When do people think it’s ok to go dating after a loss of a wife. Or is that how long is a peace of string question?
Hi @Kwent , it’s whenever you are ready and if feel to you want to. Grief and mourning isn’t prescriptive with set milestones to get through so just whenever you are happy to, if you want to.
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@Kwent wow talk about prodding the hornets nest! I have no idea as we are all on a different journey here. My wife and I had a few brief discussions on subjects like this and agreed that we would not want either of us to live as hermits after the other died!
I n some ways I wish I could be specific as I do know now that I can’t live the rest of my life alone so do hope that at some time I will find companionship again. I know that for me my emotions are all over the place z as I’d believe me a couple of people have told me so, we remain good friends. But as for saying I have not done that for over 44 years and it was only with my wife so I am petrified at the thought of diping my toes in the pond again! I am sure that did not answer your question but hopefully when and if we feel ready we will know, but it will never be to replace our lost lives:confused:
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Jeepers, that’s a hard question. Personally, I will never look for anyone else, my Martin was my soul mate and no one would ever, ever compare! I can’t imagine any man wanting to compete with my Martin.
I do know people who have given love another chance, and really, the best of luck to them ( life is way to short) but me, no it’s not even on my radar.
I think if you feel it’s right, then go with your heart.
Sending a hug x❤️
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Hello - I agree its terrifying thinking about taking those first steps trying to get to know or meet someone else but its also frightening to think I could be on my own now for the rest of my life. How to go about meeting someone - Ive no idea, I dont like clubs or big groups and when my husband was here we did everything together. He did 23 years in the army then worked until the cancer made him too ill but we enjoyed our leisure time and planned to do so much - all taken away.
It would be so nice just to have someone to go for a coffee with, a chat, a dog walk , a meal , a day out, a concert, maybe a holiday ? Think that would be a big help and move forward for all of us but I know its alot easier said than done…
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This is a very difficult question for you to ask and for me to reply to. My wife passed away nearly 3 years ago and last year I thought “time to move on” so I joined the dating site “Ourtime”. I met up with 6 ladies altogether. 5 of whom were quite strange but the last one was very nice, caring, kind and we had a good afternoon out with the dogs and a good chat over coffee. When I got home and thought about it, I sent her a message saying I cant do this! I talked to my sister a couple of days later and she said you know why don’t you. I said no I really don’t know why and she said because she wasn’t Viv. I realise now that it’s not the road for me to go down. I think (personally) that I am better off on my own but if I bump into someone and we click it could be be different, who knows? I don’t think there is any time limit on it, it is up to you. I tried it and I don’t think I was ready for it. Have a go and see how you get on, you can always cancel if it doesn’t feel right.
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@Jan58 and @Johnch I have a different approach to this question. My wife’s favourite saying was from John Lennon ‘Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans’ The day I met my wife and fell in love with her, that was nowhere in my plan for the weekend. When she contracted Covid our plan was to leave for a holiday that day. I never planned for her to die. Life can sometimes throw things at us we never planned for so whilst I cannot conceive being with another and that is not in my plan I could never entirely rule it out. Life may happen to me whatever my plans are.
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@Jan58 you say the story is not straightforward and you know I reckon that most of us relate to that. None of us has a standard package relationship and that’s the beauty of life we are all different.
Elsewhere somebody said no one would ever match up to their lost love… agreed that’s my thinking too BUT I don’t think any of us should be looking for that doppelgänger but rather if you need the companionship then it has to be someone hat you are comfortable with and who complements the life you’ve had and maybe provides the catalyst for the life you want!
There’s no hard and fast answer to any of these questions but you can see we all have opinions😉
Happy trails
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That is so right, we are all different and we have to do what is right for us as individuals. I’ve dabbled in online dating and decided it’s not right for me, I’m happy on my own right now, it’s taken a while to realise this but at the end of the day, it’s up to you! Nobody is going to tell you the right way forward, it is whatever happens that counts.
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I agree with what others have said @Kwent - there is no time which is right or wrong. It has to be what you personally feel is right for you and blow what anyone else thinks.
Hugs xxx
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I lost my husband in Nov 2020 and suffered the most painful time grieving but i had help from lost of friends and someone who did bereavement counselling. After 18 months i started to laugh again and felt even at my age that i would like to date again with no aim to remarry. In November 2022 i met up with my long lost cousin and we have become friends. He has been widowed for nesrly 10 years. I am keen to progress this relationship but alas my cousin still feels married to his late wife. So it just goes to show that its not any particular length of time after widowhood that is right for dating. Its all down to the individual. I feel unless my cousin changes then i shall move on to find a date who appreciates me and wants to live in the present.
Trish
Before I lost my lovely husband I thought it was nice if a grieving person was able to pick up on a relationship again, after all life is short.!!!
Now I am in that position I am not so sure and do wonder if going into a new realtionship is sometimes an act of desperation. So many of us don’t like being alone but we can adjust to it, or at least I have. I quite like my own company in many ways and would never like to live with another person again. Friend yes, I do have them… I can mix easily with men as well as women and do now think that we need to find ourselves and be content before we start adding other people to our lives. Then we can accept there might be room for another person but for me there will never be that place to be filled.
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Our granddaughter was showing me her school photo - I pointed to her teacher & commented “oh he looks nice - I’m looking for a new boyfriend to take me to Costa or the garden centre.”
With a scowl on her face:
Well that wont be happening grandma!!
Competition with an 8year old!!
Seriously tho, isn’t that all we really want
- just company?
G. X
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I think it really is down to the individual. So many people throughout our lives say “I know how you feel”. That is complete rubbish. How can ANYONE ever know how someone else feels? Yes, we are all in the same storm, but in totally different boats. We can all familiarise with the horrendous pain, but never actually know how one and other really feel. So back to the question: As we are all different, then only you know when the time is right. You’ll know, because it will feel right. My only advice is, if it doesn’t feel right, leave it.
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Oh @Pattidot I agree, it was my desperation that led me to online dating sites but they were not for me. I met so many strange people. I’m happy by myself, not complete but OK x take care
It’s strange, my relationship with Allan was for three years, it changed my life I really loved him he died November 2021 I feel he is still with me, I’ve always lived on my own, I bought up my son he’s now living with his wife, grandchild on the way. I had a rather bad experience of ex boyfriend being encouraged by my sister to come and see me, horrible misunderstanding and I was surprised how angry it made me feel. I am not looking for anyone, I’m quite happy living on my own, I like the freedom have lots of visitors as I do Airbnb from home and then I go when I can to see my son and his wife who is Spanish and they live in Mallorca this is what keeps me going, ok something extraordinary might happen but I can’t really see it and I’ve sort of accepted things as they are, I just can’t imagine feeling how I felt with Allan again. Which is ok, it was a really wonderful time which totally changed me I just can’t imagine any sort of replacement and I don’t think you can look for these things, they come into your life unexpectedly and you just know, I’m grateful it happened
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Caroline2, it is very strange how life happens to you. I got divorced from my first wife in 1994 and lived on my own. Met my late wife in 1996 (out of the blue, we worked together) and we got together in1998. Married in 2002 it was just something I’d never really thought about. Since she passed away in 2020, I joined an online dating site about a year ago. I’ve met up with 6 ladies now, the last one being so nice but couldn’t go on with it. Speaking to my sister a few weeks later she said “you know why, don’t you?” and I said no I don’t and she just said “because none of them were Viv!” I now think this is true and that if I do meet someone it will be unexpected and I’ll deal with it at the time.
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This is such a difficult question to answer but I agree with ‘when you feel ready’ I guess unless we try how do we know?
Personally I would dread it, only because these days it’s all online and knowing my luck, I would meet a serial killer 
I wish the dating part could be cut out (think you can all guess what I mean ) and fast forward to a place of companionship, I would just love being able to go out for meals, day’s out and holidays. I would want the friendship part with my no pressure and if it turned into something else later on then see how I felt. I can’t imagine being alone for the rest of my life but I have a saying ‘what is meant to be won’t pass you by’
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