I got the same one from Amazon for my dad, it is lovely
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I have just two candles with messages for my husband from my son and me . A string of lights and a small lit tree for mantelpiece. That’s all I can do after 6 1/2 months of loss . I know Andrew will understand this first Xmas. It’s getting harder seeing people’s excitement for it all it really is
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You have to do what you and your son can cope with
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It’s so hard the first Christmas without a loved one, it’s mine without my Dad, he passed away unexpectedly on 29th December last year, no illness sudden heart attack, I am not excited and watching everyone around me happy, where I am dreading the first Xmas without him and the anniversary of his death, getting so upset when buying him things to put on the grave etc instead of in person seeing him with gifts, I am a business owner with staff and being pulled into Xmas by them as they have decorated the office, we have our Xmas party soon and I am not excited by anything when I normally love Xmas. but have to put on a brave face and not ruin it for them, force myself to go and false smiles
I keep on telling myself dad would want you to have fun, have a lovely time, be happy, get excited also for our dog to love Xmas opening his gifts, as he loved dogs, I am trying to be happy for those around me, but I feel a bit lost and numb and it’s like my dad death has hit me all over again as I was coping well a couple of months after and up until now
I am sure all of us are feeling this way that have lost people, especially this time of year
I have a candle with a message to my dad, so will be joining in lighting it at 7pm on Xmas eve
Sending love and light to you all
Julie
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@Cat_fan thank you . It is enough. We were used to a tremendous light show before I lost my amazing Andrew
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My son and two of my closest friends turned up last night with bottles of wine, went up into the attic, brought the tree and decorations downstairs and proceeded to put the tree up. With every tree decoration they unwrapped, they asked me where it had come from, had we chosen it together, how long we’d had it. Then, glasses in hand, we toasted my beloved John and carried on talking - and laughing - about him until the wee small hours of the morning.
John loved Christmas and everything to do with it - the carols, the church services, the gifting, the time spent with family and friends - and as much as l would have liked to have kept my head down on this first Christmas without him, l think l would have been disloyal to his memory if I had done that. On Christmas Eve it will be 9 months since he left us - l will raise another glass to him and remember what a wonderful human being he was, and how lucky l was to have him in my life for 28 years.
Sending big hugs to everyone out there on this journey 
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@YorkshireRose that is lovely. You are lucky to have such wonderful friends and family. I’m sure John would be proud.
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That’s great to hear and it feels like a big step but one worth taking and nice that your son and close friends are there for you
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It’s my first Christmas too. And I have 4 grandchildren who would struggle to understand why there was no tree in my house.
I’ve just put up my tree, which my daughters came with me to choose. I thought I’d be ok about it as it was always such a joyous thing to do. But no, I sobbed over each & every decoration, they all have their own memories. But it was ultimately helpful & I’m so proud of myself for seeing it through. The other decorations have gone back in their boxes. For now or maybe til next year. But I know now that next year, I’ll be able to get them all out & use them. So yes, do decorate your lovely tree in your husband’s memory and enjoy your grandchildren. Xx
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