I’m coming to see you today Dad, in the chapel of rest. I will be there. Always.
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Dear CR73
Thinking of you as you visit your Dad today. Sending strength, love and hugs. Look after yourself. xxx
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I was very panicky before seeing you today dad,i know what i imagined was far worse than actually what was…now that i’ve seen you i am so glad that i did,it wasnt scary,it was peaceful,you were peaceful and i could see your smile at the things i was telling you…i thgt it may help me to come to terms with whats happened though-but it still doesnt feel real.
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You’ve been so brave going to see your Dad. It will help you, seeing him. I saw both my parents at the chapel of rest. It helps you to accept your terrible pain and loss though right now your grief is overwhelming you.
Sending love and hugs. xxxx
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Thankyou Sorrowtoodeep
You are right in saying going to the chapel will help me,it has in a way i cant explain,i also saw my mom too-which i think also helped…it still doesnt feel real however,i woke up this morning saying out loud ‘i cant believe it’,and i cant.
Dear CR73
So brave of you to go see your Dad. Not everyone can do it so that’s one thing you can be proud of. Well done, I’m glad it helped you a little. When I visited my parents I could tell they were at rest and it gave me the chance to say a final “thank you for everything” and tell them I loved them. Right now you are in shock, your whole being is in pain and it’s so horrible you won’t want to believe it but by and by you will come to accept your loss and somehow find inner reserves of strength which will get you through each day. I am two months into grieving for my Mum she was 99 and I am 74 I saw her every day of my life. Like you, I couldn’t believe that she’d gone she was my world. If I could reach out and give you a cuddle, sit you down with a cup of tea and just let you pour out your pain to me, I would. You can say anything here, everything you feel is right and normal and you’re feeling these things for a reason - it’s all part of getting you healed and happy again. Sending a big hug, love and strength to you. xxxx
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Thankyou so so much SorrowTooDeep,thankyou for reaching out to me,the words you speak to me are very comforting,i honestly appreciate you listening and sharing your own life experiences with me.
My dad was 79 when he passed away,i am 49,we were both going to celebrate big birthdays this year-him 80,me 50,we were very close and i was his full time carer,i have a caring nature.
You are right when you say i am still in shock,yes-thats part of how it feels,alongside feeling overwhelmed.
I would love to sit with you,have a cup of tea and just chat about life,that certainly sounds good to me.
I too,am sending you hugs,bless you and bless your mum.
Hi SorrowTooDeep
Seeing your mum everyday of your life is lovely,wow,what an amazing thing to treasure,that in itself is a blessing.
Certainly she was your world,as was my dad to me,although i am 49 years old i still looked up to him in the same way as a wide eyed little boy taking in everything and hungry to learn from him,he used to say ‘i know you’re not a child…but you’re my child’.
Hi CR73
Thank you for your lovely replies - you have helped me a lot, more than you may know. Because my mother was of great age when she passed (99) people think the grief should be less intense. But like you, I was her sole carer for many years. I only got help in the last year of her life but the sorrow of watching her get frailer and frailer until she was skeletal, was so painful for me and so horrible for her. You are just a “spring chicken” at 49 and your whole life is before you. When you are feeling stronger you will start to notice the good things which will come to you and you will be happy again. You’ve been a wonderful son to your Dad caring for him, you must give yourself time to recover from the strain of all that caring! Your Dad has passed knowing that he had a fantastic son and you gave your Dad the best gift of all - love. We shall have to settle for a “virtual” cuppa and let’s crack open the “good biscuits”! I’m always here for you, it’s lovely to meet a fellow carer. Keep being brave. I’m here for you as I know you are here for me. Thank you again for your lovely words you have given me hope. Bye for now and keep being brave, the tears will flow but that’s OK. xxxx
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Hi SorrowTooDeep
Your message has touched me and i’m grateful for that,thankyou so much for replying.
I am very glad that in some way i have given you hope,i’m not sure how,but it brings me comfort,you have made me feel less isolated with your conversations-thankyou.
I’m glad that i was able to be my dads carer,i had help 3 weeks before he passed away,and caring for him brought us closer together than we already were. Priceless,irreplaceable.
Love is THE most important thing.
I hope you have someone(s) in your life that show their care for you in a way similar to yourself and your mum.
You have given me hope SorrowTooDeep,i am here for you,will always listen and offer understanding. I am sending you a virtual cuppa and some ‘good biscuits’.
Dear CR73
Thanks for your lovely words! Yes, love is the most important thing. Looking forward to receiving your virtual biscuits - double chocolate chip would go down a treat! Bye for now and take care. xxx
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Dear CR73
Don’t forget I’m always here for you. xxx
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Dear SorrowTooDeep
How are you? I have been at my parents house today,i feel consolation there and comfort and very close to them when i’m there,i always keep an eye on the house,i would love to live there,i have very deep roots there as i was born there and grew up there and i am really wanting to live there,i have a sister,so it would mean buying her out so that i can live there,i have contacted a mortgage advisor through an estate agents and am waiting to hear,my sis isnt interested in living there in the slightest and just wants the cash,i have asked whether she’d consider me renting her share from her but she wants a lump sum,i did put it to her that if she wanted to live there i would except rent from her for my share of the property but she isnt interested.
Not only was i my dads carer,but i was his gardener and his painter and decorator also,he taught me how to do these things and in return i took pride in helping look after the house,i have so many years of memories and a strong connection.
It was lovely being there today,and i found some love letters written by my mom to my dad before they were married and before i was born. I know they are together,i know they are reunited,and i know i will see them again sometime.
Hi CR73
I’m glad you are comforted when you’re at your parents’ house. Your connection to it will be very strong as you were born there and grew up there. You certainly deserve to live in the house because you cared for your Dad with such love and I hope you can sort things out with your sister to make this possible. Even if it’s not possible for you to live there you have many happy memories which no-one can take away from you and most of all you did your Dad proud by not only caring for him, but also by maintaining his home.
How lovely to find love letters written by your Mum to your Dad! They will confirm the love they shared and I think that’s just wonderful. You will treasure those letters for the rest of your life. When you are stronger and you can face life again I hope you find much happiness - you will always miss your parents and always love them, your pain will diminish and you can begin your young life again.
I know you’ll see them both again, just as I know I’ll see my parents again (for me it will be a lot sooner than for you!) but until the years have passed I hope both of us find happiness and purpose in life, as our parents wanted for us.
Take care, young man. You are a ray of sunshine! xxx
Aww CR73,
I went to see my mam at the chapel of rest a few weeks ago and it was a bit of acceptance for me I don’know what other words to use. I saw for myself how peaceful she was and that she had really really gone. I wrote a card for her thanking her for everything she had done for me and that I owed her so much and placed red roses in with her and put photos of my son in her hand as he was her life. I sat with her for ages and tried to imagine this was a dream but of course it was not. I am glad I went though even though it was so upsetting especially leaving her there. That was the worst part.
You have been so brave. Very brave. Nothing prepares us for what has happened and i don’t know where any of us on here has found the strength to carry on and deal with what we have had to do. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy !
My mam was 89 and even at that age I still wanted her to live longer. There is never ever enough time whatever their age is.
You will be glad you went to visit your dad. Well done as its not easy to do in any stretch of the immagination
Keep posting and you will gain so much support from people on here
Deborah x
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Hi Deborah
So sorry for the loss of your lovely Mum. Seeing her in the chapel of rest will have helped you come to terms, a little bit, with losing her. Just like you, when I went to see my Mum at rest, I left a letter telling her how much I loved her and put some flowers in with her. And like you I kept hoping it was all a nightmare from which I’d wake up, and Mum would be at home, sitting up in bed wanting something or other! This community is wonderful in that we are all in the same boat and we all have something to give each other as we navigate our sad journey. I lost my Mum in early December having cared for her for years. I miss her so much I just have this huge hole in my heart which causes so much pain. Sending love, strength and support. xxx
Hi deborah
Although i had a panic attack prior to seeing my dad in the chapel of rest i really am glad i went,i got to take one of his hats for him and a photo and a few small items that meant alot to him,the panicky feeling lifted away once i’d been,i saw how peaceful he was,spoke to him and sat with him for a while,it was the right thing for myself to do.
Yes i think whatever age we loose someone we love very much it will never be old enough,there will always be more we wanted to share with them.
When i go to my parents house i talk out loud to them as if they’re still there,i feel their presence,way more than i do when i visit my moms graveside.
I’m glad your visit to the chapel of rest was a positive one too,i think one of the reasons why i had a panic attack before seeing my dad was because i listened to others who said they wished they hadnt have visited their loved ones,but what i imagined compared to what actually was-was alot different,in a positive way.x
Dear SorrowTooDeep
Yes, i know we’ll both see our parents again,its a promise i made to my dad in the chapel of rest,and i know you loved your parents so very much. At the moment i dont feel strong enough to face the world,i dont want to go out of the house but i am making myself do it because i’ve had to see various people such as solicitors,bank clerks,vicar,estate agents etc,its so hard when you’re grieving and just want to shut yourself away. I have began throwing some of my belongings out of my house,not completely sure why,kind of out of anger for whats happened i suppose.
Reading my parents love letters that were written before i was born renewed my faith in knowing they are together.
I’d like to find happiness and purpose,and i wish the same for you too,i know my parents want that for me but i feel no motivation atm,i still cant believe whats happened and its the first thing i say every morning when i wake up’i cant believe it,its not real’.
I miss his phone calls,i miss his voice,his chat,his awful jokes.
I’m grateful he was my dad,that he was proud of me,that he encouraged me with my artwork(so did my mom too). x
Hi CR73
It takes a lot of courage to go out, face the world and deal with officialdom like solicitors, vicars and other people you have to see when you’re grieving. You just want to stay hidden away as it’s too painful to cope with anything else. Throwing your things out of your house is a reaction to the shock you’re still feeling. I did the same thing myself, as if I was trying to throw away the pain of my bereavement. It’s too early for you to find any motivation to return to your previous life, before you lost your Dad. You are completely overwhelmed by grief and you must let it take its course so you can heal. You miss your Dad so much it’s all you can think about right now. Let the tears flow if you can cry - not all of us can cry, but tears help a little. Take care lovey. x
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Thankyou SorrowTooDeep
I heard of other people throwing things out of their houses whilst grieving and before loosing my dad i never understood why,now its happened to me i find myself doing the same and not didnt know why i was doing it,thankyou for explaining about the shock,yes i still feel in shock and it doesnt feel real.
Today i am meeting with the minister about dads funeral service,again-i wish it was something i didnt have to do.
How are you? My thoughts are with you and i hope you are taking care of yourself.x