Hi Lyn
Hope you are okay and you don’t mind me messaging I didn’t get a reply from my last text and have been thinking of you…
Cx
Hi Claire
I have only just seen this message, I couldn’t access this site for a while, as it kept saying on my tablet it was unsafe? So sorry and I didn’t even get a notification? I only found this because I was looking for you.
How is your mum? Have you had any news? Thinking of you and hoping all is ok?
I am coping Claire but I still have meltdowns when I just can’t comprehend dad is no longer here and it hits me so hard.
I am having counseling sessions through work. They are free so decided to take them up on it but to be honest it hasn’t helped. The lady is lovely but just keeps asking me how I feel every few minutes and it’s started to annoy me because it’s not helping. How does she expect me to feel? I have lost the most important person on the planet and my whole world. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t experienced a bereavement has a clue how we feel.
I can’t believe on the 6th June (day before my birthday) it will be 6 months since dad passed and it’s still all so unreal. I think it always will be Claire. I miss him so much my heart aches and I feel my childhood has gone as I can’t ask him all the silly questions about it that he would always have the answers to. My dad always had the answers to everything and I felt safe and protected. For some reason I am now scared about everything and can’t shake it off.
How are you coping with it? You must also be feeling anxious about your mum as well, I hope and pray you get some good news. Your dad is with you Claire and he will help you just talk to him and tell him how you feel. I talk to dad all the time and it helps me feel it keeps our bond going.
Have you been to Spain yet?
lots of love
xxxx
Hi Lyn
Lovely to hear from you…
Snap - for some reason the web page was giving me strange messages saying they couldn’t deliver… I tried twice then tried again the other evening…
I have been thinking of you lots,
I found counselling sessions basically unhelpful ( I think I expected a miracle cure) which isn’t going to happen unfortunately…
The only thing it helped me with was to realease a lot of my anger and tears which I was trying to surpress at home - which isn’t a good thing…
I am like you if no one has experienced such a loss they won’t ‘get us’… I feel like everyone thinks I/we should be okay now… and we are so not okay but everyone stops asking thinking you should have moved on…
your so right, I don’t believe we will ever get over this feeling, my last thought before sleep is my Dad when I wake in the night my stomach flips to realise Dad isn’t here and the ache every morning knowing Dad is no longer with me…
I can never say ’ I know how you feel’ as we are all different but we seem to have a connection as we have said before. I think of you often. I cry for Dad every day and talk to him I just wish I could hear his voice and hug him again…
On a positive note Mums scans came back clear, such a relief, she is still struggling and I am still trying to organise little things to keep us both focused…
I hope this page dosnt go ‘down’ again…
Sweet dreams my friend keep strong and I will be in touch soon
Hugs
Cxx
Hi Claire
That is really good news about your mum. You both must be feeling so relieved.
Whenever dad had a hospital appointment or felt unwell, I dreaded it as always at the back of my mind was what if he doesn’t get better. These thoughts plagued me a good few years and when he finally passed a part of me felt relief because I couldn’t have beared to see him suffer. He had lots of health issues but always pulled through and thankfully never had any pain with anything right up until the end. Before he went in to hospital for the last time, he was independent, driving his car and his mind and humour were as sharp as ever so I count those blessings.
I still struggle with releasing my emotions and the anxiety keeps building until I have a mini breakdown (as I call them) and then I release some of it and feel better for a few days and then the cycle starts again. Like you I think of dad last thing before I fall asleep and first thing when I wake up. The longing to see him and hear his voice literally makes my heart ache. Again I try and find comfort that all grief is is the outpouring of your love for them and it has nowhere to go because he’s not here.
It’s a strange place to be because there is no cure and the world is dinner to me now as dad was and always will be my shining light.
Anyway don’t want to make us feel worse so sending you lots of love and so grateful we have the connection we have
xxx
Hi lovely…
Just re reading your wonderful message you sent me yesterday your words are so meaningful and so heartfelt your Dad sounds amazing and like you say our world is such a dimmer place without them…
Unless you are in ‘our place’ no one could understand, our love was and is so strong that our grief is overwhelming…
I lie at night and have to make myself try and think of other things to get to sleep, I hope they know how much they were and always will be so loved but that non physical touch is so hard to accept…
It is a relief about my Mum, to be honest I was really scared so that is one positive in our world of ‘upset’
All we can do is go with the waves which it sounds like you are trying to do, it’s like a mini cycle as you say and a constant treadmill ‘uphill’…
Today I have been and taken part in a 5k 'walk to remember ’ organised by our local Sue Ryder hospice where my Daughter works, I am so pleased I went although it was very emotional, one part of the walk took you through a beautiful wooded area where they had set up a reflection area with the most beautiful poems, I read the first and ‘broke down’…I am sure I wasn’t the only one, you think you are coping and then wham it ‘hits’ again…
They raised 5k which is great …
I hope you have had a reasonable weekend, start of a new working week keep that positive hat of ours pinned on and let’s do our Dads proud, draw on those wonderful memories and our love for them…
Sorry Lyn I hope I havnt ‘gone’ on too much again!
Keep strong, I will check in on you very soon, hope these messages don’t go astray again…
Take care
Lots of love
Cx
Hi Lyn
I hope you don’t mind me messaging again so soon, i have been thinking of you lots , I have struggled a bit this week I went over to Mum and Dads for a sleepover and decided to sleep in the little room where I used to sleep when I was little and Dad used to tuck me in - comforting in one way but so emotional too …
Miss him so much and Dad is all I can think about I feel like I am carrying a lead weight around all of the time …
I have a funeral this Wednesday which dosnt help but I feel the need to go…
Sorry to 'off load ’ not something you need Lyn but ranting to you helps!
Big hugs and love
Cx
Hi Claire
I have been having meltdowns this week too so we can rant to each other.
Having a sleepover in your bedroom from a child must have been heartbreaking. We still have a little girl in us who needs their daddy and always will. I understand the closeness you must have felt too. My heart and mind is still dealing with it all and I can’t go to deep with my thoughts and memories because it is too overwhelming. It will be 6mths without dad on the 6th June and on the 7th it is my birthday the first one without him and I am dreading it. No card on the fireplace, no present, nothing. The emptiness I feel is so consuming and I too think about him all the time. We have father’s Day soon too. I just feel like my world has stopped and I am just going through the motions. When I have a good day I feel guilty. I am scared of time because it feels like my enemy as it pushes dad further and further away.
We just have to keep focussing on what our dad’s would want for us Claire and they would hate to see us like this. My dad was so brave with everything life threw at him and I am trying to keep his legacy by doing the same but I am failing miserably.
Hang in there and just go with the flow.
Sending you a big hug and lots of love
xxx
Morning Lyn
So lovely to wake up to your wonderful message this morning, you have such an articulate and heartfelt way of putting words together and so know how I feel as you are experiencing the same…
I try to tell myself (and I know you are so right) that our lovely Dads wanting us to carry on and live our lives but how do we do that when we miss them so immensely I so wish someone could tell us or send a miracle cure…
I had a little robin having a bathe in my bird bath a couple of days ago and it was so like he was trying to tell me something…
I’m sitting here with tears falling while writing this message knowing that I need to get ready for work but not wanting too…
I cannot tell you how much you being there and being able to release my emotions to you means, I’m not sure that I help you but I hope I do in some way…
Keep strong my dear, I will speak soon but I will be thinking of you and so much next week…
Take care
Hugs xx
Hi Claire
I have the answer to your question, our dad’s spent their lives giving us their love, protection, wisdom and guidance because they too lost their parents and went through exactly what we are going through and therefore had the knowledge and experience of heartbreak and what was coming to us, so they gave us all we will ever need to survive without them and that is their biggest gift and legacy to us. We have to honour that and learn from their death and live our lives to the full and be happy. Their last breath was our time to pay tribute to them and the celebration of their lives. The lives they fought so hard for right to the end. We were blessed to have them Claire and we have to carry that on.
Grief is the outpouring of love we feel and will always be with us. We have to express that love and carry it forwards into this world and pass the message on that the meaning and purpose of life is “love” and we owe to them to do this.
The little Robin is a sign your dad is still with you as he always will be.
You help me so much too Claire and we share the love we feel and that’s exactly what our dad’s would want
Big hugs my friend
xxxx
Thank you Lyn
Hope you are okay…
Your words are so true, the love we had and still have for our Dads is why we are so struggling with our grief…
We Just never wanted to lose them but our wonderful memories will live on …
I had to attend a funeral today of a lovely lady it was the first funeral since losing Dad it really hit me initially and was so emotional but the words the ’ celebrator’ who spoke about life so ring true…
It’s the path we all have to take and our loved ones never leave us and the stronger the love the stronger the grief…
Thank you again my dear we will continue to try and be strong and positive no matter how hard it is…
Big hugs
Love Cx
Hi, I am really sorry for the loss of your father. My father died on 28th may 2016 only 10 days away from my first child being born. I still really struggle with it now and it doesn’t get easier, you just learn to live with it. It’s such a shame your brother has done that and really isn’t fair. I have a sister and we don’t really talk. I’d love to be able to talk to her as she is the only one experiencing the same feelings I am. We were both so close to him and we put him so high, my world completely shattered when he passed. I bought a nice blank book and chose to write to him. Whatever I wanted however i was feeling, I could let it out with a pen and my book. It helped me so much. I felt like I was closer to him and that if he could see it (I know he wouldn’t) just made me feel comfort. I don’t write in there very often anymore only when it’s been my children’s birthdays or occasions but it has helped me to still share my life with him. I hope this helps you in finding your path to cope with this pain x
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Hi Lyn
I hope you have been okay and I will be thinking of you lots this week…
Just when I couldn’t think things could get any worse and we got the all clear for Mum
My beloved only Nephew was diagnosed on Wednesday with a brain tumour, as you can imagine we are absolutely devastated my Bro and my Mum are beside themselves, why is life so shite Lyn and ‘what is all this for’…,I can’t concentrate at the moment but I have and need to keep strong for the rest of the family, we are such a small little unit how can life be so cruel?
I hope you don’t mind me messaging Lyn I know you will always listen but I am sorry to burden you with this when you have such a sad significant week ahead…
Suffice to say I’m sending you lots of love
Claire x
My dad just died two days ago and I’m numb with grief I feel cheated as he choose his partner over his kids my mum died when I was 11 it’s hard stay strong
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LynT
I am so sorry for your loss. My Dad died 24th August 2019 and his funeral was 12th Sept. I completely understand how you are feeling. It is like there is an invisible barrier separating us from the real world where people are laughing and carefree. I ache to hold my Dad again! I lived with my parents for past 2 yrs and saw him every minute of the day, i helped Mum care for him. My brother was vile to me- I think they have their guilt to deal with. Keep in touch! Nxx
LynT
I am so sorry for your loss. My Dad died 24th August 2019 and his funeral was 12th Sept. I completely understand how you are feeling. It is like there is an invisible barrier separating us from the real world where people are laughing and carefree. I ache to hold my Dad again! I lived with my parents for past 2 yrs and saw him every minute of the day, i helped Mum care for him. My brother was vile to me- I think they have their guilt to deal with. I had no guilt as Dad told me he loved me and knew i loved him. I try to live so i have no regrets. Keep in touch! Nxx
Dear @LynT, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your beloved dad and the way your brother acted to deny you the right. How are you doing now?
Sorry @Nikki46 about yuor loss too, but it seems you are not at this site anymore? I don’t understand why some people’s profiles doesn’t contain “Last Post” - does this mean they aren’t members anymore and their accounts deactivated?