I’m sorry Lyn I have just read my message back and it sounds all centred on me, I’m sorry…
The 18th must have been so hard for you, I am sure your lovely Dad would have been by your side and looking down on you…
I’m pleased work is keeping your mind focused too, I remember when I went back to work I was so unsure and had lost any confidence but it was the best thing I could have done so I hope it will be for you too…
Always remember I’m always here if you need to ‘talk’…
Hugs
Cx
Claire don’t be daft it’s not centred all on you at all. You were checking in on me which is such a lovely thing to do and it means so much to me. I could talk non stop about my dad and that is a natural thing to do.
Omg my dad liked whiskey as well! Always bought him a bottle at Xmas.
I am always here as well if you need to chat
Keep nice and warm tonight as it’s freezing!
xxx
Thank you for being understanding Lyn…
I will be in touch soon, until then take very good care me be kind to yourself…
Hugs xx
We will keep our dad’s alive in our hearts and our everyday lives and that is the wonderful legacy they left us. They gave us the strength to cope with life for when the time came they knew they would be leaving us physically.
The love for my dad grows stronger everyday and not even separation can affect that bond.
Speak soon my lovely
xxxx
Hello Lynn, Just a note to say thanks for your email and I truly hope the service for your friend’s Husband has not left you too distressed. I really do feel for your friend. Thanks also for your comments about my House situation, they are really accurate suggestions. These days I can’t make a decision between tea and coffee let alone major items but your comments about being alone at home really made me think about things. No, I hadn’t heard that saying … “what you resist, will persist etc”, how acutely accurate that is and personally I think this is what is causing me immense pain. Are sure Lynn you weren’t a Therapist in a previous life maybe ?! Too many “I can’t do this - it’s too hard” tearful outbursts recently for me but I hope you carry on improving despite the bad days in-between. I’m sending a “virtual” doggy bone for Sammy along with warm regards to you. Tina
Hi Lyn
How are you coping lovely, I hope you are okay, I often think of you, I have been having real meltdowns recently - why did this have to happen? And why couldn’t our lovely Dads stay with us…
What have you been up to, I hope you are keeping strong and your feather is blowing high and you are keeping positive
Big hugs xx
Hi Claire
As always lovely to hear from you and thinking of you too.
I too have been having big meltdowns but as painful as they are I see them as releasing all the love I hold in my heart for dad and it’s a way of connecting with him. My brain is unable to compute that dad is no longer here so my heart speaks for my brain.
As we enter spring it is another first, one where dad has been left behind and it kills me. I am living in limbo between 2 worlds one with dad and one without and I find it so hard to move forward into this strange new world without him. I cope in the day when I have distractions but evenings I am just lost. Don’t know how to fill my time and time is like quicksand and my dad is slipping further and further away from me. God Claire this is so bloody hard and I don’t know who I am anymore. My childhood and my foundations left with dad and I feel a stranger to myself.
I am going to the Lake District next weekend and hoping the peace, tranquility and change of scenery will renew my energy.
Sending you lots of love
xxx
Lyn
I can so relate to your message, your words are so powerful and emotional and makes such sense…
Life is no longer the same for us we are missing the main part of the jigsaw puzzle our special Dads who meant the world to us and still do…
I find myself sitting here looking into space wondering 'what is all this for and what is the point to it all and for what purpose '…
I know we have and need to stay focused but it’s so flipping hard…,
Like you I seem to cope during my working hours but any other time I am in limbo…
I try to arrange things constantly to keep Mum and myself motivated, I want to try and make Mum feel a little better which I know I can’t do, it’s like a light has been switched out for her and us, I am wondering whether being on this treadmill is not helping my own grief, there are no answers …
As always your messages are so meaningful and from the heart, the loss in our lives is immense, all we can do is go with the waves and take little steps knowing that our Dads are with us and always will be…
I just so wish they were here, still in disbelief and how cruel this life is…
Keep strong and I hope you manage to have a good time in the Lakes, you deserve it…
Take care and speak soon
Lots of love
Cx
Claire
Our dad’s lives were also about preparing us for the time they would no longer be with us as they too lost their parents, so from their own experience of that loss they try and give us the tools to deal with surving life. It is a gift but also a curse because the meaning of life and death now becomes our burden alone. I have never seen this closeness to death before and it scares the hell out of me because one day it is our turn and having to face up to that is so scary. The reality is I now question everything I ever believed. I don’t want to die but facing and dealing with my dad dying brings me closer to my own mortality. It’s like I was invincible until dad died and now I too have to face that fact and if I get a headache now it frightens the life out of me.
I am trying to focus on living but death brings a huge cloud over it.
Lots of love
Lyn
xxx
Again Lyn
You are so right, I have never been this close to someone passing away before and it does bring it to the for front of your mind, up until losing Dad I never really thought of my own mortality and I thought I had got Dad until I was old myself as he was such a fit guy, it shows you never know what is round the corner and it’s all pretty scary…
We need to try and keep focused there is no other way…
Sweet dreams my friend…
Love
Cx
Claire
If our dad’s did a good job which I believe they did we will deal with it all as they did and they pass that baton of strength to us. We need to grasp life and live it to the full and that is their legacy to us. I will do it next week NOT! I still have a lot to learn but I am determined to be brave to honour my dad’s memory but going to take a hell of a long time and dad is going to have to be patient with me!
Sweet dreams to you as well and let’s keep their light shining brightly. They loved us Claire and we can do that too
As my dad always said “goodnight and God bless”
xxx
Hi Lyn
Hope you are ok trying to messsge you in reply to email you sent last night but coming up undeliverable…
Hugs xx
Hi Debb
My dad died on the 27th January. Reading your message was like reading my own thoughts.
My dad was the only person who ‘got me’ my brother and sister don’t know me and haven’t ever tried to get to know me. I spoke to my dad every day on the phone as I lived 150 miles away from him. We both knew how each other ticked.
Thankfully I have my own children who are a great support but sadly I still feel very much alone now that my dad has gone. Life has changed. My whole world has changed.
I completely understand how you feel Debb about your Dad. I feel exactly the same about mine. I hope you are ok. We were so lucky to have had such great dads. Sending lots of love to you and your dad.
Hi Lyn
Just checking in to see how you are coping how warre the ‘Lakes’
Love Claire x
Hi Claire
Lovely to hear from you as always.
The Lakes were cold and wet but the scenery stunning as usual. Been going there for 20 years. Dad was everywhere I went which was sad but comforting at the same time. I’m beginning to accept this will now be the norm. I have weeks where I am ok, followed by several meltdowns but still here and surving.
How are you? Did you do anything over Easter?
xxx
Dad always gave me money for Xmas and as he was so organised and meticulous he always gave it me 2 mths before, little did we know it would be his last gift. I couldn’t bear to even open the envelope with his writing on but just before Easter I did open it and I decided I wanted something I could always have with me every day so I bought a beautiful diamond ring and it has a heart attached inside on the band. It was meant to be as it was in the sale and got it half price, dad loved a bargain and it is simply beautiful. This gives me so much comfort Claire.
I so hope you are coping because I know like me, you will still not be believing he is gone.
xxxx
Lovely to hear from you Lyn…
Your ring sounds absolutely beautiful and will bring you great comfort and meaning…
Your Dad sounds a lovely man I can imagine how hard it must have been to open your envelope, your right I will never ever believe that my beloved Dad has left us still take it day by day and go with the waves he was meant to be with us so much longer as was your wonderful Dad …
Mum isn’t good at the moment which has me worried as I know she is letting her mind run wild and still struggling with losing Dad…
Fingers crossed her results will come back fine, I don’t know how I would cope if they don’t but I have to have positive thoughts…
I am pleased you had a nice time in the ‘Lakes’ it’s nice to get away, I always have a strange feeling though - that if I am at home I feel closer to Dad…(strange eh)
I went to Spain with my ‘other half’ for a few days, I am going back on the 26th with Mum, her close friend (who is our rock) and my close friend…hopefully Mum will be okay to go…
Sorry I ‘go on’ so much…
My Daughter has moved into her first house a week ago too and was so emotional without her Grandad there as she knows he would be the first there helping…
She went into the house first with a teddy we had made for her out of one of Dads shirts… bless her…
Well my dear I will finish keep strong my lovely, I hope you don’t mind me messaging …
Where did you get your ring from it sounds beautiful
Big hugs
Cx
Oh Claire I am so sorry to hear about your mum, you must be worried sick. I hope it isn’t serious? Don’t want to pry and upset you. You know I am here if you need to talk.
I know what you mean about being closer to dad when you are at home as I feel that too. I feel it’s then just me and dad without the rest of the world interfering.
I hope your mum is well enough to go to Spain with you as maybe a break will do her good and some sunshine to give her batteries a recharge after this awful harsh winter and also all what she has gone through with losing your dad. It’s so hard going through all this and just wanting our dad’s back and your mum her husband. I just wish we could all turn the clock back. What I wouldn’t give to see my dad’s handsome face and his adorable smile and hear is voice of calm and wisdom. He was an amazing man Claire, everybody who knew him loved him. So strong, steadfast and loyal as I’m your dad was. God I hate even talking about him in the past tense. Just doesn’t feel right.
I got my ring from a lovely local jewellers and I smile every time I look at it.
Please let me know how your mum is and I will think of you both in my prayers.
I hope your daughter has lots of happiness in her new home and teddy has pride of place.
I love you messaging so keep doing it as I feel a bond with you Claire. May be our dad’s sent us to each other
xxx
Thank you for your kind words Lyn, our Dads sound so similar and what a lovely thought that they sent us to each other…
That is exactly how I feel when I am away from home, I thought I was the only one, it’s good to know that someone has the same feelings…
I am really worried about Mum although in front of her I am trying to keep strong and positive, she has had blood tests we have to wait for the results of those, she is at hospital on the 19th for a scan, I have to keep focused there is no way I can think of losing Mum too…
I will let you know how things go and thank you for thinking of us…
Meg my Daughters teddy has pride of place in her new home, her wonderful Grandad will always be with her…
I am so pleased your lovely ring has bought you comfort, sending you big hugs as always, speak soon until then take very good care…
xx
Hi Lyn
How are you and hoping you are managing and coping okay,
I hope you don’t mind me messaging you again, I’m really struggling this week and spending most of the time crying… - nothing new there I guess…
No news in Mums results so that is hanging over our heads…
Away this weekend so need to pull myself together but as you know only too well that’s easier said than done…
I am sorry to go on and I hope I havnt upset you - I often think of you…, big hugs xx