My husband died in Wheatfields Hospice in November 23. He was diagnosed in March 23 with Pancreatic cancer and told he could not have surgery as it was advanced. The following 7 months were heartbreaking, he so wanted to live, but nothing went his way. He had sepsis 6 times and was in and out of hospital all the time. I looked after him at home until the last 3 days when he went into Wheatfields. I was traumatised and now nearly 6 months on Im angry, so sad, lonely and lost without him. Im hoping by joining this group I will benefit from seeing how others are coping.
6 Likes
So very sorry. That was so much for both of you to go through.
This is a good site for exchanging experiences, fears, anger and advice.
Take care x
2 Likes
Hi Pet4 I’m so sorry for your loss and it’s true you will find a lot of support on here take care
1 Like
Thankyou for your response, I know everyone on here will have had a similar experience and thats why I joined.
1 Like
Hi @Pet4,
I’m Kate, a member of the Sue Ryder Online Community team, and I can see that you are new to the community. I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. We are very proud to have cared for your husband at our Wheatfields Hospice.
I know lots of other members have already offered their support, but I also wanted to share a few other Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
-
Our Grief Guide website which has information, resources and advice to help you cope with your grief, including an online memory box and journal tool.
-
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised support via SMS
-
I’m sure you already know about our support via the hospice, but we also have our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat.
-
Our Bereavement Information pages which can help to explain much of what you may be feeling or experiencing.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support, and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone 
Take good care,
Kate
Sue Ryder Online Community team
1 Like
Thank you. My family and I will never forget the kindness you showed to us as well as my husband . You all do an amazing job and I am so glad we were able to give him the dignified care that he so deserved.
4 Likes
Thankyou, Im sure I will.
1 Like
Thankyou for responding.
1 Like
Thank you, such a difficult time, but there is no escaping it. I do try to focus on the happy times we had together.
2 Likes
Please know you are not alone. We are all going through the same horrendous journey that is grief. We are all here for each other and will all listen to you whenever you want to post.
I am 9 weeks in and I’m afraid I’m not coping as well as I thought I might. But I do think I’m improving slowly. I really cant ser the tears ever stopping or the heartace ever abating, but people say it will get easier. I so hope so
Please take care and know that others here
Know how you are feeling
Big hugs
1 Like
Thankyou. Goodness you must still be really raw. I was like someone on a mission at that stage. I just couldn’t pause for breath, just moving from one thing to another sorting things out as if my life depended on it. However Ive found out you have to take a pause and try to face up to the reality of the situation which is so hard because really you don’t want to. All the best to you.
2 Likes
Thankyou @Pet4 . I know we on this forum are all suffering and struggling with different stages of grief.
It still amazes me that although we are all in the depth of our own sorrow, we all have time for others. We are all tied together by a common thread, its called grief, and its horrendous. Thankfully we can and do all help each other by understanding and listening, and just being there.
I will try to take things a bit slower, I’m constantly being told I’m too hard on myself and must be kinder to myself, but how do I do that? I just want to cry and scream, and hide away.bBut what I really really want is for someone to tell me its all a mistake, a dream that I will wake from in a minute and life will be as it was
4 Likes
Hi Pet4,
So sorry for yr loss.
This forum is so supportive and really helps you realise that you aren’t going mad following yr traumatic loss and so many others understand the agonising emotional trauma of that feeling.
Take care .
2 Likes
Thanks for your kind comments. Good days and bad days, but I know my husband would want me to carry on living and I will as we all will but after 50 years of marriage its going to take some time to adjust to just being me.
4 Likes
My question is
when I do something to try and distract myself, is it actually helping me not to feel such intense sorrow, pain or loneliness?
Or do I have to suffer all these feelings to come to terms with them,
if that is ever possible.
I know I have not always been good at facing up to things (bit of an understatement).
Obviously, I have to now.
Perhaps this is an unanswerable question.
1 Like
RoseGarden, I think everyone has to deal with their loss in their own way. Everyone is different and I think the cicumstances surrounding the loss plays a part in how we deal with it. I just try to take things a day at a time and on the bad days when Im really struggling I just give into it and then the next day give myself a good talking to. You take care.
3 Likes
@RoseGarden
I think maybe when we distract ourselves it takes the edge off our grief, just for a while, but its back with a vengeance when we stop. I’m hoping that eventually the distractions will merge into longer periods of calm and the pain and wretchedness will gradually lessen.
Until then we’ve just got to go with it. Take the good days but don’t let the bad ones drag you back down
I hope that makes some sort of sense. And I hope I’m right and not just clutching at straws again.
2 Likes
Thank you.
My husband died unexpectedly and very suddenly.
We were on our way home after an ordinary short trip out that we did most days.
It was traumatic.
I watched as 2 people gave him CPR until the ambulances arrived.
The ambulances were amazingly quick and paramedics took over. They tried absolutely everything they could to revive him. CPR, shocking him, injections, nothing worked.
For my husband it was so quick, basically he was here one second and gone the next.
5 Likes
Oh Rose garden I am so sorry. The shock alone is huge. I do hope you are getting lots of support to get you through this.
2 Likes
Hi RoseGarden that must have been so horrendous for you and my heart goes out to you for what you had to go through the shock of what was happening I’m so sorry,
I find by keeping myself occupied as long as possible l get a little relief from the pain but it always manages to surface it’s a nice day today done a lot of crying but I’ve decided to go and jet wash garden to keep me occupied you take care and look after yourself
2 Likes