Hi Tina,
Sorry for your losses. It is like something you can’t anticipate.
I watched rubbish tv and have started on the marvel films because my youngest somehow managed to buy the new Spider-Man film on my prime video! Thought rather than waste £15 I’ll watch it and then thought I may as well start watching the rest of them. I don’t mind them anyway. Also, must remember to change it parental controls…. Grrrr.
She woke up when I went to bed last night so she came in with me which was nice. We’ve just been for a walk along the canal. Mostly for my sake as desperately trying to find some beauty in this world and be more like my mum and appreciate the simple things in life.
I hope you had a good evening and a good day today.
Nic xx
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I hope today sees you all ok.
@christine51 I hope you’re ok. Sending hugs.
Hope your team wins today Neil!
Love abs hugs,
Nic xxx
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Hi Nic
Vital game for West Ham today. Kick off 2.00
Had a little moment this morning. Mum used to love watching the boat race. I had forgotten about it but it’s this afternoon. Mum was Cambridge , Dad was Oxford so I’m neutral!
Best wishes
Neil x
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Hi all
Football was good and West Ham got a vital 2-1 over Everton so that has put a smile on my face this afternoon.
Hope everyone is doing OK today
Best wishes
Neil x
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Hope you all are doing well this weekend and pleased for Neil his team won lol x
I’m currently watching a new programme about million pound pawnbrokers and can’t help but think I’m in the wrong job lol x
Wishing you all a good start to the week and will catch up with all soon x
Love and blessings 
x
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Evening all. I hope everyone is as ok as they can be today.
Thinking of you all and sending lots of love to you all.
Nic xxx
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Evening Nic
Just a quiet day for me today . Made a call to Samaritans which is one of my coping mechanisms.
Hope you’re having a good evening
Best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Neil,
I thought about calling them today. Not been doing so well this last week. Does it help you at all?
Hope you are having a good evening too.
Nic x
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Hi Nic
I find it does help. I need to talk about Mum and the life we had . It’s on certain days where the loneliness kicks in where I know that someone is on the end of the phone that will listen and wont judge me. Same with Cruse. They are a bit different as they are bereavement specialists. Looking forward to my counselling with them.
I just want to make sure I’m getting as much help as I can .
Samaritans are there 24 hrs a day . Whenever I have phoned them I always feel better than what I did before x
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Hi Neil.
Thank you. I have not been coping at all this last week. Dropped my daughter off to school this morning then got in the car and completely broke down. I feel alone a lot. Friends who were there in the beginning no longer contact me. I have my girls but it’s not quite the same and I can’t talk to them like I could a friend or someone. Maybe I’ll call them sometime this week. I’ve got a video consultation for sue Ryder bereavement support next week.
Nic x
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Hi Nic
I found this with so-called ‘friends ’ disappearing . After the funeral it was like ’ oh everything back to normal now’ we will just get on with our lives and leave you to it.
Obviously people have their own families but it is nice for someone to just call or text once in a while. Not much to ask . My two worst days are coming up . I have a mental health assessment Wednesday but thats not too bad , at least I’m talking.
Best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Neil
Don’t forget we are here to help you through those days too. Talking is good. I talk to you all on here more than I talk to anyone else.
Nic x
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Yes Nic. Goes without saying that we are all here for each other and we know what we are all going through.
I too speak to you all on here more than anyone else x
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Hello Nic
At least it was just the one video, could have been much worse !!! Children and the internet can be a dangerous combination sometimes! Not done that much today myself that was remarkable. Took dog to vets on Sunday, expensive visit as it was out of hours. Nipped to Supermarket this morning and as it was very early it was quiet which was a relief.
Hope you felt better for the walk. Between now and throughout Spring was my favourite time of year, everything anew, lovely cherry blossom trees but doesn’t really feel the same now.
Well I’ll say bye for now and hope tomorrow is a gentle day for you.
xx
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Hello Neil
I understand about the friends disappearing. The last time my brothers mate was in touch with him was Christmas Eve. I don’t know what happens really. Maybe the ones that have gone through it are fearful that being with someone will open old traumatic wounds and the ones that haven’t don’t really have a clue.
I hope the assessment goes OK. I’ve had a few myself following losses. Shutting down and not talking isn’t good is it so at least it’s an outlet and it might lead to other things that may be helpful. When I lost my Husband I could talk to family as it wasn’t their loss but now with Mum’s loss I can’t the same as they are also grieving nthe same loss and I don’t like to risk upsetting my siblings.
Hope the next few days are peaceful for you Neil.
xx
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Hi Suzanne
Hope you are doing ok.
Programme sound interesting. I hear these great sounding programmes being advertised then forget about them! I just remembered there are two new ones about childhood toys and their value. And dolls house furniture and kitting them out. Mind you I’d be gutted if something I had was worth loads and I’d not kept it !!.
xx
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Hello Christine
Hope you are doing ok and busy planting all your lovely roses etc.
xx
Hi Tina,
My step son ordered himself some nice ear buds just before Christmas so you’d of thought I’d of learnt my lesson…. My nephew ordered two sledges once and my sister couldn’t cancel it. So now she has 2 sledges and it rarely bloody snows down here!
Yes I used to love this time of year too. So did mum. You’re right it’s definitely not the same now.
I hope one day we’ll appreciate it again and smile at the daffodils and blossom and all the green emerging.
Hugs.
Nic xx
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Hi Tina and everyone,
I’m not doing great when I’m not busy in the garden (did lots of cutting back Sat). It isn’t ‘moving on’ but simply a distraction. I’ve been sleeping during the day and watching films. Don’t have the energy for anything else. Like Nic said I feel completely alone. Dad still hasn’t called. I keep thinking of things I did with mam and wondering why I didn’t pay more attention and actually talk to her about her life and being young. I was always so busy with the task in hand. All the wasted time that doesn’t mean anything now. I just miss her so much. I wish I was less driven. I didn’t value the time we had together when I had it. I always thought she would be here forever. I didn’t see how she really was. I just want to join her but wonder if that even exists. What if there is no other life apart from this? I’m so tired of pretending that everything is ok because it’s not. I don’t understand why she isn’t here. I still panic when I realise she’s died. I get palpitations and hope my heart stops so it can all be over. But I can’t leave my Porscha. Sorry, I really shouldn’t have posted. I just don’t want to be here anymore.
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Hello Christine
Really truly sorry about you feeling so bad. And I know you say you shouldnt have posted but you must post, honestly.
People are troubled by different circumstances and it just so happens that I’m troubled by the same thoughts as you seem to be, so I understand how painful these are. I’ve had some really bad hours recently and have even wondered about my sanity. I’m frightened and all I can see is this huge void of emotional loneliness, it’s like papering over the cracks of life and everything seems fake. It’s been worse in last week as things have happened.
When you stop the distractions it catches up with you doesn’t it. There are days it doesn’t still feel real. And days when I purposely don’t tear myself away from distraction out of fear and panic.
I’m sorry I couldn’t send you a positive and hopful reply but sometimes when people do that it can feel like they are minimising the importance of another’s pain. I know you don’t want (or probably like) sympathy, just some heartfelt empathy and I think between the four of us here we have lots of empathy for each other.
I hope today is a little better for all of us. Maybe.
I know I said you must post but if you can’t or would rather not for now, that’s OK too. We have to do what we feel is best - even if that means sleeping all day or doing nothing at all. As I have recently.
Thinking of you Christine
Much love xx
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