I know its rotten isnt - all alone without our hubbys ;( its ok cos i got 3 children who just ignore me ! They couldnt care less im by myself and do nothing to ease my pain … its a great life isn’t it 
its very tough indeed … i had a good old cry too today already 
hits you on days like this how very alone we are … sorry not being much help am i …
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@Skip I’m NHS too. I know what you mean about not being the same person. I’m not sure I can be the same caring person to others with so much hurt inside. Made worse as we were both planning on retiring in a couple of years and going travelling. Now like you I just keep thinking what’s the point to anything……?
@Deb5 @Sarlyn I definitely think Bank Holidays emphasise the loneliness. I know if things had been different I would be waking up somewhere nice in our caravan thinking of where we could walk for a pub lunch!! Instead of spending it at home alone. 
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Yeh exactly you would be planning something wouldnt you that’s the thing isnt it you can’t even plan holidays unless youre prepared to go alone ! I just realised that the other day … anyway ive booked a few days away with my mum… at least i can do that … xx
I returned to work about a month after my wife died, although it was tough at first, I have found that it helps, it has given me some structure to my week and something to focus on, other than my grief, during the week I am reasonably ok, it is the weekend I find the hardest, especially when I have nothing planned
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@membA246 I can relate to you in finding structure and purpose through work, it is sometimes tough particularly as the emotional ambushes can suddenly come without warning and if you are in a work situation you just have to manage them as best you can. I know a lot of people find weekends difficult, I do too so, as we both worked, it would be the time my husband I would go out together, have lunch somewhere and enjoy each other’s company. I try to make sure I have made arrangements to meet family or friends, but if I cant then I will try and do something either in the garden or at home. Last week I did a little bit of tiling which my husband was planning to do, but he never got a chance. I have never tiled in my life, but I had a go and it didn’t look too bad at least it was straight! This weekend I am busy seeing friends and family which does help. xx
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Sandi … youre so positive ! I dunno how u do it ? I just cry most of the time … i cant be bothered to do that much … have to push myself to do it. I just taken my puppy for a 30 minute walk on the canal in the sunshine - she loved it xx
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@membA246 yes weekends are so hard. I try and have something planned for the weekend but often find people already have family stuff planned so end up on my own.
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Doing some tiling That’s really inspirational @sandi! We had been decorating the bedroom, only thing left was to wallpaper one wall. We were meant to be doing it the weekend my partner died. I just keep looking at the wallpaper in its rolls can’t get motivated to try and paste it to the walls yet!
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Yeh i know its so lovely how people are so thoughtful isnt it !!!
This time is particularly hard, as this is my first Easter without Jan, andwe always enjoyed Easter, especially when the Sun is shining, I am seeing family and friends this weekend, which makes it a little easier, however still tinged with sadness that she is not here
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@Doughtyj We were also planning to retire early and travel having got the travelling bug 20 years ago. We were very lucky to be able to take a career break and travelled around australia for 12 months and have since been to other amazing countries…not your normal package holiday.
We didnt celebrate easter but we would have been having some lovely walks followed by beers and a barbie or a pub meal. Bank holidays suck. Xx
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We hadn’t long purchased a camper van, we were touring Italy for 3 weeks this summer and many excursions in between. This was going to be our year for travel
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@Deb5 I am so glad you had time in the sun today with your lovely puppy. That requires so much effort so please don’t underestimate what you are managing to do. I do try and keep positive, don’t get me wrong I cant be bothered half the time, I cry a lot too, and inside I am hurting so much but I just have to push myself on because I am scared of the alternative. I can really hear my husband saying come on , don’t give up you can do it, go live your life for us both, so that’s what I am trying hard to do. Nothing but love xxx
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i know its so sad we couldnt fulfill all our dreams
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Thanks sandi … i enjoyed it but i did cry on way back home cos i saw an older married couple in the car and i thought that’s never gonna be me and him now isnt it strange what makes you cry? X
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I know @Deb5. Today I went to a garden center, and I was ok, until there was a palaver over the discount card, it was my husbands and it had run out last month. Of course he couldnt have renewed it and I hadnt been to the garden center since he passed in January. The girl at the cash desk asked whether my husband wanted to renew it and I asked whether it could go in my name. She said no I would need to fill out an application or ask my husband to pop by and just renew. In the end I told her to just leave it, paid for the plants and left. I pushed the trolley back to my car crying. [quote=“Deb5, post:37, topic:64814, full:true”]
Thanks sandi … i enjoyed it but i did cry on way back home cos i saw an older married couple in the car and i thought that’s never gonna be me and him now isnt it strange what makes you cry? X
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xxDont worry xx