Following 17 months of treatment for bowel cancer my daughter died in a hospice the 7th January 2025, aged 42 years. I had spent the previous 10 weeks living with her and sleeping in her room at the hospice. I was with her every step of her cancer journey and now she’s gone. I miss her so much, she was my life. The thought of not holding her in my arms again is so painful. Her funeral is taking place on 6th February and I shall be reading a Mother - Daughter tribute. I want to ask my GP for a sedative to take on the day of the funeral to help me cope with my emotions, do you think this would help?
Unless I keep myself busy I think of my daughter every waking moment, I want her back, it’s so unfair.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. You can call them on 0345 123 2304
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
I’m so sorry you’ve lost your daughter. Nothing I say will ease your pain. I lost my daughter through different circumstances and have found it so very difficult to cope. Keep communicating and posting on here. I’m new to this site too so we’re newbies together. I hope we can find some comfort.
The funeral service will be difficult for you but you will get through it.
Can I ask how old was your daughter when she died? My daughter and I had lots of plans for years to come. We would laugh about her taking me to a garden centre for lunch or to the supermarket to shop when I was too old to drive myself. I’m not only grieving for my daughter but also for myself and the years ahead and the plans we made. She has three lovely children, aged 16, 14, and 12 years. They are a blessing, I see Michelle in my two granddaughters, they look so much like their mum.
My doctor has prescribed something for me to take on the day of the funeral, I really want to be able to deliver my Mother - Daughter tribute clear enough for all to hear and know how much I love and miss her. She was my world.
I to recently lost my precious daughter (2 Jan 25) she was 45yrs old & has 3 beautiful children too. I struggle daily with grief & disbelief, I want to wake up & this has just been a nightmare. The past year has been so bad we have watched her decline in health. We also have her funeral on the 6th Feb I don’t know how I’m going to get through it.
My daughter was 41 when she passed. She left her 2 boys. One was 15 the other 13 at the time. I know exactly what you mean about grieving for the future you thought you would have. My grandsons are now growing up into young men and I feel sad for them and everything they will miss with their Mum. I think it’s lovely that your doing a mother/daughter tribute at your daughter’s funeral. I wish I could have done something at my daughter’s service. I’m sure it won’t be easy but it will be a beautiful tribute to your loving relationship with your daughter. Your in my thoughts x
I too like you lost my beautiful daughter Laura she was 25.
I want to say I know how you are feeling. But no two grief journeys are the same.
You are being so brave and these early days of grief are so horrible. I know that getting something from the GP may seem like a solution and sometimes they are. Sometimes its good to have them on standby. But your strength and love for your daughter will support you through her day to celebrate her life. It does seem easy for me to say these things as I am further along this road of grief. Please be kind to yourself there is no right or wrong way.
Hello oatcake57, this is a group no one would choose to join but we find ourselves in the unfortunate position of losing a child. No parent should have to bury a child. It’s not how things are supposed to be. It is so so difficult to cope with and understand. It’s been two and a half years since my daughter passed and I’m still struggling. Your pain is still raw. Try to get through each day as best you can and be kind to yourself. Reach out if you need help.
My thoughts are with you
Hello. Your story is very much similar to mine. I lost my daughter aged 43 in October 2024, also to bowel cancer, also after a similar time of treatments. She had no children so I don’t have that. She was also my life, and I am struggling without her, we were so close. Although I did not move in with her (she had a tiny flat with little room, and her husband was her carer, and she wanted just the two of them) I gave up work to be there for her, and spent most days spending time with and helping to care for her. I also wanted to do the eulogy I had written for her for the funeral, but was advised against it, although I feel I could have read it. So we had the celebrant read it. She also read eulogies from her husband and her good friend. We did her proud I know, and it was, in its own way, a beautiful celebration of her life, followed a very tailor-made wake (it was a few days before Halloween and she loved that time, so the hall was already decorated with pumpkins, ghouls and ghosties, spider webs, bats etc, and we brought more. She would have loved it. Any time you want to message me individually please do x
Both our daughters’ funerals are being held on 6 February. I will think of you on that day and know that you’re possibly feeling the same as I will be.
I have a diazepam prescribed for the day (if I need it) I’m hoping I won’t but it’ll be good to know it’s there. Although the Celebrant will be giving the eulogy I shall be reading my own tribute to my daughter from a mother’s perspective. It’s going to be a tough day but I feel that having my grandchildren with me will help keep me strong for them.
Life is so unfair and ours will never, ever be the same.
I shall think of you too. We will get through this I don’t know how but we will. Our daughter was a Pagan so her service will be very different, she planned most of it herself so I hope we can do her proud.
My daughter also planned her own funeral. Chose the music, Bon Jovi, Whitney Houston, she wants it to be a celebration of her life. I love and miss her so much, it’s going to be difficult but I shall work hard to keep myself strong and, like you, do my daughter proud.
My daughter’s funeral service on 6 February was beautiful. A celebration of her life, 42 years. Michelle planned her own funeral and we arranged for it to be exactly as she had wanted. Now I am trying to get my life back on track, I know that is what she wants me to do because she wrote me a letter, which I received on the day of her funeral. She thanked me for putting my life on hold whilst I cared for her through her cancer treatment and helped her with her children, she said ‘Mum I want you to get on with your life now, have fun, enjoy each day because none of us know how many days we have left’. I love her so much, and I miss her every single day.
I am sure you did your daughter proud. I feel as though me and Marc, my son-in-law did the same for my Sarah. The funeral was so her, the music, the eulogies, the funny bits, the visual tribute. I know we did her proud. I wish I had asked her to write letters, that would have been nice. But I still know she wanted us to live each day with fervour and gust. I knew it from just one look at her face when she was in respite for two weeks in the hospice. She had arranged for a special tea to be prepared for us all (me, Marc, and her step-dad my partner Doug). Sarah wasn’t well enough to come to the tea table, so they brought it literally right up to her door. We 3 sat down to a table beautifully made out with Alice in Wonderland theme - teapots, cups and saucers, milk jugs, table clothes, the lot. As we sat eating, I looked up at her sitting in her bed, and saw her smile, as if to say ‘yes, this is what I want for my family’. God I miss her, but cherish every second of her 43 years I was blessed and honoured to have her.
So sorry for the loss of your daughter I know how hard it is I lost my daughter to pancreatic cancer November 28th last year. I have bereavement counselling. Maybe later you might consider it. I think of my daughter every day and still find it hard to cope without her. Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
Bereavement counselling is so difficult to come by, at least in my area. I have found 3 groups for bereavement support, each one meets monthly. I have been to the one that is specifically for bereaved parents, I just wish they met more often, and of course it isn’t counseling. I did general counselling for a few weeks with NHS which was helpful but sadly not for long enough. They discharged me and said to wait 3 months and if still in need to rerefer myself in 3 months. I may consider going private.
The loss is so hard to bare I cannot stop crying. My daughter is in my thoughts every minute of every day, as I am sure you will be feeling the loss too. My daughter used to say to me mum the loss will be with you always but you will learn to walk beside it. I hope you find away through. Big hugs
I also feel the loss of my daughter, Michelle, every hour of each day. I miss her so much. I’ve been on sick leave from work since November 2024 when Michelle was admitted to a hospice for end of life care. I feel sadness each day, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to return to work. My son, Marc, has been amazing. Even though he is grieving the loss of his sister he finds time to phone me every day to ask how I am coping, he has supported me through Michelle’s illness, her death and now my grieving. I know my life will never return to what it once was, but I owe it to my son and my grandchildren to find a way forward, it’s just so painful. I wish there was a meeting group I could attend, I find it helpful to share my story and to hear how others are trying to cope. One day at a time.
Finding it really difficult seems like this heartache off losing my 28 year old daughter is not getting any easier constantly on my mind and a heart had been broken in two
Feeling a constant brain fog no energy or interest in anything or anyone feels like I’m living in my own head and just want to sleep all the time
Having horrible nite mares,
Feel like I’ve lost my sparkle and my energy to have interest in doing even housework or go shopping my head don’t feel like it’s on my shoulders, This feeling off being in a daze I can’t shake off and miss her so much. Have anyone ever felt like this? Just don’t know what to do with myself
I am so sorry for your loss the emotions you are feeling are normal I had similar emotions when I lost my daughter just do what you feel you need to. I am still feeling lost without her I have good and bad days. Be kind to yourself and take one day at a time.
