Hi everyone! I just wanted to come on and let you know some stuff and hopefully it will help.
In 2019 i lost my dad, he was only 39 so really young! I never really had him growing up, he walked out my life and he walked back in at the age of ten and then walked out because he didnt want to be a proper dad to me as he missed out on so much. So then i turned 19 he got in touch with me and we put differences aside, i met up with him a couple of times and a year a bit later he died out of our control! I dealt with that loss by myself none of my mothers family were there as they never got on! I went to the funeral and that was my goodbye really. Just the anniversary of dad that hit me. But ill always still love him he was my dad!
Im 2021 i lost my grandad keith, now that was weird because he was in hospital beforehand, and the hospital said he was fine and let him go home the day after he ended up dieing. Even that is different because even though he was there for my birthdays he also wasnt he was mainly for my other cousins - but i still love him! And i go to his grave now and again to talk to him
Now my grandadi this was so hard, i lost him in 2022, he was my hero! He took me on holidays, he was there for me every milestone every christmas! Every day of my life! He was my talking supporter and i was away for my birthday but he was really poorly. I came back a day before my birthday and the first thing i said was ‘hows my grandadi?’ My nan and mum sat me on the chair and i knew it bad! They told me he died because he had lukemia and it was too far advanced but when the hospital knew that night he died. I was devastated. I didnt understand! But nan said he wouldnt have wanted me there he wouldnt have wanted me to see him like that! But i felt so much guilt and i thought i was handling it that time because i thought well i lost two people i can get through this but its come to haunt me now and ive neeeded to come to reliasation myself that i need help to get through this!
What im saying is how grief is so different is shocking? How do i get through it when i wasnt this bad when i lost dad and i sound bad! But its true! Three funerals for the main people i love but one that i was the most worst one was my grandadis! Life is horrible and life can throw some major curveballs! But i am thankful for the family i have and my partner!
Hi @Michaela98 . I’m sorry for your losses. Your dad was so young. I think you are probably grieving more for your grandad because it sounds like you had a greater bond with him and he was such an important person in your life.who you saw regularly 
I lost my youngest brother and dad within a week of each other. My dad had terminal cancer and my brother’s was unexpected. I cried for my dad but accepted his passing easier than my brother’s as he was ill and we were prepared more. Grief affects everyone differently and I think the more you love the person you lost the stronger the grief. Sending hugs X
@Anne25 yeah it took me a while to understand that its different relationships to all three but doesnt mean they werent loved the same right? Im so sorry about your losses i cant even imagine how hard that must be within a week diference! Cancer is such a horrible thing that can affect life! Im thinking of you and sending hugs x
Thank you for your caring words . I was broken with my brother dying and I found it hard to accept. Now I have lost my son I’m grieving for him and I can’t think too much about my brother the way I am now or else I would fall apart. It doesn’t mean I’ve stopped missing my brother or my dad… just that I had a stronger bond and love for my son… I still do. Just as you loved your family members the same but your grandad is the one you were closest to and so will be feeling his absence more…if that makes any sense.xx
No need to thank me, loss is a hard thing to deal with at the best of times! Its just how poeple deal with it which is the hardest part! But we should know that we and you are not alone! sometimes people that dont go through it themselve doesnt know how to be around you or be there then someone that does! Im so sorry to hear about your son, you have to find a balance where you can get by the day for the people you love and make the ones you lose even happier and proud! it definitely does make sense i just feel bad that one is affecting more then my dad but i still miss them all the same! Its just can be hard!xx
I try and think about my dad and brother not wanting me so upset for their loss and I know my son wouldn’t want it either but we can’t help how we feel. My brother’s death hit me hard but now I feel like I haven’t enough left in me to cry for him now my son has gone. It helps being on here and knowing others are going through the same and can offer support or just to listen X
No its so much easier saying it than actually doing it! Yeah youll be surpised how strong you can be though, and crying isnt a sign of weakness as ive been told! Yes definitely helps being on here!if you ever need to talk im more than happen to listen❤️x
Bless you crying is definitely not a weakness but a sign of the love we have for our loved ones.
I’m guessing by your username and the 98 that’s the year you were born? My son’s birth year and his middle name is Michael! Such a coincidence.
You’ve had a lot of loss for someone so young 
. Do you have a good support system around you and supportive work colleagues? X
Yes 100%. Do you just have the one son? He had his whole life ahead of him bless him, and he was so young! If it is the same one?
Yes thats the year i was born! wow thats a coincidence! Yeah im a person that will put on a brave face and say that im okay but recently i had a really bad panic attack at work and they were amazing, i just didnt understand why it affected me now than be and i was relating all my losses the same but really theyre completely different but i do miss them all the same and love them equally just my grandad is effecting me more! if that makes sense? Yeah i have sometimes i think why is the world trying to destroy or hurt me to lose three important people as i lost my very first one at the age of 19! So sorry for the long message! i do but i just cant talk to them its alwasy been really hard and my grandadi was the main one i spoke to so its just finding the outlet of talk now that im finding hard and stuff 
x
Good morning lovely… Please don’t apologise for the length of your message. It sometimes helps to get everything down and that’s what this forum is for .
I’m glad you have support around you at work and grief just comes out of nowhere at times which is probably why you had a panic attack. It’s heartbreaking losing multiple family members in such a short space of time. You could be grieving more for your Grandad Keith because he was the last family member to pass away and you had more time with him. It doesn’t mean that you love your dad and other grandad any less
I asked myself what had I done wrong to lose my son, brother and dad in the space of two years but I know it was out of my hands and feeling at fault just adds to the upset.
I have an older son - he’s 26 so both sons were close in age. He’s still at home with me thank goodness… keeping me sane.
I’m here if you want to talk about your dad and grandads or anything else xx
Yeah; it just talkings never really been a strength to and sometimes im scared to hurt my family to tell them! Yeah i do normally suffer with them but grandad would always calm me down and i never really had one since his passing i was just bottling it all up until i couldnt anymore! I miss and love them all thankyou for your words yes i feel guilt as one of them i was away celebrating my birthday and i wasnt here to say goodbye to him! But my nan said he wouldnt have wanted me here and he left because he knew he didnt want me there either! They were definitely both in age, thinking of you all 
glad hes still with you must be hard!
Thankyou so much!xx
Bless you. I hope you have had a better day today and of course you love and miss your dad and grandads . That will never change but in time it will get easier to accept they’re no longer with you but you will always have your lovely memories of them. Your nan sounds very caring and I’m sure she didn’t want to put you through the upset of seeing your grandad in his final moments, but to remember him as he was.
Try not to bottle everything up and if you want to cry then cry. It’s only natural you are upset and you need to release those feelings. Do you have any siblings you can talk to who are feeling the same?
I’m not much of a talker either but it is easier to write down what I want to say about my son as saying his name out loud in certain contexts is still upsetting.
My eldest is very quiet but it’s a comfort having him here and he will talk about his brother and the daft things he got up to. It’s lovely to hear him remember certain memories. XX
Yes todays been an okay day thankyou! I went bowling with my partner and a few friends that i dont really know as its his friends and felt that was a really big thing as i suffer with anxiety too!
I hope your day has been okay?!
Yea definitely i never knew how much pictures mean as well until they were gone, i literally cherish every moment and every photo! yes definitely! I have a younger brother but he has eplipsy and autism so he doesnt really show he feelings and his younger than what he actually is! So its really hard to kinda talk to him about them! But he has a different dad to me! Yes ive just managed to start saying their names without getting upset now, it definitely takes time! but we just have to remember the happy and fun times of them and make the proud of whats to come! Awh thats cute that makes me smile that he remembers memories of him and talks to you about him!xx
Good morning, I hope you’re ok and having a lovely weekend. Good you managed to get out with your partner. Bowling sounds like a good distraction and I understand you feeling anxious around people you aren’t really familiar with. Do you have friends you meet up with or go out with work colleagues?
It’s my dad’s birthday anniversary today - 2nd without him. I have one of my brothers coming for lunch and we donate to Marie curie in my dad’s memory 
.
You’re right about photos meaning more now than ever. I have videos of my dad and brother which are precious. My son wasn’t one for photos as he got older but I have plenty of childhood ones. XX
Yes, to be honest its been a hard one, because my great nan is now in hospital but is doing okay, but im just overthinking everything and worrying about her! Just feel like we cant get a break
It was a very hard night but i just feel like sometimes he just struggles to understand that i may be quiet and thats just me trying to deal with the situation!
yes i have a couple of freinds that i do stuff with sometimes; and i also work with her too!
Awh that sounds really lovely, im sorry to hear that though! It must be a hard today for you all i hope youve managed to get through the day and celebrated his life did you have a lovely lunch?
Awh videos are lovely memories because you can hear their voices!
I used to be like your son, my family have lots of baby photos but as i was getting older im like get it away from me but i can still be like it sometimes but i now know that it can mean the most precious thing!xx
Hi
I’m sorry to hear your great nan is in hospital and it’s understandable you will be worried about her given everything you have been through already. A relief for you that she’s doing well but still can’t help the worrying.
Your partner probably doesn’t know what to say or how best to support you but I’m sure he doesn’t mean to come across that way.I think it’s a male trait. I have two other brothers who don’t really understand how to behave around me and they don’t show their feelings.
It’s lovely you have a close friendship with your work colleagues. I’ve had more support from mine than some friends since my son died. It’s true what they say about knowing who’s there for you during difficult times. I work in a school so being around children is a good distraction!
Today has been ok thank you I made my dad’s favourite dinner and I always make a donation to Marie curie in his memory.
I hope your great nan is well enough to leave hospital soon❤️
Thankyou for your kind and lovely words! She has kidney stones so just hoping they will go on their own now 
Yes it probably is i tell myself its just him hes a male ahaa; but i just feel like sometimes im just moaning but i cant help it- its kinda hard! Hes always so happy and sometimes it does really help as he is always so positive
Yes its true what they say as well you know who will be there for you when you go through stuff - i lost a few friends since the last loss as i struggled more and i didnt need to chase them to do stuff with them as i had other stuff going on! But my work colleagues has been amazing and i can go to them but it still isnt quite the same! Im glad youve had their support, really just them being there means a lot doesnt it?
Do you have a big family?
Awh i love that, is that a primary school? I actually work in a nursery, ive worked from babies-5years. Im working with the babies at the moment!
Im glad today has been okay for you! Ooh nice! They are hoping she can go tomorrow but it all depends! x
Hi, how is your great nan today? Hopefully back home now.
Your partner sounds very positive and it’s good he can help lift you up when you’re not feeling great.
I work in a primary school with year 1 children. They are a lovely class and keep me busy which is what we need to stop our thoughts from wondering.
How long have you worked in the nursery? How lovely being with the babies all day! I’m sure you’re exhausted at the end of the day but it’s worth it.
It’s good when you can get along with work colleagues and have a friendship outside the workplace. I don’t know what I would do without mine. They have been amazing this last few months and were a big support after my dad and brother passed away. XX
She is okay; she has kidney stones! But its like history repeating itself, scared she wont come back to me! thankyou for asking! They do, i love what they come out with sometimes! For about 8 years now! But i changed nurseries as i didnt like the company i was with before! Yes, some days are really hard but its rewarding! Im glad youve had their support and had them in your journey! i hope you are doing well too!x
I hope you have had a good day today
Is your great nan home now?
I know it’s easier said than done but try not to worry too much about her. I understand that feeling when you have suffered loss and you worry about everyone else around you but it can consume you.
Did you always want to work with children?
I’ve been in my job for 16 years now. It’s exhausting but I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Children are oblivious to what you’re going through and they are a good distraction at times like this XX