Hello all, you are spot on Kate and thank you all for being so supportive over the last ( almost two years for me). Has been a life line in very choppy waters. Yesterday marked two years we received the call Mum had been admitted to Hospital. 5 days later she passed away on her own. Ward was closed and no visitor’s allowed due to multiple viruses. I never got to say goodbye. She was removed from her bed within minutes - and no we didn’t want to see our beloved Mum in the mortuary that evening ( can you even believe we were asked??). Dad passed 11 weeks ago. I cried in Waitrose yesterday as kept seeing women my age with their parents etc. Buying gifts, going for coffee etc and I wish I could have one more Christmas coffee with my Mum…. I have been doing so well but think Christmas amplifies and intensifies our losses…. I’m off to Zumba this morning to try and dance myself happy ! Off for two weeks now and moving into Education has been a godsend for me. Team are amazing and the children ( despite being tricky hormonal teenagers) really lift me and give me hope thst things really will be ok…. xxxx Jules
Hi everyone, well here we are, Christmas Eve. Hope you are all bearing up. I drove home from work today and ‘the power of love Frankie goes to Hollywood’ came on the radio. It just made me cry. I remember that being out in the charts. It made me think of Christmases from my childhood. How innocent and pure it was then. I hadn’t known pain and loss then. Mum and dad were young and it was me and my siblings just enjoying life. Happy times. I then started thinking one day my kids will think about their Christmases when we were altogether. It just made me want to try and focus on the loved ones I have in my life now and enjoy the blessings of that. Try and change my mindset a little.
I’ll probably have a bath at some point tomorrow so I can have a little cry in private but I’m going to try and enjoy the day for what it is. It is a tough one as Christmas Day was the last time both mum and dad ever went to bed in their own bed. Dad died Boxing Day and mum went to hospital Boxing Day and died a couple of weeks later. Nothing will ever change that but I can try and change my focus.
I have all mum and grandmas crockery set on my table and I’m going to try and feel blessed to have loved ones to spend Christmas with.
Sending you all my love and thoughts fur a tough day tomorrow Hxxx
Hi all hope everyone is doing as well as they can or better. Julest i get the dance yourself happy idea. I’ve had depression on and off all my life and dancing round my living room always helped. Ive put decs up in my house but have avoided her house as decorating her house (the family home) was my task. Years ago mum made me promise I’d always have a real tree so i do, even tho she bought me a fake one!!
Hi everyone, wanted to say merry christmas 2024, its been a year now since i started reading your forum chat, and kind words, thanks again for your support. Milliemobs, your tree sounds beautiful, well done for making this effort. We’ve a wee tree up here at my dads, its the one out the loft, Woolies circa 1989! Had a real tree some years growing up and loved it, will be making happy memories for your daughter. Thinking of you all this Christmas, sending love, from Gill xx
Hi everyone, just a reminder you are not alone in the rollercoaster of emotions over the next few days. Thinking of you all and wishing you some joy and peace. love Hxxx
Hello everyone, I’ve been reading as always but the last two weeks have been very tough coupled with me having Covid. What more could you ask for, eh?! Thank you all for such support and all your kind, invaluable words - it the most incredible gift in such hard times. That you all, also, for being so strong. Even if you don’t feel it, you are. Even if there are tough days, one after another, you are all doing life and living to honour your mums. That’s who they made each of us here. It’s because of them and isn’t that amazing? Not everyone has that. So thank you all for giving me hope and comfort. I can’t wait to meet those of you who will be there in march. I can well imagine some wonderful chats!
Today will be hard but the grief has swept over me so often I’m not sure it will be much different to all the other days for me. I’ll get through it for my partner and little dog, although even doing the tree was so so difficult. I just couldn’t summon the will or energy. It took me hours!
I know that feeling of not wanting to decide on things or do things somehow. Just being sort of numb and disconnected. I’m going to try to be kind to myself, acknowledge it and then try, in each of those moments, to behave with more intent. I say this now…
Anyway, thinking of you all now and so often and sending love for as much of a merry Christmas as is possible for any of us!
Will write more soon, Lxx
Hi Girls,
I just wanted to say Merry Christmas and send my love and strength to get through today. It’s hard but we are all here in the same boat rowing upstream and we know how it feels.
Love and best wishes from the cold Dolomites.
xxx
Lovely dog, Hyland Terriers are so cute looking.
Hi Jules,
So lovey to see you posting.
Yes me too. I wish I could have coffee with my mum.
Today has been tough to get through.i have cried a lot over lots of things that triggered me. It’s been a very odd Christmas day.
I went through the motions and did everything I had to do but seeing Glyn shed tears just finished me off. All over a plastic money bag that he remembered as a child counting money and arguing with my mum how much went into each one. Omg that was enough to start us all off. Then Glyn had videos on his phone of past Christmas 's and she was so funny but it brought it all back. I had to lighten the mood quickly.
I can honestly say I haven’t enjoyed anything about today. Nothing comes close to how our Christmas days used to be and I have really really tried.
Anyway I hope things have been better for everyone else.
Am going away to Glyn’s s new flat in Fri for a few days to decorate it so I think that may do me the world of good.
Love to you all girls x
Deb x
Aww Kate your photos have really cheered me up. Little Skye looks gorgeous. Hope everything is going great up there with you all. Looks like you have lots of snow there.
Lovey words Lucy. We sure have a wonderful group. It’s a priceless gift. And it’s even nicer to know others have gained support in a small way from what we have all written.
We tend to think posting is just helping us but little do we realise other people read the posts and gain so much strength from them.
Helen I love the song Power of Love. Gosh that takes me back too . I can remember it being the sing everyone loved.
Milliemobs I agree about the dancing. Such fun to carefree dance around the house. I used to do it a lot when Glyn was very young and often left my curtains open .The neighbours must have thought I had lost the plot but we had fun
Gill I forgot you were going to your dad’s. How is he? Are you staying for New Year with him?
Wherever you all are girls I hope you have managed to survive the day and found snippets of happinesses.
Enjoy the rest of the evening with your families.Milluemobs I shall be watching Gavin and Stacey tonight and thinking of you in lovely Barry. Can’t believe it’s the last series.
Love Deb
Hope everyone’s day has been as happy as it can be. For me it’s been alright, our family traditions were based in the run up to Christmas rather than the day itself. Putting up mum’s tree and decorations, the decorations themselves
Hiya Milliemobs,
So glad you got through it x
Deborah
Hi Keith. Yes I love Westies too. She’s really helped me on this grief journey. Dogs live in the moment.
Hi Everyone
It’s past 11pm here so I’ve nearly got through this day. Like you Deb, I haven’t enjoyed it.
I had a little cry reading the Christmas card that Alex got me with a robin on. 
We went up on the slopes had a quick snack and then the lads went sledging down a 10 km slope and Skye and I came back down with the cable car. I kept looking at my watch and thinking what we would have been doing in Gloucester.
Alex hasn’t been too happy today (apart from the pressie opening lol) and has been trying to put a brave face on. He confided to his best friend that he misses his granny and our traditional family Christmases. He also told her that now that he doesn’t believe in Father Christmas it’s lost it’s magic. I was quite amazed as he doesn’t really open up to us at all. His friend is lovely and she was totally supportive.
We had dinner together as Valerio didn’t feel too good and rested and we managed to have a good chat about things on his mind. I think often his sadness comes out as impatience and anger and probably mine too. I have a short fuse!!
The last 2 Christmases we were staying at our friends’ so I was kept busy cooking etc, but this year as it’s just us it felt so strange, so flat, so empty…
Anyhow I hope you all got through the day.
I’ll be thinking of you Helen, Jules and Deb in these coming days with the anniversaries. Sending lots of love to you all.
K xxx
Hi was doing ok until xooking xmas dinner. Always eat it late but despite trying to make it easy on myself with a stuffed crown which should’ve been cooked in 40mins - it wasn’t. started beating myself about it so got boyf to finish ³cooking. Between us we did good! Wept during call the midwife- mum loved that. And hey who didn’t cry at gavin and stacey! Mum loved it and it’s filmed round the corner from me. Still day was better than expected.
You better off with animals then humans. A dog will always be there for you 365 days a year. Humans wont.
Hello all, yes - can’t believe the day is almost over. I’ve cried quite a bit too! Kate, as you say it just feels so flat and different. I kept thinking of last year, my mum in her apron, strong and energetic, cooking and chatting away. How can this be my life now just a year later?
Now it’s a deep breath for the next few days and then my mums birthday on the 28th. It’s just going to be so hard. Friends keep saying to me “I bet you can’t wait for 2024 to be over” and I want to shout at them (I bite my tongue, they mean well). I don’t want to wish away the last year that I had my wonderful mum in, does that make sense?
Kate, I also understand the grief coming out as frustration. It’s so tough isn’t it? The many ways it can manifest. Sometimes I just snap at my poor partner and he’s only trying to help. I guess we’ve all got to take comfort in the fact we are all processing something so huge but at least there are elements of shared experience.
Well done on the cooking Sarah!
Yes, I’m thinking of you too Helen, Jules and Deb. Stay strong but also know you can cry and curse and do whatever you need to do based on how you’re feeling. It’s good to let it out. And I also see it as honouring our parents, mourning them so. It’s testament to how much they meant and the love that’s still felt for them.
Thinking of you all and sending love. Gosh, it’s a tough time of year.
Lxx
No one should apologize to anyone it’s perfect understandable. If we could have 1 wish I’m sure we all choose to have our loved ones back.
Hi Everyone,
Can’t sleep so checked on here and have just read your posts. It’s so reassuring to know you feel the same as me
I am glad the day is over to be honest. I thought I was doing so well with the preparations and build up to the day but Christmas Day was way worse than last year with the deep sadness I felt.
In fact I went to bed this afternoon just to sleep the day away as I was so miserable. I know I shouldn’t have but I was up early fussing around and was so tired emotionally.
I had planned to wear mum’s Christmas apron but it was too triggering. Helen did you manage to wear your mum’s?
Kate I often get frustrated with Paul too and I don’t know how he puts up with me. I think it’s the feeling of not being able to fix my grief, of not being able to bring mum back and not ever seeing her again. I find I am continuing being an actress so that we can have some sort of normality at home.
But I guess it’s still early days for us even though it’s now 2 yrs. 2 yrs is nothing in the big picture of things and even though many people think we should have come to terms with it they are so wrong.
Kate it’s good Alex has a friend to confide in. I remember Glyn being about 4 yrs old and in his group in school there was a little girl whose dad was killed in a car crash. She spoke to Glyn about lots of things that she never mentioned to her mum. I passed everything on as her mum and I were good friends so she knew. Alex was so close to your mum and with the physical bond being broken it’s all going on in his mind. And I think it’s more difficult for boys to show emotion. I have always told Paul and Glyn to cry if they need to and not to be embarrassed. But I know they both hold back. I can usually tell when tears are close though and in the beginning I would change the subject or distract them but now I say it’s ok to cry.
I think sometimes I have been engulfed in my own grief that I haven’t had proper quality time to deal with other people’s grief so I know I need to change that from now on.
In fact I have to change a lot of things in 2025. I need to go out more as I tend to stay in the house a lot. I need to visit my sister and brother more. I need to socialise more and go away for weekends and possibly a holiday. I need to spend time looking after myself more, self care, appearance and all that plus treating myself to some new clothes. Need to get my house more organised and arrange tradesmen to restart here. And just be more organised .So girls not much to do lol lol.
Do you have things you want to change?
Sarah I loved Gavin and Stacey tonight. I just wish it wasn’t the last one. Such a shame. Yes it’s definitely put Barry on the map and I am sure tourists will still visit just to see where it was filmed. As a child I went to Barry often. Went to the beach and the funfair which seemed huge at the time and I think there was a Butlins there but perhaps I am wrong.
Anyway it was always a fun place to visit and you are so lucky to live there. I actually went to a music festival called Glastonbury there a few years ago which was amazing.
Anyway well done everyone for getting through today. I am so proud of you all X it took a hell of a lot of strength but we did it.
Love Deb x