How do we all get through each day without the person whos been by our side for years, our other half, soulmate, rock? My husband has been in my thoughts every day since we met, it’s no different now, but because memories at the moment are so very painful I try to focus my mind on absolutely anything else. I think I’m coping but am I actually in denial? I’m not dealing with my loss, just pushing it to the side. If I keep doing this will I ever be able to move on? It’s nearly 7 weeks since Peter died and I know that’s not a long time but can anyone tell me their way of accepting this nightmare?
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Hi Katy, It’s nearly five weeks for me and I can’t accept it. I still think my wife is out there somewhere and she will be coming back. Then I realise she won’t be and this wave of immense loss and sadness washes over me and I breakdown in tears.
I suppose that may lessen in time but right now it’s unbearable agony.
I am desperately trying to come to terms with what happened but when I think about the future I am absolutely terrified of not having my wife beside me. I try to deal with that by not thinking about it but that just stops me from moving on.
I feel trapped in this horrific nightmare and that it is never going to end.
I just want my gorgeous, beautiful wife back.
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Dave4, Thanks for your reply, I totally understand what you’re going through. Nothing can prepare you for this loss. no one understands unless they’ve been through it. I keep reading the chats on this group and it does help a little. Hope this pain eases for both of us and anyone else going through this nightmare sending lots of suppot and hugs x
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Thanks Katy. I had no idea grief would be this bad. It is all-consuming and it is destroying me. I have no support at home. I have a friend who messages me from time to time but he lives miles away and can’t visit.
I am so thankful that I found this site. Everyone on here is amazingly kind and been a great help.
Keeping you in my thoughts and sending hugs back. x
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It is 6 weeks and 3 days for me and I am exactly where you both are. Apparently, this is a normal state for recent losses.
Dave, I do not think of the lost future. I function one hour at a time, for like you, if I think of the future, I collapse into distress and anxiety.
It is not denial. We know what is going on, it is simply surreal that this is our life now and unimaginable that we will never see our loved one again. We haven’t processed that part yet.
We will make it. We manage. We cope. We have a life. We survive.
Much love from New Orleans, LA. USA
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Thanks PeachesDixon. One half of my brain is telling me my wife will be back soon but the other half knows that is not going to happen. I need to stop the thoughts that she is still out there somewhere and will be coming back.
Once I stop those thoughts I will be able to move on to some kind of acceptance.
Sending lots of love.
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Try not to think of my husband not being with me. Get quite panicky if it think of a future without him. Not sure how we all manage to get through every day, but we do. Peaches is right, we will survive but right now its hard for all of us x
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I used to plan ahead but now I’m just dealing with today. I will face tomorrow when it comes. If I can. x
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I feel exactly the same I just can’t believe any of it. I lost my husband 9 weeks ago to s sudden heart attack in the house. It just doesn’t seem real and I can’t get the whole thing out of my head. I keep going over and over it again and things just seem worse by the day. I try to keep busy but then it all keeps coming back to me. People say time heals but no way does it seem like that at the moment
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Dave, I expect my husband to walk around the corner into my office at any moment. He won’t, but I catch myself looking at that corner. Expectation based on past repetition? Are brains are wired to expect what has been imprinted as habit? Maybe?
The very THOUGHT that I will never see him again makes me weak. I know it is true, but I can not let my mind wander into the future and grieve that loss now. I will face it everyday for the rest of my life, first hand, and deal with it then I am sure.
We can only process so much at once.
Let’s save future sorrow for the future. We’ve enough ATM.
Much love.
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Hi Katy. Its been 3 months since i lost my wife to breast cancer. I have had my favourite photo of her put onto canvas and have placed it at the foot of the stairs. I say good morning and good night to her every day. It makes things a little less final. Don’t think you pushing things to one side as denial but instead think of it as a filing cabinet in your brain where you can visit if and when you want. Its a coping mechanism and a way of moving on. I hope you find happiness again. We are all here together in a horror show but together we can come through this nightmare. x
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Thanks PeachesDixon. The hope that my wife will just walk in at any time and I will hear her voice again is overwhelming. I know it won’t happen but the deep physical ache to see her again is agony.
It has been five weeks for me now and the pain is getting worse. Maybe that is due to the reality of it all finally hitting me, I don’t know.
What I do know is that I will have to live with this for the rest of my life. She will never leave me. She is deep within my soul and will be forever.
Sending lots of love.
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Roo60, thanks for the suggestion of the filing cabinet. I’m trying that and fingers crossed it will work. Today I went on a family outing. Family support is great but I felt so alone, like a gooseberry. Searching the crowd hoping to see him, knowing it wouldn’t happen. I feel so totally incomplete, only half a person, I’ll never be me again. I lived a life with Peter, now I exist. I hope, like everyone reading this, that things will get easier, I’ll try anything to make things bearable. So thanks to all for your help and support. Sending hugs to everyone x
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Hi Katy
You are describing my life right there. Evenings and Sundays are worst times for me. Went for a meal with family the other night and i know what you mean by gooseberry. Awful feeling isn’t it. We may feel lonely but on here we are never alone.
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Hi Roo, Sundays and weekends are awful. One of thd hardest things I have found now is seeing couples of my age together. It could be out shopping or just walking together. I feel so envious of them. They’re out there doing normal things together, getting on with life together and I would do anything to be in their place. I’m ashamed to say I feel anger towards them. How bad is that?
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Hi Katy. I feel the same when I see couples together. I just feel like telling them they don’t know how lucky they are to still have each other.
It’s not bad to feel anger towards them. I think that’s a natural reaction. We are seeing the world from within a never ending nightmare.
My anger is as much about my wife being taken from me and our future destroyed as it is about seeing other couples blissfully going on with their daily lives.
That should have been us! 
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Katy…
7 WEEKS…!!! ?
That is painful to hear.
Be assured people on this site understand your raw pain…
Words will never ease what you go through in your quiet alone times.
Family, friends and neighbours think they know…but they
don’t…only people on this site, who walk the same steps as you
Know…the pain and utter sadness.
I know…!!!
I am wishing you find some peace…I’m still looking 13 months on.
Take care…Jimmy
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Absolutely right!! I feel I am turning into a horrible person. My neighbour lost her husband, she had wonderful, supportive children. I do not have that support. I envy her so much. My lovely, lovely husband and I were everything to each other. We felt we didn’t need anyone else. Big mistake, or was it? 47 years of love and friendship- Gone in an instant!! Why am I here , I don’t want to be here. I am existing not living, I just want to be with him. The future terrifies me, I don’t want a future without him. 3 months and no further forward. It’s getting worse. Doctor is no help at all “ I’ll put you down for urgent counselling”. Haven’t heard anything, just a metaphorical shrug of shoulders when asked “oh they’re busy”
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I feel the same, Sisterhannah. That is my situation almost exactly, word for word, even down to my neighbour who has a son who visits her every day. I have nobody. We were together for forty years and it will be six weeks on Monday since my wife died.
I only had my wife. I didn’t need anyone else, or so I thought. She too was everything to me but she was gone in 15 minutes. I don’t want to carry on living without her. Every night before I go to sleep I ask her to come back and take me with her but I am still here, scared, alone and absolutely terrified of the future.
All my GP has to offer is antidepressants which are useless. Like you, I am just existing. My life is worthless now. I have no reason to be here and I don’t want to be.
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Sisterhannah, Dave, How is it that so many of us are going through this nightmare and yet each one of us feels alone 
. I beg my husband to come for me every night but I’m still here every day. We’re surrounded by normality and I want to scream out that nothing is normal any more and it never will be. I’m just treading water all the time, going through the motions because I have no choice. How long will this half life/existence go on for, will there ever be a day when I can look forward to the future without being scared and look back at the past without crying?
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