How do you know if you depressed or not ? I keep watching stuff about nde on Tik Tok or You Tube. I want to know! I hate life now.
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I think it’s safe to say that if you think
You are depressed you probably are. I had this conversation with myself today in fact. That being said, depression is something normal when dealing with loss I hope (as we are in the same boat). I’ve gotten therapy. If you are feeling really lost I hope you will too. Hugs from me.
Also, nothing wrong with just feeling how you feel. You are okay. Took me a lot of time to recognize that.
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I know I felt depressed. I had a very low score on the mood chart. However not every day is that bad.
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@Keith68 well I suffer from long standing mental illness and I know when I’m slipping into a depressive state . Now for example. My Baz died in January 2023 and it was incredibly sudden and unexpected, I’m still in shock and miss him immensely.
I think the difference for me when I slip into depression is my general lack of focus as well as the low mood . I feel unable to make sound decisions and I become very indecisive too . It’s a lot more than simply feeling sad - it’s a totally overwhelming feeling of being slightly out of control too . I know I’ll never be the same person I was before my loss 
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I too suffer from severe depression and have been admitted into psychiatric hospital in the past, I lost my partner back in January and understand only too well that battling depression is exhausting and then to add grief on top of that is unbearable but what can we do, my heart goes out to you and to everyone whose in pain
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@Missy5 im sorry that your partner has died - it’s truly awful isn’t it . I wake up panic stricken knowing I won’t see Baz ever again , it’s terrifying. I was sectioned just after he died , so only too aware of what it’s like in a psychiatric hospital. Not the best of places when your are newly bereaved and grief has disabled you .
Take care
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I think it’s hard to stop the thoughts and then when you try you’re setting up a battle in your own head you can’t stop, that sucks you down the harder you fight and that’s without grieving the loss, I’m sorry you had to set sectioned, not really a place of healing and I found being surrounded by so my people in pain and what can the staff do, I felt like I was in hell but then it became even harder to go back to reality because that was hell too
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@Missy5 thank you yes being sectioned was really frightening. I had a huge grief reaction and I can’t really remember exactly what happened. I’m going through another crisis at the moment. My housing situation is not very secure and I’m not happy at all
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Omg!! No wonder you went down!!!, it s like grieving the actual person somehow gets pushed down by the problems, real and imagined, can’t always tell the difference but both insurmountable and then you feel guilty, oh my love, in the same boat, I sit for hours thinking up solutions for imaginary situations and then up pops another one, it’s never ending I’m so very sorry xxx
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@Missy5 yes I moved from our rented house because I was so unhappy and it was damp . The house has since been fixed up and should be ready in April . I been promised the tenancy back by the landlord but the agents are so slow and not updating me . Hence more worry . I do have a one bed council place which I got the chance of an exchange on , also April ! I’m wanting the house . I want to try again so I’m currently staying with my dad and checking the flat weekly and collecting post etc . I’m so unhappy. I don’t think a house will solve my problems but I’m wanting to go back just to see . Give it a chance . I’m sure the estate agent is being sincere but they are hopeless with communication!! I need to learn to chill out . I hope you are ok xxx💔
I understand its a tough phase to be in and what I have understood is even it looks difficult taking steps and actions are important, therapy is comfort and they mostly end up putting you on long term medicines which is not the best place to be in the long term. I can only say, learn a skill or join some sports even if you don’t like, swimming, yoga classes and some volunteer work can help you come out of the dark phase, even Vipassna meditation helps. I know my cousin who lost her mom at a very young age and dad was addicted to alcohol, she worked hard and became independent and found an amazing husband but after 6 month of their marriage he passed away in a car crash and she was diagnosed with borderline depression and was advised for long term medication but she choose to learn yoga and teach and even went for vipassna meditation and became a mindfulness coach, today she is a different person and that gives me hope.
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@Varun yea I’m on medication too . I’m not finding it too helpful other than for controlling anxiety. I’m not able to control my thoughts about this housing situation- it’s beginning to get me down xxx
I can understand it must be hard, something someone told me very recently in this grief phase is that “how will your mom feel that you are stressing or worrying about your life” and I said she won’t like seeing me this way and in your case its your partner, may be ask yourself will he be happy seeing you like this from up. so please be don’t hard on your self. Try progressive relaxation meditation from youtube, that really helps me. I am always here to talk
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@Varun thank you for your kindness. No , my partner would be extremely worried about me and not want me to be like this . I spent the afternoon with a good friend- he helped me get some perspective on my housing situation. I do realise that I have some choices , but my preference of going back to our rented house will take a bit of patience. It’s also not guaranteed, so I need to try to step back and consider my options calmly . I suppose the worst that could happen in life has happened. Losing my wonderful partner has distorted my thoughts and I view life through a different lens . I must try to keep perspective and calm down . You take care of yourself too xxx
I am so happy for you after reading that you are taking steps and it gives me encouragement too that I can do the same. Life can be so unfair at times but as everyone says time will help. Thankyou for reaching out, When I read or even write to you it helps me alot. Always stay connected
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Would your dad be happy for you to just stay with him? Could that be mutually beneficial? 
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@Varun dont get me wrong but I wake up very worried every day . I’m finding the burden of making too many decisions is weighing heavily on me now . I do try to step back and try to be more objective- I have been discussing arrangements to swap my current flat for a different one which is nicer but further away and a bit isolated. I’m not sure about this . Other options I have come with less certainty and I worry about uncertainty in life . My wonderful Baz would have taken on the decision making and I miss this and the constant worrying is tiring . I have to accept this is how life is now though . Take care xxx
@Burgled well I could stay with my dad a while longer . It’s working ok - unfortunately all my things are stuck in a flat that I’m not currently staying in . I’m not really sure what to do . Go for certainty and “ move “ somewhere else temporarily until I feel I am ready to be on my own . Or I could opt for the uncertainty of waiting for a house to become available once the renovation process is done . It’s a hard choice and today I’m very tired after not sleeping well . Take care xxx
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You know I completely understand, decision making right now creates more fear and anxiety and you constantly think what if its wrong and what if this doesn’t happen. I am on the same boat in my life just different situation. I wake every morning with worry and a heavy chest. And have accepted this how life will be but for “some time.” I know if its too much to ask but how about changing few habits like getting up in the morning, going out for a walk followed by 10 mins of guided meditation and having a cold bath and then sitting down to take a decision. It sometimes help me temporarily get out of the grief or stress zone and makes me feel better. Or even as mentioned if staying with your dad can be okay for a couple of months I think that would be nice too but its your decision. Don’t hurry and take your time
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@Varun yes I am not in a particular routine at the moment, largely drifting from day to day . My dad is happy with me staying here for a while but ultimately I will need to make a decision about where I live . In fact I’m just going to make my weekly call to the estate agent to see if there’s anything by way of an update . You never know . I’m under no illusions mind - I realise that even by moving into my preferred house I will be taking my grief and loneliness with me. It’s a sad fact isn’t it xxx
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