Dealing with the tragic loss of my son

My name is Sam and im struggling to come to terms with the sudden loss of my 10 year old son who died last year. He was always in and out of hospital but never in a million years did i think i would lose him so suddenly. His death has hit me like a steam train and every day i wake up hoping i am having a nightmare. Losing a child is like no pain you can ever imagine. The emptiness ,the heartache and the loneliness is like no other. When my son died he took a part of me and i changed as a person. People around me started to avoid me because they did not know what to say to me, but what they didn’t realise is that to avoid someone after a bereavement is the worse thing to do. It took a lot of strength for me to sign up and post as its all still pretty raw. I need to connect with people like me who have lost a child that i can relate to.

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Sam I’m sorry for the loss of your son. My friend lost her 5 year old daughter. And my Aunty lost her 14 year old daughter (40 years ago) And I have seen the devastation it causes. As you say that losing a child is the worst pain there is. It’s awful that people avoid you yes it’s the worst thing they can do. Are you part of any bereavement groups for parents? . There are parents on here too. And they will be along to give you words of wisdom and support.

40 years later after her daughter died my aunt has helped me through the loss of my mum (her sister). She still cries over her daughter and talks of the day when she will be with her baby again. It does change you. And you never get over it. But you do get through and she laughs and enjoys her life. But carries the pain along with her

Im so sorry for your loss jooles45. Its really hard when you lose someone so close. I am not currently on any other bereavement groups for parents as i have only just built the courage to join this group. It helps to find kind people like yourself who have been through a bereavement to help me through this sad and difficult time. I hope that i to can prove to be a support to yourself and others who are also going through a bereavement. You are a very strong woman.

Bless you Sam. That’s lovely. Thank you. I miss my mum terribly. But it’s the order of things as they say. But she was only 70. But too lose a child is not the order of life. And That says so much about you that in your pain you are able to comfort others Like myself. I can honestly tell you that mothers I have known who have lost their children do carry on with their children in their hearts. They live, laugh and love. They look forward to the day they can be with their child. If you believe in that. I do.

My friend set up a charity in her daughters name. Which has helped her greatly. Her daughter died of a brain tumour. So she has met lots of other mothers who‘s child died the same way and it has pulled her through. I think if you could meet with other parents. Either virtually or in reali life. They will be a good start for you to get support. And I know there are lovely ladies on here who chat. If you look at this thread. A user here hasn't had many replies and is lonely There are mothers chatting. You could pop on there and say hi.

Thank you. Jooles45. I might just do that. I too was thinking about setting a charity up for my son. I was researching how to set one up. Thank you for the thread. I really appreciate your support.

Hi Sam … I’m so sorry you know this pain. It is unbearable but somehow we have to go on living around the pain a d loss … keeping the love we shared safe in our hearts. It’s such a sad situation … I didn’t think I would be a as blue to go on. It’s eight years since my firstborn son died aged 33 abd three years since my remaining son died … then seventeen months ago my beloved husband died too soon just me now. I do t really know how to do this … just lurch along the best we can. Writing to them all in a journal has helped me … now I just do it at bad times/bad days. I hope you co to help posting … people here truly fo know your pain and are always supportive and encouraging. Sending you love from me, Sue :two_hearts::butterfly::two_hearts::butterfly::two_hearts:

Hi Pedro521
Im so sorry for your losses. Its tragic losinhg a loved one never mind 2. You are a very strong woman. Its groups like this that really help those that have lost loved ones. Its amazing how much support we get from theses groups. It took me a while to get the courage to join let alone post on here. There are times when im numb,then angry and then grief stricken. Im just relieved that i get through each day. It is comforting to be able to share my thoughts on this forum with people who understand and can relate to me. I feel alienated from the outside world as they dont understand me. To understand you need to have experienced a bereavement. I too have started a journal. Thank you for your kind words and support

Bless your heart … and you are right! It helps to know we will be understood here and not looked at like we are aliens! If people could read my mind it would be total shock/horror I think. I’m glad you got the courage to post … you keep in post good whenever you need to! I hope you receive encouragement and support as I have here … we are all in this together aren’t we and a kind word goes a long long way … hugs from me, Sue :two_hearts::butterfly::two_hearts::butterfly::two_hearts:

Dear @Chilly1975
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son. I too am so utterly broken. I lost my 22yr old son suddenly in June. I found him unresponsive & we tried desperately to save him. The cause was confirmed as SADS sudden arrhythmia death syndrome. Just simply out of the blue the electrics of his heart shorted & stopped. We are in utter shock, denial, despair & so so heartbroken. Our lives are shattered beyond repair. I have a wonderful husband and another precious son who are my reason for still living. The pain for us all is excruciating. I’m so glad to have found this group as it is a safe compassionate place to share with people who sadly understand the pain.
Do you have supportive family? Do you have other children?
When you are ready please tell us more about your beloved boy.
My boy grew up with ADHD & managed to overcome the problems it caused & managed to obtain a degree in music production which he & we were so incredibly proud of. He was on the brink of success when cruelly his life was cut short so cruelly. I yearn for him every second of every day, the pain is unbearable, I miss my boy beyond words. Sending love and strength xx

Dear Rach25
I so sorry for your loss . We are all here going through what i can only describe as agonising pain . Our children and loved ones keep us going and it also helps having such a fantastic supporting group. To the outside world we seem like aliens because they do not understand our pain. Your boy sounds amazing and i feel your pain through what you write. Your family unit sounds solid and i believe with their love and support they will help you through this difficult time. I think the hardest thing for me is accepting that my little boy is not coming back. I have 4 other children who are my main reason for living. My boy had severe asthma and various other health issues and spent most if his time in hospital. His passing was a total shock to me . I kissed him goodnight and he told me he loved me. I told him the same. He didnt wake up. While he slept he went straight to the angels. He had a severe asthma attack. Nothing prepared me for his passing. I pray every day that i can keep my strength to get through this as i need to for my surviving children. I am so glad to have found this group as i have found people who understand my pain . I miss ny little boy and i cant imagine my life without him. Rach25 keep srong we are all here for you. X

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Dear chilly 1975, I couldn’t just scroll on by when I read your post, thankfully I have never lost a child, so I can only imagine how heartbroken you must be, I do know sadness though as I lost my husband 4 months ago. But to lose a young child as you have is so unfair and cruel, I wish you strength to carry on and care for your other children and family. Hugs Margarita🍒

Dear Margarita 1
Thank you for your support. Im so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the loneliness you are feeling right now. Keep strong. I will be thinking of you. If you need to vent or just to talk to someone who understands i am here. Hugs Sam.

Hi Chilly, I certainly feel your pain after losing my daughter but I was lucky enough to have her for a lot longer than you had your son. My daughter said to me a couple of days before she passed, mum just think about all the good times we had all the holiday and lovely memories. Even after that conversation we still or I didn’t Know the end was so close. I think I was so lucky to have had the relationship I had with her, my best friend, daughter and partner in crime. I just wish we had had longer. I have no regrets my daughter knew she was loved and I know she loved me, we told each other every day. I am sure your son knew how much his mummy loved him. Think we have to try and draw on the good times but I agree with you, it’s almost a physical pain that doesn’t go away. I wish you well and am sure we will come out of this nightmare the other side. I know what you mean about people avoiding you also, they don’t know what to say, but they don’t realise that you don’t need them to say anything. Just a text from a friend saying good morning, sending you a hug, is enough for me. So I say to you, i’m sending you a hug xx

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Hi Jude53. Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry for your loss. You are an amazing mom and your daughter knew it. I agree with you when you say you have lovely memories. Thats what helps me get through each day. Im sending you a hug. If you need to talk or to vent here. X

Thank you so much. Was just saying to my dr on Saturday I have no anger at all, I have never once thought why us, why her, just immeasurable sadness. Her illness was so rare, 10 cases worldwide every year, nobody was sure what to do but she was a scientist and was excited to try new treatments it just didn’t work for us. Everybody tried their best, we had the best treatment from the best people so have so much to be grateful for. Xx

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Thank you so much for your kind supportive words, we are here for each other, thank goodness :heart:

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Dear Sam, I am so so sorry that you are having to go through the trauma of losing you beloved son. I am glad that you have found this site as it can help so much during these dark days. I lost my daughter 2 years ago. She was 42 and left behind 2 sons, the youngest is 10 years old.
I found that the first few months I was just trying to keep going every day but it is baby steps. I was constantly crying, screaming out loud some days. I truly thought I was going mad. But my other 2 children, grandchildren and husband kept me going.
It does get easier and my days of sobbing are less now. But I feel that I will always live my life with an undercurrent of sadness and sometimes things catch me unprepared. A piece of music, a memory or a photograph can all plunge me into a bad place.
But I think we gradually move out of the trauma stage and into a calmer state.
Do keep posting as it will help. We all understand and will always be here for you.
Much love and a big hug xxx

Sam, I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter in March of this year and even though I suffered the loss of my parents and my brother, the loss of a child is so dufferent. It’s not the order in which things are meant to happen. I still cry every day but do when on my own, it’s the overwhelming feeling of emptiness. People don’t know what to say, it’s hard for them, when they say i’m Really sorry I just say I know. I have close friends and family who I am comfortable to cry with but the feeling just comes and I have no control. I was asked if I was depressed and i’m not. Just incredibly sad. I have my daughter st home in the garden and I have a plant called Angels Wings next to her. I get comfort from that. You will get there like I will am sure but we will never get over it, just learn to cope a little better.

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My heart goes out to you. I think each time we write we put our emotions into it and then we feel a sense of release. As time goes on we will learn to deal with our loss but the emptiness never goes. Im thinking of you at this traumatic time. Xx

Dear Victoria
It is never easy having a loss but when its our children it hits us hard. Im so sorry for your loss. Its hard when we lose someone but when there are children who have lost a parents its unimaginable. I agree that lots of things can trigger the flow of tears. A song, a smell or even a picture. As time goes on we learn to adapt but the pain is always there. I am thinking of you at this traumatic time. Xx

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