understand that you need to cut costs just now and I am pleased that you are not rushing into selling the jewellery but it must be a bit of bittersweet comfort to know they are there if need be.
I’ve been trying the last day to submit meter reading for the electricity and the whole system has been down for hours and they are blaming Martin Lewis from the TV! 
x I’ve now spent an hour on the phone to my electricity company as they increased my direct debit by £73 per month and I was like ‘no get it back down as that’s increasing it by over a grand a year’! - thieving gits lol x
I’m glad speaking to the Samaritans helped you yesterday as can only imagine doing all that would have been so mentally and emotionally draining x
You’ve maybe nothing planned but the spur of the moment may take you to see perhaps another art house film…just do what you fancy x
Are you getting to catch up with your friend or cousin at all over the next few days? Pardon my ignorance but are your team playing this weekend?
I hope your assessment goes well on Wed but will speak to you before that x
Hope your day and next couple of days aren’t too hard on you xx
Hi Christine:)
Bless you for your kind thoughts and I was actually speaking about our wee group to my counsellor this morning and she was saying that it was really nice to hear that we had all came into each other’s lives when we needed it and I couldn’t agree with her more 
x
I usually drive down to Glastonbury but depending on when I leave here it can take anything from 8-10 hours…quickest I did it was 6.hrs and longest was 12hrs!! So I decided to fly from Edinburgh to Bristol and hire a car…so only took 2hrs lol x. I think I’ll drive down next time or pay to put luggage in the hold as saw so much stuff I wanted to buy but couldn’t for it in my hand luggage…maybe just as well for my bank balance I didn’t lol x
Ken something…just when I think that Creep canna sink any lower he somehow manages…where does he get off making comments about your ability to move…I reckon you could move pretty smartly if you need to and aren’t full of food lol x he actually needs to get a life of his own and leave you out of this weird wee existence he has…I so wish I could meet him with you…I reckon he wouldn’t know what hit him if we both started on him 
x meanwhile I hope with the better weather coming he will be out of the house more and for longer and will give you more peace x
Hopefully your sister then as your dads carer can help him with his new box if he’s going to be childish x he will no doubt be playing the victim because you had the audacity to disagree with him but he will come round when he’s ready and then will probably either behave like nothing happened or expect you to apologise!! as annoying as it is just let him stew!
We don’t have snow up here today and sitting in the sun is lovely and almost warm but out of the sun it’s really chilly…hope all your plants and seeds survive this cold snap.
Laughing at thought of you having a litter tray…pretty sure that’s what we had in Turkey…a huge hole with a tray in it x
Anyway hope today goes well for you and have fun in the garden xx
Hi Suzanne
I think all the energy companies stitch us up whatever one you belong to. I’m with SSE after we changed a few times over the years.
Only a couple of things to move out the garage now but it has to be done. Funny thing yesterday when I came out the garage and walked back to the flat we had a shower of hail. As soon as I got back inside it stopped. That was Dad having his final say on his garage .
As I said nothing planned as yet for the weekend but my team are playing on Sunday - West Ham v Everton so see how that goes.
Hope you have a good day and speak soon.
Best wishes
Neil x
Hi Tina 
Nice to hear from you as always…just now I am the cats pillow so he sleeps sound irrespective of the fact I can’t feel my legs…but hey ho as long he’s comfy x
Sun is out here today but freezing x
I used to love Brookside and all I mind is my pal had such a crush on Barry Grant…,I think I will now see Creep as like a Jimmy Corkhill type image lol x
Is it you that has to fill out the forms or can’t your siblings help or take that job from you at all?
I’m still looking for a decent rose and everytime I think of buying one the weather changes again yet the weeds still seems to survive and grow 
x
Hope you can enjoy some of your day without being too hard on yourself about things from the past…maybe we should all do what Christine did and have a nice bath with incense and candles…I only have a shower but I’m sure I could make it work x
You take care of yourself and we’re here for you xx
Hi Nic,
Really saddened to hear that your dad hasn’t even checked in on you and that your sisters are being distant and leaving you feel isolated x Friends disappear that’s for sure and it’s either cause they can’t deal with the loss themselves if they were close to your mum or because your raw loss makes them feel uncomfortable…well boo hoo to them 
x
As hard as it is to believe you will become strong again but because it won’t be in the same guise as before you come to realise you didn’t have them then so don’t need them now! You are more important to a lot of people than you probably realise so believe although you are lonely you aren’t necessarily alone as you do have people even if it’s not so obvious just now x
Like you have all said lately my mum is the only person I really want to talk to about random crap mostly but because we knew each other so well I know exactly what she would have said/done…I reckon you and your mum were the same.
Thought of you when Meat Loaf came on the radio this morning…it was Dead Ringer for love…so maybe that was your wee bat saying hi 
x
Also well done you for emailing the CAB and asking for advice…your in-laws are probably pushing your ex as they want rid of him too but like Christine said I would be surprised if a judge or whatever would basically evict a mother with young children just so he could make you sell their family home…will be interesting to hear what they say.
Anyway hope your having a better morning and that the weather is better than yesterday and look forward to hearing from you and glad your wee one has got new nursery placement…if she’s half as strong as you she’ll do just grand xx
Hi Suzanne.
Thank you for your lovely message.
Been a bit up and down today. My youngest is having her terrible 2’s and really testing my patience which I probably have a lot less of at the moment and feel like I’m about to lose my shit!
My youngest sister messaged me this morning to ask if I wanted to go for a walk with her and the dogs. We went where mum used to walk. It was nice but sad at the same time as not far from her house. I miss going there. I hate knowing mums not there anymore. I don’t know. This whole week has been hard.
Me and mum did know each other and sometimes would even text the same thing at the same time and she’d be like coo spooky!
I can’t listen to bat out of hell at the moment but one day hopefully I can.
I hope you’ve had a good day today? It’s been sunny here but chilly still.
Nic xx
Hi Suzanne,
I didn’t even think about flying down. I’ve never flown to Newcastle, always either drove or train. Are you happy being back home? I always have that sinking feeling after hols returning home, doesn’t matter how long the trip was. Really miss going away.
Was in the garden again today and got my storage boxes filled with some bits in between heavy snow showers. Still more to do but the creep came back unexpectedly when I was at the car topping up oil. Thankfully I was done when he zoomed up and didn’t even wait for me to get back in the house before he got out his car. I hate being watched and now any opportunity he has to look at me. I’m sure he has a camera at his door so I’m very aware if it at my door. I dread the warm weather because he’ll be at home in his garden so I won’t be able to go out in mine. Trying to get jobs done so can relax when nicer weather comes back. Freezing again.
Still not heard from dad. Mam would be so angry at him for how he is behaving. I’m still so very upset about mam and wanting her to come back. I just can’t accept what has happened. I wish I could have gone with her, kept her company, like an adventure. I hope she is content where she is. She hasn’t visited me and I keep waiting.
Lots of love xxx
Hi everyone. I don’t feel able to post anymore today so sending love to you all. xxx
Hugs Christine. I think I’m where you are right now. Sending lots of love xxx
Hi everyone
Had a much better day today . Had a lovely productive call to Cruse ( when I managed to get through) and applied for a job this morning and had a telephone interview about an hour later. One extreme to the other as some employers dont even get back to you.
Had some brief snow showers to start April off - apparently there is supposed to be a heatwave sometime this month 
.
Still nothing much planned for the weekend but hopefully will stay in quite a good frame of mind
Thinking of you all and sending my love and best wishes
Neil x
@nicnic @christine51….you pair take care of yourself and here for you when you feel you want to talk xx