So I have 8 years of what app messages some hilarious as before he moved from London we would talk for hours lot of voice messages . I have sat for hours and played then which is torture in some ways but some are us laughing belly laughing , not sure this is helping me hearing his voice 
I feel bad as over last few year s they became mundane shopping lists and kids stuff not the sparky stuff . Counselling could be a 4 month wait . Do you think playing them is a bad idea xxx
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No not at all if you enjoy it … i.listened to some of my husbands short videos we did on my phone - in early days i loved hearing his voice and still do tbh … but you just do whats right for you ! Im at a very despondent stage atm because i realise hes not coming back and i miss everything about him … i didnt want him to go and it breaks my heart becaise evey single bloody thing i do now feels crap ! And i dont get much enjoyment in my life now. He was a fun guy … i miss his company so much … its so cruel what has happened to us all ! You do exactly whats right for you and dont take any notice of what anybody else says - its your journey - nobody elses and do what’s right for you ! x
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Hi @Katiekaboo,
Trust your own instincts, if playing his messages makes you feel worse, then don’t, grief is hard enough without actively makeing yourself feel worse. Keep them though, you may reach a point later when you can listen to them & feel more comforted by his voice. On the other hand, if listening to them makes you feel is helping to let those emotions out, even if it is in tears, then maybe it is more constructive.
I have heard some people say that after a time, they worry that they have forgotten what their loved one sounds like, while others, myself included, randomly hear in our minds what our loved one would of said in certain situations, it’s strange, but now sometimes it makes me smile, like she’s with me in spirit.
4 months wait for counseling 
, that is super long in grief time, you know you can always talk on this forum if you need, we’ll be right here to listen, also, you can always call Samaritans, they are not just for people in crisis, you can call whenever you feel you need someone to talk to.
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Yeh i waited 4 months for counselling 
only just started it … i used loads of helplines especially in early days and weeks xx
I spent an hour playing some belly laughs and I cried but limiting myself time wise to have some control ! I’m glad I can still hear hear him laugh at our joint sense of humour . Thank you this forum really helping right now as friends sympathise but no one knows what it’s actually like unless you are on the same journey xxx
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@Deb5 I’m sorry life feels so crap I think that too , my beloved was a very funny man , great humour and a great dad the best you could ask for . It’s hard to see any light xx
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Yeh its hard … im alright sometimes then i just go into a dark hole cos i miss him and i dunno about you but nobody can take his place … i dont even want to talk to anybody else cos its just not the same people are just really mean … my next door neighbours are ok but im so disgusted with so called “family” who as far as im concerned are a joke ! My husband was my family really but hes gone now and its so hard to bear … and its so sad 
x
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So I managed to cook tea for the kids but anyone else really struggle with the evenings , have constant pain inside and a feeling of panic it consumes my every thought that he won’t come back z
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Just noticed youre in yorkshire … so am i 
yeh mornings and evenings hardest , unless im shattered … Not that long is it since you lost your partner .? … it does ease the pain - promise - doesnt go completely but gets less painful xx
Aw … not very long then at all ! Very painful time … i live near skipton xx
Im 4 months in and morning and evenings are still the worse times, you have lost him so recently it is too too raw , i went away for three nights with kids and it was horrendous. First time without him so painful i tried to make it positive for the children and pretended to be okay but it was so emotionally draining. I miss his hugs and how he looked after us all. I feel so alone in this world without him. I have been going on walks in the evenings to break up the panic and pain. Life is just so much pain atm its unbearable. Its a crule world no on stops or anyone and i feel like i need to keep moving , despite just wanting to curl up and die.
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Yep really get u …mornings and nights are hardest for me too and it does seem like a cruel world without their love and care - i miss my cuddles too … guess you’re like me ! You just miss him full stop xx
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I do i miss everything even his snoring , his bad habit of leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor, I would do anything to have 10 minutes with him
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I know same here - id take him any way … you just dont realise how much they have done for you do you or how dear they were ? In a way your kids will keep you going you know … my puppy keeps me going and kind people. My 3 kids are grown up so although it was their dad they have their own lives … it was just me and my husband for last decade living together ! So its left a massive hole in my life ! My middle daughter trying to support me - shame about other two ! Useless xx
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Yes I’d give up 10 years to have one hour with him. I was shopping today and met a mum and was telling her how I was feeling after the funeral and a man overheard my grief he then gave my 6 year old money and a bunch of roses to buy me , what an act of kindness xx
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I know how you feel, my wife. After 17 years, I found her dead on valentines morning.
I had to do CPR ,but i knew she had be dead for some time .
Im so sad I could tell her i loved her and the thought of her dying alone rips my heart apart .
I used to drive jane mad because i used to tell her every day, maybe several times a day l loved her .
What helps me through the day is i have a picture of her and I tell every morning and every night that I love her so even though i didn’t have the chance to good bye i just hope she is listening when she drops by .
John
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So 5 weeks ago everything was normal and now my beloved has been cremated it’s too hard to comprehend . Can’t get my eldest two back to school although my 6 year old is going and coping. Life changes in an instant it’s unbearable. Still reading all the messages it consumes me but trying to set one goal a day like clean one room . Can’t face work yet as will burst into tears xx
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Struggling today as it’s Father’s Day took our little boy to gymnastics but could feel the panic coming on just wanted to get home . Just want to cry but have to keep going for them xxx
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Aw … ypu poor thing ! How is your little boy ? Is he ok bless him xx dont try be too brave as it just makes it worse i have found … just do whats in your comfort zone … xxx