I lost my beloved 3 weeks ago . He was my fiancé and we have a 6 year old ( he turned 6 last weekend ) he was also a fantastic step dad to my 15 and 13 year old who lost their father 10 years ago . I came down to find him collapsed on the kitchen floor he had a bleed on the brain . He was 58 and our world . He spent 8 days in ICU and never regained consciousness. We never got to say all the things we needed to , never got to say I love you or goodbye . The funeral was on Friday . I’ve not coped since then . I’m trying to cope with the children but my heart is broken
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@Katiekaboo I’m so sorry for your loss and with such young children to look after too.
I lost my partner 18 weeks ago today. He had a heart attack at work. He was only 57
The first few weeks every is just do raw and incomprehensible and the not getting to say goodbye is so very hard to deal with. I still struggle to comprehend what has happened. I had only spoken to him 30 mins before he died and he was fine.
All I would say is take all help that is offered and get through one day at a time.
I found this forum really helpful too. You are not alone on here. We are all on this awful journey we don’t want to be on. But having others who understand what we have lost does make it a bit easier to cope x
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Thank you for your kind words , the last time we spoke he was putting our little boy to sleep and then he fell asleep in his room then came downstairs in the early hours . We had dinner as normal . I cannot remember the last thing we said to each other . I’m wracked with guilt that we were just co parenting and never said enough all the words you felt but never said x
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Hi,
For your fiancée to pass so suddenly must be a big shock, all I can say is take it one day at a time. Not getting to say goodbye is tough, it leads to thinking about what we wish we’d said to our loved ones. I know it all feels raw right now, but maybe in time, if you think it might help, maybe talk to a picture of him, or write him a letter. Sending hugs of support.
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@Katiekaboo I am so sorry for your loss of your fiancé and for your children losing their dad at such a young age. At Christmas I suddenly lost my husband. My son rang me to say that dad had collapsed. Time I got home he was gone. Just 53 years old. Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. I never got the chance to say goodbye or that I love you and all the things I should of said. He died of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism and kidney cancer which we didn’t know that he had as never diagnosed. Every day I blame myself as never noticed that he had lost weight until it was too late. I look back at photos and notice the weight loss. I am going to see a taurma specialist as I might have PTSD. I was told to write my husband a letter with all the things I wanted to say which I did. I am trying not to look into the future to much and living hour by hour, day by day. I expect your husband knew that you love him and adore him. I like you miss my husband so much and feel so lonely without him. Life is indeed so unfair and cruel. Sending lots of love Xx
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I’m so sorry for your loss and for you older children to go through this twice. Life is unbelievably cruel. My partner died suddenly at 49. The not being able to say all the things you wanted is hard. I started a diary and everything I wanted to say to him, I put in the diary so at least I feel I’ve said it.
The beginning is so raw and you’ll have many emotions , feels like all at once at times.
19 weeks for me today, I never thought I would get here but I have. Some days give me hope, some days hit me with a wave of emotions and I embrace those days and give in to the grief.
Small steps, don’t think too far ahead, take all the help that’s offered and just focus on the here and now. That’s all that matters today.
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Hi @Katiekaboo i think just after the funeral is the worse time as reality finally dawns 
so sorry your partner didnt pull through … its truely awful.i know xxx
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Hi my husband passed away 4 months ago aged 43 in his sleep suddenly, the shock of him just dieing and leaving young children was earth shattering. Im still in shock and trying to get through day by day , at times hour by hour. Life is just unrecognisable. I understood your pain and shock of a sudden death. No warning no good byes nothing. I feel unable to cope at times but we have to keep going for our children. Its so hard
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@Taz21 thank you . The grief this week is unbearable , I went to the Dr last night who suggested I was signed off for a month . I was career focused up until it happened now I feel everything is gone , my beloved did everything for our 6 year old and now I have to juggle three children get them to school , go back to work at some point . 4 months on how is your pain ? I can’t eat can’t clean the house just feel sick and in panic thinking ahead to see all sorts of issues I never had to cope with .
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Hi @Katiekaboo my heart breaks for all what your going through. I lost my amazing hubby so suddenly and unexpectedly last October, he was only 47. He went for a walk and collapsed not far from our home we’d been in for 18 yrs. I get you feel broken and lost and robbed of your future together with all your children.
Do you have family and friends that can help, my parents and mother in law were amazing the first few months. It really is just baby steps, dont look too far ahead and dont go back to work til your absolutely ready. Talk to us on here everyone is so supportive and gets what were going through xx
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Hi @Katiekaboo,
It all sounds very overwhelming. Just take it one day at a time, & be kind to yourself.
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@Skip thank you , my mum is local and coming at night but she’s 80 and I can’t ask too much. I have some wonderful friends I can call on , I’ve been for coffee etc and food shopping that’s the limit apart from school runs .
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@Pandaprincess thank you people keep saying be kind to yourself but I’m not sure how to be ?!! X
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Just dont beat yourself up about what you can and cant do … just take everything a day at a time as sometimes thats all we can manage … its really hard because we havent got our partners to rely on anymore … that’s allx
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When it first happened every one said time is a healer, 4 months on the pain is unbearable, like you I’m a professional a career focused person and my husband did everything, for the children and at home, I’ve gone back to work on a phased return 5 weeks ago as being at home i was waiting for him to come home , i would just cry and become very emotionally unbalanced i thought about killing myself several times and spoke to my GP. Like you I’m now a single parent a reluctant landlord and feeling totally lost, the support has dwindled, what i found is that everyone who offers all the support in the world do not actually show up after the first few weeks. Im literally living hour to hour im still feeling numb . Life at times is so unbearable but i have to keep going as there is no option
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@Taz21 im sorry the pain is still unbearable but understand . Did you take 3 months off work anc what did your phased return look like ? I think you are right sitting at home is sometimes worse as we can just dwell on everything . I’m trying to set mini goals of things to do each day . But we have to get up take the kids to schoo my eldest two won’t go at the moment so that’s hard . My 6 year old is coping the best . Xx
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I have an 8 week phased return my workplace have been very sympathitic im actually not doing any real work , just light stuff . Going to wor just gives mme a distraction i use to work from home but have decided to go to the office now as home has too many memories. My 13 year old went to school after 4 weeks. Im having counselling too but nothing is helping. Im so exhausted
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Yeh isnt it funny how everybody cinvenirntly disappears ! No where to be seen … absolutelt awful i think ! Unforgiveable! Youre at lowest point in your life and certain people cant be bothered !!! X
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There’s a saying, “those that mind don’t matter, & those that matter don’t mind,” it’s times like this you learn who your friends are, but you needn’t worry about the ones that disappeared, your focus is you & your family.
@Taz21 I know what you mean about being in the house, I tend to stay in my room when I’m alone in the house because there are just too many ghosts, & memories, I feel the empty spaces more in the sitting room & kitchen. Near my mom’s birthday, it was so bad that I actually booked a night at the local premier Inn just to give me a break from it.
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Aw … poor you … actually i quite like being surrounded by my memories of him in a way ? Having said that it makes me cry but i would be crying anyway … i often see him in the bathroom or the bedroom - in the early days it was his favourite chair ! Its too sad ! Im sick if it being sad xx