You are doing just great Ronni, and you should be proud of yourself and your son. I know your husband would be proud of you because what you are doing for your son is what my husband did for my daughter. I also know that if it been me that died my husband would have continued to care for her, like you are doing.
It is a hard road we have to travel, but we will get there, wherever ‘there’ is.
Just keep plodding on. Wishing you and your lovely son strength and love. Xx
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Wow what a strong couple of ladies you are, I am struggling by myself I cant imagine how hard it must be for you both , with children with special needs you have to be proud of yourselves as I would be sure your husbands are. 
hugs Jo xxx
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thank you, dont feel strong today im a weepy mess. its a struggle to go out, but i go because i see people , hear voices other than the tv, but you are right its hard. Im struggling at times with T, he was always all his dad, im no substitute for him. Small steps, it will be esdier in time. 30 weeks now for me, im still doing paperwork etc i have to be strong, cant let ithers see me on days like today. one day one step at a time, we will all get there. Hugs you’ll get there J.
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We are all stronger than we think. Like gold, forged in a fire!
Onwards and upwards. It’s not like we have any bloody choice, is it?
That’s it, I’m going down the pub.
Xx
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we have no choice we get on with it. wish i could join you. Those few days, i had drinks not had alcohol in years except cmas new year etc. i have stuff here but dont want to do at home alone, but i feel like i could use a drink again now.
Enjoy your time out xx
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If we are going to the pub can I come too plz, not had a drink since xmas,i usually stay to soft drinks.
Ronnie I also cry all the time but like yourself I do try and do things chat to ppl whatever just to eliminate some of the lonilness. Hugs Jo xxx
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another bad week, yes ive been to church , knit and natter, coffeecat a friends, but once im home im crying all the time. Ladt week i had a coupkd of days away in Dublin with fsmily anc i was not stressed and at peace, as soon as i csme home i was crying. So a really bad week, is it guilt because i had a nice time?
Dublin was on our bucket list, so did it for him, had a guinness for him. Now im a mess, itll be my birthday soon, 19th Oct, my first without him, im scared. ill be alone all day, my son us away, my daughter will have her own plans, ive not heard from her for about 3 weeks, stepson will be working all day, so ill be spending it alone, guess its just another Saturday. My memory of every birthday, is he take me out for a meal, buy me a guft as well as 2 dozen red roses, this year ill have memories and it hurts.
Why is everything so hard and painful, i seem to be getting worse.
Bless you Ronnie its so hard. Like you when I am with people I aint to bad then I come home and the tears begin.
This once was our home but now seems like a pruson somewhere I cant get away from the memories . I physically hurt with the pain of losing Gra 14 weeks tomorrow. 
I hate what as become my life since losing him sitting here night after night wishing I could turn back time . Where he could hold me and tell me it was going to be ok.
I want to feel alive happy well again . Not lonely and full of tears. Hugs jo xxx
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Jo its 31 weeks for me, i thought i was finding some peace in myself but im not, like you it feels like a prison in solitary. i dont know who i am anymore, David wouldnt want me to be like this but i dont know what to do.
I don’t think there is anything we can do,people have said start re-building but how can you re-build when half the bricks have gone.
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I am new to the forum, my wife died two weeks to the day and I am so lost and mixed up, my whole world has come to an end.
My reason for living has now gone and I really don’t want to be here, she died of. . cancer, I looked after her for months and watched her deteriorate before my eyes I have never felt so helpless in my life.
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Or the desire to go on has gone.
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Hi Nuggets I am so sorry you find yourself where no one wants to be. I looked after my husband and I know where you are coming from. You will find a lot of support here so keep posting how you are feeling.
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Thank you for your kind words, I am in my weepy stage and my “if only I could have done better stage” I am feeling guilty for not spending more time with her when she was bedridden. I couldn’t cope with watching her dying and not being able to do anything about it. It was breaking my heart.
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Welcome to the club none of us want to be in,it’s very very early days for you,everyone on this forum has experienced (and some of us still are) what you’re going through.
The only comfort I can offer is take some strength from the wonderful people on this thread.
Kind regards Ron.
Morning Nugget and Everyone my husband died 14 weeks ago today. I watched him beat sephis after been told he wouldn’t survive,
He came home in a hospital bed but although he was here he wasn’t in alot of ways. I watched him for a week and half getting weaker and weaker
He was full of fluid and ended back in hospital a week and half later.
A week to the day he was admitted he died.
I feel alot off things went wrong in his care.
My only thing I am grateful for he didnt suffer. Like you all I miss him beyond words my heart is broken the tears fall readily. But I pray one day I will find the stength to tak his name without tears.I think we all feel a certain amount if guilt and those what if questions are a torment. Hugs Jo xxx
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hi nuggets wrlcone to the group none of us want to be in, o lost my husband 31 weeks ago, i still cry all the time, dont know how to find a new me as most if me went too. I have flashbacks of his last day and of his death, it wasnt peaceful but traumatic. I know i have to go on as its what Dsvid would have wanted, even though some days i want to be with him.
your wife would want you to keep going, please keep taking 1 step, 1 day at a time its still very early days for you. Everyone on here are wonderful they keep me going on bad days.
Take care
Ronnie
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Thank you for your kind words Ronnie4, I am trying to do it a day at a time, I know Figen would want me to carry on but I don’t want to. I am 76 I have seen and done enough in my life and I am content now to rest . I am no stranger to grief Figen was my second wife, my first wife died 12 years ago suddenly of a brain haemorrhage then after a time I met Figen a beautiful caring lady and thought that I would finish my time out with her. She had cancer about f 4 years ago done the treatment thing but then about a year ago her health took a turn for the worse. In the last few months, it was horrendous and she just started to vanish in front of my eyes until she was only a shadow of herself. Cancer took everything from her and I was powerless to do anything. I just feel so useless and angry with myself. I am living in Turkey now so the health care is very different from the UK. The family must take care of all the personal care. Figen was in palliative care but wanted to come home so I brought her home and took care of her myself. Her daughters helped a bit but the main care came from me. It was soul-destroying watching her suffer and I prayed every day for her to be released from it. So that is the only thing I am glad about she is not suffering any more.
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