Lost my Dad on 8th March. Never known pain like it. He was in hospital & ready to come home during my arranged visit. I arrived & he was dying. I feel like I’m in a nightmare as the hospital was useless from start to finish. I promised I’d get him home & I feel I’ve let him down. Today was his funeral & I just want to crawl into bed forever


Hi Cee
I’m so sorry for your sudden loss. Everything must be so raw right now. I’m sorry to see you had horrible experience with the hospital, I can relate my dad was treated like :poop: by his GP practice and im still so angry.
I lost my dad 29th Nov sometimes it feels like yesterday, other times it feels like Iv not saw him for years. I’ve found this site to be a great comfort as I’m sure you will too, in time. For me it was the only place I could express my grief amongst others who understand. When my friends don’t want to be around me.
I hope you have a peaceful night after such a difficult day
Sending love


@Lynne06, Thankyou so much for your response. I can’t believe what grief does to a person. Like you said, it’s so raw. It seems to bring out an almost primal response from deep within. It seems you’ve had a similar experience with medical care which makes things 50 times harder to deal with. Your message was so kind, on a day I didn’t think would come for some years. If Dad had died in his favourite armchair, I think I’d have dealt with it better but to die amongst strangers, I can’t grasp. Hope you’re taking care & being kind to yourself. Best wishes & thanks again for taking the time to reply.


Hi Cee
I hope you are coping okay
I have sent you this as it describes the huge effect grief has on you. I helped me understand my feelings and emotions are normal when I sometimes feel I am going mad

As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

The 100ft WAVE

Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

Sending lovtake care


Hi Cee

This is similar to what happened to my dad whose funeral was on Wednesday and who was in hospital for check ups then died 9 days later from cancer which had been misdiagnosed as polymyalgia by his GP. I feel so guilty bad upset angry too and wish I could rewind the clock and have him back. I too want to just hide in bed and have lost the plot I think it’s hard to function. I am sorry for your loss and I hope that everyone who is suffering as we are is able to get through this day, the next day and the cliche of one day at a time. It’s so devastatingly sad unfair and just awful. Take care xxx

@Lynne06 Thankyou for your post. Grief is exactly like that isn’t it. Drowning amid a sea of debris. I’ll hold onto that. One moment at a time, not too far ahead so Thankyou x

@Veroni thankyou for your kind words. My Dad’s funeral was 2 days ago. Hospital hadn’t signed the forms so it took 5 weeks due to funeral backlogs etc. More red taped crap. Sorry to hear you’ve experienced similar incompetence with Dr’s. I could write a book about my dad’s stay. I think we’ve got to accept some times things are out of our control. We did our best & were let down by so called professionals. My faith in these has been shaken. I hope you are being kind to yourself regardless. Your Dad was lucky to have someone who loved him so much. Regards

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Thank you for your message it’s just so hard to try and focus on anything else but I’m trying to keep busy. The funeral seems like a dream to me and I think have blocked most of it out but have still l got all my memories too. Take care too and thank you for this forum chat it’s really helpful xx

@Veroni i know what you mean. Following a hearse with Dad tributes was unreal. Just trying to concentrate on not having a massive panic attack in the funeral car was my focus. I can imagine you were doing the same. It’s all a blur, as if it didn’t happen isn’t it. A nightmare you want to wake up from just to see your dad one more time. My heart aches for us all, life long members of the broken hearted club :broken_heart:

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Firstly I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad on the 20th march to a brain tumour, he was fit and healthy six months ago.
Grief is the worst feeling and most indescribable feeling to others in the world isn’t it. My dads funeral was this week too.

I thought I’d come here to feel less alone


Hi I’m so sorry to hear about your dad it’s just so crappy isn’t it. I’m finding it helpful just connecting with people on here because we know how it feels right now the reality of the grief. sending you lots of love x

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Yeah the crappiest thing ever. Yeah I hope I can find some comfort too. I’m already sick of cliche sayings “be strong”
“Time is a great healer”
“He’s in a better place” no he’s not my dad was young and didn’t deserve his illness or to pass away.

But ironically yeah I do agree with the cliche all you can do is one day at a time, it feels like one hour at a time sometimes x

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@Rachelsunflower sending you much love. It seems we’ve all had funerals this week. You’re not alone. You’re amongst people who all know what this feels like. First thing in a morning when you think it’s all been a dream, to that twisted gut feeling I’ve had for just over 5 weeks. I expect you have too. There’s no pain like it is there. I truly feel it’s broken heart pain. Best wishes

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This is like the worst club to be part of but I am finding it helpful to know that I’m not alone in what I’m experiencing, not that I would wish this on anyone and I don’t want anyone to feel like this. I think the day by day thing is good but lots of people saying things trying to be helpful but doing the opposite! Sending love and good wishes to all of us x


Yeah it’s weird what they say dentals do you give a focous and then there’s nothing i just feel so flat. Coming home from the funeral and the next day I really didn’t know what to do with myself.

I think especially if you were involved in your loved ones care, I became my dads full time cared with my mum everything has just gone. It’s all so surreal how can this be happening to us?

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@Rachelsunflower i felt the same. I naively thought I’d feel a bit better after the funeral but it’s just enforced the finality of it. Dad’s really gone & gone forever. We just have to walk thru this one step at a time. Be kind to yourself & remember there’s no right or wrong in this. X

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It is like a living nightmare isn’t it? The finality of things which I find it hard to comprehend. Sunday night dread is like a permanent feeling since my dads death something I want to just fall asleep to and avoid the dread stomach and heart ache. X

@Veroni I know what you mean. You feel incomplete in a sense & changed forever. An indescribable twisty turny gut wrenching feeling. You want to go back to how it was before. The weird part is the person you want to share this with is the one whose gone :cry:

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Hi just wondering how everyone is doing? I’m finding time is going at a weird speed, going though the motions and still having the sick undercurrent of what I’m guessing is grief. X

@Veroni it still feels dreamlike. As if he’s still in hospital. I can’t get my head around him being gone forever. I’m sure you’re going thru something similar. How are we supposed to make sense of it?