Hi Suzanne.
Had a good day. I’m not a Picasso fan either but just saw the painting from the US and can say I’ve seen it now. I too love Monet’s work . I saw a big exhibition of his a few years ago. I actually saw some of his work as I had a wander round today.
Believe it or not my ticket for the ballet was £9. Not bad at all. Covent Garden packed when I came out.
Had some pie and chips and beans when I came home - I usually have that at lunchtime on Saturdays .
Rain forecast here tomorrow.
Enjoy the rest of your evening and speak soon
Love and best wishes
Neil x
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Hi Suzanne, yes it is tomorrow she is dancing at party in the park.
Sounds like you had a good day volunteering and got to see the wildlife.
Me and Doug went to Eden Project a few years back now and last October I went back with my family, it had changed alot in between visits, rope slide wasn’t there last time and the car parks have expanded, it wasn’t so far to walk to the entrance before.
After the last two days activities I haven’t done much today, I fell asleep watching a film this afternoon.
Another busy day tomorrow have church in the morning and I’m on coffee rota and I forgot to get the milk today, early morning trip to the co-op.
Sending love Debbie X
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I had a stay in bed or under a blanket until 7pm and then eventually did get a shower and hair wash.
I think my hormones are playing silly beggars too, just for the extra kick
I seem to be opposite to most people. I perk up at night and can go to bed full of confidence and thinking yes I will do this and that. Wake up in the morning and crash to rock bottom. To be fair that could happen when Mum was here
I haven’t watched any of the jubilee or been to anything. I did see the fly past on catch up and the clip tonight of the Queen and Paddington Bear, and it made me cry!
Think I have sorted the picture issue on my phone. This the note and the text mum sent to her cousin which I refer to when I get the guilts and what ifs
Best, Beki
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That’s lovely Beki, such a special message, your mum is very proud of you 
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@Suzanne30 haven’t a clue about the garden! I need it to be easy and will need help. My thyroid and joint aches make it a bit difficult to fit it all in with work and hopefullly getting some hobbies and life going again.
At least now it is a good space and I can have people pop round and rooms for their kids/dogs!
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This is just too precious 
xx
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Hey Christine,
Just a thought but did you ever watch iZombie?
Loved it and shame they ended it but still worth a watch imo 
xx
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Hi you,
So pleased you had a fab time. It must have felt like another world.
I am enjoying Black Summer. Love it. Will watch iZombie next. I’ve managed to avoid the Jubilee tv until flicking channels tonight. Just can’t think about it because I’ll start crying. Mam would have adored it and been fighting with dad to watch it. Still haven’t heard from anyone at all. They have probably all met up without me knowing. That’s not paranoia considering Sunday lunch was a regular thing 5 mins down the road. It’s like I’m existing in a vacuum. Don’t know how much longer I can keep avoiding the world. Soz. I’m like Beki. Just avoiding the entire holiday but at the same time feeling completely left out.
Lots of love xxx
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Hi Christine
You do make me laugh with the bell idea for your creep neighbour. You could always get someone to tell him what a good idea a gravel path would be for his back garden. He might think it’s right up his street and then you’d definitely hear him coming. My next door neighbour (the one my age) is harmless enough but he never goes out when he’s not at work and sometimes you just want to rant at Zoe for digging the soil or eating my plants but you always feel you have to be on your best behaviour.
No, I haven’t been to the Churchyard and to be honest I’m frightened of it. I don’t know what’s changed but I’m scared of going. It’s also time now to get the headstone altered but it’s getting to me as it feels like it’s happened all over again.
I don’t remember your shed door photo so I will go back and look again. I always like looking at your garden pictures for inspiration. I remember your box of electrical plugs you’d been sorting. What a nightmare. I hate plugs with all my energy. There is nothing more mind blowingly tedious. It’s just that they are so fiddly.
I might look at those roses from Parker’s you were telling somebody about. They sound so nice and a good price.
I’ve not see my sister in person since 17th May. Granted I have had Covid. Even when I do see her it feels like we are strangers. I feel like a stranger to myself in all honesty.
Just had a bit of a tearful meltdown as I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the tiles. I’m trying to keep things looking respectable for my Mum’s sake but my brother is like something from “,Men Behaving Badly” if you remember the sitcom and I was just overwhelmed by the pointlessness of it. I mean, who wouldn’t pull the plug after they’d used the bathroom basin and there’s not another human in this country that has to pick up cigarette ends from a carpet floor. I should have been a street-cleaner I think. I don’t mind doing any amount of cleaning but it’s not cleaning if it makes you feel worthless.
I’m amazed there’s been no street parties on our road. Maybe they have all had private ones. I’ve not been out on the front all day as there’s been lots of people around doing DIY. I’d rather wait till people have gone back to work. These days I’d just rather hide away.
It will be hard coming to a conclusion about your Mum’s ashes I imagine. As time changes, so do feelings, then they change back again and it’s such a delicate thing to decide about. If you cant decide then don’t force yourself, and don’t let anyone else force you. Your instinct will let you know when it’s ready to.
Much love xx
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That is so touching. xx
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Hi Beki
Do you have an over or under active thyroid? I have an under active one. Both of them create some really strange symptoms. I get what you mean about going to bed not so bad but having bad starts in the morning. Cortisol is also highest in the mornings too so that’s where the anxiety comes from. It made me understand things more when I found there was a reason why mornings are so unpleasant.
xx
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Hi Debbie
I used to buy Hydrangea bushes and had some really gorgeous ones but when I lost my Husband I lost them all as I had to go and stay with family so I wouldn’t be alone. A whole garden just gone sadly.
I’m trying really hard to get the garden nice again, as it should have been when she was here but there just wasn’t spare time to do it. That makes me so sad.
My brother has wrecked the garden by putting a makeshift shed near the kitchen door for his motorbike. Can’t say anything though as things progress to a row. He thinks I’m controlling him but I’m just trying to preserve a little bit of space that was “Mum”.
Hope you are keeping well.
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Mmm I will have to read up on cortisol
Under active thyroid. On 50mg of thyroxine a day. Peri menopause definitely kicked in so a lot of these horrible feelings I’ve been having before just now with a grief now on top and no Mum to go and spill to and get a hug from!
Just found out my GP of 20years is retiring end of this month! In some ways it is another change I don’t want to face but on the other hand I can’t help but have some resentment against her for putting mum on the oxy in the first place and i think she let us down in some ways. Maybe a change of GP for this new era will be better, most of the time I was diagnosing myself and having to push for treatment (I do have some biology back ground so not just DR Google!)
I have definitely decked up my body clock with day sleeping and being awake at night 
Beki x
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Hi Suzanne
It’s interesting to hear of your volunteering. You are so lucky to have that kind of thing where you are. Is it something that’s ongoing or for a set period of time? Can’t think of anywhere better to do some volunteer work. Hopefully all the little birds/animals wont be following you home or you’ll be getting more than you bargained for!
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Hi Beki.
Was it you that said something like guilt and regret are utter b/stards? You are telling me. It’s the worst ever isn’t it, no wonder we are exhausted all the time. So many could have, should have’s. I am on (should be) 100microgram Thyroxine per day. I haven’t taken any at all for almost 6months. Last time I did that the GP said my body had almost stopped. Which is what happens with lack of thyroid hormone but I just can’t bring myself to start it. Don’t know if it’s cos I used to give Mum her Thyroxine and it brings back memories or what. Also I haven’t been back to drs surgery since lost Mum and really, really don’t want to as like you, there are things I think that could have been done differently.
Let’s just hope we get some respite today.
Much love. xx
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Beki that is so lovely.
Since Dad passed I had kept his last Fathers Day card and Mum and I used to keep all our Birthday , Mothers Day, Xmas cards and so glad I did. Guilt and regret and the ‘what ifs’ is the worst as it destroys you but just looking what Mum wrote helps keeps it at bay.
Sending love
Neil x
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Hi Neil
That sounds like a right good day Neil. Good on you. I don’t know about the ballet but I’m into the Pie, chips and beans.
Hope you have a good day today too.
xx
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Love your pictures Neil. xx
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Hello Nic
You sound like you are in a right predicament with your husband. I think I’d have to go out somewhere and not tell him just to get a bit of space, but then he’d probably only do his stuff with the house whilst you are out. Can’t win can you. It’s all a heap of %*!? isn’t it.
Keep going
xx
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Love your Garden Debbie. I’m drawn to the windchime. It looks really nice. Such a lush, green space as well.
Much love xx
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