Hi Tina
Very sorry to read your post but totally relatable. For several weeks I was waking up with severe anxiety and my mental health was in a bad place, always slept well but when I did wake I had troubling thoughts too.
When you get in that dark place sometimes there seems no way out then another day things look brighter.
Thinking of you and please keep reaching out to us all if you feel up to it
Love and best wishes
Neil x
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Good luck today Neil.
Love to all xxx
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Good luck Neil. Hope it goes ok for you. Will be thinking of you xx
Christine, thinking of you and sending lots and lots of love xxx
Sorry you had a bad night Tina. I was awake a lot last night but it was mostly due to my 2 year old deciding she didnāt want to sleep. In fact she decided she was also going to undress herself in the night and take off her nappy which is a big no no at nighttime. I hope tonight is more peaceful for you xxx
Suzanne, I hope you are ok today and have a good day. Hugs xx
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Hi Tina,
As Iāve said before I always say those are the thoughts weāre not meant to be aware of as they are so they are dark, intrusive and upsetting x
Do you take any supplements/pills to help you sleep or what is your self care routine for relaxing?
Would it help you to talk about it as maybe just putting it in writing may help 
x
I canāt physically be there for you but I/we can be in spirit x
Love to you all and hope your day is even slightly easier than your night x
Chat soon xx
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Hi Nic,
On a late shift today so not gone until 8.30pm 
so will see what today brings x
Hope you are feeling a bit better this morning and hope your wee one keeps her nappy on today lol x
Take care and chat soon xx
xEvening all.
I canāt not check in with you all. Sorry if Iām annoying.
Just seeing how your days been and saying hi.
Thinking of you all.
Lots of love,
Nic xx
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Hi Nic 
Itās nice that you think of us to want to check inā¦ I really appreciate it, defo not annoying x
Apart from being a very long, cold day at work my day has been fine x
How have you been coping today? have you had a lighter day? How are the girls doing?
Start at 7am tomorrow so going to try get an early night but want to watch Corrie before I do as I believe itās a good episode tonightā¦yes I am that boring 
x
Thinking of you 
xx
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Hi Nic and to everyone.
Had a mixed day - poured with rain which helped because Mum and I wouldnāt have gone out for our meal today so I felt pretty good.
Had my mental health assessment and went quite well, although they were nearly an hour late phoning me.
Had a surprise late afternoon when my best mate turned up on the doorstep with my birthday present and stayed for a few hours. He travelled from Shropshire in the rain and travelling back again tomorrow. He works for the NHS . Good to see him. He will be phoning me on the day.
Ridiculously Universal Credit have moved my appointment from next Wednesday to my birthday which is a bloody pain so am going to try to move to another date.
Oh and I had a birthday card from a friend of ours ( although not one we knew that well) and she put a note in that they had a tree planted in Mums memory by the National Trust. I had some tears over that and that someone can be so kind and thoughtful.
All in all not a bad day today
Love and best wishes to all
Neil x
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Hi Neil,
Was wondering how you went today and glad to hear it went wellā¦hope they apologised for being an hour late in phoning. I know things happen but just polite lol x
What a great surprise your mate turning up would have been for and such a thoughtful thing to doā¦just you stay out of the presents until Saturday x
I never knew you could do a plant a memory tree thingā¦a very kind thing to do and sounds like it was totally unexpected so that makes it even more special that they thought of you both 
UC are like a law unto themselves that lot but yeah I would just have a wee white lie and say you have birthday plans so rescheduleā¦cheeky beggars just assuming you could change anywayā¦get them told! Lol x
Sounds like a decent day for you so what have you got planned for the next couple of daysā¦is the football tomorrow night?
Have a nice night and if you have sneaked a peek in the pressies what did you get x
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Hi Suzanne,
It has been a bit of bad week or so. So much crap to deal with and all I want is my mum. I saw her ashes for the first time today. Well the bag. I honestly donāt know how long I can do this for. Iām just not coping.
Sorry to be so negative.
Youāre not boring at all. I love a bit of eastenders and will watch coronation street too. But Iām watching the split at the moment.
Love and hugs,
Nic xx
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Hi Neil,
Glad youāve had a good day today.
How lovely of your friend to come and see you and also how very lovely of the lady to have a tree planted in your mums memory. Definitely worth a tear but so kind and thoughtful.
I hope you have a nice evening
Nic x
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Hi Nic,
You are not being negativeā¦you are just trying to adjust your life without your best friend, confidant and the person who knew you better than you know yourself x I/we al understand 100000% so never feel the need to apologise x
I remember when I first saw my mums ashes and it was the day we were scattering them and I think I was numb I didnāt really take it in. Have you decided what youād like to do with them yet? No pressure to do anything so if you havenāt then thatās fine x
I got a ring made with some of her ashes and wear it when I am really struggling but thatās just me maybe.
Missing your mum is a tribute to your love of her but I know that doesnāt alleviate the pain and loneliness that you are maybe feeling just now x
If there is anything at I can do to help you at all let me know xx
Hi Suzanne,
We are going to scatter them with our last dog (a boxer called Daisy. Mum loved her so much and kept her ashes and said she wanted to be scattered with her) we will scatter them where mum walked her current dog. By the style she used to sit on and send us photos from. I saw her dog today too. I love to see her as she full on hugs me. Mum always said she was a good hugger. But it hurts. I see the sadness in her eyes. Wondering where her mum has gone still. Sheās taken her time to adjust. I suppose maybe she doesnāt understand but I think she does. I think she misses her mum. Breaks my heart. Iām having them for a sleep over next week as my sister and her husband are going for a long deserved night away. I just miss her. I sit on the bench every night. Iāve not seen the bats for ages. Plus the stuff with my husband at the moment. Thatās all another story. One my mum knew well. Sorry again. Itās been a hard enough 2 years. And now Iāve lost the one person who was always there. It still doesnāt seem real.
Love to you,
Nic xx
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Hi Nic,
That is a lovely thing to do to scatter her with Daisy. I scattered some of my mums ashes at the bottom of the Tor when I was down as thatās where all my pets ashes have been scattered so I get why she wanted that totally. Something comforting to know they are together to be with each otherā¦that may just be me x
Pets definitely know when their owner has goneā¦I inherited my mumās cat and he was always a pain but since sheās not been here basically at his beck and call all day heās turned in to quite a timid, destructive git x he also just sits and stares at her chair which just gives me the heebie-jeebies x
Bet the girls will love having her stay over thoughā¦you will be run off your feet but will be so much fun. Enjoy all the cuddles nothing better than a doggy cuddle 
x
Think youāre right that the cold weather has made all the bats start to hibernate again but they will return when you least expect them x glad youāre still sitting on your bench though even though itās colder as itās important to have a place where you can feel close to our mums x
If you ever want to talk or just vent about your ex situation I know Iām not the same as no-one gives better advice that our mums but I can try help or lend an ear x
Always here for you
@christine51, @Tina19ā¦.just checking in on you both to see how you are today. Thinking of you always xx
@NEILB72ā¦enjoy the football tonight. Hope you get a favourable result xx
x
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Hi Suzanne
I will and keeping my fingers crossed
Hope youāre well x
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Hi Suzanne,
Thank you. Means so much. The situation with the ex has been long and hard going. I do still love him. Heās the father of my children. But heās been a complete arse these last 3 years. Mum used to call him a very bad word a lot of the timeā¦.
I sat out on the bench tonight even though it was raining a bit. Needed too. Been a day of appointments trying to get advice etc. Not really come away feeling any easier. Really struggling at the moment. Took Georgia (my eldest, youngest was in nursery) to Macdonalds earlier. She loves a happy mealā¦. Itās right opposite the sainsburys I used to shop with mum in. We used to park in the same place, same time every week. I broke down and burst into tears in bloody macdonalds. What an idiot.
I hope youāve had a good day? I know you had work early. Did you say you work at pets at home? I work for the co-op. I was a deputy manager but had to change my job when husband left as couldnāt work early or late as have the girls here. I still work for the co-op but now Iām post office manager in a co-op. Effectively still deputy but without the lates or earlies. I miss working on the shop floor a lot though. My manager was putting me on one shop floor shift a week before all this. Iāve not been back since mum as canāt face it right now.
Ah. Bloody life eh.
Always here for you too.
Lots of love, Nic xx
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Hi Neil
How did they get on?
I used to support Portsmouth (donāt laugh) I was born there and I was also a bit of a Liverpool supporter as thatās where mum came from. Iām a rubbish football fan as I was gutted when Portsmouth went down hill so fast. I blame Harryā¦. But still canāt help but like him. I was there when they won the FA cup. My dad lives there and stayed with him. The city was buzzing. Sad how they were doing so well and now theyāre not doing so well.
I hope today finds you well.
Nic x
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Hi Nic
Just this moment the game finished because of all the injury time
West Ham 1 Lyon 1
Good result and a great battling display. We had a player sent off at the end of the first half , the ref was corrupt and they were a team full of cheats so all in all a good score to take into the second leg in France next week.
Hope you have a good a day as possible
Best wishes
Neil x
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