I lost my lovely dad just before Christmas my life feels so empty and I still have the funeral to deal with , love to you all who are coping with your grief xx
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Hi Ellie
So sorry for your loss, I too lost dad before Christmas on the 6th December, like you say I also felt numb and disorientated, like it was all a bad dream and was really anxious and apprehensive about the funeral but on the day of the funeral I coped better than I thought I would. Grief is a rollercoaster, it ebbs and flows. Just make sure you take care of yourself, eat, sleep and make sure you have support. Everyone on here have really helped me and talking about it does help. Thinking of you
xx
Hi Lyn havnt messaged in a while just wanted to check in and see how you are?..
hope you are looking after yourself
Take care
Cx
Oh Claire itās so lovely to hear from you. How are you? I hope you are ok?
I am coping but itās so hard! I miss dad so very much. Itās still so unreal that he is not here. It hurts Claire and I try so hard to be strong but I am not the same person anymore. It changes you and you get by but there is a huge emptiness that canāt be filled no matter how hard you try.
Dad seems to be slipping further and further away and itās soul destroying. Itās been 8 weeks tomorrow yet feels like an eternity. I know he is at peace but I selfishly just want him back. I have never felt so alone as I do now and nobody loves me like dad did.
I am sure you feel the same as I know we resonate with each other. I message lots on here with others but I truly feel a bond with you Claire and I know we are on the same wavelength.
Sending you a big hug
xxxxx
Claire
I can only say this to you as I know you will get it. This grief can never affect me as much as the deep love I felt for dad because I canāt express it, feel it enough or let it out because I would fall apart. My mind will not allow me to go there. Itās too deep to even go there and as hard as that is in itself I cannot allow myself to feel this loss so I keep it buried. I will never accept he is gone so donāt even let myself feel it. He was so strong and brave that my mind keeps him that way. My dad was never weak even through his death and I too will never allow that weakness to go anywhere near the bond we have.
xxx
Lovely to get a reply I am pleased you didnāt mind me messagingā¦
Like you say I felt that we connected, this journey is so so hard it cannot be put into words, the void is immense and all we want is our wonderful Dads backā¦
Still in disbelief as you are and I am further into my journey I only wish I could help you and say it gets less painfulā¦
All we can do is carry them in our hearts, talk about them often and try to take little steps, sadly the emptiness is always there and because we were lucky to have such love from our Dads, we were their ālittle girlsā and our Dads love is/was so preciousā¦
I carry my Dads picture with me everywhere and his hanky! May seem strange to some but it gives me comfort to the extent I would feel lost without itā¦
You take care my lovely, little steps and look after yourself
Keep strong, Mum and I always say to each other ākeep that feather blowing high in our hatsā and positive and bright as we possibly can, hard I know, but remember people are thinking of youā¦
Big hugs
Cx
Wow that is so true Lyn, every word you wrote I think the only way to get through each day is to not believe they have gone, I pretend Dad has just gone awayā¦
Mum and Dad were always traveling and thatās how I think of him nowā¦
Like your Dad he was so strong and fit, life is so cruel and unforgiving they didnāt deserve to leave us or go through what they didā¦
Some people have said to me itās not healthy to āpretendā but if itās our way of coping then thatās what we have to doā¦
Hugs xx
Our dadās would never want us to think they are gone so why would we? They are with us and always will be. Their bodies are not here because their bodies gave up on them but their spirit and soul is still here and it is that we need to focus on. My dad was more than a physical presence but accepting that is the hard part as I long to hear my dadās voice, see his smile and feel his protection, I just have to retrain my mind to let the physical go and focus on the rest and that is the hardest bit. It takes time as itās hard to process.
Love to you and your mum and keep going just the way you are.
Thinking of you and you inspire me Claire
xxx
So sorry I didnāt get back to you last night Lyn, Thank you so much for your kind words they mean so much, I think when you āconnectā itās good to talk and āreleaseā our feelings- you are the only person I have kept in regular contact with, we did just seem in the same āpageāā¦
I so long to talk and touch my Dad again, I so miss him, itās unreal I thought I would have him foreverā¦
I hope you donāt mind me messaging it helps me to ātalkā to someone that understandsā¦
You take care and love and hugs to you
Cx
Claire talk away I am always here for you, I feel the same as you.
Our dadās are never meant to leave us ever and if they had a choice they never would. That is whatās so hard to accept.
I donāt believe they are gone. They are part of us as we are of them and will live on through and with us, itās just they are no longer here physically and thatās what we miss their āphysicalā presence. This is what breaks my heart. My dadās hug was all I ever needed to feel safe, protected, loved and happy. My mind wonāt let me go there because itās too painful and overwhelming. I canāt access those thoughts and feelings because my brain and heart wonāt allow it so I feel a distance and itās that distance that just kills me.
There is no way of truly coping with it all because it just hurts either way.
Love and hugs to you too.
xxx
Thank you Lynā¦
I totally get what you are saying,
Sitting here home alone and going over and over in my mind things about Dad and shedding tears as always and missing everything about himā¦
Like you say they will never leave us and we will always hold them close but itās so hard remembering their voices and touchā¦
We just want them back desperatelyā¦
Thank you so much Lynā¦
Love and hugs
Cx
Hi Lyn
How have you been?
Hopefully you are coping with little steps and getting throughā¦,
Always remember there are people thinking of you and sending some positive vibesā¦
You take care
Love Cx
Hi Claire
So lovely to see your message pop up.
I am getting by Claire but my god it is so hard isnāt it? I wonder if I am grieving properly because I am too scared to let it all out as I would just fall apart so my grief is drip feeding me if that makes sense? My heart and mind cannot go there too deeply as I think I have a protection switch that stops me going the full way? I can only absorb so much. I literally have a heart ache and a lump in my throat constantly! Sometimes I want the tears to flow but they donāt. Itās all so very surreal. I am living two lives the one with dad and the one without and they are completely different worlds and there is no ābridgeā between them.I know dad is at peace now and no more suffering in that awful hospital ward and that brings me comfort but I just want him backā¦selfish I know but a world without my dad is just not one I wantā¦
Itās dadās birthday on Sunday and just had delivered a memorial bench with the words " In loving memory of my dad, strong, steadfast and loyal" and itās lovely but it just isnāt real to me? My dad was my hero and invincible to me so how do I ever except heās gone?
I hope you are ok Claire? How are you coping? It means so much to me that you are thinking of me and I am certain dad is sending people to me to help me. Itās what dad would do no matter where he is.
Sending you love and hugs
xxx
Claire
Do you ever feel sometimes that what you say, do or think is exactly like your dad? Even some of my facial expressions are hisā¦I catch myself by surprise and think oh I am so like my dad. Those moments are wonderful to experience
xxx
So hard Lynā¦
I donāt believe there is any right or wrong way to grief, they talk about āthe five stepsā but you/we have to find our own way and everything you are saying is so normalā¦
I think I have said before that my way of getting through each day is to pretend my wonderful Dad is āawayāā¦some say that isnāt healthy but itās whatever works for usā¦
Your heartache, lump in the throat and ball in the stomach is so understandable, we are hurting so much and just want our beloved Dadās our heros and inspirations back with us, how do we live our lifeās without them? I wish I had the answers for youā¦life is cruel Lynā¦
Your bench sounds lovely ā¦
Itās Dads birthday on the 25th another date in the diary that is so hard to get throughā¦
Try to be kind to yourself and keep positive knowing that your lovely Dad is with you and by your side alwaysā¦ he would never have wanted to leave youā¦
Thinking of you lots big hugs
xx
I do actually Lyn and people say it to meā¦
Gives some comfort at such difficult timesā¦
Hugs
Cx
Hi Lyn
Just wanted to ācheckā in and see how you are copingā¦
Hope you are managing day to day with little stepsā¦
You are often in my thoughts, it was my wonderful Dads birthday last Sunday, we just tried to keep busy and our minds activeā¦but as you know it is so hardā¦
With all this awful weather I havnt been able to get to see Mum and I know she is strugglingā¦
We go away a week Thursday for a long weekend thatās Mum, me, my friend and a very close friend of Mums so hopefully we will manage to have a few laughsā¦
Always here if you want to chat my friend try to keep strong and positive and look after yourself
Hugs
Cx
Hi Claire
So lovely to hear from you as always
It was my dadās birthday too on the 18th February so I know how hard it must have been for you. I did my best to keep it as a celebration of what he would have liked doing so went to a lovely pub restaurant on a golf course overlooking a lake (dad and I went there together many times) had a drink and a snack. Simple and nice. My dad was never one for a fuss, he just liked a pint, good conversation and good company. I held it together during the day but cried my eyes out before I went to bed as I just miss him so very much.
I cope day to day better now I am back at work as I have to focus on work but evenings are harder. I block a lot out as itās too hard emotionally to focus on memories and knowing I will never see my wonderful dad again. I canāt think of that too much because the pain would be unbearable. I think we have inbuilt coping mechanisms to help us.
Oh Claire it must be so hard for your mum too, how lovely to have a nice break for you both to look forward to. Your mum will understand about the weather. The only place anyone can be is indoors, safe and warm.
Let me know how your weekend goes and a happy belated heavenly birthday to your dad. I will have a glass of wine for him and my dad this evening. They are at peace Claire and watching over us.
Much love and hugs to you
xxxx
O what lovely words Lyn they have bought tears to my eyes, thank you for having a drink for my Dad, he would love that! Loved a glass of red or a whiskey!
Such special men, Dad sounds so much like yours and loved the simple things in life and was always eager to help others, you are so right I think we do have an inbuilt mechanism, I struggle so much when I havnt got things to occupy my mind and like you say we still cannot think of or focus on memories as itās to painful with missing them so much and we are still in disbeliefā¦
I am looking forward to our break but so wish Dad was here to share the time with usā¦
Keep warm and safe lovely
Hugs xx
Iām sorry Lyn I have just read my message back and it sounds all centred on me, Iām sorryā¦
The 18th must have been so hard for you, I am sure your lovely Dad would have been by your side and looking down on youā¦
Iām pleased work is keeping your mind focused too, I remember when I went back to work I was so unsure and had lost any confidence but it was the best thing I could have done so I hope it will be for you tooā¦
Always remember Iām always here if you need to ātalkāā¦
Hugs
Cx