How did it go with the minister and the arrangements for your dear Dad’s funeral today? I know it’ll have been yet another excruciatingly painful ordeal for you, one you wish you didn’t have to suffer. But it’s your chance to say “thank you, I love you, Dad” in your own special way, a way which will consolidate all your love, gratitude and memories. If it helps you, and if you are strong enough, try to post on this website when your Dad’s funeral is to take place so we can all send our love to you. I cried the whole way through my Mam’s funeral, I was a complete wreck and to be honest, I still am. I am barely functioning each day. I have to force myself to take my poor dog out and many times I take him out I’m wondering around crying. If I didn’t have this website as an outlet for my emotions I don’t know what I’d do. To make matters worse since Mum died I’ve had frequent angina attacks, one of them lasted 40 minutes and I’m being sent back to the Cardiologist. The stress of losing Mum has also made my dear brother poorly which has really upset me as he is the only close family I have left. I really feel for you having to go through your lovely Dad’s funeral but deep within you there are hidden strengths which will get you safely through. I hope your sister is being supportive and that you have other family and friends who will help you. I send you my strength and heartfelt wishes for your Dad’s special day. Please know that I am thinking of you. Take care, young man, all will be well. xxxx
Toughest thing you will ever do is meeting all the people involved in sorting everything out I am in the process of doing it and I can only do one thing each day it’s too upsetting Set yourself small targets daily and don’t do everything straight away.put yourself first
Deborah x
I hope everything goes well for you sorting things out. You’re right, it’s the toughest thing you’ll ever have to do. You’ve been so brave, losing your Mum I know it’s terrible and the pain tears you up inside so much, you feel totally destroyed. It’s so hard to function normally. Fact is, you can’t, you just get through each day as best you can, but yes, you’re facing each day as it comes and you’re doing so well. Take care. x
Hi SorrowTooDeep
I met with the minister and my sister yday,of course it was something neither of us wanted to do,it was upsetting,especially when my sis played a video clip to the minister that we wish to be played at the funeral. I keep thinking of little things that i/we did with dad,i may contact the minister to see if he can add them. The funeral for my dad is on 2nd March,as it draws closer i feel more as if i dont want it-i dont know why.
I relate to you when you say you walk your dog when you dont feel like it and sometimes you cry,i went to town yday before i saw the minister,i felt i could deal with town before i went,then before i came home i began to get upset,welling up with tears,wanting to be away from people and just wanting to be home. It was unexpected,it caught me unaware.
I have friends,but no close friends,certainly nobody who i feel i can share my feelings with,or feel comfortable doing so. This website is a godsend,and i dont know what i’d do without it either.
I am saddended to read of your angina,please look after yourself,please be easy on yourself,i will always listen.x
Bless your husband, it will be hard for him as well seeing your pain and he’ll be grieving too. It’s so very early in your journey, you’ll be overwhelmed by sadness, shock and pain. But it will start to ease, a tiny bit at a time. Like you, I can’t see any sunshine on the horizon but I know it’s there somewhere, waiting to cheer me as it will cheer you. Hold on there, you’re doing so well! Be proud of yourself, you can get through this. Sending much love. x
How are you today young man? You’re doing better than you think. Already you and your sister have started to arrange your dear Dad’s funeral - that’s a huge hurdle for you to overcome but you’ve done it. I know you’re dreading 2 March. It will be hard but you will feel so close to your Dad during the service. He will know that you love him and he’ll be so proud of you. Saying “goodbye” is the hardest thing you’ll ever do but really it’s not “goodbye”, it’s “farewell, Dad, I love you, thanks for everything and we’ll see each other again”. I will be thinking of you on 2 March and the days, weeks and months that follow. Take care of yourself, you’ll get through your Dad’s funeral and you will start to heal. Sending love as per usual x
I felt exactly this way when I went to see my Dad in the Chapels of Rest. He looked so very peaceful and his face was so relaxed. 4 months on and it still doesn’t seem real, I’m not sure it ever will. I keep expecting my Dad to be at home every day when I go and see my Mum. I miss him so very much. I put some photos of his grandchildren in with him and a note from each of my 2 children. That gave me a bit of peace knowing part of the children were with him always.
I hope your Dads funeral goes the best it can and that the sun shines for you all.
May our Dads Rest in Peace
Hi SorrowTooDeep
I still feel shock,anger,disbelief,overwhelmed at whats happened,its such a roller coaster of emotions,however-the strange dreams gave me a break last night,which was very welcome. I went to his house again and did things that he used to do on certain days such as watering certain plants/flowers,its nice that my sis has talked to me abit about her grief and how shes feeling,i am pretty reserved with her because there is an underlying jealousy of my rship i had with my parents.
We’re sorting funeral arrangements simply because its what needs to be done,just going through the motions of it.
In the days,weeks leading up to my moms funeral i remember feeling as if i just wanted it done and over,but with my dads its completely different,i dont want it to come at all. I’m rolling day-day with emotions and feelings that i dont know why i feel certain ways.
How are you today?
I am trying to clean out a room in my house atm,so i can decorate it(my dad would be encouraging me-as he was a painter and decorator along with a signwriter and taught me everything i know about it).
Little things keep jumping into my head to do with my dad,i know they’re bound to,but they’re so random and completely from nowhere,they make me smile.x
Hi TeresaPJs
Thanks for the message,yes i’m still in shock and overwhelmed,i woke up in the night with a terrifying thought that mom n dad arent there anymore and i cant just go and see them,it was a horrible panicky feeling that felt like dread.
I used to wonder how my dad coped after loosing my mom,i know he was lonely sometimes because he used to tell me so,he lived at the house for 6 years after her passing away,and passed away himself on exactly the same date. Both 19th january. I HATE THAT DATE.
My thoughts are with you with the loss of your dad.x
Oh my goodness, both on the same date, how awful for you. I cannot even comprehend that. That is a coincidence you never ever want to happen, I’m so sorry.
I’m really hoping that awful dull ache in the pit of my stomach eventually subsides, ive been told that grief is the price we pay for loving someone. I just don’t understand why we have to pay a price for love, it sucks.
Much love and strength to you xx
SorroW Too Deep,
Thank you but I cant see a way of this easing. I dont know if i even want it to to be honest. i am lost in every part of my life. I dont even know my own mind any more.
Everything is pointless without her.
Deborah x
Yes,why do we have to pay a price for love? Yes - both my mom and my dad passed on exactly the same date,and strangly enough my dad kept asking me what day it was for about 5 days before - and he never asked me what the day was before in his life. Although it was,and still is such a shock to me-i think he knew,thinking bk on some of the things he said to me,although i think he still had hope.x
So sorry that you’ve lost your Dad. I found it helped when I went to see each of my parents in the chapel of rest. I left a letter, flowers, photographs and the ashes of my Dad’s favourite dog in the coffin with him and l left a letter, flowers and photographs with my Mum. I stayed with my Mum for a long time and it was very hard to leave her. That was two months ago and I still can’t believe she’s gone. I hope you find acceptance and that your pain eases a little soon. Look after yourself, you are not alone. x
Your remark about not wanting the pain to ease resonated with me because I felt the same about my Mum. I think it’s because I loved her so much I felt that if my grief lessened it meant I didn’t love her enough. Also I didn’t want to distance myself at all from her. This grief is horrendous, I really feel for you and everyone on this website. Sending love. x
