Apart from a sudden small burst of hailstorms this morning the weather up here has actually not been too bad.
It’s nice to hear that you have a good relationship with your stepson…do the girls like having a big brother?
Sounds to me that your ex doesn’t know how to relate to you now after your mum and like so many their response it to distance themselves to point they are absent. That behaviour is probably subconscious but doesn’t stop it hurting especially if they were there for you before and usually up to the funeral then poof…gone.
As I’ve said before one of my oldest friends was always a bit selfish in that it was all about her but she was there fir me up to the funeral and then now I receive maybe a text a week and usually about her. Didn’t even get more than a text from her for my birthday but I suppose I should be chuffed when remembered at all lol x
I think you’re spot on in saying he’s one of the lucky ones that hasn’t lost anyone close and I don’t think he can cope with losing your mum either.
The fact that your wee one keeps trying to take her nappy off amuses me greatly x easy for me to say as I’m not the dealing with the lack of sleep or aftermath if she succeeds x
Apparently my goddaughter is staying with me tonight which I didn’t know x the thing is she always brings her boyfriend (nice kid but I just don’t know him too well) and typical teenagers they either sit there and say nothing or won’t shut the hell up x small blessing is they also are both working tomorrow early so will be punted out the door as soon as the sun rises lol x. Love her dearly but love her more when she stays in her own house lol x
I’ve never watched the Split, I’m watching Trauma that I recorded during the week. It’s the start of a new series x
Hope you have a decent night and that you get a good sleep x did you get a takeaway?
Dunno about Nic but I’ve worked in retail for years and you were pretty spot on lol x
If it was Sainsbury’s self service then those hideous monitors at the tills are enough to make anyone look a decade older so don’t think they are a true representation of what you actually do look like. I believe the exhaustion of our soul just now is what is seeping out x
If you wanna talk about your mum or husband we’re all here to listen and enjoy your stories xx
Hi Suzanne
I’m sure your Mum’s mate will be letting her hair down in Blackpool.
Yellow sticker time in Asda is not for the faint hearted. I always stand back and wait although I’m not sure if that’s through good manners or plain fear. I’m sure before now people have put videos on YouTube of the scrambling that goes on!! You can freeze a lot so there’s not a lot of waste - listen to me I sound s right saddo!! I’ll look for that rated people thing, thanks. Just saying to Nic, feels like this is just a temporary situation and Mums in hospital. Then I start to panic when I give in to the reality of things. Found the Corrie hospital scenes quite distressing this week too.
Have a good Sunday. xx
No not offended at all! I completely get what you meant.
I’m even more antisocial then as I started ordering my shopping online. Then I do a quick dash into Aldi or somewhere for fresh bits and bobs. They don’t have self scan but if I go to Asda I use the scan and go so I don’t have to talk to people….
Yes they would be NICER words for me too at the moment but it’s understandable. My eye bags and wrinkles will be gone in no time one day. Complete lie. I had them even before all this. My eyes are so puffy all the time at the moment though I’m surprised I can see through them.
I saw one bat tonight. First time in ages. Quickly flew past and was gone. Didn’t see it again.
Aw I know what you mean. It’s easy to kind of imagine this hasn’t happened. In my mind a lot of the time mum is at home doing whatever she’s doing at the time I’m thinking it. Now she’d be watching tv eating chocolate and telling me to shut up cos she’s watching something while I bombard her with rambling texts about crap! I see her in the hospital a lot too. But she wasn’t conscious while she was in there. But at least still alive and I kept telling myself where there is life there is hope. Even though maybe I knew deep down there wasn’t.
Do you enjoy the company of your goddaughter? Sometimes it’s a bit awkward though if it’s someone you don’t know.
We had a takeaway and Georgias (my eldests) friend from next door came over and had some too and they played for a bit so was fun for them.
The no nappy thing is amusing. She’s such a minx. It didn’t end too well today though and all I can say is I’m glad I got a mattress protector……
My ex did have a cry when mum went. Not for a few days after but one day he just started crying. Before he left and that they were close. A song came on the old Alexa and he burst into tears. He does have a cut off point and I don’t think he quite understands how loss affects you and he’s done what everyone else has done and kind of legged it so they don’t have to face the reality that this may be them one day.
At least I won’t get woken up by the sound of a nappy coming off (if it wakes me. It’s when it doesn’t I’m in trouble) or my Georgia getting cross cos Evie keeps putting her legs on her in bed. They do have their own beds…. But hog mine most nights. I used to say to mum I don’t mind as one day they won’t want to and I’ll miss them not climbing into bed with me.
I said to Tina, I saw a bat tonight. Only one (normally 2) but I saw it. I took the girls for a walk this morning along the canal. Georgia said there were 2 butterflies following us. I said maybe it’s mor mor and Daisy.
I hope you have a good evening and a good sleep. Do you sleep ok?
I
Lots of love to you,
I’m glad today hasn’t been too bad. I am on universal credit as helps pay for nursery care. They’ve never given me too much trouble but have to prove each month my daughter is in childcare and what I’ve paid.
How lovely of all your friends! So kind of them to visit you and the lovely presents. So thoughtful. You sound like you have some really good friends.
Your mum and dad would be with you celebrating this special day.
I couldn’t love my goddaughter more if she was my own as she’s just a mini-me x She stayed with me solidly for a month after mum passed so I wasn’t on my own and I do genuinely love her company but sometimes a little of her goes a long way x her boyfriend is a lovely kid and he seems to feel at ease with me which seems unusual from what I can hear and he loves the rabbits so canna be all that bad lol x
The butterflies are definitely a sign that your loved ones are with you and super happy that you at least saw one bat x
Thank god for mattress covers by sound of things x. I sleep ok but now seems to wake up at least once during the night which I never did before but often take my rescue remedy and have a lavender spray which helps me relax…do you have any ways that you do to help you relax/sleep?
Sounds like your ex is having a difficult time processing losing your mum too…not making excuses for him behaving like that as he should be supporting you and the girls x
I hope you and Georgia have a good night and enjoy your girly night in
Sleep well and will catch up with you in the morning xx xx
I was saying exactly the same thing to a friend lately about Corrie that I found it a bit too hard to watch so may not watch it for a couple of episodes x
My pals aunt used to always go to Asda in her electronic motor scooter thing at the end of each night so she could barge her way into get all the yellow sticker bargains
so I think fear is the reason you hold back as you like having your ankles intact lol x
My mums friend goes to Blackpool at least three times a year…once every three years is enough for me lol x
I am finding that when I’m looking at photos of mum just now I have a deep ache and miss her smile every second of the day and sometimes like you have the feeling that she is just on holiday then the realisation hits…I get that feeling totally 🥲 x
Better head to bed now as have an early start and long day so will check in on you tomorrow x
Try sleep well and hope tomorrow finds you well xx
Oh bless her! How lovely she stayed with you for a month after your mum. She must be a really lovely girl to be so caring and compassionate. It’s nice to have the company. Georgia has been mine. And it was nice to have her friend here for a bit earlier. She’s older than Georgia but she’s so lovely to her. They’ve been friends for years.
I don’t have anything to help me sleep. I suppose I have Georgia snuggles. Last year I went through a bad patch when ex told me he’d met someone else (flash in the pan apparently) but hurt alot. Mum used to tell me to have a mantra. So if I wake and the hospital images are in my head I try to think of something else. I don’t know. I don’t think right now I’m dealing with it at all in the right way right now. Like my head is so full I don’t know if I think of anything for long at all. My thoughts are all over the place. Head is not straight at all.
Hi Nic,
How has your day been? Have you and Georgia had a nice day?
Yeah she’s a fantastic young lady and she has overcome so many issues in her 18 years but she works now pretty much full time, has a reliable, steady boyfriend and loves to work and save money!! (That she doesn’t take from me or her mother lol) and I am so proud of her cause growing up she was deemed the ‘odd kid’ who was bullied due to having autism, adhd, dyspraxia etc but she has shown them all x
I’m not surprised that your thought process, memory etc is all over the place as you have a lot in your mind. The brain fog is horrible and sometimes I go to do the same thing three times cause I get distracted and forget…then half an hour later I think ‘oh that’s what I was going to do’ (usually not so polite lol)
It is a cliche but it’s true that the more you stress or get frustrated with yourself the worse the memory or brain fog gets so don’t be too hard on yourself but do understand how annoying it is x
If you’re not sleeping really either then that won’t help (but I’m probably telling you stuff you already know).
Have you tried mediation? I had to start literally meditating for 5 mins as my mind kept wandering but if you do it consistently it becomes easier and I find does work.
Bach remedy I often find helps me relax and sleep too but be careful as the main ingredient is basically brandy lol x
There is no right or wrong way to grieve so wouldn’t look at it like that as the fact that you have your children, your house, trying to keep things routine for them, dealing with your ex’s bombshell shows to me that no wonder you are exhausted in every sense of the word and yet you find time to show compassion to others…you come across to me as doing amazing but show yourself some of the love and understanding that you show others as you so deserve it x
Hope you have some Georgia cuddles and can relax a little…hope the nappy monster (Evie?) is back with you too safe and sound x
@NEILB72, @Tina19, @christine51….how are all of you doing today?
Hope you’ve had a good or even a decent day and look forward to hearing what you all have been up to and how you are all feeling xx
Tina is right. You really do need to be some sort of life coach or something because you really are one of the kindest, loveliest people I’ve ever known. And so many people could be so much better off for having you in their lives. I know it’s made a big difference to my life already just having messages off you. Thank you xx
Me and Georgia got up this morning, when we chose too. Wee free. Then I dragged her out and we got some plants and jazzed up the garden a bit. Evie came home not long after. My mum never called her evie. She always called her evils…… it’s stuck as her brother calls her evils all the time as does my sister….
Brandt sounds good! Maybe I’ll get some. I’ll have Georgia cuddles tonight as she never sleeps in her own bed at the moment. She now calls my room ‘our’ room.
Your god daughter sounds like an amazing young lady. Mind you with you as her god mum how could she not be?
I hope you’ve had a good day? Did you have work today?
Georgia is now off school for 2 weeks and hoping we can get out and do some things. I said to her earlier we need to buy a tent or something so we can just bugger off somewhere randomly whenever we want to. Feel like going away somewhere right now would be a real tonic but always so expensive in the holidays. A tent would definitely be cheaper!
I’ll drop by tonight for a catch-up but just wanted to second what nicnic said about how compassionate you are, spot on! Just be mindful to save some of that compassion for yourself. I’m so glad you’ve experienced the mind fog as I’ve been so bad with it I’ve started to worry, but like you say, stress makes things so much worse. I did meditation with a counsellor but I couldn’t keep focussed long enough and my mind was also wanting to rush through. I find 15minutes YouTube “therapy” more successful! “Evil’s” makes me laugh nicnic. Georgia is such a lovely name, how old is Georgia?
Good morning to Neil and Christine. Hope you are both ok.
Good morning to you all.
Had a quiet day yesterday after my birthday on Saturday. I felt mentally tired - probably because I haven’t been used to having so many friends visit in one day and the kindness everyone has shown . I just needed some quiet time I think.
Have my first Cruse counselling appt this afternoon - sadly only offering phone appts in my area but at least you speak to the same counsellor all the time now.
Just been having a look through your latest posts and agree about Suzanne, as you all are, so compassionate and thinking of others as we go down this long hard road of grief.
Hope you all have a good day, as much as you can.
Love and best wishes to you all
Neil x
Your words have really sincerely touched me and have made my day/year so much you’ll maybe not realise how much x
I was working today yes and after the day it’s been I’ve came home and ate ice-cream with skooshy cream x I swear there must be a full moon coming up as the customers have all been crazy lol x had one man who decided to put his pet rats in a budgie cage and wondered why they have escaped so he caught one but can’t find the other so he decided to let the re-captured one loose again so it could go find the other one!! He then proceeded to eat the dog biscuits I gave him for the rats to see how they would taste! You canna make this stuff up x
So did Evils keep her nappy on all night then lol x
A tent would be awesome…pack up some food, the tent and go wherever the weather looked best…you have some great countryside too (as you know) around you…oh I’m excited for the adventures you would have if you did do it…Mother nature is the healer x
Our schools must have gone off the week before yours then as this is our second week of the little darlings being off and they go back to school next Tuesday…was meant to be Monday until someone realised that was Easter Monday x
Have you been up to anything nice today? Have you managed to get on to your bench tonight? I’m getting a surprise half day on Wed for covering on my day off so hoping if weather is decent I’ll begin to prune back the bushes in the garden that I think I said to Christine I was going to do like 3 weeks ago…gotta pace myself you understand? lol x
I’m just catching up with Killing Eve from Saturday but really think they should have ended it last series…do you watch it? x
Hope today has been a better day for you and go buy yourself a tent!!
Lovely to hear from you x you are too kind for saying that x
No I seriously started to think there was something wrong with me cause of all the brain fog but also being a lady of a certain age that also causes it has just been mental…I forget things I need to remember yet all the rubbish and irrelevant stuff never seems to go…typical eh?
I’ve never heard of the 15 minute therapy on YouTube…do you find it helpful? I will have to have a wee look for it x I can do mediation for about 30 mins max, anything longer and I’m wandering and lose track but if I don’t do it for a while I pretty much have to start again x I like guided meditation better than basically freestyle where you do it all yourself…I find I need to follow guidelines and the music etc.
How are you finding yourself lately? Are you able to find things a bit lighter or even a teeny bit more hopeful for the day ahead?
Always here if you want to chat about anything.
Take care of yourself and let us know how Zoe is getting on x
Hi Neil x
I did wonder if Sunday would be a quiet day for you after all your celebrations from Saturday. Having all your friends make you feel so loved and valued is very humbling I found but it helped me realise that I may be lonely but I’m not alone as I initially thought when mum went…may just be me but you may have found that too x
I’m not (and never have been) very good at accepting compliments and for you al to say such lovely things about me really touches my heart so thank you all x
How did you find your counselling session? I really hope you are as lucky with your counsellor as I have been with mine as will make all the difference x My local Mindspace charity is the same in that they are only doing zoom or phone sessions but hoping to get back to face-to-face soon so maybe your’s be there same x
What are you up to this week? Any plans?
Hope you have an upbeat couple of days as know they can be hard x
Chat whenever you have time/feel up to it x
Gosh some customers can be special can’t they? I get quite a few where I work. People trying to post parcels with just a stamp on….
She did keep her nappy on last night. She hasn’t been very well today. She was meant to be in nursery. So we’ve not done a lot today really which may of not been good as my head is not in the best place today.
I will definitely look into getting a tent. Would be nice to just be able to pack up and go away when we feel like it.
Yes I think it might be some sort of north south thing with the schools. Georgias first day off was today. She stayed in her pyjamas all day until she had her bath. Lazy moo. Mind you I’d of happily done that pre kids.
I’ve not seen killing eve. I’ve finished the split now so maybe I’ll look into it. Need to find something else to watch.
Hi Suzanne
Just going through my messages during the adverts in Corrie.
Yes you are right when you say that I am not as alone as I thought and that was what I was thinking yesterday and even though it was a quiet day it brought me some peace in my mind.
Counselling session was OK. Still only by phone in my area but at least I’m talking to the same person every week for 6 weeks. Next session is next Monday even though it’s a bank holiday. The woman I talk to is Asian and sometimes it’s hard to understand what she says but it’s not too much of a problem.
Two difficult days coming up but looking forward to another big match on Thursday and my next theatre trip on Saturday.
Hope you are having an enjoyable evening .
Love and best wishes
Neil x
x easy for me to say as I’m not the dealing with the lack of sleep or aftermath if she succeeds x
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so thank you all x
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