Dad just passed away

My dad passed away 2 weeks ago. He was my world and I am struggling to function. I am estranged from my mother due to the way she treated me and my dad. My brother who lives in London and only visited my mum and dad about 3 times a year came up when dad was ill and admitted to hospital. He refused any communication with me and cut me out off all funeral arrangements and banned me from the family home. I live literally 5 mins away and was my dad’s carer for over 15 yes and dad and I saw each other every single day, we were so very, very close. He was my best friend, protector and guiding light. I am devastated about what my brother has done and dad would be heartbroken. How can I deal with all this and grieve at the same time? I am walking round in a fog and can’t shake it off. Thanks for anyone reading my post. Any advice would be appreciated

I lost my dad my hero & my inspiration 2weeks ago as well. I am not dealing with it well & just want him back. I know he is better off now as in no more pain & out of suffering but he was the only one in my family who got me & I feel like I’ve lost my whole world.

I’m sorry for your loss too, it’s just so devastating, I am hardly functioning and keep going over the last few weeks of his life in hospital and can’t get it out of my head. I am also scared of the happy memories because I can’t cope with the overwhelming sadness. It’s like a bad dream in slow motion. I lived 5 mins from dad and we went to the same shops locally and when I go shopping, I just sob my heart out. I am angry too that my remaining family, my mother and brother have just cut me off and organised my dad’s funeral behind my back and been so vile to me. My mother treated my dad so bad when he was alive and it was only me who truly loved and cared for him. People tell me time is a good healer so I am hanging in there

If it helps what you are feeling is so normal and you are at the start of a very long road…
You and your Dad were lucky to have such a wonderful relationship therefore you are bound to feel such loss it is devastating and awe consuming…
All I can say is take a day and a step at a time and remember others are thinking of you…
I lost my wonderful precious Dad the end of 2016 and I am still lost and cry everyday but carry in your heart that your Dad knew how much you loved him, he will never leave you and always be by your side…
Try to be kind to yourself take very good care…x

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What a lovely message, it’s Xmas Eve and I am home alone so thank you , your words came at the perfect time to know someone is thinking of me at this scary, lonely time.

So sorry for your loss, our dad’s are with us Claire, they walk in our footsteps as we do theirs.

We are lucky to have had them in our world. A light will forever burn brightly. Take care and hope your Christmas is peaceful xx

Just a bit of humour…my dad disliked Christmas because of all the commercial hype and he hated turkey which my mum made him eat every Christmas and I just smiled for the first time that he would no longer have to force himself to have to eat it again. It’s the little things that spark the memories xx

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It’s so hard Lyn but you take care
If you ever need to talk you know where I am…
Be kind to yourself…x

Hi Claire

How did Christmas go for you? Hope you are ok…x

How are you coping? Hope you are ok x

Hi Lyn
Hope you are okay and managed to get through the day…
I am staying in Norfolk and if I’m honest every hour is hard without my wonderful Dad :frowning: miss him so much it’s like it’s not real but all we can do is get through every minute of every day and try to cope but it’s so so hard…,
How are you doing? No words can help but suffice to say I am always here.,
I’m not saying I know how you feel as everyone is different but listening to your words we sound on a similar wave length
You take care…, xx

Hi Claire

I found Christmas Day peaceful in a strange way. Not wanting to be part of all the commercialism and hype actually made me think of the true meaning of Christmas and I was reflecting on my childhood Christmases. Missing dad terribly but again, that feeling of peace that he is no longer suffering keeps me going and is a great comfort.

Boxing Day I managed to go shopping with a friend and although I felt disconnected from all around me, it did feel better to experience a bit of normality. I noticed how weak and disorientated I was so also it was nice to be home where I feel safer and secure.

Norfolk is a lovely place Claire so hope the surroundings are helping you. Are you staying with family? Hope you have support.

I haven’t cried for a few days now and that feels strange. I actually feel I did most of my grieving before dad passed away while he was in hospital (he was in there 3 weeks) and I knew then he wasn’t coming home. It’s just a knowing and I think I was preparing myself.

Well today is enough day and I am learning to just go with the flow of how I feel instead of trying to fight it all.

Take care and keep in touch xx

Trying to reply to you Lyn but for some reason my message won’t deliver … probably too long! x

Hi Lyn
Just wanted to ‘check’ in and make sure you are okay, I always find New Year really emotional and difficult…
Keep strong…
Take care

Hi Claire

How are you?

New Year was horrible, first year without my dad in it and only 4 weeks after he passed. It’s all so surreal. I really wasn’t ready to let go of 2017 but again no choice as out of my control.

Trying to get through each day the best I can. Some are hard, some of them bearable but none of them mean anything.

Managed to actually watch some TV today so guess that’s progress.

How did it go for you? Hope you coped?


Hi Lyn
Lovely to hear from you,
New Year is heartbreaking especially the first as you don’t want to move onto the next year without them,I was an emotional wreck…
You are doing so well all we can do is take a day at a time…
Keep going Lyn thinking of you lots

Hi Lyn
Just wanted to check in and see how you are I have been thinking of you…
, I have been struggling and missing Dad so much …still so unbelievable…
You take care and if you ever need to chat I’m here…'Cx

Hi Claire

It’s so lovely to hear from you and knowing you are thinking about me means so much.

It is such a struggle but we are in this grief together and you are not alone. I’m not much use but I’m here for you Claire.

I was/am a real daddy’s girl in every sense of the word and miss him so much but then keep reminding myself, he is still here with me just not physically and so is your dad. They never leave us. They are now at peace and free of any suffering or pain. I find talking to dad helps me, I literally talk to him out loud and I also write him a note everyday in my journal. It’s our special time, you may want to try it as it may give you some comfort.

The awful part is our brain’s focusing on the end of their life and we need to turn it around and smile at the happiness life bought them and us.

Keep going Claire, we can do this


By the way, dad had prostate cancer but managed to beat it and then he got diagnosed with blood cancer last year, a slow growing type and was doing ok and then had heart problems and kidney disease, all managed ok, dad was as strong as an ox but his body had too much to deal with and had enough. Cause of death heart and kidney failure. His mind up until the last 2 weeks was razor sharp even at 80 , he was painting and decorating 2 weeks before he went into hospital for the last time. I hope and pray I am as brave and strong as him xxx

Lovely to open your message this morning, I can so relate with you and our wonderful Dad’s…our experiences are so similar…:frowning:
Likewise Dad was so strong, full of life and the ‘rock’ of our family and did everything for everyone…
never in a million years did I think I would lose him so quickly or to such an awful disease Dads parents lived into their 90’s which we totally thought Dad would…

Dad was diagnosed with Prostate cancer in the May and lost him 14 weeks later…:frowning:
Like you say the passing was horrendous and ‘we’ can’t get that out of our minds…
Thank you so much for telling me about your journal it’s something I am going to try…
Keep strong lovely and we will keep our precious Dads memories alive…
Big hugs Cx