Day of disbelief

another week, more tears, nothing changes. i still havent done tgecdeeds. i xsn add my son and Toby as trustees, so my son can deal with mybtryst in death and help wind up Tobys , so he becomes the sole owner on the deeds. He doesn’t see it that way, wouldnt talk about, sats he doesn’t see why, it will save him the fee as hell need to appoint to close. money making, so think ill just do it, good idea incase i lose my marbles is excuse ill use, but will leave clear instructions that its to civer kegal requirements and just to wind up the trust, no personal or legal entitlement to property .
on another, still feel bad, but im ill, so probably why, seems i have a wheeze on my lungs, something has caused inflammation , so its 30mg steroids a day, back drs Wednesday to see if its gone then ill get in injections in my knees, might be albe to walk better. my fault i shouldn’t have skipped my inhaler but sometimes i cant see why i should bother anymore. Perhaps its time of year, my birthday and Christmas coming up first without him and no idea how im going to cope with that or how Toby will be, all i know us even if my kids ask me i cant go as i cant leave him alone not at Christmas, he wont go to theirs says not his family. why can things not be easy , family come together but wint happen. Nond if my famiky are around for my birthday, Toby won’t want a meal.out with me, so its a Saturday this year, David aways got me 2 dozen red roses, a gift and dinner out, never failed in 28 years, this year ill get nothing, just hoping at least one if my kids will remember to send me flower’s . either way its going to be along lonely day filled with tears just like Davids was in March. Sorry for moan just feeling so alone and scared and vulnerable right now .

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Its been a while since i posted. It is my last day in Canada with my brother. I will go home to a completely empty house and it scares me as i have been away 2 and half weeks. I did need it but i have now got some decisions to make as i need a big change. Scary stuff to come and i still miss Lesley so much

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