Thank you so much Wilson. I love your posts. I too read this with many tears. I want so much to find that connection to my dear darling Ray. I just miss him so much, the loneliness is so awful and heartbreaking
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Peg2
I too love Wilsons posts, so comforting.Its trying to make that “connection” i find so difficult.I so agree with you its the loneliness that is so heartbreaking.Take care.
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@brummy
I read somewhere that one of the first stages of dealing with grief is to learn to love yourself. That is certainly an issue for me. Try as I might I cannot stop blaming myself for the loss of my wife. I know it’s ridiculous but it affects everything I do, especially now all the essential things are sorted out and I’m now just working for myself. I find myself saying‘What’s the Point?’.
I found this website about grief impacting self love and thought it was helpful.
Hope you find it useful.
Take care.
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Rjay
Thank you for the information about the website.It is an issue for myself too to love myself.I still blame myself for not doing more for my wife.i still relive that awful sunday when she passed on the sofa.seeing the person i loved taken from me..You are so right it does affect everything you do.Thank you again.
Take care.
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Thank you for that Rjay, it’s very helpful. I have huge guilt too, why didn’t I do more when Ray wasn’t well? He was going to Dr’s non stop and they weren’t listening. If only, if only…
Am going to read more of the articles on that site, it’s definitely what I need right now
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I’ve been struggling with guilt since Andrew passed, I thought I was on my own, it’s good to know that this feeling seems to be the norm, I’m sure we all done what we could but our person isn’t here to tell us that 
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Peg2
That was so interesting what Rjay told us, so helpful too.I am riddled with guilt, every night i say sorry to my dear wife for not doing more for her, for not complaining to the hospital and consultant.Fobbing her off with steroids and other tablets.I gather guilt is all part of the grief process but it doesnt stop us feeling like this.That site is very intersting.Thank you Rjay.
Take care.
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Smythe,
I still feel guilty even after 12 months, i think i always will,I have read that its quite normal to feel like this but it so hurts me i wish i could have done more.I think we all did our very best but as you say our person isnt here to tell us that.I hope things wil get better for us.
Take care.
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Hello Brummy
You are very welcome, I’m pleased it helped.
For some reason, even though the sun was shining, today has felt very bleak and empty. I really don’t know what is the matter with me so I’ve been reading the Grief Refuge website today.
Now the evening is here and I’ve drawn the curtains I’m beginning to feel better.
Look after yourself.
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Hello Rjay
The Grief refuge website is so interesting and so true too.i am so you havent had a bleak day, i am glad the evening has enabled you to feel better.
Look after yourself.
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Thanks to everyone for posting.
For those of you who are struggling with feelings of guilt and regret, I’ve found that regular meditiation helps. This David Kessler offering has helped me but there are others on YouTube. Just keep looking until find one that resonates with you.
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Another post on the same theme but this time based on the work of Robert Monroe.
Robert Allan Monroe (1915 – 1995), was known for his out of body experiences (OOBE) and for founding The Monroe Institute, which researched consciousness and produced the Gateway Program to teach people how to go out of body.
The universe is not random and consciousness is not chaotic. Every moment is orchestrated with precision. Maybe you’re reading this because you needed to hear that death is not an ending. Maybe you’re reading this because you needed permission to stop grieving and start connecting. Maybe you’re reading this because someone on the other side, someone who loves you more than you can fathom, guided you here, nudged you. Maybe you’re reading this because something inside you, something deeper than your conscious mind, something wiser than your intellect, something more ancient than your name, called you here. The part of you that exists beyond the physical body, beyond linear time, beyond the illusion of separation. Your higher self.
This is not a story about faith, it’s not a religious teaching, it’s not a near death experience retold from a hospital bed. This is the documented testimony of a man who chose to cross the threshold between life and death over one thousand times while still alive and came back every time to tell us what he found. His name was Robert Monroe, born in Lexington, Virginia. He was a radio broadcasting executive; a Vice President of the Mutual Broadcasting System, one of the largest radio networks in America. He had a degree in English from Ohio State University. He was a businessman, a rationalist, a man who trusted data over dogma and evidence over emotion. He was the last person on earth you’d expect to become humanity’s greatest explorer of what lies beyond death and that is precisely what makes his testimony so appealing.
Here’s what separates Monroe from every mystic, every guru, every spiritual teacher who has ever spoken about death. He didn’t just tell us what he found, he recorded it. He built a laboratory, he developed a technology, he trained thousands of ordinary people to follow him. He had them report back verbally, in real time, while their bodies lay in specially designed isolation booths at the Monroe Institute in Virginia, describing exactly what they saw, felt and encountered on the other side.
Monroe and his team met souls who had finished their own healing and were actively working. Not resting on clouds or singing hymns for eternity but working, creating, building, teaching, healing, researching. Some were scientists continuing their research. Some were artists, creating works of beauty. Some were healers, projecting love and energy down to the physical world to people who are alive right now, who feel it as an unexplained warmth, an inexplicable comfort, a sudden knowing that everything will be okay. Your loved ones who have passed, the ones you mourn, the ones you miss with an ache that never fully fades, they are there. Not floating in emptiness, not sleeping in oblivion but alive, active, purposeful, happy. Many of them are sending love to you right now, in this very moment. You will feel it if you can sit in silence, ignore the chatter of the ego and go to that quiet place deep inside you where your instincts and intuition can be found.
So, tonight, try this before you go to sleep. Lie in the darkness, close your eyes, place your hands on your heart and speak to the person you love who has crossed over. Tell them what you need to tell them, tell them you know they’re there, tell them you’ve read these words, tell them you’re not afraid anymore because Monroe went where they are and he came back to tell you.
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@Wilson9
Thank you so much for this information. Quick research shows he wrote at least three books, so they will go on my ‘to read’ list.
We really don’t have any reason for despair when there is so much to learn.
Thank you Wilson, took me ages to read as the tears wouldn’t stop. It gives me a lot of hope.
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Wilson9,
Thank you so much for the information.It brings much comfort.Thank you for sharing it with us.
I know how you feel I’ve been through the same thing my beloved passed 2 years ago and not a day goes by when I don’t think of him and the good times we had I cry every day cos I miss my beloved so much. 
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Hi Wilson9. I just want to add this. I don’t know if it counts as tuning in to another frequency.
This morning I was due to get up at seven. I looked at the clock and it was twenty to seven. I thought I would just lay there another 15 minutes. I didnt go to sleep. Just lay there. Relaxed. In my mind or brain, not a dream. An image appeared. It was mam. I don’t know why but she was standing next to a small bush or shrub. She was dressed exactly how she dressed. Jumper, body warmer, black trousers. She was looking straight at me and smiling. Mam had a beautiful smile. She looked so happy. Then she started to wave to me. In bed I raised my hand and waved and then mam disappeared. What do you think? It made me very happy but with some sadness too. Best wishes. Stephen
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@Stephen65
Something very similar happened to me the other evening. I was watching a TV programme but, as often happens these days, I nodded off during an advert break. Something woke me and I saw a figure standing by the curtains looking out. I recognised her instantly as my wife but thought it was a dream so forced myself awake. As I did so the figure became clearer so much so that I called out to her. She turned towards me and then faded away.
Like you it brought me a mix of happiness and sadness, but I’ve logged the experience in my mind as a sign of things hopefully to come.
I believe our loved ones are constantly with us, it’s our ability to ‘tune in’ that takes time.
Thank you for your post, it’s good to know it’s not just me!
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Hello Rjay. Thanks for sharing your experience too. Like you, I hope it is sign of better things to come. Best wishes. Stephen
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Thanks for posting @Stephen65 and @RJay
What an uplifting experience you’ve both had! A memory to cherish always and an indication that something continues after the body dies. Maybe you should try to recreate it.
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