I lost my wife of 43 years on Xmas eve 2022. I knew that I could not cope with our large house on my own. Now after all on my own dealing with the funeral, clearing all of our possessions, selling the house and buying a new apartment, after 14 months the grief is now hitting very hard. At the age of 76 with little support from family, the pain is excruciating and you wonder if you really want to go on……Andrew.
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Sorry for your loss.
I’m 8 months in, and spent a year looking after my partner until she passed from cancer.
After that, my reason for getting up in the morning to take care of her and trying to find a way to beat the cancer, all but disappeared - had no purpose anymore.
After she passed, I kept myself busy with funeral arrangements, then interring of part of ashes and scattering the other part and various memorials I had commissioned.
Once that was done, the lack of purpose returned and remains
Haven’t really got any answers, just try keep myself busy to keep the feeling of purposelessness at bay
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Im 14 months in as well @Benjamin . Im not sure if it gets better either. Grief makes you feel so isolated doesnt it. ? Might go a walk somewhere really quiet tomorrow and scream !!! Its a constant battle isnt it all the time to find a reason to be on this planet …take care xx
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With you all. Feel the same.
18 months. Honestly have no idea how that has happened, or how I have managed to carry on, when I don’t really want to. My reason for being here gone.
Weekends still just so horrible and painful.
Start of F1 again this weekend. My husband loved it, we loved watching it together.
Time is NO healer, all it does is keep throwing in our faces what we are missing, and what we can never have again.
Love, hugs and strength to you all
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They say sometimes second year is harder than first dont they ? Cos i think in first year youre in a daze ! In this second year reality has hit home ! This is our life now whether we want it or not ? You take care @Cathphil. Im having my hair coloured next week and taking me and mum for a spa on mothers day. Try enjoy something wont you ? Take care of you ! You are important you know enjoy your F1 … my husband liked that too 
bless him … i miss our chats so much … we miss them dont we 
xx
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Thanks @Deb5
You take care too. I’m glad you doing something for yourself by getting your hair coloured .
And I hope you and your Mum enjoy a spa day . Take care of yourself.
Love , hugs and strength
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My Husband passed at the start of Covid and I was stuck in this huge house which needed maintenance.I couldn’t wait to get away despite the fact it was our family home for almost 20 years.As soon as I could I put it up for sale and sold it in 10 days,I decided to move around 40 minute away from my family and friends. I moved into a village we had both loved and had visited over 30 years , he is interred in the village churchyard. Initially I visited him daily, and would have carried on doing this if our daughter hadnt been evicted from her care home alongside all the other residents. I cannot physically manage to go there now as much and I feel this situation is suffocating me.
I hope that soon things will change, life has been horrendous since he has gone.
I can honestly say I like where I live, but it is not a home without him, I could have stayed where I was but that wasn’t a home anymore either.Good luck with any future plans.
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Thank you so much, even though I have a lovely apartment with sea views just 5 minutes from the beach( which is where I have just returned from) when you are alone it is no longer a home. Good luck to you for the future………Andrew
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Hello reading your post I agree so much I don’t know where the last 18 months have gone and sometimes wonder what i have filled my time with. I see friends but it is for an hour or two then back to the lonely quiet house. Joined a local bereavement group and it helps to meet with others in the same circumstances but still go home alone. Take care xx
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Thank you for your understanding post.
It does bring some comfort to know others feel the same and understand.
I think(?) I would like to join a bereavement group, but unfortunately because I still have to work full time, they are impossible to find…
So this is my group support, where I can find others who truly ‘get me’…
As fewer and fewer around me do as time passes… Most think I should be ‘getting better!!!’
… But I’m still stuck in the complete denial stage, can’t or don’t want to believe that it’s true or real 
Love, hugs and strength to you
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Hello Andrew, I am 16 months into the loss of my husband after 37 years married. I was a full time carer for the last 5 years of his life due to dementia. But I miss him dreadfully and somehow feel I’ve lost my function in life. We moved to our apartment some years ago but it is so empty. It is true what people say - you can be lonely in a crowd. I try and fill each day as I’m sure you do but somehow it is all meaningless. Don’t know what the answer is. At 76 I expect I have a number of years ahead but how to fill them?
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I am the same age and once you have got your life in some shape you feel as if you have lost all purpose. I have joined a group of beach cleaners in Exmouth, who are very supportive. I am hoping that as the weather improves I can get out walking on the coast and countryside, which is what I did with my wife, to feel closer to her. The hard part is the feeling of guilt that you are still here when she is not. I am hoping the feel of space will help………Andrew
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I’m in the Yorkshire Dales and try to get out every day. We both walked miles and miles until the illness took hold. Love the countryside. Good luck to you. I so hope you find peace and contentment in all you do. Some seem to adjust so easily others, like us, find it hard to find the right place.
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Where r u in yorkshire dales ? I live near skipton xx
Middle of Skipton!!! xx
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Wow ! Near me then !! I live in silsden ! Xx
Like Skipton. Lots of places can walk to and lots of coffee shops! But usually very busy.
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Yeh went to skipton specsavers other day ! Very busy. Its quiet in silsden … sometimes too quiet for me tbh but made a few friends, but im struggling without my husband here. I honestly am xx
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Hello Andrew,
My loss is longer than yours, but in everything else, it feels very much the same.
Like you, I moved home, and tried to view it as a new beginning. I live by the sea, but it means nothing to me.
When I moved I threw myself into volunteering, in charity shops and at the hospital. After 18 months of all that, I have stopped because it all feels so empty, and many times I asked myself why? Why am I doing all this, when all it does is make me tired? I still had the heartbreaking bleakness of my soul, whenever I started the trek home.
I’ve joined social clubs for senior citizens, but still no relief from the bleakness. I long for a connection with someone (anyone) that is even a fraction of what I had with my husband, but it seems to be impossible to find. I don’t have children grandchildren or family, so I’m completely isolated.
There feels like there is nothing left for me in this life, and at this point, I truly don’t know what I can do?
I’m sorry, I suppose I’m meant to be trying to cheer you in some way, this can’t have helped. I suppose my original thought was that I wanted to tell you was, that you’re are not alone in how you feel.
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Hello Jacqui, I feel your pain. Like you I have thrown myself into everything just to fill the hours. I’m only 18 months into widowhood but the loneliness never leaves. It is quite true what is said - you can be lonely in a crowd. I joined several U3A courses, I volunteer with a dementia group (I cared for my husband who suffered). But there is still the empty home to come back to. I do have a son who lives locally and feel very fortunate that I see him a couple of days a week but life is still hard. I am fed up with people saying it will get better. There isn’t any sign of it happening yet. But you, like Andrew, will be in my thoughts. There must be a place for us.
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