Good morning to all my lovely friends.
Well, it’s the long Bank Holiday and it’s probably going to be tough for us all. I know my Mum would have been watching the celebrations and to be honest I would have been. Tomorrow is the Derby which I always watch but it’s obviously different now.
I simply wont be able to watch most of it as the sadness will return thinking of Mum . Will let you know of my plans later.
Had a nice long chat with my friend last night and he was pleased I got to see my concert last week and was certainly envious of the pics 
.
Still need to get more money coming in as I hate being financially a bit unstable. Lucky to have never been that way before and Dad has taught me so much from a young age about money as he had a really bad cash flow problem when giving up work through I’ll health.
Anyway whatever you are all doing try to enjoy it as much as you can and God Save Our Queen
Lots of love and best wishes to you all.
Neil x
Morning everyone.
I hope you’re all ok.
Still have no idea what to do this weekend. Might do a bbq for the kids at some point. Not sure. We won’t see anyone I don’t think. I’m not sure.
Have you found any shoes or anything Neil?
I’ve been a bit up and down this week. Can’t seem to shake this dark cloud away.
I hope everyone is doing as best as they can and you’re all always in my thoughts.
Lots of love,
Nic xxx
Hello everyone,
Happy Jubilee. I’ve just posted on mams tribute site pics of the last Jubilee garden party we had where we all dressed up. Here’s mam with her Queen Mum’s hat
Mine was huge, like something out of the Mad Hatters Tea Party. I’m so upset. Neil, you mentioned Cliff would be singing. She loved Cliff as much as she loved dad. If she was here we’d be having a huge party.
Here’s an update on the gardening, though I don’t remember when I did any of it.
Red roses are starting to bloom at the top pond
First foxglove
Pink roses
Yellow roses in the canopy
Old roses over the large pond
Experiment with my fig trees. The fruit always drops off before it ripens so have cut away the leaves for see if it will mature and bear fruit to eat
Sweet Williams
Buttercups
Daisies
First candelabra primula
First strawberry
Cluster of baby spiders in the sofa arm. They’re starting to venture out now
The secret Garden for mam - old shed door tucked away in the orchard
Huge table (I made with dad 15 years ago) cut to create 2 for the patio
Old pallet will be cut to create another little table for the new ‘bench’ created from old chunks of wood found in the garden
Shed / table area will become a wild meadow. I have started planting up the bed surround
View up the garden from the patio
Putting in more arches creates height (will plant more climbing roses and have climbers to train from other side) and also draws the eye up the garden and into a new ‘room’
Have contacted the council about putting in a fence to stop the creep watching me when he gets in from work. He will cut back anything on his side so he has to be told not to do this. He has cut the hedge back so much that it cannot grow
Debbie, I love your garden. My parents garden was manicured and they always fought over it. Mam wanted it a bit wilder and dad wanted to control it. I want it to be a free space in which everything thrives, including weeds. I hope my wild meadow at the orchard area will take to encourage wildlife. I had to stop feeding the birds because of the rat situation and now only have my pair of robins who follow me round and are always thankful for me turning the soil to feast on worms and fat grubs. I collected those massive white grubs that live in the soil and grew them in a jar when the children were little. They were outraged at the thought that I was keeping them as new pets! It was around the same time my stinky egg broke and we had to air the house out because it was so rank! I miss tormenting the children and doing things to wind them up when they were little. I just miss that time when everything was normal and I didn’t know what was coming. Freedom.
Love to you all. I have been readings your posts but too upset to post back. My pics of the garden have calmed me down and I might try collecting Spring bulbs from pots so they don’t rot after the deluge we had the other day. Didn’t get it done yesterday because I was waiting for the council to cement the outside wall and they didn’t show up. Always on the edge of a panic attack when I have to deal with repairs, even though the blokes are always very nice. It’s being on my own with nobody to help me if I need it. Mam always came over and sat with me and dealt with the person.
Just noticed the edging along your bed. Dad had that. And your lavender is wonderful. I’ve tried a few times and it just doesn’t grow. Wish my garden was as neat!
Hope you are all getting through today. I had an absolute meltdown because mam isn’t here and there is no celebration of anything without her. It’s because she would have loved having a party and dressing up that I am so upset. She was so respectful of the royal family. I remember being little and having the street party where everyone brought tables and chairs and plates of food. Here we are with Grandma
Happy times are filled with love but also such sadness now. It’s so hard remembering and looking back at photos. Must stop now because I’m crying again. Hope the garden pics cheer you all up a bit. Will be glad when this is all over.
Love to you all. Thinking of you xxx
Christine your garden looks amazing. Mine is totally overgrown and my neighbour has let himself in to start cutting it all back
I am having a really rough time. I just don’t want to be awake. Even after a nice visit from a friend yesterday and waiting for another to visit this afternoon, I just want to close my eyes and be wrapped in a blanket
Mia have asked my Granddad to come back and stay with me. I am frightened feeling this rough and bleak
Best, Beki x
Hi Christine.
First of all , what lovely lady your Mum is. I think it’s our Mums generation that they love Cliff. Dad used to tease Mum about Cliff although it was only banter. He used to like The Shadows. I was in Morrisons this morning and they were playing Congratulations by Cliff followed by Mums other favourite Tom Jones. It was as if she was there with me.
Holding up not too bad at the moment. I have several events to choose from and still deciding where to go right up until tomorrow and keeping my eye on how the tickets go.
Hope you can get through the rest of this weekend as best you can.
By the way love the garden pics as well as always. Thank you for posting them.
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Beki,
It is so lovely to have you join our group. I’ve not been able to post like I usually do. The grief is so overwhelming. It’s 27 weeks today for mam. I can’t even put the tv on incase it has the celebrations. Don’t know when they are starting. Can’t go in the garden because the creep is at home. I’m just too upset. My garden is like a refuge. Mam is with me as I’m busy. I imagine her and chat in my head, planning where to put things. She loved her old garden. I just want to be with her. It’s too hard. It will bring you some comfort to have your grandad stay, for him too I should imagine. If you need to be in bed and do nothing then that is what you should do. I’ve come back to bed. I can’t face the day. It really does help knowing that everyone here actually cares about me because my dad and sister don’t. I feel totally alone when I’m not in the garden. I just want my mam. Nothing else matters. Enjoy your blanket. Is it like Suzanne’s weighted one that her cat nicked?! My Porscha enjoying the little bit of sun in the garden. She slept in a kitchen cupboard last night. Got in and refused to come out and stayed there all night. She’s a funny little thing. She made a bed in the net curtain I didn’t put up.
I can here neighbours and children having a little party outside. Feel so alone.
So pleased you are here. Lots of love xxx
Hi Neil,
So lovely to here from you. Thank you for saying that about mam. I remember the cleaner saying what a lovely lady mam was and she was so pleased to have met her. It’s strange seeing mam now through other peoples eyes. She was always just my mam before she left. I miss her so much. She really did love Cliff. I don’t know why we didn’t have one of his at her services. She planned everything so must have considered it and chose not to. I would have burst out crying if that was me. You did so well. You are doing well. I’m really pleased you are deciding where to go tomorrow. Whatever you do will transport you to another place just for a short time. Your parents will be so proud of you Neil. You are getting through this with dignity and a level head. I just can’t face the day and the creep is at home. Wanted to rescue my potted bulbs at the side of the house. Don’t want them to rot but can’t get out there. Haven’t heard from anyone (my sister up North or niece). I feel completely abandoned. Will have a look at films on Amazon Prime. Really want to see the new ‘The Sadness’ film. Love gore horror, especially zombie type or end of the world stuff. ‘Last train to Buscan’ was really good. I think it’s because I had such a strict upbringing that I love the nasty stuff. Anything with swearing, sex, violence etc wasn’t allowed. I was the only one in my class at school to not see Hammer House of Horrors.
Just got dressed and feel so worn out. We would be having a big party if mam was here, probably one each day, taking it in turns. I miss my mam. She made my life worth living. She made everything special. I wish I had told her how wonderful she is. I hope she can see me and know how loved she is and that without her we have all fallen apart. She is so precious to me. I just want to be with her.
Lots of love xxx
I know how you feel Christine. I want to be with my mum or rather her with me. I don’t think either of our mums would want us to join them too soon, if we are the best thing they did we have to honour that by looking after ourselves. Note I am not taking my own medicine on this!!
Friend has just been with her two children and brought an indoor picnic, complete with plastic plates so made no work for me. The kids are 8 and 3 and just wanted to talk with me and show me their drawings. Then the 8year old just wanted to hug me and said she wanted to live with me 
Just going to lie on the settee now. Scroll through 
and if I doze off, I doze off. Still no appetite at the moment
Beki xx
Hi Christine
I quite like a bit of horror too. I like the classic 70s/80s stuff. My favourite is Suspiria from 1977. Great horror films few and far between these days.
Just had a nice tea and settling in for the evening.
Another bank holiday to prepare for tomorrow
As I said earlier love your photos
Love and best wishes
Neil x
Hi Christine,
I love the photos of you garden, your mum certainly looks as if she was enjoying herself, you can certainly see the likeness through the generations.
Should have taken a before photo of my front garden before I cut back the bluebells, my son in law wanted some bulbs for their garden. My back garden is not quite so manicured.
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The pond does have 4 goldfish in, it was Doug’s pond and I keep it going for him. The trellis is to keep the herons away as we have lost fish to them before. I’ve had to learn how to clean the pump and treat the water to keep it clear and blanket weed free.
The cherry tree I planted just after he died so it will flower every year in March.
I sorry the creep hasn’t gone out so you can get in your garden, your are like my son, he loves a pallet to make things with. Can’t wait to see the roses over your arched walkway.
Hi Suzanne, Tina, Neil, Nic, Beki & Christine
Today hasn’t been to bad for me, close married friend I used to work with came to visit me this morning. Then this afternoon I was volunteering to help at my church with a old time sing along and afternoon tea. I’ve been on my feet for five hours, serving tea washing up and clearing away. Now absolutely shattered.
It’s been good as it’s kept me busy, only had one wobble moment when we sang one song, We’ll gather lilacs in the spring again.
It will good for you to have company if your grandad comes to stay Beki. Hope you had a lovely indoor picnic, small children are so honest with their feelings
Hope everyone else has survived the day, only three more to get through. Tomorrow my Close is having a BBQ, my friend is organising it and I’m going to take my neighbour as she not to well at the moment and needs support.
Doug would have loved it, I remember VE Day celebrations everyone had afternoon tea in their front gardens and the sun was shining.
Sending love to you all
Debbie xx
Hi Debbie
Really pleased to hear that your day has gone well. Love the pics. Always great to see what everyone is up to. Keeping busy definitely helps and even just for a while it takes our mind off the sadness, although you are bound to have moments where it just hits you.
Hope you have a good day tomorrow
Sending love and best wishes
Neil x
That is so lovely of your friend. Makes all the difference knowing someone cares enough to make the effort to see you. Plastic plates always remind me of playing tea parties. Hope you enjoyed it x
Debbie you have a beautiful garden. My parents old garden had a carpet of bluebells in the front and a very old cherry tree. I miss it. They moved into a flat with shared garden because mam needed more care than was able to have at home. I wish they hadn’t moved. Mam didn’t want to. But they couldn’t manage. Your lovely roses remind me of happier times when I’d potter with mam while dad was a work. We’d pick the fruit in the summer and make hot scones and jams. I wish I knew then that that was my happy time I’d keep going back to.
I wish I could keep fish in my pond but I’m sure the cats would find them straight away. I use ‘Greenaway’ from Amazon to keep it clear and its fine for the cats. I’m so pleased you kept it going for Doug. He’d be really happy I’m sure.
There’s a street party here but I’ll not be going. I don’t know anyone and the ones I live beside I certainly don’t want to know them! I’m hoping I can get into the garden tomorrow. Just watched films (Gone and The Postcard Killings) and played computer games (Sherlock Holmes puzzles).
Your lillacs remind me of being little up north. Mam always had some in a vase on the wooden dining room table. I used to make camps under it with bed sheets while she was ironing and then we’d have a picnic. I can smell the fragrance now.
You should be really proud of yourself for helping at the church. I wish I could do that but I don’t have anyone to go with and I can’t go myself.
Pleased we all got through today. Haven’t heard from anyone but then didn’t expect to.
Lots of love xxx
Hi Debbie,
Your garden is so cute and well maintained…I especially love the owl attached to your tree…I love owls 
lol x
If you haven’t done so already get some barley straw for your pond as that will keep your pond nice and clean x
That sounds like a very long day but sounds like you had fun. You wouldn’t even know there was a jubilee happening up here so enjoy your BBQ tomorrow as up here it’s business as usual lol x
Mind and take photos of your street party as always love seeing photos of whatever everyone is doing xx
Hi Christine:)
Bit of a short random question possibly but you were saying you like a zombie show…have you watched the new one on Netflix called Black Summer? Would be interested to know what someone else thought x
Hopefully you’ll get in to you garden tomorrow 
xx
Hi Neil,
I think being busy is key to getting through the day with a purpose. That’s why I just cry when I’m not out in the garden.
Did you decide on what you are going to see tomorrow? Always good to have something to look forward to.
My fave horror from the 80’s is Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I slept over my friends house when I was 13 and had never seen anything like it before. That was the time of video nasties. Love Japanese horror.
Glad it’s evening. I have such a headache from being on the laptop all day.
Lots of love xxx
This cat turned up at my parking space yesterday…have no idea who it belongs to but thought it had a cute albeit slightly puzzled looking face lol x
Hi Suzanne,
Seems like ages since I chatted with you. I hope the garden project is underway and you’re enjoying it. I really had to just take time out this week. The sadness hit me like a tonne of bricks and I couldn’t do anything.
I don’t have Netflix (I did as a thank you for helping my sisters friend with a clearout to the skip but haven’t used it for ages). Just have the Amazon Prime. Lots of good films on there. The Sadness is a new horror and looks really good (watch the trailer on Google).
So pleased I’ve got through today. Couldn’t stop crying thinking of mam. My sister and dad will probably be celebrating together.
Lots of love xxx
Hey you 
Missed chatting with you but we all thought you were needing some time away but hopes you knew that we were thinking of you daily and would be here for you when you felt stronger x
Yeah haven’t been able to get into garden most of the week due to work and rain but my lavender needs replanted as seems to be getting too big for the pot.
I was surprised to see my local Morrisons had some lovely big rose bushes for sale at £25 each and had some lovely colours…couldn’t quite justify £50 on roses just now but if I have money left nearer pay day then I may treat myself lol x
I wouldn’t want to party with the majority of my neighbours either tbh as some have such uncontrollable children lol x
I start my volunteering position on Sat so will have to do all the boring stuff tomorrow x
Haven’t heard of that film but do like a good horror book/film….Stephen King is one of my favourite authors of all time and have every one of his books x
So lovely to chat with you again and love that photo of your mum with her hat on…looks so happy xx
I know you like seeing photos of pets so here is my wee hamster (complete with food dust on her whiskers lol) called Badger 
x
