Hi, my husband of 32 years died suddenly in August. I seemed to hold everything together but after the funeral I am an emotional wreck, thought it was because I wasn’t sleeping very well so have some tablets for that but at the moment someone just has to look at me with “that look” and I fill up.
Trying not to be too hard on myself but need to get a grip - nobody is going to look after me. Grief counselling in my area has a waiting list! Hence turning to an online support group.
My partner aged 39 passed 10 days after brain tumour diagnosis on May 2nd. It feels.luke yesterday but forever ago. . I found reading a lot of grief books helped me understand what I was feeling, also lots on you tube , I watched and just walked my dog miles daily, I think ahe wishes he’d come back to so I stop the miles of endless walking. Take each day at a time, be kind to yourself and take care.
So sorry to hear of your loss. I think in the early days you function on auto pilot because you know you have so much to sort out and that feels like you are coping. I was exactly the same. After the funeral I felt the exhaustion kicking in, constantly tired but never refreshed from the snatched hours of sleep.
The emotional turmoil that follows is grief doing it’s thing. The biggest mistake I made was acting as though I was coping in front of family and friends because when I ever I did let my guard down everyone was surprised, embarrassed and not sure how to deal with it. That in turn made me feel guilty of putting them in that situation.
So the only advice I have is be yourself, be kind to yourself, you have nothing to prove to anyone. Grief has no boundaries and certainly no time scale.
Keep posting or reading as support on this site is so helpful. We are not hands on but we understand and we do not judge.
I’m sorry for the loss of your husband.
It is a terrible time , so please be kind to yourself. Cry as much and as often as you need to .it’s such early days.
I also lost my husband suddenly in June and I still sob my heart out at some point every day . My emotions and sadness can feel overwhelming .
Reading grief books and many posts within this site I found some good advice is not to look too far forward into our unknown future , take a day at a time .This helps to calm my panic a little.
When I look back to that awful day I 1st lost him , I never thought I would get through some of the dreadful tasks I have already faced but here I am ,day at a time ,12 wks on .
Sending you all love and support xx
I’m so sorry that you have need for this group that none of us wanted to be in. I lost my husband suddenly and without warning nearly 6 months ago. He was only 50. I spent a lot of time walking in the summer months - harder to do now I’m back at work but it helped me to physically put one foot in front of the other because that’s what we have to do. Try the website refugeingrief.com by Megan Devine. She lost her partner suddenly and has written books as well. She knows what it is like. Keep posting here as well - people will be supportive.
Hi I too lost my husband in august, in eight horrific weeks it went from a pain in his side to his death from widespread cancer, now I like to be on my own to try and make some sense of it all and remember life before his illness but it’s all a fog, I get upset because I can’t remember, I don’t want to believe that he’s gone and left me on my own, and I already knew that when he died my life would be over too, I’m sorry for your loss and it’s true be kind to yourself and cry when you need too surely it’s the worst thing ever to happen to any of us !! sending hugs
I am so sorry Charlie3 for the loss of your husband My darling husband lost his fight with oesophageal cancer 24 weeks today and my heart is broken without the love of my life:broken_heart:I cannot believe I have had to survive each day and night without my darling John I registered for the sue ryder counselling and I am currently going through this at the moment which is physically and emotionally draining but I would recommend it for you It may take a few weeks for you to get an appointment but for me , being able to talk to someone outside of your family (about your deep feelings and deep pain without my love ) is helpful…I think and hope ? Take care Mary
You are so right Kath, people say "you know we are if you need us’ or ‘how are you doing’? Or it’s early days ’ when they have no idea what your life is like Day and Night!!! We are all so broken and understand the pain we are suffering x Take care everyone x
Hi Kath. Yes this community is so therapeutic. I know what you mean about friends comments sounding insincere. But if I think back to when I was with my husband and I heard of a death of a spouse, I felt sorry and offered my help. I couldn’t possibly understand their loss or pain because it just wasn’t my turn. That’s how I look at it.
I lost my husband 19 weeks ago today and I went back to work about 7 or 8 weeks ago. I just couldn’t sit in the house anymore. I think it has done me good as I have something to concentrate on (when I can concentrate!) and it has done me good to get out of the house everyday.
Don’t get me wrong I get upset often, but at the minute feel like I put a face on when I’m at work and also in front of family and friends and try and block things out quite a bit. Don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing but we are all here for each other in this horrible world we have been thrust into xx
Sja2805, similar to you I went back to work 9 weeks after my husband sadly passed away in April x For me, it was definitely the right thing to do as it is a good distraction (concentrating on something else) when I am able to . My work have thankfully been so supportive which I am very grateful for as I do have some very bad days! I absolutely dread the dark mornings and nights though (coming home to our empty house) Take care x
Thanks everyone. I have been going into work for the afternoons, think I am more a hindrance than a help, but it is giving me something other to think about rather than Stephen being at the forefront of my mind. It is so hard! x
I went back phased return at the start and then built it up, you can only see how you go and if it’s too much you just need to tell them, they’ll understand I’m sure.
We’re all here to listen, have a moan at or whatever you need - I think this forum is invaluable as we are all more or less in the same boat and there’s sort of no awkward silences when you don’t know what to do - as we all know (or hopefully know) how you are feeling. Even a shoulder to cry on, whatever is needed xx
I am sorry for your loss. My husband died on 10th May, we’d been together for 28 years. I have a dog and we go on long walks, but this in itself is difficult as we used to walk together. I attended our local Bereavement Cafe the other week and it was good to talk to people in a similar situation. Everyone says, take time and be kind to yourself. There are no rules, no right or wrong, do what is right for you.
I tell people that I am fine when they ask how I am as I don’t want to upset or embarrass them, but I really want to say No, I’m not fine, I miss my husband so very much, I’m not sleeping and I am lonely especially now as the phone doesn’t ring as much as the early days, the invitations for a cuppa have lessened and people think that I have got over it.
Take good care of yourself and do keep posting
My husband died at home and in our bed, which I haven’t been able to go back into at all to sleep and am sleeping in another room. I am able to go into the bedroom to sort stuff out, change the bed etc but don’t seem to stay in there for any length of time.
Has anyone else had this at all? I just wonder if I will ever be able to go back into the room to sleep, I can still see him there. It doesn’t scare me I think its just not the same anymore and he’s not there etc. Do you think changing the room, new bed etc would help - I just don’t know.
I think this is what happens on a Sunday when i’m on my own and have too much time to think about things!
Hi my husband died in our bed too and I wasn’t sure how it would be but for some reason I love being in our bed, I have his pillow which still has his smell and I still talk to him as if he were here and say goodnight and good morning, I have collected grief poems, music which is spiritual particularly enya and short videos like ‘the passage of time’ which distract me and strangely brings me some comfort, it it has become my sanctuary, my husbands ashes are on my bedside table with roses and forget me nots, you have to do what you feel is best for you and what helps you bring some comfort at such a terrible time, it is beyond belief that I have lived eight weeks without my lovely husband after being together forty three years, life is cruel and I send love and hugs to you
Thanks for your reply, I know its been just over 19 weeks since i lost my husband. We were together for 21 years and married nearly 18 years. I don’t know how I have done it without him to be honest, I’m 47 and trying to imagine the rest of my life without him - i’m just numb really. We always talked about retiring to Lincolnshire and it seems all of your hopes and dreams go with them…
All those people who say they will be there seem to tail off and you are just on your own, I don’t have kids of my own but have 27 year old stepchildren - I think everyone forgets that you are still in the house with everything around you reminding you of your other half who passed away. I’m an only child and both parents have passed away so really feel on my own. Just having a bad day today I think. Hugs to you too xx