Hi Doughti, I joined the ramblers, they have all day walks on the weekends. That helps when my kids have their own stuff to do,
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@19Lefke95 I am so sorry. That was awful. All of us have What ifs and they can torment us. But there is nothing we can do we have to say we did what seemed right or what our loved ones wanted us to do and we cannot change that. Hugs xx
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Yes that is what I am going to hang on to I did what he really wanted me to do .The evening before I argued with him as I wanted to put the bins out but because I have Spinal surgery on hold he would not give in an oxygen tank on his back and insisting breathlessly he was going to do it it broke my heart and for the only time in his life he told me to shut up and I did and promised myself never to upset him again.
Hugs and thank yous for listening to me I expect you can guess Iâm crying my eyes out but tomorrow is another day
Annxx
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@19Lefke95 I think our partners try and protect us by shielding us. Whenever Diane was in pain she tried to find a reason for me to leave her alone in the hospital so I did not see it, she could not hide it. Keep posting as you need, we all share your tears here. More hugs xx.
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Thank you Mike I hope I havenât darkened your Easter with my sorrow
More thank yous and hugs
Annx
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@19Lefke95 You have not darkened my Easter. We are all on our own journey and helping each other lightens all our loads.
Mike xxx
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@Mike75 The straight jacket of grief, what a perfect analogy . Thatâs exactly how it feels, so all consuming it envelopes you. I also feel like the best part of my life has just disintegrated over night and I will never be the same person again.
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Thatâs such a powerful text isnât it @Sarlyn ? Thank you for posting it. It fits in with my saying that I wonât let grief win.
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@19Lefke95
I think your Zeki gave you such a gift in those words which we can all try and follow in the sensible approach @Mike75 outlines and @Sarlyn also does. We know in our hearts will will not get over this loss, but live with it we WILL; and I mean live, not exist. I am determined to make a real life to honour my Richard and all he gave me. Itâs not easy and there are still plenty of grief ambushes but in between I am living with some hope. I doubt our garden will look as good with only one of us keeping it but it hopefully wonât become a jungle.
@19Lefke95 Dear Ann, that âif onlyâ must be so difficult but he was still looking after you and it would have upset him more had you gone with him or done jobs he felt he should do Iâm sure. You did what was best for his peace of mind, which as we all know, can be a hard thing to find.
Love
Karen xxx
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Dear Karen
I live that terrible day over and over but I am trying as you say to battle grief and not let it win.
I desperately try to focus on the things Zek said to me .In 2018 he had successful triple bypass surgery and left me a note saying I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he liked to see me always strong and happy.I think of those words now to help me through my loss.
I have a brother in law I speak to every day who believes in nothing and he thinks I should be perfectly ok I have to retain his friendship as I donât have any other family
He just doesnât see that people who have had a lifelong wonderful relationship are ripped into pieces when they are separated by death.
I think that being the victor over grief will in the end become easier but at the moment I am still overwhelmed by the whole thing .But I keep trying and Iâm also trying to let my brother in laws statements go in one ear and out of the other.
Lots of thank youâs and hugs for listening to me
Annxx
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I understand this feeling so well. I have never liked crying in front of people and now i do it in front of anyone. I havent worn any make up since Pete died, i used to wear it every day. Today is bin day and ive cried and cried as i put the recycling out as Pete would always do this. Iâm trying to embrace the power of âfor nowâ . I am feeling this bad âfor nowâ and it appears to be helping me with the crushing hopelessness that creeps in and the little voice that says you will always feel this way. Love to everyone still in the grip of grief. Try saying âfor nowâ when appropriate.
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Yep ⌠little me about ! Little or no sympathy off family ! Awful.i think ! ;(
That is a very good strategy âfor nowâ It helps your brain to embrace the agony as its only for now thereâs something better over the horizon.The hopelessness and pointless feelings are terrible arenât they but I will keep trying âfor nowâ
LoveAnnx
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